“And I get to play my game.”
Mom laughs. “Yes, and that—after your chores.”
* * *
“I can’t do it,” Sean admits as he stares at the dirt driveway.
One by one, my brothers left this place, and each of them took shifts coming back until I was old enough to leave as well. They protected me in a way I couldn’t appreciate at the time. Jacob delayed going to college by a year to make sure Sean could play ball and I wasn’t alone with Dad as much. Sean would take me to games, making sure I got out of the house once in a while after Jacob left. Declan went to college but spent his summers back at the farm, ensuring he could shield me from Dad’s fists whenever possible.
He looks the most uncomfortable, but he’s also the strongest willed of us all. “What is one truth about an arrow?” Dec chokes the words out, and I close my eyes.
Mom. What would she think of us now? Would she understand why we all left this place? Did she see the hell he put us through and what we became because of his choices?
Jacob answers. “Removing half the feather will make the arrow curve and alter its course, which is why sticking together matters.”
“Mom would be disappointed in us,” Declan says. “No women, no kids, nothing but jobs.”
“We have each other,” I pipe up. “We always have, and she would’ve wanted that.”
Declan stares out the window. “She would’ve wanted us to have more . . .”
“Yeah, well, it’s hard to have more when you grow up the way we did.”
Jacob’s voice is quiet and full of sadness. “We made a pact. No marriages, no kids, and never raise our fists in anger. She would’ve understood. She would’ve wanted us to stand by each other and be nothing like he was in the end.”
Maybe she would, God knows that’s what we hoped for. I like to believe that if she’s watching, she has seen it all and would understand that her boys made this choice for a reason. I had her the least amount of time, but I think she would’ve respected the desire to protect others.
If we came from a man like that, surely it was inside us too.
Declan looks at Sean, the brother who was by far the closest to her. He has never forgiven himself for the night she died. “Drive, brother. It’s time to go forward.”
Sean slams his hand on the steering wheel before putting the car in drive and slowly accelerating down the path to hell.
None of us speak. I know that I can’t gather a thought long enough to say a word. There are memories everywhere.
The fence that lines the driveway where my brothers and I would sit and watch the cows, dreaming about running way. I spot the tree that’s on the left side of the property where we made a ladder with scraps of wood so we could climb into the branches, pretending we were hidden and safe.
Dad could never reach us up there.
He was always too drunk to get up more than two of the rungs.
Over to the right is the archery course where my brothers and I spent hours imagining we were Robin Hood or other great men who did right.
I can hear the four of us arguing over who shot better, all the while knowing it was Sean. The bastard always had the best form and aim.
And then what once was my home comes into view.
“It’s like a fucking time warp,” Dec comments. “Nothing has changed.”
He’s right. The house is exactly the same as it was when I left. It has two stories, and a big wrap-around porch with a swing. The white paint is faded and chipping, and the black shutters are missing on one of the windows and hanging off another. While it may be the same structurally, it’s not the home the four of us remember.
I clear my throat. “Only now it’s a damn mess.”
“I don’t think the old man did a damn thing after we left.” One of my brothers says from behind me.
There’s no way we’ll sell this house for what it’s worth. Although, the house has never been the prize, the land has been. Over three hundred acres of some of the best cattle land in Pennsylvania. A winding brook flows through it, the grass is premium for the cows, and it’s picturesque.
“How could he?” Declan snorts. “He didn’t have his workhorses to tend to things while he was drunk off his ass.”
I nod, feeling a new type of anger toward him. At least he could’ve cared about the farm.
“What about the animals?” Sean asks.
“We’ll need to do a full inventory and see what the hell we’re walking into,” I speak up.
My brothers agree, so we divvy up the tasks. It’s time to see what else he destroyed.
The farm is a mess, that’s all I keep saying to myself. It’s a nightmare. He hadn’t maintained a single thing other than the dairy equipment, which he would’ve had to keep up and running if he wanted to make enough money to buy his liquor.
Still, the fact that he let the land go, is unbelievable. What could’ve been a ten million plus inheritance is worth half that at best. It’s going to take a hell of a lot of work to get it close to what we’d want to sell it for.
I’m walking in the field out to the left of the creek, the place that I would come to hide. The first time my father drank himself into a rage, I was ten, and Declan took the beating, shielding all of us and telling us to run and hide.
I didn’t fully understand what had happened, just that my brother, who I loved, was screaming for me to go.
So I did.
I ran. I ran so hard that I wasn’t sure I’d ever stop. I ran until my lungs struggled to get air. I didn’t stop until I was where I thought no one could ever find me because Declan had something in his eyes I had never seen—fear.
I’m standing here, on the edge of the creek, looking up at the platform I built in the tree where I spent so many days and nights hiding from the hell that was in my house.
What a fucking mess.
Being here is the last place I want to be, but there’s nothing I have to hide from anymore. I’m no longer that scared little boy, and there are no more monsters hiding in the house. Yet, I can’t help but feel the pit in my stomach.
