When he sat down, I leaned back against him. The warmth of his body against my back made me happier than anything had since I'd first woken up in this hospital. There was only the thin satin fabric covering me. Damn, this might not be good. I assumed sex was on the "off limits" list at this point, but the nearness of him stirred up a bunch of feelings in me, and this camisole only emphasized the swelling of my nipples.
As the brush swept gently through my hair, I almost purred. "That's nice," I said.
Matty carefully put his arm around my waist, making sure he didn't get tangled in any of the tubes and wires coming off me.
I laughed. "It's kind of ridiculous, isn't it? This tangle of junk coming out of my body."
Matty put his lips close to my ear. "Your laugh is the best sound I've ever heard."
"Oh, Matt, you do like to exaggerate."
"No lie. You seem in a much better mood today. I've got some news. I'm not sure how you'll feel about it, but my parents are coming here. They'll get in tomorrow."
I tried to turn to him, but winced. "That's fantastic. Your parents are lovely, and they might stop you from killing yourself looking after me."
"So long as you don't mind being fussed over," he said. "Mom can go a bit overboard."
"She's not the only one in the family," I said.
Matty's lips brushed gently against my bare shoulder, running a shiver though me. "Sorry," he said. "I forgot for a moment."
"Don't stop," I said. "I might be injured, but I'm not dead."
He laughed. "You sure?"
"Positive."
His lips moved up to my neck, softly nuzzling against me. I squirmed, even though the movement shot pain through me. I'd suffer those small pains for this pleasure. His hand moved up from my waist to encircle my breast. I shut my eyes and moaned a little. God, I wanted him so much.
"Shit, sorry." Dr. Roche stood in the doorway, blushing in a way a man with his medical experience shouldn't. "But I came to tell you that you're out of here. At least if you have your own room, you'll have some more privacy."
I figured I might as well ask the question on my mind. "So, how long until we can have sex?"
Matty
WE MOVED FIONA TO HER new room. She had a private room, of course, with her own bathroom and lounge area. Even the colors and the decor looked more like a fancy hotel than a hospital room.
"Best room in the place," Dr. Roche said. "You even get a view over the city."
I looked out the window. He wasn't wrong. Hopefully, being able to see the outside world like that would brighten Fiona up a little. A city view was always nice, but when that city was Paris, it became charming.
"Shut the curtains, Matty," she said. "I don't like the sun coming in."
Okay, maybe I was wrong about the view.
"I've got all your things at my hotel," I told her. "I'll bring them in."
"Don't bother about makeup or any of that. It's pointless worrying about how I look. There's not much I can do with this face."
The doctor lingered around for a while. "Umm, about that other thing you asked..."
"You mean about the sex?" Fiona said. "You're extremely coy for a man who goes poking around in people's innards."
Okay, it seemed the melancholy mood had passed quickly.
"Ah, yes. Well, surgery is one thing, but I'm not a gynecologist. You will need to wait until everything has settled down. A few weeks, at least. You could cause further damage otherwise."
Even though the curtains were closed, the doctor stared at the window.
"What about other things? Oral? Is that okay? Fingering? Is it the physical motion, or should I avoid orgasms altogether?"
Fiona's mouth twitched. She really enjoyed embarrassing that poor man. It'd been way too long since I'd seen that cheeky glint in her eyes. I'd have tried to stop her but, to be honest, I rather enjoyed watching this, and I really liked hearing her say those words. Also, I wanted to know the answers as well.
"I'll get someone to come and speak to you about it," Dr. Roche said, then rushed from the room.
She laughed.
"That was mean," I said to her.
"He's a doctor. He should be able to answer questions about my body without acting like a schoolboy."
I guessed if torturing the medical staff made her happy, that was a good thing. So long as she didn't torture them too badly. And really, I'd thought the French were much more open-minded than that. The poor man couldn't get out of this room fast enough.
