How did I even start to explain this mess to Sophie? I'd been the worst. I stole glimpses at her as I drove. Her head lolled back and she looked so tired and drawn. I'd done that to her. I wanted to punch someone for this but mostly I wanted to punch myself. I should never have agreed to this stupid thing to start with. Or I should've told her myself. Or done something, anything, to protect her.
I gulped. Maybe I'd never be able to make this right.
The straight road ended and I hit the streetlights of the town. The road around us was deserted but occasionally a curtain moved as we drove past. At least Sophie had her eyes closed. She didn't need to see people watching us.
A few times she made a noise, a murmur, and I waited for her to speak, but she just shuffled in her seat. In that t-shirt and those shorts, she seemed so vulnerable. If I'd had a blanket in the car, I'd have wrapped her in it but I had nothing to offer her.
I planned out what I could say but I couldn't deny the bet. I couldn't tell her it was a lie or it'd never happened. I didn't even know where to start. My stomach churned.
I'd won the bet but I'd destroyed something precious.
When we got to her house, I pulled up outside. I didn't ask to come in. I knew she'd refuse. I couldn't handle that kind of rejection.
If I ever wanted a chance of her speaking to me again, I'd need to do something so big and grand, she couldn't ignore it. Words wouldn't be enough. Why would she ever believe me?
As she got out of the car, I had to say something.
"I'm sorry, Sophie," I said. "I'm so sorry."
For a split second, she turned and almost smiled, then she stopped herself and rushed inside.
I'm not sure what had changed her mind out there but I was glad that she'd arrived home, safe and sound. There was no way I could've left her there all alone. I'd thought her stubbornness would win out and had been trying to come up with a way of making her see sense. If I'd had the phone number of Janice from the florist, I'd have called her.
If only I hadn't stayed at the studio so long after the session. If I'd been with her, I might've been able to prevent this.
That was a lie, though. I might have stopped her finding out tonight but she'd have found out eventually, one way or another. I understood now what she meant about small-town gossip. If I'd been the one to tell her, maybe I could've softened the blow, or at least got her to understand that, once I got to know her, things changed for me. What I'd done was wrong.
Anyway, I'd been tied up at the studio on the phone to my lawyer. Getting someone to buy the florist on my behalf wasn't as easy as it sounded. He'd kept talking to me about all the legal ramifications. I didn't care about that stuff. I just wanted him to make it happen.
I didn't regret those arrangements. Even if Sophie never spoke to me again, I wanted to give her the option to be free. I couldn't leave her here in this town, spending years of her life keeping that store afloat when her heart wasn't in it. She was a girl with big dreams and it must kill her to keep them all tampered down.
I waited outside in the car until her lights went off.
Sophie
I RANG JANICE THE NEXT morning. "I can't come into work today. I'm sick."
I wasn't sure if she'd heard the gossip yet but she didn't say anything about me taking time off so I assumed she knew something was up.
"I'll open the store but we need more stock," she said. "I'll get Jimmy to go to the market to get the basics."
I agreed but I didn't really care. Any customers we got today would only be snooping to see my downfall. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. They could snigger all they liked. I wouldn't be there to see it.
I hung up and went back to bed. It wasn't like there was anything else I could do. I couldn't face being awake. Being awake was the place where the pain was. I wanted oblivion. I couldn't feel the dull ache in my belly when I slept, and that heavy pressing on my chest went away. Best of all, my head stopped buzzing.
The only problem with sleep was that I'd wake up again and the pain came flooding back.
Janice rang later in the day to tell me Jimmy had organized to get my van towed back to the mechanics. I'd totally forgotten about it. They could do what they liked with it. I guess eventually I might need it but, for now, I didn't really care.
"Will you be back at work tomorrow?" she asked.
"Probably not."
I couldn't imagine a time when I'd be strong enough to go back into the store. Not with everybody in town knowing about my disgrace. All those stares and the mumbled insults. There were a lot of people in this town only too happy to see me humiliated. A lot of people waiting for it to happen so they could shake their heads and say the apple didn't fall far from the tree, that kind of thing.
The next day Janice kept messaging to say Ethan had been into the store. Screw him. He could come into my store as many times as he liked. I wouldn't be there.
I'd moved to the sofa and put on Netflix to drown out the nagging of my own brain. Then I got up and adjusted the drapes. A few slivers of light got in. I was in no place where I wanted light.
What if Ethan had a good reason for coming into the store? Maybe, just maybe, this whole thing was a lie.
But that was a trick my brain played on me. He hadn't denied a thing. And he'd looked guilty as hell when I'd mentioned that bet.
I adjusted the cushions and stretched out my legs. Despite the warmth of the day, I pulled a blanket over me. I needed to shower but the effort seemed more than I could be bothered with. Who'd smell me anyway? I could live with my own filth.
I binged watched several series without really taking much in, but it beat sitting around in silence.
After a while, my stomach grumbled so loudly that I had to get up and fix some food. I hadn't eaten for a day but now I wanted ice cream and chocolate and maybe a few sandwiches. Anything to fill this emptiness inside me.