The quiet is almost loud as I stand here listening to the creek that used to lull me to sleep. The farmland is beautiful. I can’t help but see the lush greens and deep pink hue of the setting sun in the sky, illuminating the clouds and making them look like cotton candy.
I close my eyes, lifting my face to the sky, hearing the sound of my breathing.
And then a thump from above causes my senses to kick in.
I look around, trying to see what it was.
Then a sniffle.
“Hello?” I call out, turning to the tree and the platform high in its branches.
There’s a scuffle, the sound of feet shuffling on the wood. Someone is up there. It has to be a kid because a grown adult wouldn’t be hiding up on that platform. However, whoever it is doesn’t answer.
“Hello? I know you’re up there,” I say a little softer because I’m trying to be less scary. “You don’t have to be afraid.”
Another bit of movement and then a cry that is clearly in pain.
I don’t wait, I move up the tree, using the wood steps my brothers helped me build so I would always be able to come here.
“I’m coming up. Don’t be scared,” I instruct, not wanting whoever is up there to fall off the scrap of wood.
I make it to the platform and a little girl is huddled in the corner. Her eyes are wide and full of fear. She doesn’t seem much older than I was the first time I headed up here, but I’m not really around kids much, so I have no clue how old she really is. I do know all about the apprehension and the tears running down her face. I used to wear a similar expression in this spot.
“I won’t hurt you, are you okay? I heard you cry.”
She nods quickly.
“Okay, are you hurt?”
A tear falls down her cheek and she nods again, clutching her arm.
“Is it your arm?” I ask, knowing that’s what it is. When she
still doesn’t speak, I try to remember what it felt like to be hurt and alone, hiding in a tree. “I’m Connor, and I used to live here. This was my favorite place on this whole farm. What’s your name?”
Her lip trembles, and she seems to wrestle with whether she can answer me. In the end, her green eyes watch me like a hawk as she clamps her lips tight, letting me know she has no intention of speaking to me.
I take another step up the ladder and lean on the platform. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”
I’ll stay up here for as long as it takes to get her down.
She sits up, her brown hair falling around her face, and she sniffs before pushing it back. “You’re a stranger,” the little girl says.
“I am. You’re right not to talk to strangers. Would it help if I told you that I was also a sort of police officer in the navy?”
Her eyes narrow, assessing me. “Police officers have uniforms.”
I grin, smart kid. “That’s right. I wore one, but I’m not working now since I’m on the farm. Can you tell me how you hurt your arm?”
“I fell.”
“How’d you climb up here?”
She shifts a bit. “I didn’t want anyone to find me.”
My gut tightens as a million answers as to why this little girl is hiding up here with her arm in pain instead of running home for help. I have to keep myself under control and remember not everyone has a shitty home life. It could be anything.
“Why not?”
She worries her bottom lip. “Daddy said I wasn’t supposed to leave the house, and I didn’t want him to be angry.” Then she wipes her nose with her arm and another tear falls. “I came here so I could wait for Mommy to come home.”
I give her a knowing nod. “Well, I’m sure your daddy is worried about you. We should get you back home and get your arm looked at.”
“He’s going to be so mad.” Her lip quivers.
Poor thing is terrified. Of her father or because she broke the rules, I’m not sure. I don’t know who she is or who her father is, but she can’t stay up here injured and scared. She’ll fall. “How about I don’t tell him where I found you if he doesn’t ask.”
She eyes me curiously. “You mean lie?”
“No, I just think that friends keep secrets, and we’re friends now, right?”
“I guess so.”
“Well, friend, you know my name is Connor, but I still don’t know yours.”
Her lips purse. “I’m Hadley.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Hadley. Can I help you down since your arm is hurt?”
Hadley’s head bobs quickly.
I instruct her how to get close, and then she wraps her arm around my neck, holding on tightly as I get us both down without jostling her too much. When we get to the ground, I set her on her feet and squat.
We’re eye to eye, and there’s something about the way she looks at me—as though I’m her savior—that makes my heart ache.
“Is your arm okay?”
“It hurts.” Her voice is small and holds a quiet tremor of pain. She moves it across the front of her body, cradling it closely.
“Can I look at it?”
Hadley is a tiny thing. Although, I have no frame of reference on how old she is, if this is a normal height for a kid, or I’m an idiot.
“Okay.”
I take a look and there’s some bruising and it’s swollen, but nothing glaringly obvious that she broke it.
“Well, it doesn’t look terrible, but I think we need to get you home so they can make sure it’s not broken. Where do you live?”
She points across the creek to where the Walcott farm is.
“Is your last name Walcott?”
“Yup.”
I smile. It’s good to know they didn’t sell off their farm. The Walcott’s were good people. My mother and Mrs. Walcott were close friends. When Mom died, Jeanie would bring us food and make sure we still had pie every now and then. I loved her and was sad when she passed. Tim died about a month after her, and my father would say it was from a broken heart. I wish my father loved my mother enough to go die alongside her, but I wasn’t that lucky.