"I really do think we should hold off," I said. "I don't want to hurt you. You've just had major surgery."
She smiled as though I'd just presented her with a challenge.
Not long after that, she drifted off to sleep. She wasn't as strong as she liked to make out, and I imagined moving rooms had tired her. I went downstairs to get something to eat and stopped by the florist.
When Fiona woke up, her room would be filled with flowers. I wanted her surrounded by gorgeous colors and scents so that her room felt less like a hospital and more like a garden. In the end, I bought so many that I couldn't carry them all upstairs.
"I can get someone to bring them up later," the woman said.
I gathered a couple of the larger bouquets in my arms. "I'll take these now."
When I got to the elevator, I realized I couldn't press the button. I leaned to one side, trying to get my hand to it without spilling flowers everywhere, but one of the nurses rushed over and got it for me.
"Thanks," I said.
"No problem. Someone is very lucky." She nodded at the flowers.
Fiona still hadn't woken up when I got back to her room. I put one of the bouquets on the table near the window, and another bouquet beside her bed. I sat in one of the armchairs, which was much more comfortable than the chairs in ICU, and thought about what else Fiona would like. I wasn't sure if the fashion magazines she liked to read would upset her now. I'd never seen her read a book, so I had no idea about her reading tastes. She'd definitely need things to keep her entertained while she was in here. Maybe I needed to get some DVDs for her to watch.
When she woke, she wanted me to brush her hair again.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea after what happened last time."
"I'm sure it's a good idea," she said, her voice husky.
"You heard what the doctor said. I think we should avoid temptation at the moment, because, as much as I want to look after you, I'm not sure if I can control myself that easily."
"But it's much more fun than just lying here." She pouted.
I worried that she'd think I found her undesirable now but that was so far from the truth, it was laughable. "It's not that I don't want to. Trust me on that. Every inch of my body aches for you."
"Are you sure you're not just aching from the accident?"
I moved to the chair beside her. "I'll hold your hand. That's as far as we'll go."
"Boring."
"Boring, but necessary. You don't want to be back in the operating theater, do you?"
"I guess." She tightened her hand around mine. "It is nice being close to you. But really, Matt, you need to get back on tour at some point. You can't spend your life sitting by my bedside. Maybe, after your parents arrive, they could stay with me and you could rejoin the tour."
I grinned at her. "What makes you think I want to go back on tour? All that traveling and getting up onstage--I'm a bit over it. It's nice just hanging out here."
"You can't fool me," she said. "That's your life. The Freaks are doing so well. You want to be part of that. You might never get the chance again."
I wasn't sure how to make Fiona understand that that wasn't that important to me. Fame had never meant much. I liked playing music, but the rest of it, I'd happily leave behind.
Then the guy arrived with the rest of the flowers.
"My God, Matty. I'll be living in a garden," Fiona said. "I'm not even sure I have room for them."
She sounded happy, though. I moved things ar
ound so there were flowers no matter where she looked.
"Put the roses next to my bed," she said. "I like those the most."
When I left that night, I wanted to kiss her goodbye. Not a chaste kiss, either.
"You don't have to," she said. "It must put you off, seeing my face like this."
I cupped her face in my hand and looked into her eyes. "Not one little bit," I told her. "So long as it doesn't hurt you, I think kissing is okay. The doctor didn't say not to do it."
I drew closer to her, trying to position myself so I wouldn't press too heavily against her body. Our lips met, and none of the passion between us had diminished at all. She put her arm around my neck. As our kiss deepened, I tried my hardest to stay in control. I didn't want to hurt her, but God, how I needed her.
Then she pulled back and winced.
"Damn. I'm sorry," I said. I pulled back.
"I'm fine. Really."
But she lied. I knew it. I couldn't let things go any further. Damn, this was going to be a long few weeks.
Fiona
I SAT STARING INTO space for a long time after Matty left. I hadn't expected him to kiss me. Not with this ugly face. Sex was one thing, kissing a whole other one.
