Hadley leaps up and squeals. “You’re the best!”
No, she is, and I’m completely wrapped around her finger. If this kid is mine, I’m in even more trouble than I thought. There’s no way I’ll want to let her go. For each day I spend with her there are hundreds more I want to make up for. There are seven years I missed, and if she’s my daughter, I’m going to want to make sure there isn’t a single one added to it.
“I think you’re overestimating how much people will want to meet me.”
Hadley shrugs. “My best friend is the coolest. Everyone is going to be so jealous. Can you wear your uniform?”
Ellie laughs and then covers it with a cough. “That’s enough, Hadley. Connor is working hard, and we need to get your homework done.”
“First,” I say with a little too much enthusiasm, “I have something to show you.”
“You do?”
I nod at Hadley. “Yup. Let’s take a walk.”
“Can Mom come?”
“Of course, we can all go . . . if she wants.”
We both look back to Ellie, who shrugs and pushes toward us. “I think a little fresh air would be good for all of us.”
The three of us head out of the barn and start to head toward the tree, Hadley between us. I think about how we probably look right now. A family with a mother and father who adore the child between them. In many ways, that would be the picture’s story because I do adore Hadley and I care very much about Ellie. In some ways, I love her, which is crazy, but it’s there.
Ellie has been the woman I’ve felt passion, love, and longing for almost my entire adult life.
I know she isn’t ready for anything. Hell, she’s still married and about to deal with her husband’s trial, but . . . it’s as though time didn’t pass for me. She’s been mine this whole time, and now I have to wait until she’s ready for me—again.
“Meet you there!” Hadley runs off, leaving the two of us behind.
“So, how did fixing up the barn go?” Ellie asks after a few seconds, her hands clasped in front of her.
“I didn’t get much done, actually. I was working on something else . . .”
“Yeah?”
“Something for Hadley.”
Ellie’s eyes find mine and there is a sea’s worth of questions floating in them. “You didn’t have to . . .”
“I know. Look, I know we talked last night, but I want to know if she’s biologically mine. If she’s not, I will do my damnedest to respect that she is his, but I hope you understand that, regardless of the test results, it doesn’t change how much I like her. She’s a good kid, and she’s . . . well, she . . .”
“You care about her.”
I look up with a grin. “I do. And I care about her mother too.”
“We both kind of like you as well,” Ellie says with a smirk. “Just a little.”
“Also, you guys can stay with me until you feel safe to return.”
Ellie releases a breath through her nose as her fingers graze the top of the hay that’s growing in the field. “Hadley would stay here forever with you. I don’t know that she’ll ever feel safe at that house, and I can’t blame her, but . . . you don’t need two troublesome females around you.”
I don’t want to tell her that it’s exactly what I need, that them staying here has made being in this house easier. The memories aren’t so loud when they are around, and I much prefer seeing their faces than the ghost of my father when I enter the room.
Instead, I try to give her a part of that truth. “You’re not bothering me at all. And if Hadley . . .”
“Is yours,” she finishes.
“If it is the case, then I really am grateful for the time I have right now.”
Ellie’s fingers move to the side, brushing against mine. I don’t know if she did it on purpose, but I’m not one to let a moment pass me by. My hand slides into hers, and I hold on. She looks to me, and I watch her, waiting for a clue as to what she wants.
“And if she’s not?”
“Then I have a pretty cool best friend.”
Her smile makes my heart flip over in my chest. I want her to look at me like this each day. I want to be the man who makes my angel look like she could fly. Her wings may have been broken years ago, but I’m really good at restoring things.
Neither of us says a word as we near the tree, but Ellie pulls her hand back when we hear Hadley yell. “Whoa! This is the best thing in the world!”
I look at the fully decked out tree house that I spent hours building and then to both of them. Ellie’s eyes glaze over with moisture as she watches Hadley, who is already climbing the steps.
“You did this?”
“Every kid should have a safe place.”
Ellie turns to me, her lips parted, the sun casting a soft glow over her face as it dips closer to the horizon. Her voice is soft. “You spent your whole day doing this for her? Connor . . .”
I shove my hands into my pockets to avoid touching her face. She’s so damn beautiful. “This tree was where I would run if I could get away from my father. It’s where I found Hadley, and it doesn’t have to hold the same memories for her as it did for me. I did it for both of us, and for you.”
“For me?”
Yes, for her. As I was building, I kept thinking of my mother. It was as though she was there with me, telling me how proud she was as she smiled. “I can’t take a shot if I don’t break the bow, Ellie. I’m strong enough to hold off on releasing the arrow, until you’re ready.”
Her eyes widen, and her breath hitches.
It was worth it.
The sweat, frustration, and deviation of plans just to see that look. We may have lost our chance years ago, but I’m not a kid anymore, and I have my target set. I’m waiting for the sights to align.
Chapter Seventeen
Ellie
“I appreciate you meeting me like this,” I say to Nate’s friend Sydney as we sit in the teacher lounge.
“Not a problem at all, honestly.”
