In no world had she ever believed that and she was fairly certain Ruby didn’t ever mix them up either. Christophe was strong, tough, brilliant—but given a choice he’d always chosen to help advance their cause through study. He would fight, he wasn’t a coward, and Gia respected the heck out of him. But her Colin was a fighter. Frequently, Christophe couldn’t get out of his own way. Colin had to push him in the right direction.
The ground shook harder. “What do you suppose that is?”
Colin sighed. “We pissed off Sebastian.” He shouted at the sky. “We need a lift. Someone tell Eden to send some help.”
“They might be happier to help you if you said please occasionally. They’re not some random beings that are here just to be yelled at. We come from them.”
He pounded on his chest. “If they don’t like how I speak to them, they’re welcome to speak to me and let me know. I never forgot Christophe, or that I was an Outsider. They’ve literally never spoken to me.”
Drew appeared in the room. He grabbed onto their arms and popped them back out of the place. Seconds later, they were back in their home. Or what would now be their home. Gia didn’t even know where they were.
“Thanks.” She patted Drew on his arm and he nodded, stepping away. She turned back to Colin. New location did not mean they were done with their conversation. “So you remembered Christophe, but not me. How charming. I never forgot you, Colin. How did Christophe take the news when you told him things?”
He shrugged. “The way Christophe always takes those kinds of conversations.”
Colin walked down the hall and she followed fast. He wasn’t getting away. They had too many untruths between them. Clearly things she thought were clear weren’t. No wonder he kept asking why she stayed away. If he’d really believed in them he would have known the only thing that would keep her from rushing into his arms was the belief that she had to keep him safe.
“Colin…” She grabbed his arm as he entered the room and he closed the door behind them. “I was minutes from telling you who I thought we were to each other. In that first place. You’re my warrior. Where is all this doubt coming from? You charge into places without a second thought. You fear nothing and then you turn around and tell me that you think I don’t want you?”
He sat down on the bed, his shoulders bent. “Gia, for as long as I can remember I have believed that I trapped you in this relationship. We just didn’t seem to fit the way others did. I can’t do without you. From the moment I saw you, your soul called out to me and I thought you were mine. I’ve never felt you needed me like that.”
Her heart broke into a million pieces, but she kept her face passive. She’d known him forever and yet it seemed in this moment she might finally reach the heart of Colin for the first time. Gia approached him slowly. No matter what dimension she was in, one thing remained the same: wild animals snapped when they were hurt or scared. Colin was both right now, and he had a lot of wild in him. It was one of the things she loved.
When she made it over to the bed, she climbed in behind him to lean against him, pressing her breasts against his back. He’d always loved her body, but unlike so many others he never made her feel like that was all he saw about her.
“I don’t know how to tell you how much I need you. I do. The memory of you is what sustained me through loneliness. When we are together, I feel like I can finally breathe.” She kissed the back of his neck. Colin was always strong. “Maybe you don’t know how much I need you because you never really gave me your heart.”
He tried to turn around, but she’d pressed against him. It wouldn’t have been so easy for him to move without dislodging her, which might hurt her, and he’d never do that.
“I’ve given you my heart.”
She shook her head. “No, you haven’t. If you had, if you had really opened yours to me, you’d have felt how much I adored you. You’d feel me in there. But this whole time you believed something false and shielded a part of you instead.”
Colin sighed. “Well if that is the case, then I’m not sure what to do about it.”
“Maybe I could remind you how I love you. And this time you could believe me. You could decide to let go of your doubt and just be with me… the way we’re supposed to be.”
His shoulders were stiff. “How do I do that, Gia? How do I? Because clearly I’m not capable of it.”
That was the million-dollar question. “I love you, Colin.”
“I…”
She pressed her forehead against his back. “I love you, Colin. I’ll say it until I feel like you believe me.”
“Gia.” This time he managed to turn around. “Stop.”
“Why? Why should I stop? I love you. I get to say that until you believe me?”
He kissed her, hard. She knew what he was doing. Sex would be fantastic and she wasn’t going to say no, but it wouldn’t end this conversation. They needed truth and they needed it now. But this was part of their truth and she could tell him this way.
Whether she liked it or not, her powers had always been attached to sex.
She raised her arms over her head and then lay down on the bed beneath him. He’d know what she wanted—what she almost never asked for.
He stared at her lifted arms for a second before he ran his hands gently up them and then captured her wrists in his big hands. “The word no works just fine. We don’t need a safe word. You say no I stop. Or if you say ouch I stop. I’m not interested in that kind of dominance with you.”
Gia stared up at him. “It would be okay if you were.”
“Unless it’s something you need, I’m not looking for that. I mean, I haven’t done this in this lifetime. I… I waited for you. So, I’m not…”
She kissed him. He had so many needs and he never knew he had any of them. Her big, strong, wounded caveman. How had she missed just how deep his heart had been cut all this time? Well, because it had never occurred to her that he simply hadn’t believed.
At least she knew now, finally, what was broken.
Knowing meant she could work on repairing. She hoped.