The cupboards were close to empty. Damn. I sure didn't want to go to the shops or any place where there were people. There wasn't a food delivery service in this town, not even grocery delivery and, if there was, it'd be some local sticky beak delivery driver coming to my house.
I made a bowl of cereal but that took the last of the milk.
I had half a loaf of stale bread in the fridge and some random things in the freezer. I didn't even have a can of baked beans in the cupboard. I'd really neglected shopping lately.
Since I couldn't starve to death and I need comfort foods, I called Janice and asked if she'd go to the store for me when she finished work.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.
She'd definitely heard the news. I could tell from the tone of voice she used. It was the same tone people had used when Mum died.
"I'm fine. I just don't want to leave the house. I need some time."
"Things are going well at the store so take all the time you need," she said. "But are you sure you need all that chocolate and ice cream?"
"Yep, I'm sure." I hadn't thought it was excessive.
Even though she said things were going well, I didn't know if I could believe her. She and Jimmy could keep things running but eventually, I'd have to return. I'd worry about that later, though. I'm sure they could survive for a few weeks.
Before I put my phone away, I noticed a message from an unfamiliar number. I was about to delete it but curiosity got to me.
A real estate firm in the city had a client who wanted to make an offer on the florist.
I yawned. Yeah, right. They'd offer a low-ball figure or they'd have a bunch of conditions. I'd looked into selling before and I couldn't even get enough to cover the business debts.
I called them back, not expecting much.
"Yes, it's a serious offer," the broker said.
Then he named a sum of money that made my head spin. It might not have been a lot of money for some people but it'd more than cover the debts with enough left over for a small nest egg. The buyer wanted to keep the business going too. There'd be work for J
anice and for Jimmy. I didn't need a lot of money if I had everything in this town settled. I only needed to make sure my people would be taken care of.
"Are you interested?" he asked.
"Hell yeah."
I could hardly believe it. A huge weight lifted from me. A weight pressing me down for so long that I hadn't even noticed how heavy it'd become.
And I'd get out of this town. I'd never have to face the jeers and nastiness. I could run far away.
"Where do I sign?" I asked.
A future without Ethan seemed a bleak thing but getting out of this town made it a lot more bearable. If I had to wallow in my own misery, I could do it anonymously at least.
I got the details off him and he said he'd courier the contract to me.
When I got off the phone, the future stretched so wide in front of me. I could do anything. Go back to study, travel, or get a job that wasn't working in the florist.
A dream come true. Maybe a bit too perfect but I wouldn't question it. I just wanted to be gone.
For the first time in days, I wanted to live.
Ethan
I DIDN'T EXPECT SOPHIE to return my calls and knocking on her door would be way too invasive but, when I went to the florist and Janice told me she wasn't coming into work, it hit me how badly I'd wounded her.
I'd do anything, hack off my own arm or wrestle a bear to save her from hurts but I'd done the worst thing I could possibly do.
All I could do was watch over her. Every night, I sat on the diving board, staring at her lights. I couldn't see much. Just knowing she was on the other side of the fence made it seem like she was so close yet at a distance I couldn't close.
The only good thing to come out of this was I'd found someone to take over the store for her. The real estate broker said she'd jumped at the offer. Soon she'd be free of all the responsibilities piled on her. It wasn't much but it'd been the thing I could do.
The guys called out to me. They were going out for a drink. I waved them away. I knew they laughed at me but what did I care? Some important development might happen with Sophie's kitchen light while I was gone.
I rubbed the back of my neck. Sitting like this screwed with my back so much, I'd been almost tempted to bring a chair out.
If I hadn't fucked things up, there were so many things we could do. Together we could travel the world and explore every tacky tourist site like the one she'd taken me to. We could eat all the tacos and she could make me steak. I'd buy her a car, a fast car, and write songs about her stubborn mouth. We could kiss and hug and make love under the stars.
No woman I'd met in this life come close to touching my heart before Sophie. None had me envisioning a future beyond one night. But there'd be no future for us unless I did something so huge, it repaired the hole I'd ripped in her heart. I'd run out of options, though. Nothing I could think of would come close to fixing the wrongs.
There was nothing I could buy her or do for her that would win back her trust. Nothing in my life had prepared me for this. I'd assumed I could always keep playing around without consequences. The thought of settling down and being with one woman never occurred to me.
Is that what I wanted now? Because no matter how I tried to spin it, I couldn't see me with any other woman but Sophie.
I was still sitting on that diving board when the guys came back.
"Keep the noise down," I yelled. "There are people around here who need to get their sleep."
"Come inside." Miles was the only one I still spoke to. The other two could go to hell.
I shook my head.
"We've got to finish off the album tomorrow," Miles said. "You need some sleep or your voice will be raw."
I didn't care. Even though Sophie's light had gone off a while ago and I just stared into the darkness.
The next day in the studio was a mess. I'd never had issues with my singing before but I had no voice.
"Stop letting your love life interfere with business," Ruff said when I took a break.
I glared at him. I hadn't punched him yet but it wasn't off the cards. Punching him wouldn't undo the damage but it'd feel damn good.