When the nurse came in, I asked her to open the curtains so I could see the city lights. Night views always seemed much prettier to me than daytime. Cities all lit up and sparkling.
"Anything else I can get for you?" the nurse asked.
"Nothing I can think of."
"You really should think about getting a hobby. You're in for a long stay, and it's going to get incredibly boring. What do you like doing? Reading?"
I moved around to look at her, but that movement twinged through me. The nurse came over to my bedside and adjusted my pillows.
"Sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have gone out of your range of vision when I was talking to you. You shouldn't have to move like that."
The nurses on this floor seemed much nicer than the ones upstairs.
"I've never read much," I told her. "Only fashion magazines, and they aren't very appealing at the moment."
"Why not?" the nurse asked.
"Look at me. Do I look like a fashion magazine person at the moment?"
The nurse shrugged. "Look at me. Do I look like a fashion magazine kind of person? But I like reading them. You don't have that much to worry about, not with that figure. Sure, you'll have a bit of scarring, but trust me, I've worked on the burns ward, and the scars you'll have are nothing compared to that."
I looked at her, not as a nurse but as a woman. She did have a chunky figure, but she wasn't bad-looking. She definitely needed some mascara for those fair eyelashes and a better hairstyle, but I guessed when you had a hard day of nursing ahead of you, you didn't fuss around with those things.
"I could give you a makeover sometime," I said. "Maybe when you're off duty."
Her face lit up. "You're kidding," she said. "I have a date on Friday night. Could you do it when I finish work, then?" Then she looked at me. "Sorry if I'm being selfish. I know you're still not in the best condition. I got a bit carried away."
I shook my head. "Of course I'll do it. I can't guarantee the results at the moment, since my left hand's pretty useless, but I could talk you through it. I'll get Matty to bring in my makeup."
"You're sure it's okay?" she said.
I looked at her. "Nurse Lucy, you said I needed a hobby. Well, this is my hobby, I guess. I've sure got no interest in sitting around doing needlework or collecting stamps or anything like that, but I've always like playing with makeup, and since I don't have the face for it, I can use yours."
Lucy grinned. "You can use mine all you like, but I should go check on my other patients now."
The next day, I asked Matty about it when he came in.
"I have to go back to the hotel at lunchtime, when Mom and Dad arrive, so I'll grab it then," he said.
I'd forgotten his parents were arriving. Even though I looked forward to seeing them, I was a bit nervous too. They were such lovely people that I'd feel like I had to be on my best behavior around them.
The other thing was that I wasn't sure I wanted to see other people at the moment, not looking like this. I'd only been around the medical staff and Matty. To the medical staff, I was just another patient. My face meant nothing to them. But to people I'd known before, they'd have to get a shock seeing me. And that would only get worse once these bandages came off.
At least the tour had moved on. That meant I had no one to visit me but Matt. I hadn't had to deal with seeing pity in anyone's eyes.
"Maybe we should wait a while before your parents come in to see me," I said. "I'm not sure I'm ready for visitors yet."
Matty looked a little disappointed, but he nodded.
All too soon, it was time for him to leave.
While he was gone, I slept. Then the physio came in to do some exercises with me.
"When can I get out of bed and move around?" I asked. "My legs are fine, right? So I can walk."
"Not yet. We can work up to that. You don't just use your legs when you're walking. All your other muscles come into play too. Don't be too impatient. We do need to get you moving your legs, though."
I'd wanted to use my legs yesterday, but the doctor had forbidden that kind of exercise.
He did some exercises with me and told me to do them a few times a day.
Matty came back in that night.
"How are your parents?" I asked. "Are they settled in okay?"
"They sure are. We had lunch together, and then they went out sightseeing. Not to mention, Mom bought a ton of food with her. You'd think they didn't have food in Paris."
He laughed.