“Whatever you want. However you want.” She kissed him. Gia had always found her pleasure by meeting his. She wasn’t at all sure he understood that, either. “Colin, I haven’t done this either.”
He nodded. Sex wasn’t interesting to Outsiders outside of their soul mates. He had to at least believe that.
Their mouths met. She kissed and kissed him, chasing him until he slowed down to let her catch up. He ran one hand over her clothes, keeping one on her wrists, holding them down. Colin had always been strong but in this world he was even more than she was used to. Still, he managed to keep himself from crushing her, holding himself up with his elbows.
She closed her eyes. With her wrists restrained she couldn’t do anything but enjoy this. Colin needed something from her—complete trust and surrender—and it didn’t come as easily to Gia as it should. She was used to fighting, watching for danger.
But this? She could do this for him.
With a deep exhalation, she opened her eyes, letting all of her love shine from her eyes. She wasn’t hiding; this was her—all of her. So what would he do with it?
Colin shook his head. “I never needed the control, Gia. I want you strong.”
“And there’s strength in submission, Colin,” she whispered. She traced her gaze over his beloved face. How could he ever think she hadn’t chosen him? No matter how he’d become her warrior, he was always meant to be hers. “I have all these memories of us, from a thousand lifetimes, and the entire time, I’ve been alone. Now you’re here. Tell me what you need from me and I’ll give it. You already have my soul, Colin. Here’s my body. Take it all.”
He shut his eyes, the corners creasing and reminding Gia of the years they hadn’t had together. She’d seen him from a distance, seen him squint at the sun, wondered what he was doing, and what he was thinking, but she hadn’t really known him in this lifetime.
“Take it,
” she whispered again. “Colin.” She made her voice a little harder. “Take it.”
When his eyes open, they blazed at her like a thousand suns. He squeezed her wrists once, and slowly, exhaling sat back on his heels. “Hands above your head. Don’t move.”
Heat blossomed in her belly and she squirmed. He stopped her with a hand on her belly. “What did I say?”
Don’t move. Oh, this was going to be harder than she thought. He kept his hand on her belly and his eyes on her. The heat from his hand soaked into her skin and it took all her willpower not to rock into him. Slowly, her breathing slowed and a languid lassitude filled her body.
When she stopped moving, when her body was utterly boneless he reached for his shirt and peeled it off his body. His pants sat low on his hips, the muscles of his abdomen flexing with each breath before he shucked them, and his briefs, off.
Bending at the waist, he tucked his fingers in her waistband and dragged her pants along with her underwear down her thighs. Colin backed up on the bed as he did, eyes on hers, his face intense, fierce. Warrior.
At her feet, he stopped, took her pants off, but left the underwear bunched around her ankles, keeping her feet together.
Another way to bind her.
Two strong hands went under her knees and he lifted, then pushed her wide open, like a butterfly. Gia’s languidness fled immediately. It was a completely vulnerable position, and he left her there.
She took another breath. This was important. She made herself focus. This was her Colin, and she wanted him to see he could give her exactly what she needed without her having to say a word or make a sound.
He startled and a sense of pride built in her chest. His breath came faster, red creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks. He glanced at her once, meeting her eyes, and leaned forward. She knew what was coming, it had happened before in her memories, but nothing prepared her for the touch of his lips on her core, or the strong swipe of his tongue as he dipped inside her and then circled her clit.
Gia rocked, moaning, but Colin stopped her. He pressed her hips into the bed, elbows against her knees to splay her even more. His shoulders grazed her inner thighs, skin against skin, and Gia closed her eyes.
Memories were nothing compared to the reality of Colin. As many times as she’d lived them, thought about them, imagined she thought she could truly feel them, there was only this Colin. Had she ever loved him as much as she did now?
A tremor began in her knees, she couldn’t hold herself still anymore as he built her toward release. Gia panted, diaphragm expanding as she sucked in air.
“Not yet,” Colin murmured against her. The vibration against her clit was too much, but he said not yet. She held her breath, trying to follow his command, but when his fingers joined his tongue, thrusting inside her, she was done for. Gia exploded, fireworks blasting across the backs of her eyelids.
At some point she’d gripped the pillow above her head, and as she came back to herself, she released it, fingers uncurling one by one. Between her legs, Colin kept licking her, and she hummed happily.
“You didn’t listen,” he said quietly, and when he glanced up at her, his eyes were amused but his lips were tight. He was still holding himself back. Gia let her legs open as wide as she could until they touched the blankets. It was all the invitation Colin needed.
In one smooth motion, he thrust inside her. Then he held himself there. Gia cried out and he caught the sound. His hips rocked against her, pelvis grinding against hers. “Hands above your head,” he commanded. She’d buried them in his hair, fingernails raking his scalp but at his direction she lifted them above her head. He kept them there, using the hand that held hers to prop himself above her. His other hand gripped her hip, holding her against the bed as he began to pump inside her.
Harder, she wanted to tell him, but didn’t. He’d know what she needed without her telling him. That’s what this was about. He needed to know that only he could give her what she needed without her ever having to say a word. He jerked his hips, and changed his rhythm. It was rougher now, uncoordinated, fast and then slow, but it was perfect.
