It wasn’t long before Chris was invited to dance by a pretty blonde with a bare midriff. When her friend was unable to convince Drew to do the same, she sat on the stool beside him at the bar. He bought her a drink and politely told her that he was unavailable. His perspective was different now that he was about to be a father: the girls looked really young to him. They talked a little and then she re-joined Chris and her friend on the floor. Drew watched as Chris and the blonde girl flirted and kissed as they danced, and he thought about Chris’s many one-night stands and how, a few years ago, there was a girl who Drew remembered seeing a few times, but Chris had ended it quickly when it threatened to become too serious. He wondered if his friend would ever change and want more. Drew pulled out his phone and sent Jess a text.
The girls went to the bathroom and Chris joined Drew at the bar and ordered more drinks for the four of them, grinning. “Did you see her?” he smirked, “she’s smokin’ hot. Just have to seal the deal.”
Drew nodded, but all he could think about was Jess; he checked his phone again, but there was no reply. Chris eyed him suspiciously as he sipped his beer; he’d been watching his friend repeatedly check his phone and saw the dejected look on his face, and he knew he was pining for Jess. Chris never considered that in trying to set Jess up for something better, he might hurt his good friend in the process. He hoped his sister was capable of a real relationship.
By the end of the night, with his arm around the blonde girl’s waist, it was clear that she was going home with Chris. Drew wondered how Jess felt about Chris bringing women into their house. He ordered a car service for the four of them: one for Chris and his new friend, and one for her friend and himself. She was drunk, and he wanted to make sure someone got her home safely.
Chris asked the driver to take another route, past his childhood house with the now-fixed shutter, and as the streetlights blurred and the blonde girl kissed his neck and put her hand down his pants, he watched it go by.
Drew escorted the intoxicated girl home and learned that she was only nineteen and still lived with her parents. He cringed when he thought about how easily she got into the car with him, a total stranger, and he couldn’t help but think that if his and Jess’s baby were a girl, he’d have to worry about that someday. He shuddered at the thought. When the car came to a stop outside her house, she thanked him and told him that whoever the girl was, she was lucky. He watched from the waiting car as she fumbled with her keys and made it inside. He rested his head back on the seat as the car pulled away and checked his phone. It was two a.m. and there was still no answer from Jess from his earlier text. He smiled as he imagined her asleep, her book likely close by. He arrived home to his dark, empty apartment and fell into bed, tired and a little drunk, his last thoughts of Jess.
***
The next morning, Jess went to the kitchen for tea and found a young, cute, half-naked blonde girl helping herself to some orange juice. She’d heard them come in late last night, giggling and crashing into things as they made their way to Chris’s bedroom. She was disappointed that Drew hadn’t returned home with them, but she smiled to herself as she read his late-night texts.
The girl did a double-take when she closed the fridge and saw Jess standing there. She nearly dropped the orange juice. “Oh my God,” she’d said panic-stricken, looking at Jess’s belly. Jess decided to have a little fun.
“I told him he could have one last fling before the baby comes, but you’d better get the hell out of here.” The girl’s mouth dropped open and she ran for her clothes, which were strewn across the living room, and dressed quickly. Chris emerged from his bedroom half an hour later and looked around. He raised his eyebrows at Jess, who was sitting at the kitchen table sipping her tea. She told him she’d sent the girl packing.
“Dammit Jess! I wanted to screw her again before she left.”
“Well, you’d better get on the ball then. I did you a favour, trust me. How old was she anyway?” Chris cursed and started the coffee pot, then looked around again.
“Where’s Drew?”
Jess looked at him and shrugged.
“I thought for sure he’d head here after he dropped that girl off.”
Jess glared at Chris, but he was focussed on the coffee machine.
She looked down at her tea and closed her eyes. The pain she felt was quickly replaced with anger and disappointment. This was why she didn’t expect things from people. She’d thought he was different. She thought about his warm, loving family. The baby kicked, and she kneaded her belly. She felt the familiar numbness of abandonment and retreated easily back into the mindset. She was good at it; it was no big deal to her. She was used to being left and neglected. But she would not let it happen to her baby. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders; she thought about her future—her new job and the house she had bought. She was happy with her new life and she hadn’t kept this baby solely because of Drew. She showered and got ready for work. The wall she’d allowed to crumble was fully resurrected.
***
Drew went to work hung over and thought about the progress he’d made with Jess; they’d only been apart one night, and he already missed her soft hair and the confused looks she gave him so much. His heart thumped when he thought about how his mom had looked at her appreciatively at the hospital; she was practical and capable in the face of Rider’s situation, when the rest of them had been a mess. He laughed to himself when he thought about what a mess she was, but how, ironically, she had such a calming influence on him. He felt as if she could handle anything, and he could let go a little when he was with her—he felt free from the constraints he imposed on himself, in fact, since he’d met her—he felt more confident with his plan to complete his Master’s in architecture and open his own firm. She never judged him or had any expectations; with her, he could just be himself.