We sat together, not really talking, for a long time. We didn't need to talk. He held my hand but wouldn't move any closer. He acted like I was some kind of fragile doll. Even with the pain, I hated being treated like that.
I'd thought I could be with Matty for a short while, then let him go, but I wasn't sure if that was possible. How could I make a break from him like that? I'd never loved anyone like I'd loved him. Sure, for a long time, I'd thought Ash was the one for me, but that had been a schoolgirl crush. I couldn't imagine Ash sitting by my bedside like this. He'd be off flirting with the nurses until I got so mad, I'd be back in on the operating table.
In my life, I'd known a lot of men. You don't get on in the modeling world without meeting more than your fair share of sleazebags. Even the better guys I'd met were still jerks, just to a lesser degree. And for years, I'd had Matty beside me, taking him for granted. I'd wanted to make that up to him. When we got together, I'd planned to make him happy for the rest of his life, but how could I do that now?
Matty
MY PARENTS HAD ALREADY checked in when I got to the hotel, so I went straight to their room. Mom opened the door and swept me into the tightest hug ever. I had never known she was that strong.
Then she let go abruptly. "Sorry. I forgot you were still recovering. Did I hurt you?"
"Nope, I'm fine. I wasn't hurt that bad. Where's Dad?"
"He popped out to get some things. Fancy a cup of tea? He's bringing back milk."
I didn't really feel like tea, but I knew it'd give Mom something to do. Even though they'd just arrived at the hotel, something about their room felt like home.
I sat in the chair by the window. I'd booked them a suite, since it'd be the two of them and they'd be here for a while. I could deal with a small room, but they needed something better.
Mom put the kettle on, then gave me a searching look. "Are you looking after yourself?" she asked.
I nodded.
"You're lying, Matty. I can tell by looking at you that you aren't. I asked at reception, and they're bringing a microwave up to the room. It won't be much, but at least I'll be able to make some decent food for you to eat. You can't live on hospital food alone."
It was then I noticed all the food she'd bought with her. "How did you get that into the co
untry?" I asked.
"Oh, no one asked me anything, so I just breezed on through. I've got a few jars of my homemade jam for you to take back to your room."
I nodded. I wasn't sure when the last time I ate jam was but it was easier just to take it. "You know they have food in France, right?"
Mom nodded. "They do, but it's fancy French food, not home food. You can't live on frogs' legs, either."
I laughed and didn't bother to explain that they ate other things here, too. Even though she bustled around, the tension drained from my body being around her. I'd been blessed, having such a close family.
Dad came back in with a bag of groceries. "Ah, Matt, you're here," he said.
Mom took the groceries from him, and he sat down with some guidebooks, asking me questions about sightseeing routes. I didn't know much more than he did, but I answered his questions as best I could.
After Mom finished making the drinks and sat down, she turned to me. "How is Fiona? Is it bad?"
I hadn't wanted to talk too much about Fiona, but they'd want to know.
"She's recovering well, but she hides a lot," I told her. "But I'm lucky just to have her with me still. It was scary there for a while."
I stirred some sugar into my tea, not sure how much to tell them.
"It must be so difficult for her. Can we go in with you later?"
"She doesn't want any visitors for a while. She's very self-conscious about her looks."
Mom nodded. "Maybe in a few days' time."
"Maybe."
We had lunch, then I headed back to the hotel. Mom and Dad wanted to get straight into their sightseeing.
"Aren't you jetlagged?" I asked them.
"No, full of beans," Mom said.
I took Fiona's things back to the hospital, happy that she was taking an interest in the people around her.
"I think this is everything," I said, setting a large cosmetic case on the table.
Fiona nodded.
I sat by her bed. I wanted to get closer to her. Every day was becoming a struggle with my self-control. I knew it was for Fiona, too. Even kissing her yesterday had been more than I could handle. I should've been able to hold myself back, but when my lips touched hers, I hadn't been able to stop myself. When I got back to the hotel, I'd needed a cold shower.
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