Sydney was the volunteer EMT on scene, but she is also a lawyer I hired to help me draw up divorce papers.
“I know this is weird . . .”
“Why?”
“Just that you were there, and then you and Connor were arguing.”
She laughs through her nose. “Connor and I have argued like that since . . . well, forever. He’s lucky I didn’t deck him for the way he tried to push me away. It is as though that man thinks he can come back here and suddenly be king of the castle. I don’t think so. He made his choices, and while he may think he’s a new man, he can kiss my ass if he’s going to order me around.”
A pang of jealousy hits me in the gut, and I do my best to ignore it. It’s clear they’ve had some kind of relationship. I wonder if he loves her or if she still loves him.
Sydney is what I would call an old-world beauty. She’s the type of regal-looking woman you would expect to find in New York or London, not Sugarloaf. Her golden hair is pulled back into a low knot with wisps of hair falling out. She’s wearing a black pants suit with the most beautiful red heels I’ve ever seen. Everything about her says confidence where I feel small and insignificant.
“I didn’t know . . .”
“Didn’t know what?”
I feel awkward, but there’s obviously history between them. “That you two were together.”
Sydney rears back, her lips are parted, but there is a smile of amusement tugging at them. “Oh, no, it’s nothing like that. Connor is like a little brother to me. I dated his older idiot brother, Declan, from the time I was thirteen until the asshole left town and never returned. All of them are the same, though. Domineering, protective, and attractive. Oh, and stupidity runs in their veins.”
My body breathes a sigh of relief. I don’t know why since Connor and I are just friends who possibly have a child together, but it’s there.
“I’m sorry to assume.”
“Don’t be sorry.” She smiles, giving me a feeling of
reassurance. “Are you okay to talk about this with me? I want to be sure you’re comfortable. If you worry I’ll betray you because I know Connor, I can promise you that not only is it illegal and I’d lose my license but also that I would never tell anyone what we spoke about, even if there weren’t that threat. Not to mention, it will bug him to no end and I would get far too much joy out of that.”
I’m not comfortable talking to anyone, but Sydney seems kind, and she was there that night. She isn’t looking at me with judgment, and that’s about the most I can ask for. “No, it’s not that, and I don’t think you would. I’m sure you can imagine that this is humiliating, and I . . .”
“You don’t have to feel that way with me.”
I wish it were that simple. I’d like for all of this to be a bad dream I’m about to wake up from. “I’m okay. I want this over with.”
“I can understand that. I know you’ve been through a lot and this will be no different. Right now we have the temporary order of protection for both you and Hadley, which then allows us to move forward with the divorce once the ninety-day waiting period is up. I don’t think we’ll have any problems proving fault since we have photos and a police officer’s testimony of your husband’s abuse. If it’s okay with you.”
My hands start to tremble and I feel sick to my stomach. This is the reason that so many women stay quiet. The fear of speaking out and it falling on deaf ears. If I go before the judge and tell him everything, what if he deems it’s not enough and lets him out? Sure, the judge refused bail, which makes me want to believe the courts will rule in my favor, but even Nate said that was the luck of us drawing a judge who was on a mission. What if I have one who doesn’t feel that way for the divorce? Without the conviction, Kevin could contest the divorce and use this as another way of controlling me.
“Do you mean they still might not believe me? They might think I’m lying about the abuse and not convict him? Even when there are witnesses and everything?”
Sydney puts her pen down and places her hand on mine. “Ellie, it doesn’t matter if the case doesn’t go as planned. We know what happened, and I believe you. You’re not alone. You didn’t do anything wrong, and no matter what, I’ll help you get out of this as quickly as possible.”
“I don’t want him to hurt us again.”
“I know, and I’m going to do everything I can to prevent it.”
I push out a deep breath and drop my chin to my chest, saying, “I should’ve done this years ago.”
“You’re strong to do it at all. I want to say I’m sorry.” She squeezes my hand. “You’ve lived here a long time, and none of us ever reached out. I always assumed you didn’t want to be a part of the community.”
I shake my head as the feelings of loneliness resurface with a vengeance. “I wasn’t allowed to really be a part of things.”
“I see that now.”
“Plus, it’s hard to have friends when you’re covering bruises.”
Sydney pulls her hand back, and her shoulders slump. “I hope you know that you don’t have to cover anything anymore, Ellie. I’d really like to be your friend, if you’d like to be mine.”
A friend. It’s such a simple word and yet it’s something I haven’t had in so long, I don’t even know what it means. Still, Sydney is kind and offering me an olive branch that I never would’ve taken before. “I’d really like that.”
She smiles. “Good. Now, let’s go over the details and get our information ready so we can file the second we’re allowed to, okay?”
“Okay.”
I’m going to do everything I can to put this behind me, and this is step one.
“Mommy?” Hadley asks as we walk through the field to get to our home to get some clothes and things we need. It’s been a week of making it work, but that isn’t really possible anymore. We need more clothes and supplies if we’re going to keep staying with Connor.
“Yes?”
“Why did Daddy hit you?”