He glanced at the ultrasound picture tacked to his bulletin board and smiled. He finally had hope that Jess could love him the way he already loved her. He tried to focus on work, but his mind wandered to how her soft, warm body felt beneath him…how she had no problem telling him exactly what she wanted in bed…how she gripped his hair and…he took a breath and looked at his watch, deciding that it was the slowest workday ever.
***
Drew found the door to Chris’s house open, so he knocked and walked in. Chris was lying on the couch, watching a movie. He looked as bad as Drew felt. “Hey man,” was all he managed before he turned back to the TV.
Drew glanced around but saw no signs of Jess. He sat across from Chris, his face serious, “Dude, those girls were nineteen. Nineteen.”
Chris sat up and paused his movie. “Bullshit.’
“She told me on the way home. They both live with their parents.”
Chris moaned and flung himself back on the couch. “They didn’t look nineteen. Tell me they didn’t look nineteen.”
“No, they sure didn’t,” Drew shook his head. “That could be my daughter one day, your niece, man!”
Chris felt a little sick as he thought about what that nineteen-year-old let him do to her last night. She hadn’t contacted him after what Jess had said to her.
“You’re too old for that,” Drew continued as he looked towards Jess’s bedroom. The door was partially ajar, but he hadn’t heard any sounds coming from there.
“I’ll still take it if I can get it,” Chris joked.
Drew threw a pillow at him. Just then he heard the patio doors open and he saw Mo and Jess come in from a walk. He stood up and smiled broadly at her; she met his eyes and quickly looked away, busying herself with removing the dog’s leash and cleaning her paws with the towel. The smile disappeared from his face as he realized something was wrong; he walked towards her but stopped short when she spoke.
“What are you doing here, Drew?” Her icy tone caught him off guard.
Chris looked up from the couch and got up to go to his bedroom; he knew enough to avoid that voice.
Jess r
emoved her coat and boots and Mo pressed up against Drew for some attention. He stroked her back before she headed to her dog bed in the living room. She circled around it a few times, then flopped down on it, exhausted and happy after the walk.
Drew reached out to touch Jess’s hand, but she stiffened when he touched her.
“I’m here to see you, of course. I missed you last night. What’s wrong?” He didn’t let go of her hand but pulled her towards him and kissed her cheek as he looked at her, alarmed.
His familiar cologne and his warm touch felt comforting—it almost made her forget what he’d done. When it did come back to her, she moved away from him, angry and disgusted. She wondered why he’d pretended for so long; he could have left when he first found out she was pregnant. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t given him a choice. She shook her head and backed away, more confused by people than ever and disappointed in herself for trusting him.
“Jess?” It broke his heart when she pulled away and looked at him as if he were a stranger.
“Just go, okay? You don’t have to pretend with me. I don’t even know why you’re here.” She fought back the tears that threatened her eyes. His heart raced with fear.
“Pretend? What are you talking about? I’m not pretending anything. Is this about last night? Why are you angry with me? Jess, you need to talk to me—”
“Don’t tell me what I need. You’re free, all right? You can do whatever you want.” She said coldly, without a trace of emotion. She backed away from him. He was terrified.
“Jess,” he said softly as he approached her again, “what I want is you and our baby.” She shook her head, but he continued. “We’ve come so far in the last few months. Please, talk to me…I don’t understand…if you’re mad that I went out last night you need to tell me…” She crossed her arms and looked at the floor. He took a breath, “Okay then. If I can have whatever I want, then I want you and our baby. I want to take you into your bedroom and strip your clothes off and kiss every inch of your body and make love to you and hold you in my arms and rest my head on your stomach until I feel our baby move and fall asleep in your bed because I missed you last night and all I could do was think about you…” He stopped for a second when she put her hand up to catch the tears that streamed down her cheeks. She began to shake, but when she didn’t say anything, he continued, “And I want to wake up next to you tomorrow and every day after that and…” he saw her trying to gather herself together so he stopped and took a breath. The last thing he wanted to do was put stress on her and the baby.
“I have to protect this baby from you,” she said firmly.
“What? Why on earth would you have to protect my own child from me?”
“You know why. You can’t just sleep with someone else and then expect to sleep with me…I won’t let you give this baby any diseases…”
Drew stared at her in disbelief. “I would never do that, Jess,” he said softly, though inside he felt maddened at her judgement of him. He took another step closer, but she stepped back. “How can you even think that? After everything…why do you think I would do that now?”
“It doesn’t matter about me, but the baby…I already know so you don’t have to lie. Chris told me that you took that girl home.”
“Chris told you…what?” Drew replied, astonished. His mouth hung open and his eyes were wide. His heart pounded in his chest. He racked his brain to try and figure out why Chris would tell her that; he was the one who set them up, who championed for them…he gripped her wrists as she turned to walk away and met her eyes. “Jess, I don’t know what Chris told you or why he would—but nothing happened between me and that girl. I told her right up front that I wasn’t available and the only reason I split that car with her was because she was drunk and alone because Chris was taking her friend home with him. I watched her enter her house and then I went home. I swear.” He picked up her cell phone off the table and scrolled through to find his texts from the bar. He showed them to her. “I texted you from the bar. I was thinking about you.” She knew that already; it didn’t mean anything to her.