Colin let go over her wrists and lowered his hand to her throat, gripping it lightly before twisting his hand so his thumb pressed against her lips. Without hesitation, she opened her lips, curled her tongue around the tip and sucked him into her mouth.
With a groan, he dropped his forehead to hers. She kept up the suction, trying to match the pace he used to pummel her.
An ache grew inside her, beginning between her legs. She could feel her heartbeat, feel Colin’s matching her rhythm. They were the same. They had the same doubts, and the same fears.
And they loved each other equally. He didn’t love her more, and she wasn’t worthier than him.
“Do it,” he said, his tongue thrusting inside her mouth a second later, fighting for domination while he still kept his thumb in place. “Now.”
She did. The heat that was building inside her detonated. Their powers met and melded, joined and expanded. It was more than sex, more than love. It was a fuse lit by the universe. Colin jerked back, wide eyes meeting Gia’s as he let himself go inside her. She could see her amazement reflected on his face, and then, finally—finally—his understanding.
“You love me,” he whispered, studying her face like he was seeing her for the first time. And maybe he was. Maybe he got it now.
“You’re mine,” she said, cupping his face between her hands. “Created just for me. I’ll adore you for all time, Colin. Past the end of the world. Do you understand now?”
He nodded his head, dropping his forehead to hers. “Yes. God, Gia. Yes.”
She hoped he did, although only time would tell.
Can you hear me?
He jolted. It was a good sign if this was finally working in this lifetime. I can. Can you hear me?
“No, not a thing.”
He grinned. It was such an easy, relaxed moment from a person who she had so rarely seen this way. “Brat.”
Gia yawned. “If I close my eyes will the world end?”
Colin shook his head. “It’s already ending. The Father is out there destroying everything. You saw Sebastian. Alexa and Leonardo are… maybe past fixing. I don’t know what to hope for.”
“I stayed away to protect everyone. Maybe if I had been here I could have helped with Alexa. We were always okay together.”
Colin yawned. He was either also tired or he was just picking up on her yawning. “You couldn’t have done a thing. This has been a mess for a very long time.”
He lay next to her on the bed, his head on the pillow. “I missed you, Colin. I haven’t slept a full night in I don’t know how long. I missed you so completely.”
Colin kissed her nose. “Go to sleep, Gia. The world won’t end and the shadow won’t get in here.”
She closed her eyes.
When she opened them, she wasn’t in her own body. It was bizarre to realize what was happening to her, but she understood almost immediately that she wasn’t exactly herself. Her skin was darker, more olive tinted, and her muscles felt heavier. Whoever this person was whose body Gia inhabited worked out more than she did.
She whirled around. Her location had changed too. One second she was in bed with Colin, finally making connections they should have made thousands of years ago and the next she was… where?
A street and it was nighttime and, okay, she didn’t want to panic and…
“You’re not going crazy.”
Gia knew that voice. It was the shadow. She swallowed as she turned to look at it. Outsiders didn’t show their fear. She didn’t think. It had been a really long time since she had really participated in the whole being an Outsider thing.
“What. Is. Going. On?” She raised her eyebrows and tried to for a haughty look on her face. That always made Colin think she was being obnoxious instead of terrified. She was pretty sure she could pull off the effect.
“I’ve been watching you for so long. And so
mething just happened to you. Something that made it harder for me to get into your head.”
Well, that was interesting. She didn’t remark but let it keep talking. The black nothingness that somehow also had shape moved toward her.
“It’s love. I’ve seen it before and yet it is an emotion we don’t understand.”
She cleared her throat. “We as in more than one shadow thingy or we as in the royal use of it?”
He didn’t answer her question, and turned his head to the side. “We don’t understand love.”
Okay, that was fine. She’d go with that. Sure, why not. “Why am I in this body?”
“Your own body is where you left it. You have two choices. You teach us about love and we will return you to it, or you fail to teach us and you die.”
No way were those her only options. “Or you put me back in my own body right now and get the fuck away from me.”
“That is not a choice. You are powerless in this form. You cannot hurt us and you are too far to call for help from any that might assist you. They cannot hear you. You are human like this. Your ancestors cannot see you. You will teach us about love.”
She slapped her own forehead. If this was a dream she wanted to wake up right then. Immediately if not sooner. “I don’t think I can teach you about love. I’m not exactly an expert on it. I’ve been failing rather splendidly at showing my feelings to my own love for thousands of years. Find a different teacher. Besides, don’t you love me? Isn’t that why you have stalked me through lives?”
“We are obsessed with you.” So it was the royal we. “But we do not love you. We wish to possess you. You will teach us. Or you will not go back to your body.”
She took a deep breath. This creature was wrong. She would be found. Colin would work it out. When she didn’t wake up he would find her. And the ancestors knew where she was. Eden would see it. It was dangerous to underestimate an Outsider.
“Okay, how would you like me to teach you?” She walked toward the shadow. “Do you have a blackboard or something? I might need a dictionary.”
Love Beyond Lies Page 6