I had no idea if someone bought it or if the property was passed down to someone. They never had kids of their own, but it seems it’s still in the family.
“I’ll walk you home and make sure you don’t get hurt again. Do you want to cut across or would you rather I drive you?”
I see her worry, but there’s no way I’m letting this kid go off on her own when she’s hurt.
“We can walk.”
“All right.” I stand, put my hand out, and smile when she takes it, knowing I earned a little of her trust.
We make our way to her house, neither of us saying much, but then I feel her start to tremble. I can remember all too well not wanting to go home because my parents were going to be mad at me. Too many times I had the wooden spoon to my hide because my mother said to be back before dark and I’d wandered off, lost in the vast lands that looked the same, and one of my brothers had to come find me.
“How long have you lived here?” I ask, wanting to take her attention off her impending punishment.
“I grew up here.”
“Yeah, and how old are you?”
“I’m seven.”
She must’ve moved in right after I left. “You live here with your parents?”
“My daddy runs the farm with my mommy. She’s also a teacher.”
“They sound like nice folks.”
Hadley looks away, and that feeling niggles at me again. I’ve lived my entire life based on trusting my instincts. In the military, it’s kill or be killed. I had to rely on myself to know when something was a threat or not. Something about her demeanor has red flags going up all over.
“My parents probably aren’t home, so you won’t meet them.”
I nod as though I don’t see through what she’s doing. I grew up making excuses as to all the reasons my friends couldn’t come or my teachers shouldn’t call. My father was sleeping, he wasn’t home, he was on the tractor, or he was out of town. Anything I could say to deter someone from seeing anything. From finding a reason to ask questions.
Hiding wasn’t just for me, it was for everything about me.
“Well, if they’re not, I’ll at least know you got home safely.”
“Do you think I can come over sometime to climb your tree? It has steps and mine doesn’t.”
I grin at her. “Anytime, kid. My tree is your tree. And if you come by in the next few days, I can show you two other hiding spots my brothers and I built.”
“Really? Cool!” Hadley lights up.
“Really.”
We get toward the drive and there’s someone at the car. Her dark brown hair falls down her back in waves and she’s lifting a paper bag from her trunk. When she turns, our eyes meet, and my heart stops.
Her lips part as the groceries tumble to the ground forgotten as I come face to face with the woman who has haunted my dreams.
My angel has returned, only she isn’t mine.
Chapter Three
Ellie
It can’t be.
This can’t be happening.
It’s been eight years since that night. Eight years of pretending that it was all a dream because it had to be.
I never saw him again. No matter how many days and nights I scanned crowds or looked at every driver—it was never him.
Partially, I was grateful because that night was one of the most heartbreaking and incredible nights of my life. I never should’ve given myself to him, but I was so unsure of where my life was going and if marrying Kevin was the right thing to do. I only knew that I needed to be loved and cherished, even if it was only for one night. I wanted to be held the way that this man held me when we danced.
The other part was the agony because I was getting married the next day, and God help me, I prayed that I would never see him again so I could find a way to forgive myself for the sins I
committed.
I should’ve known that I couldn’t ever atone for my sins to be forgiven and him being here is proof of that.
“Mommy!” Hadley rushes over, her eyes filled with terror at the groceries on the ground.
Shit. I let them fall.
I hate that she worries so much. “It’s okay, baby. I’ll get them.”
Hadley turns to the man when she sees my eyes go back to him. “Connor, this is my mom.”
Connor. I’d given him so many names, but Connor is fitting. The name is strong, like the man.
Time has done nothing to lessen how attractive he is. His eyes are a deep emerald green that makes me feel like I’m drifting. His hair is longer up top, pushed over to the side, giving him a bit of a boyish look, but it only adds to his appeal. Then there’s his body. God, his body is sinful. His shirt is clinging to his arms, and there’s no denying the muscles beneath it.
His chest is broader than I remember.
And I remember everything.
His touch, his scent, the sound of his voice as he made love to me in a way I didn’t know existed.
I needed him and the memory of that night more than he can ever know. I’ve relived it so many times, clinging to those feelings that I was desperate for, loving how my world came alive and colors were brighter when I was with him. He was like a comet that set the sky on fire, and the tail has never faded for me.
But now, him being here? It threatens everything—including the life of the little girl he’s standing next to.
I look to both of them as I crouch to try to pick up the stuff I dropped. “And how do you two know each other?”
He heads over as well, bending to help gather the items that are out of my reach. “I found Hadley in a tree, and I think her arm is pretty messed up. I wanted to make sure she got home okay.”
Immediately, my attention shifts to her. I don’t know how she hurt it or if someone hurt her. “Are you okay? What happened?”
She looks to him and then back to me. “I fell.”
I close my eyes, willing that to be the truth. Kevin may hurt me, but he’s never raised his hand to Hadley. “Let me see.”
Come Back for Me Page 2