My hand tightens just a bit as the question catches me off guard. I’m not sure how to answer her. Hadley may be only seven, but she’s smart and sees things. She isn’t young and gullible.
This is a chance for me to help guide her into not making the same mistakes that I did. I want her to know that it’s not okay. No one should ever lay their hands on her, especially not in anger. I stayed too long, made too many excuses, but not anymore.
I straighten up a bit and work to make my voice sound confident. “He hit me because he was angry and couldn’t control himself. It’s never okay to do that, you know that, right? It was wrong of him to do it.”
“Is he sorry?”
No, I doubt he was.
“I sure hope so.”
“Does he love us?”
Oh, my heart is breaking apart. “I think he loves you very much.”
Hadley is, of course, too smart to miss that I left myself out. “Does he love you, Mommy?”
“I believe he tries really hard, but . . .” Now I’m going to break her world. “But when you love someone, you never want to hurt them. What he did is never okay to do, and it is never the way you show someone you care about them. Do you understand?”
She looks up at me, and I pray she hears what I’m saying. “I think so.”
I squat down in the field of straw and pray that this little girl will never allow someone to hurt her. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a daddy, a husband, a friend, or someone you don’t know. No one should ever be allowed to hurt you. You should tell someone right away if it happens. Don’t ever be afraid that it’s your fault because it’s not ever your fault.”
Hadley bobs her head but her gaze never leaves mine. “I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, sweet girl. I want you to know that what happened will never happen again. You and I won’t live with Daddy anymore.”
“Why not?”
Protecting her from the truth has been all I’ve ever done. I don’t want her to hate him, but I want her to see strength from me. She should always understand that the choice I’m making right now may not be easy, but that it’s the right one. I can’t be married to him. I won’t let him be around Hadley and let her think that it’s the way a marriage should be.
“Because I’m not going to stay married to him anymore. We’re going to move out of that house, and we’re going to be okay.”
A tear falls down her face, and I wish I could take it away from her. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, baby. You did nothing, and neither did I. I’m doing this because I have to protect us. I know it’s scary and a lot to worry about, but I want you to know that I love you very much and I’m going to do whatever I have to so that we’re safe.”
“But doesn’t he love me?”
“Who could resist loving you?” I ask her.
“If he loved me, he wouldn’t want us to leave.”
Telling her was what I feared. I never want Hadley to think this is her fault. “Do you like when Daddy yells at us?”
She shakes her head.
“Me either. I don’t want either one of us to be afraid anymore. You and I, we’re strong girls and no one is going to yell at us anymore. You are the best little girl any mother could ask for and part of my job is to protect you.”
“Will he come back for us?”
“No, he won’t be around us anymore.” No matter what I have to do, I’ll keep that promise. “We’ll find somewhere to live that we both love.”
“Can we stay with Connor?”
I smile softly. Comfort fills my soul that he’s come to mean so much to her. “No, honey. Connor isn’t staying in Sugarloaf for long, and while he’s been very good to us, he has his farm he needs to deal with.”
And I’m not even close to ready at this point for that.
“I think he likes you.”
“I think he likes you!” I say with a giggle. “You got a tree house on his farm and he’s going for show and tell.”
And he might be your da
d.
“I’m going to be sad when he leaves.”
I will too. I will miss the way he looks at me as well as his unwavering strength and understanding and support.
“Well, we have to make the next few months super special then. Come on, let’s keep walking.”
We make our way through the field as she tells me about her day. She’s a little quieter than normal, less animated, and I hate that this conversation dulled her. I know that if I don’t stand up now, I’ll never get up off the ground.
When the house comes into view, a wave of nausea hits me like a brick. All of it rushes back to me, and I can hear the sounds in my ears, the rush of breath coming from my lungs when he kicked me the loudest of all.
All of it took place right here—in my home.
Hadley’s breathing accelerates, and I squeeze her hand tight. “It’s okay, we’re going to get our things and then go back, but no one can hurt us, okay?”
I’m not sure if I’m trying to reassure her or myself at this point. Maybe we both needed to hear it.
“He’s not here?”
“No, baby, he’s not here.”
I hate that my child is so afraid, so I tell myself to be the strength she needs to see and take a step forward. Using my determination to thrust me closer to the house that was a horror just a week ago, I hold on to the need I have to protect Hadley. I recall each time that Kevin took something from me, and I refuse to give him anything else.
I hold her little hand tighter, showing her that even if we hit rock bottom, the only way to go after that is up.
As we get to the front door, another sense of dread hits me. I don’t know what the house looks like. All Hadley has ever known is the perfect home. I was meticulous at making sure everything was clean and in its place so that Kevin couldn’t use it as a reason to hit me.
When I left that night, there were definitely things knocked over.
Shit.
I open the door, which someone had clearly had replaced, and hope it’s not as bad as I fear it will be.
Then I stop, stunned.
Everything is in its place.
The photo that was thrown across the room is sitting back on the sofa table as though it had never been touched. The lamp that Kevin threatened to bash over my head isn’t on the floor where he dropped it. It’s sitting on the end table.
Come Back for Me Page 12