"It's your interfering that caused this. Your big mouth."
Ruff shrugged. He couldn't see what he did wrong. He'd been the one to mouth off, I knew it. He'd been hanging out with some bitchy local girl. He wouldn't admit to telling her anything but he didn't deny it either.
The guys left the studio but I stayed back with Billy working on the vocals. We'd spent hours but nothing came close to good.
"We have to give it a rest," he said eventually. "It's just not working."
I hated to quit but I couldn't make the man work beyond his limit. Nothing would make me sound good today.
"We'll be back in tomorrow then, I guess."
Billy shook his head. "Not tomorrow. I promised to work at a benefit show. Some kids wanting to raise cash to build a community center. There's nothing much for kids here, as you probably guessed. Not sure if they'll raise much but it's a start."
I remembered him telling us about it when we first got here. I'd brushed him off back then. A local festival hadn't interested me. I began packing up my gear then spun around.
"A charity gig, huh?"
"Yeah, not sure how many will turn up but I'm doing the sound for them. Never hurts to give something back."
I nodded. Giving something back, that was a good thing. Maybe I'd been too hasty in refusing to perform. It might be last minute but I'm sure I could make it work.
"You know what would make this charity thing more profitable? A big-name headliner."
Billy stared at me. "It's not the kind of thing guys like you would play at. Anyway, don't you need your management's approval?"
"Maybe, maybe not. But it's a chance for us to do something for this town, if you can make it happen."
Billy grabbed his jacket. "It's a bit late to do any publicity but it's going to be open air so we have the capacity for a larger crowd."
Was that a yes? The plan hastily coming together in my head relied on him saying yes.
Billy gave a slight nod and I grinned.
"Just get it set up," I said. "I'll work on the publicity. A few whispered rumors will do wonders. I'll get the other guys on board too."
I didn't mention it to him but I'd make damn sure Sophie was there, one way or another.
Sophie
"YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THE house at some point," Janice said when she dropped off my groceries. "You can't remain here for the rest of your life."
I pointed to the calendar on the wall, a big red circle around a date in the future.
"That's when I'll leave the house. Settlement date. I'll be out of this town so fast, you'll only see dust."
She started putting the groceries away for me. "You'll need to shower first," she said. "You're beyond ripe. And also, how are you leaving? The van is part of the business and you have no other transport. Well, there's the bus..."
I hadn't thought of that. Damn it, I needed wheels to spin in my haste to leave everything behind. In my mind, I drove a sleek sports car not unlike the one Ethan drove. But Janice was right. I'd have to leave the van behind and I had no other transport.
"I'll hire a car," I said.
"From where?"
Damn. No car rental places in this town.
"You can drive me to Somerton," I said. "Well, you or Jimmy. You'll need to go to the market anyway so you can drop me off at the car rental place."
Janice sighed. "On one condition. You jump in the shower and then come for a drive with me. You don't have to talk to anyone, just get out of the house and get some fresh air."
"I can open the windows if I want fresh air." I set my mouth in a straight line. She couldn't force me.
Then I looked at her face. Hell, yeah, maybe she could force me. I had enough dignity left that I wanted to shower on my own.
"I'll make you some lunch while you shower," she said. "Something that isn't chocolate or ice cream."
I headed to the bathroom. I'd negotiate the leaving the house bit when I'd finished.
Despite my protests, the shower did make me feel better. It'd been five days and that was way too long for any human being to wallow in their own filth.
Janice had been a doll for the past week. She'd brought me food and kept the business running. When I told her about selling the florist yesterday, she'd hugged me.
"Congratulations," she'd said. Then she pushed me away. "How long has it been since you showered?"
"You're okay with a new boss?" I'd asked her.
"I'll survive." Her broad smile proved it. "No one expects you to stay around here forever. Go live a little. And, maybe one day, you'll decide to come back permanently."
I didn't think so but I'd keep the house. I didn't have the energy to even think about selling it.
I got out of the shower not even thinking about what to wear. Maybe some sweat pants and a t-shirt, that's all. But I got to my room and Janice had laid out a strappy sundress on the bed. That seemed awfully fancy for just going for a drive. Maybe that was part of her cheering me up plan.
I sighed and put it on. I brushed my hair and clipped a flower in it. Even if I didn't get out of the car, people would see me and they'd scrutinize every detail. I didn't want to look bedraggled and broken-hearted. I'd hold my head up high. I'd done nothing wrong.
"What are your plans when you leave?" Janice asked.
That was the thing. As much as I'd dreamed of getting free of this town, now I had that in my sights, I had no idea what I really wanted.
I'd always dreamed about travel and I'd wanted to study but those options didn't seem so appealing now. I figured I'd move to the city and get a job until I sorted myself out.
We walked out to Janice's car. I pulled my sunglasses out of my bag. The glare of the sun hurt my eyes after being in a dark house for days.
"Where are we going?" I asked. It wasn't like there was much to see in this town.
Rock Mayhem: 8 Complete Rock Star Romance Novels Page 94
