My eyes start to flutter closed, and I fight to keep them open. “I think the medicine is kicking in.”
He nods and puts the car into drive. “Let’s get you back to the house so you can rest.”
I yawn. “Rest would be good.”
As we ride up the long driveway, my thoughts drift in and out of various things. There’s so much that has happened that it’s as if my life is a series of movie clips I can’t see in one sitting. There are too many.
When we stop, Connor’s hand touches my face and I see him staring at me. “We’re here.”
“I wasn’t sleeping.”
“No?”
Maybe I did for, what, two seconds? I inhale deeply and open the door before he can get out. I move slowly, careful not to jostle my side too much. Between the drive, the hearing, and not sleeping for two nights, I’m dead on my feet.
I exit the car using all my strength and determination, but when I shuffle forward, I start to sink to the ground. Strong arms wrap around me, and the most gorgeous green eyes are locked on mine.
“Ellie?”
He cradles me, and my head rests on his shoulder as he walks toward his house. “Tired. I’m so, so tired. I’m fine. I can walk.”
“You’re in pain and on medication. You need to rest.”
I need to go back to my house and put my life together. “Home.”
“Take a nap and then we can talk about that. I’ll be here when Hadley gets back.”
I want to open my mouth and tell him everything I’ve been wondering since he came back into my life, but exhaustion overtakes me, and I drift off to sleep.
“That’s not how you play Go Fish.” Hadley’s voice echoes through the small farmhouse, and I smile.
“Yes it is! You have to have two cards of the same color.”
“Noooo,” she chides. “You have to have two of the same number.”
“I think you’re making this up,” Connor says with a laugh. “I know Go Fish, and those are the rules.”
“You’re cheating.”
“Me? Cheating?” He sounds shocked, but I can tell he’s kidding.
“Yes, because I beat you three times in a row.”
I lie here, still trying to wake up as I listen to them.
“I think it’s you who’s cheating, Hadley.”
I hear her soft little sigh. “You’re just a bad fisher. But you’re my favorite hero.”
He laughs, and my smile is automatic. “I’m glad I’m your favorite. You’re my favorite seven-year-old who cheats at Go Fish.”
“I’m going to miss you,” she says with wistfulness in her voice.
“Miss me? Why? Are you going somewhere?”
I slowly lift myself to the edge of the bed, not knowing where this conversation is going and needing to listen.
“Mommy and I were going to run away that night, and I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again when we go.” Her voice breaks at the end, shattering my heart with it.
This is her home. It’s the only place she’s ever known, and while her protection is paramount, so is her security. I need to repair any damage done.
First, is going back to that house and doing what I can to set it to rights.
I need her to see that we’re okay, and I’m strong. I’m still scared to go there. Even with Kevin in jail, that house is filled with things I want to forget. Still, I want to give Hadley the courage to face things that scare her and prove she can endure.
“Well, if that does happen, we’re going to have to find a way to stay in touch.”
“But I don’t have a phone.”
“True, but you know where I live.”
Hadley pauses, and I carefully make my way to the door, watching the two of them. Connor and Hadley are sitting on the floor at opposite corners of the coffee table with the cards between them. My world shines a bit brighter just watching them.
I don’t know that I have any memories of Kevin ever doing something as simple as this. While I was sleeping, the two of them have been spending time together, bonding in a way that brings tears to my eyes.
“What if you move?”
“Well, I’m only staying here for six months, but I’ll make sure your mom knows how to get in touch with me.”
“You promise?”
He lifts his hand in some sort of salute. “I sure do.”
Hadley lunges forward, wrapping her arms around his neck, and he catches himself before he’s tossed backward. “You’re my best friend, Connor.”
He smiles over her head, hugging her back. “I’m a lucky man then.”
He might be more. So much more. I owe it to him and to Hadley to find out.
I step out into the room, and our gazes touch.
“You’re awake.”
“I am. How long has it been?”
“Mommy!” Hadley rushes toward me. I put my hand out quickly so she doesn’t barrel into me, which causes her to slow. “Sorry.”
“No, no, I want a hug, just not a fast one.”
I want a million hugs from her. Ones that last forever so I can hold her close.
“Were you good for Connor?”
She nods. “We went out to the barn so I could see all the cows. He has a lot of cows, but,” her voice drops to a whisper, “he doesn’t know what to do with them.”
I laugh softly. “Did you tell him to milk them?”
“I tried, but he doesn’t listen. Then we walked out to my favorite tree.”
Connor walks over and ruffles her hair. “I figured you needed to rest, so we did some outside stuff and then came back to warm up when we got cold. Did we wake you?”
“No.” I smile at him, feeling so much gratitude it overwhelms me. “Not at all. Thank you for taking good care of her.”
“It was nothing. Hadley and I are friends. It was fun to get to hang out for a bit.”
She looks at him with a wide grin.
“Well, I think Hadley and I need to get back home.”
