by Lola StVil
SAILOR SPEAKS
I look at the seriousness in his eyes and burst out laughing.
“What do you mean death?” I ask, unable to contain my amusement. “Like your kiss is poisonous to or something?”
I don’t really think this is funny. But in all honesty, it’s better than breaking down in front of Rye, who now looks just as confused as I feel. So many rules. None of them simple and none of them helping me in any way.
Rye gives me an amused look. I’m glad he finds my confusion so goddamn funny. He’s had his whole life to get his head around all these ridiculous rules and I’m new to it all. I mean, come on. The guy doesn’t even know who Harry Potter is. He shouldn’t be this cocky because I don’t understand the rules of the gods.
“Not exactly,” he says. “The relationship between gods and humans has always been complicated, Sailor, but it’s never really been an issue because we lived separate lives in separate worlds for the most part.”
“Oh, well that explains everything,” I say sarcastically. “Look, I get that you’re not the questions guy but no one else will tell me what this is all about, so you either tell me yourself or I’ll…”
“You’ll what exactly?” he asks.
“I’ll kiss you and drop dead, leaving my blood on your hands.”
“Wow. That’s a great plan, Sailor.” He rolls his eyes.
He looks kind of nervous though, like he really thinks I might do it, and I can’t resist puckering my lips and moving closer to him. He pulls away quickly and I laugh.
“Okay, okay, I’ll explain,” he says.
“Because there are so few gods left, the remaining ones have a duty to only mate with our own kind. We can’t afford for our bloodlines to weaken, or else we’ll face extinction. Naturally, gods don’t like to play by the rules without an added incentive. So, it came about that any human who got too close to a god would die a slow painful death.”
“That’s horrible,” I breathe.
Rye shrugs.
“It is what it is. And before you ask, no I don’t know any way around it. I’ve heard several stories over the years where gods have been convinced they’ve found a way around the curse only to discover they’re wrong when their loved one pays the ultimate price and drops dead.”
“So, you’re saying if we got together, I’d be punished and drop dead. And you get off with no consequences?” I say.
He turns his head and looks at me. The amusement from earlier is gone from his face. I can’t read his expression at all.
“The gods always thought, if you truly love the person as much as you thought you did and were willing put your lives on the line to prove it, when the human did drop dead, the god would be cursed to go through life alone, until they themselves died. I would hardly consider that no consequences,” Rye says.
“So, the human dies and the god is free to try again?”
“No, Sailor, you don’t understand. If a human dies because a god falls for them, that god loses their heart. Not physically, but their ability to love is taken forever, leaving them alone. They can still procreate and make children but they wouldn’t even be able to truly love their offspring.”
“Well then I guess it’s good there’s nothing between us then, huh?” I say.
It hurts to even say the words, but I’m not willing to risk my life to be with someone who doesn’t care one way or the other about me.
“Exactly,” Rye says.
I nod as though I want to be the one to confirm that the obvious attraction between us doesn’t exist rather than let him be the one to say it. Even as I nod, I know it’s not true. There is something between us. Something real. I felt it at the carnival and I can feel it now.
Rye is looking at me with that unreadable expression again, and as his eyes meet mine, I feel a pain inside of me as though my insides are being twisted. Is it happening? Is even liking him enough to slowly kill me?
No, this is called a broken heart, Sailor. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s the self-inflicted pain of letting yourself get your hopes up only to have them shot right back down again. You let yourself believe this god could like you, and now he’s confirmed he doesn’t, you’d rather pretend he does and that’s hurting you instead of just accepting the truth. You’ve got a teen crush that isn’t reciprocated. What’s that book called? Oh yes. He’s Just Not That Into You.
I stand up so abruptly I sway slightly on my feet. Rye jumps up beside me and steadies me.
“Easy there. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I lie, forcing a smile. “I just realized I’m late for class. Catch you later.”
I practically run away from him before I can say or do something stupid. I don’t look back at Rye. I can’t because I’m afraid of what I might see. I might see the same crushing disappointment on his face that I feel. Or worse, I might not. He might just be totally unfazed by it all and prove he doesn’t even care about me.
I don’t bother going to class. I’m already too late to slip in with a simple sorry. I would have to explain where I’ve been and I don’t have it in me right now to come up with a convincing lie. I’m afraid I’ll open my mouth and just burst into tears and embarrass myself. Instead, I head for the girls’ bathroom. I lock myself in one of the stalls. I wipe down the lid of the toilet and sit down, my face in my hands.
I try to tell myself this isn’t so bad. We’ll find a way to be together. For a moment, I allow myself to believe it. In all the books I’ve read, there’s always an obstacle that stands in the way of true love. Sometimes it’s another person. Sometimes it’s a misunderstanding gotten out of hand. This time, it’s a curse.
The hero always finds a way to defeat whatever is standing in the way of getting the girl, and they get their happy ending.
Except this isn’t a book and Rye isn’t going to find a way for us to be together, because he doesn’t want that. In real life, smoking-hot gods don’t end up with useless girls who can’t even begin to live up to everyone else around her. Gods end up with goddesses. And humans end up with humans. That’s just the way the real world works.