“I thought you might have come here afterwards…” she said softly, piecing it together, “and when you didn’t…”
“I wanted to,” he said, his eyes pleading, “that’s all I wanted. I didn’t even want to go out in the first place, I wanted to stay here with you. It was late, and I didn’t want to wake you.”
Jess turned away. Drew closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He had no room to lose any trust with her—not an inch, and he knew it. It was unfair. “Please believe me. Jess, why would I do that? I just introduced you to my family…I told you I loved you,” his voice cracked with emotion, “I wouldn’t just throw that all away…I just wanted to make sure that girl got home safe. She was young, and I thought if we have a daughter…will you ask Chris again?” He looked towards Chris’s bedroom and thought there must be some mistake; he couldn’t believe that his friend would hang him out to dry like this.
He walked over to Chris’s door and pushed it open. “Hey man. Can you come out here for a minute?”
Jess lowered herself to the couch and Drew looked at her pale face, worriedly. Chris stopped short in the hallway when he saw the two of them and the looks on their faces. Drew explained the situation while Jess looked away, embarrassed.
“I said he took her home, not that he went home with her.” Chris rolled his eyes and retreated to his bedroom, slamming the door.
Drew looked at Jess expectantly; it was just a misunderstanding, but Jess still looked at the floor. He prayed that she wouldn’t give up, that she would fight for them. For their baby. His mind worked overtime for another way to make her believe him.
All Jess could think about was that he hadn’t cheated on her, but when she thought he had she was devastated. She’d never cared if someone she was seeing was sleeping with someone else. She’d blocked out her feelings because she was good at it and it was easy and comfortable and because that’s how she’d protected herself for all these years. But the truth was she’d been miserable when she thought it was over with Drew. She cared. And that was a dangerous, unprecedented thing. She didn’t want to know that she felt that way, because if she did, she could get hurt. Really hurt. And that was the worst thing of all. She looked at Drew’s desperate face as he searched for a way to prove to her that he’d done nothing wrong. She knew he loved her.
“Here.” He showed her his phone, but she couldn’t make out the screen through the tears in her eyes. He glanced at her and his heart beat even faster. He opened his mobile banking app and email and showed her the times of the payments and the two addresses. The two rides were seven minutes apart. “Jess, if something happened between that girl and me, it happened in the back of that car in thirty seconds or less.” His eyes bore into hers, wide and pleading. But it didn’t matter to her what he was trying to show her on his phone; she already believed him.
“She could have gone with you to your place, Drew.” She knew he wouldn’t have thought of that because he was a good person, he wasn’t manipulative, and because what he was telling was the truth. He stared at the screen on his phone in shock, as if it had betrayed him somehow.
“No, Jess…she didn’t. I swear.” He was pale and shaking. He knew this was all he had left, and it seemed so wrong to lose her this way. He was crazy in love with her. She was everything he wanted. This baby had stolen his heart. She only needed one excuse to back away from a relationship with him and this was it. He wished he’d trusted his instincts and had never gone out. His mind whirled as he tried to think of a solution, of another way to prove it. He couldn’t remember the girl’s name, but he had her address. He could take Jess there and maybe she would talk to her and tell her that nothing had happened between them. His heart ached—even if that girl told the truth, Jess had no reason to believe her. Still, he could suggest it. He could try. He wasn’t giving up even though it seemed hopeless at this point. Jess stood up and Drew bur
ied his head in his hands.
“Okay, Drew,” she said, exhausted and defeated. She needed to lie down. She squeezed his shoulder and went to her bedroom and closed the door partway. He whipped his head up and watched her go. He wondered what she meant and if she believed him. He followed her and gently pushed the door open. She was curled up on her bed. She reached her arm out for him. He rushed to the bed and knelt on the floor beside her bed and took her hand. Tears ran down his face as she closed her eyes.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t mean…” He was terrified about the baby.
“I know you didn’t. Will you lay with me?”
He lay gently beside her, enveloping her in his arms. He placed his hand over the baby, grateful for this small reprieve. She fell asleep, exhausted. Relieved, he vowed to never leave her again.
As she slept and he had time to think about their fight, a smile spread across his face. She loved him, too, otherwise she wouldn’t have been so upset. She would’ve just let him go without the hassle, like everyone else before him.
When she stirred, he kissed her deeply. She clutched at his clothes and turned away from him, pressing her back to his chest. He reached for a condom from the nightstand drawer, but she refused it. He entered her gently to her soft moans. He closed his eyes and felt her heat and her softness. He wondered how she could think he would ever want more than this, let alone that he would throw it away for a drunken one-night stand that meant nothing. He frowned at the irony, but their story was different. She was the one. When she let go, he let himself too, and then she turned towards him.
“I’m sorry.”
Mine Page 13