“No!” she screams. “No! I don’t want to. Please! Please, Mommy! Please don’t make me go back there!”
I fall to my knees and gather her hands in mine. “Hadley, it’s okay.”
“I don’t want to go home!” Her eyes fill with tears as her head shakes back and forth quickly. “I want to stay here—with Connor!”
“Honey, we can’t. We need to go back. No one is going to hurt us there.”
Her tears fall like rain, and her sniffling breaks me apart. I can see it’s true fear that has her. I can’t tell her that I feel the same way. The idea of going back to that house makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
“I’m scared, Mommy.”
Connor kneels with us, saying, “You don’t have to be scared. I can go there to make sure that there’s no one else inside and that you’ll be safe.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to go! You can’t make me!”
Hadley rips her hands from mine, scrambles to her feet, and rushes out the door.
“Hadley!” I yell after her as I try to get up, but wince when my side screams in protest.
“Easy, I’ll go get her,” Connor says as he helps me stand.
“She’s my daughter, I’ll go. I just need a second.”
“Why don’t we give her a minute? She probably needs to cool off, and I know where she went.”
How does he do this? How can he know what Hadley needs with such ease? It’s as though he’s gotten to the core of both of us without any effort at all. Connor and I had this when we met, but now he has that intuition with Hadley as well. He could see that she needed time when I couldn’t.
It has to mean something, right?
“You’re right. I’m so sorry. I thought she’d want to go home, and we needed to.”
“Why do you need to?”
I sigh, hating that I said anything. “Because that’s her home and we can’t stay here forever. I’m sure you don’t need the two of us driving you crazy.”
“You’re not drivin
g me crazy, and you don’t have to go back there if you don’t want to.”
“We can’t stay here.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I repeat. “Because . . . you’re a bachelor and you have this farm to fix up and I don’t think you need another broken thing to repair.”
Plus, being around him makes it hard not to see the similarities between him and Hadley. Keeping the possibility of him being her biological father to myself is wrong. He deserves to know. What keeps me from saying it is how I feel when I’m around him. I want to be close, rely on him, and these are dangerous thoughts for me. It’s impractical, and I worry that I’ll form an attachment to a man who I know is going to leave.
If it hasn’t already happened with him and Hadley.
But what if she’s his?
What if all the signs that point to it are real?
I have to tell him.
He shakes his head slowly. “I’m more than able to fix up this place with you both here, and I think you and Hadley feeling safe is more important than my being a bachelor. Do you feel safe with me?”
And that’s the craziest thing. I have never felt safer than when I’m around him. He’s strong, steadfast, and has stepped in when I needed him most. I trust him, and I barely know him.
It’s now or never.
I gather any courage I have and prepare to confess something that could forever change both their lives. “I do feel safe with you, and that’s the only reason that I have the ability to speak. Connor, I have to tell you something. Or . . . tell you that there’s something that is eating away at me.”
She’s the world, and he deserves to orbit around her as well—if it turns out that he’s her father.
“You can tell me anything.”
I sure hope that’s true because this might not go as I imagine.
“I found out I was pregnant with Hadley about a month after my wedding. I’ve always wondered . . . if maybe . . . she was . . .” I trail off, afraid to say it aloud. “There’s a chance that Hadley isn’t Kevin’s daughter.”
His gaze snaps up before moving to the door she ran out of and then back to me. “You think she could be mine?”
“I don’t know, but she has your eyes.” The admission falls from my lips as a tear drops from my lashes.
Chapter Fourteen
Connor
There’s a chance Hadley could be my daughter?
It isn’t . . . it can’t be . . . possible. Could it?
We made love so many times that night it’s hard to remember if we were careful each time. No, we were. I know I was.
“It was one night,” I say. “I wore a condom.”
“It was. But the timing of it all leaves the possibility. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking because she’s so wonderful and that night was . . .”
I don’t know what to say or think. If she is my daughter, I need to know. “How long have you wondered?”
“Since the day I found out I was pregnant.”
Jesus Christ. I could be a dad. I’ve been around Hadley all this time and hadn’t known I could be her father. I sit back, trying to wrap my head around it all.
What would’ve happened if I had come back? Would I have known then? Why didn’t I piece any of this as a possibility when we met? I’m a fool, and yet, there’s this hope inside me that she is mine.
“Why didn’t you try to find me?”
Ellie’s lip trembles. “How could I? I didn’t know your name or where you were from. I never saw you again until a little over a month ago. I married Kevin the day after we slept together, so it wasn’t as if I could say for sure.”
Right. Married and . . . yeah, it was one night with no names or expectations.
“Wait, the day after?”
She nods, looking nervous and almost ashamed.
But the reality is, I could’ve had a child for the last seven years and missed out on it all. “Does she have any idea?”
“No, no, God no. I’m sorry, Connor. I should’ve told you when you got back here, but I couldn’t risk Kevin suspecting anything.”