I tell myself I’m okay with that, but I’m not. I’ll have to learn to be though because nothing about this is changing anytime soon. I tell myself to forget about Rye. I’m just inventing more problems for myself. My focus has to be on finding the dagger and killing the horsemen.
I just about finished lecturing myself when I hear the bell and I stand up. A few girls come in, laughing and moving toward the mirrors. I sidestep to avoid them and move into the now full hallway. Instantly, I spot Sunday and Grace and I make my way through the crowd to them.
“Skipping classes already, huh?” Sunday grins as I join them.
“Something came up,” I say. “I can’t for the life of me fathom why you guys bother with high school though. I mean, is it really a priority for a god to know Shakespeare and calculus?”
Grace laughs softly.
“Nexus insists on it. She says it’ll draw too much attention to us if we don’t act like normal teenagers.”
“How very Twilight,” I joke.
“So, what was more important than Ms. Prince’s riveting history class?” Sunday asks.
I’m saved from having to think up a lie when Ya-Ya and Jinx join us.
“Sailor, be honest,” Ya-Ya demands. “Do I have eyeliner smudged beneath my eye?”
I study her perfect eyeliner and shake my head.
“No,” I say.
She swats at Jinx, who ducks and laughs.
“You’re going to pay for making me think I was a mess, Jinx,” she says.
She chases Jinx. Just ahead of us, the janitor, a sweet, gray-haired old man in blue overalls, is mopping up a spilled milkshake. He looks up abruptly as Ya-Ya and Jinx run past him.
“I’m glad you two have the time to mess around,” he says.
It takes me a moment to figure out what’s wrong with his voice. It’s a woman’s voice. A woman’s voice I vaguely recogniz
e.
“Nexus?” Jinx says, looking the janitor up and down. “You’re scraping the bottom of the barrel there, aren’t you?”
As Nexus responds to Jinx, a yellow bubble forms around us and the noise from the hallway fades out.
“Listen up, this is important,” Nexus says.
“I’ll go grab the others,” Sunday says.
“No, there’s no time for that. You can explain it to them later. I don’t want to spend any longer in this body than I have to, thank you very much,” Nexus replies.
“Why didn’t you just come to us as yourself?” Grace asks. “You could have used a glamor to fit in.”
“There are three things I don’t do. Hormones, germs, and homework, and this place is rife with all three,” Nexus responds with a visible shudder.
“And yet you make us come here every day,” Jinx points out.
“Yes. I thought you could do with learning that the world revolves around the sun rather than you, Jinx,” Nexus says.
“What is it, Nexus?” Grace interrupts before Jinx can respond. “Spit it out so this poor man can have his body back.”
“Poor him? What about poor me? Do you have any idea what Raymond feels like?”
Ya-Ya nods sympathetically. I am starting to understand why the team always talks in circles and takes forever to deliver information. With Nexus as their leader, it’s almost inevitable.
“Just tell us what you know, Nexus,” Grace prompts her.
“Alright, alright,” Nexus says. “Remember the Slip Demons you encountered in the woods?”
I nod. How could we forget those?
“It seems that the barrier protecting Whisper is getting weaker. You know what that means, right?”
I shake my head, pleased to see I’m not the only one. The others look as puzzled as I feel.
“Honestly. It’s like I talk and talk and no one listens. It means at least one member of the Boundless lives in this town. There’s talk of the Boundless getting closer to finding one of the seven stones. One of them having one of the stones would give them far too much power. You guys have to find out who it is and stop them.”
“Because we don’t have enough to do with training Clueless here,” Jinx says, nodding at me.
Grace frowns at him.
“Screw you, Jinx,” I say.
“Look, I wouldn’t have worded it that way, but Jinx is right, Nexus. We need to train Sailor, not to mention find the dagger and take down the first of the horsemen. And now you want us to go off on some wild goose chase to find one of the Boundless members as well?”
“It’s almost like it’s not fair, isn’t it?” Nexus says.
Ya-Ya makes the mistake of agreeing with her.
“I’m standing here in Raymond’s overalls with the worst comb-over I’ve ever seen and nails that haven’t seen a manicure in like twenty years. Life isn’t fair, honey. Get over it. Now get your asses in gear and find the Boundless, find the dagger, and kill the horseman. Damn, you guys go on like it’s hard or something.”
The janitor coughs loudly and looks at us in confusion as the yellow bubble melts away and the hallway comes back to life around us. I don’t know how long Nexus was talking to us, but it’s clear that not a second has passed in real time. The poor janitor is probably wondering why the hell he’s suddenly surrounded by a group of students who all look ready to kill him.
“You’re doing a great job,” I say lamely, patting him on the shoulder.
“Umm, thank you?” he says.
We start to move away from the janitor. Jinx looks back at him with a grin.
“For the record, I like your hair. Ignore what she says. It’s very 1940s sexy,” he says.
“Stop it,” I hiss.
Jinx just laughs and hurries ahead.