Ellie wipes a tear away, and everything inside me springs into action. I made her cry on a night when she should feel nothing but security. I shift closer to her. “Ellie, don’t cry.”
“It’s that . . . I didn’t know. I really don’t know, and she might not be yours, but there’s this part of me that has always hoped she is. Because . . . you were kind to me, and that night is something . . .”
“That night is everything.”
She looks at me, her eyes still brimming with vulnerability. “You told me that you dreamed of me?”
I nod. “I did. All the time. I relived that night in my head, wondering who you were, where you might be, and if you were happy.”
“I wasn’t.”
“I know that now.”
The two of us watch each other as I reel with the confessions just made. I don’t know if I scare her or if she feels the connection that I do.
The sound of thunder rolling in the air snaps me out of it. The two of us blink, coming to the realization that Hadley is outside, probably hiding in a tree while a storm is rolling in.
“I’ll go find her,” I say before Ellie can speak.
“Connor . . .”
“We’ll talk more when I get back, but I’d like you to stay here at least tonight, for Hadley.” And for me, but I leave that part off.
“We’ll talk when you get back.”
I nod and when the thunder rolls in the distance, I feel it in my soul.
I approach the tree where I have a feeling I’ll find her, and sure enough, there’s a scuffling sound on the wood.
It’s hard, this time, not to think about Hadley coming here as some sort of sign or fates way of stepping in. But what are the odds of Ellie’s daughter finding her way to my farm and the tree that means the world to me on her own?
And does she have my eyes?
I try to picture it, but I can’t.
Is she my kid? If she is, what does it mean? Can I have time with her? Does she want that? Does it even matter when I care about her and already view the two of them as a part of my life, one that I don’t want to let go of?
I chastise myself because, right now, I can’t get caught up in a bunch of what-ifs and maybes because there’s a little girl who has been dropped into hell and is struggling to find a way through it.
I’ve been there.
Too many times.
I climb the wooden slats and pop my head up and smile at her. “You should probably pick another spot if you don’t want me to find you, but then I know how hard it is to avoid this tree when you know it has magical powers to keep you safe.”
Her lip quivers. “I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to go to the house again. I want to stay here—with you.”
“Well, running away isn’t going to change whatever choice your mom makes.”
Hadley’s frown falls deeper. “I’m scared.”
I don’t blame her. “You know that your mother would never make you go back home if it weren’t safe. She’s probably a little scared too.”
“Mommies and daddies aren’t afraid of anything.”
“Oh, sure they are. Grown-ups get scared of things all the time.”
Hadley crosses her arms over her chest and stares at me. “No, they don’t.”
I let out a low chuckle. “I get scared.”
“No way! You’re the strongest boy in the world. You’re just saying that.”
I love that she thinks that highly of me. I want to be the hero she sees me as, but heroes always fall the farthest when they fail their charge. She’s had enough of that.
“If you come down from the tree, I’ll tell you all about mine.”
Hadley seems to mull it over and then sighs. “You’re going to take me back and make me go home.”
I know how she feels. When Declan or Sean would come get me from here, I would drag my feet. Going back to where you feel as tho
ugh you’re only going to run away from again is horrible. If I could’ve lived in this tree, I would’ve. My father had no idea I was there, and I could finally breathe.
However, the one thing I always respected was that my brothers never lied when it mattered. They told me what we had to do, and we protected each other, like I’ll do for her.
“I am going to take you back, but I promise that no matter what, you are going to be okay.”
It’s hard being a kid and even harder when you feel like the world around you is crumbling. Everything I know about her has shown that she isn’t going to openly defy anyone. She loves her mother, but I imagine she feels lost.
“Why can’t we stay with you?” she asks as she starts to move toward me.
“Because you have to do what your mother says.”
“I’d rather stay up here.”
I chuckle to myself as the thunder rumbles again, and I give her a pointed look. “You know, once the lightning comes, I’m going to need to rush back to the house.”
Her head whips to me quickly. “You’ll leave me here . . . all by myself in the storm?”
No, but I need to get her down because the tree isn’t a safe place to hide out in a lightning storm. I can already see flashes in the distance.
I give her a dramatic sigh. “I’m afraid of lightning . . . I won’t be able to stay. So, either you come down and I tell you all about my fears while we go back to the house or you stay here in the storm—you pick.”
Hadley moves to the edge. “Fine. I’ll go with you. But only because you’re scared.”
I smile and duck my head before she can see it. “I’ll meet you at the bottom.”
Once she’s safely on the ground, I find myself staring at her a little closer. Her eyes are the same color as mine and my brothers’ eyes, which are green with small flecks of gold. We used to be beaten for it because they reminded Dad of our mother. We had her eyes.
Now, looking at Hadley, I see it.
Or maybe I’m fucking wishing it were true because then she would be mine. I would never let that fucking asshole touch her or her mother again, not that I would let that happen if Hadley weren’t mine.
Still, I have never wanted something to be so true in my entire life.
Come Back for Me Page 10