***
I try to focus as Sunday patiently explains the evolution of the gods to me for the third time. It’s like he’s moving his mouth but no sound is coming out. Or if it is, it’s in a language I just don’t understand. I feel bad for Sunday. He must have gotten the short straw to have the job of teaching me Avo history. I rub my hands over my face and through my hair. I am frazzled, a total mess.
“What is, Sailor?” Sunday asks.
I am horrified when his gentle tone almost brings me to tears. I swallow hard, making sure no tears can leak out. I shake my head.
“It’s this. All of this. I just don’t get any of it. And none of it is going in,” I say, gesturing toward the ancient book that sits between us. “It’s so much to take in and the more I try to concentrate, the less I seem able to grasp any of it.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” he says. “Just relax and breathe, okay?”
I nod and take a few deep breaths.
“I just don’t think I’ll be able to remember all this,” I say, feeling a little calmer.
“As long as you know the basics, we’ll be fine,” he tells me.
I wonder if that’s true or if he’s just trying to be nice. I hope for all of our sakes it is true, because what I said is definitely true. This just isn’t sticking. I’m pretty sure I know why, and it has nothing to do with the material or Sunday’s teaching methods. It’s Rye. It’s always Rye. Why can’t I just let him go like I promised myself I would?
“I’m sorry,” I say. “Can we try again?”
“Sure.” Sunday smiles.
He points to the first line of the text again, but before he can speak, we’re interrupted by a cacophony of noise as the rest of the team bursts into the games room of the cabin. The rest of the team except for Rye. I guess he’s avoiding me every bit as much as I’ve been trying to avoid him at school.
“We’re kind of in the middle of something here, guys,” Sunday says, clearly pissed off at the team for interrupting us.
“I know. Sorry for the interruption but this is important,” Grace says.
Sunday nods and she goes on, although now I feel like she’s addressing me rather than him.
“We found a possible location for the dagger,” she says.
I feel my heart start to beat a little faster, adrenaline coursing through my body. I am filled with nerves and, dare I say it, excitement.
“Where is it?” I ask.
“There’s an abandoned bus station on the edge of town. And if my sources are correct, then there’s a damn good chance that’s where the dagger is. We’ll have to go and search the place. Tomorrow night.”
“Why not now?” I ask.
“Because it’ll be easier to wait for nightfall. The darkness will help to conceal us from any nosey neighbors,” Grace says.
“Okay, that makes sense. But why not tonight?”
“Rye said tomorrow,” Grace says.
Suddenly, she won’t look me in the eye and I know she’s hiding something. I open my mouth to demand she tells me everything, but Aziza jumps in.
“I don’t know why we’re even bothering. Even with the dagger, it’s not like she stands any chance of killing the horseman. Look at her. She’s weak,” Aziza says, giving me a look of contempt for good measure.
I take a moment to get my emotions in check. If I bite now, then I’ll only prove Aziza’s point.
“And yet still I’m your only hope,” I say, keeping my voice calm. “So how about we make a deal? If you have nothing useful to say, then don’t say anything at all.”
Aziza glowers at me. Grace high-fives me, and Mel laughs out loud.
“She kind of has a point Z-Z,” Ya-Ya says.
“So she can make sarcastic comments. Wow, I had no idea we could use those as a weapon,” Aziza says.
“Seems like it hurt you,” Sunday says with a grin.
I feel better to know the rest of the team is on my side in this.
“I figure there’s only one way to solve this argument, ladies,” Jinx puts in. “The way any classy ladies do it. Mud wrestle in your underwear.”
Instantly, Aziza and I are on the same side as we both reach out to smack Jinx. He ducks away laug
hing. The whole team is glaring at him. He catches Sunday’s eye.
“Oh, don’t you start with the evils. You know I only said what you were thinking,” he says.
“Aren’t you late, Sailor?” Mel says.
“Late for what?” I ask.
“Your training session with Rye,” she says.
I look at my watch.
“Shit,” I say, getting to my feet. “Sorry, Sunday. Can we pick this up another time?”
“Yes, don’t keep Rye waiting. It would be horrible if he saw you as anything less than perfect,” Aziza sneers.
I decide not to take her bait and I just roll my eyes and hurry away. It seems Jinx is useful for something, because as I leave, he’s taunting Aziza, telling her she’s just jealous. I don’t hear her response, but I’m sure it’s not polite.
I hurry through the cabin and out the back door to the training room. From the outside, it looks like a small warehouse. On the inside, it’s like an armory. Shelves filled with all kinds of weapons line one wall, and the center is clear, a space for sparring. I’ve had one session already where Ya-Ya showed me the basics of how to hold a sword and how to use one. I’ll have some weapons training first, and then I’ll be trained in hand-to-hand combat.
I reach the warehouse and take a deep breath. I am the damn Paradox. I’m here to save the world, not get a date, and I’m certainly not here to get a lecture on my timekeeping. I step inside. Rye is facing away from the door but he turns around as I enter. He is wearing a pair of black combat pants and nothing else. My eyes go straight to his abs and I know instantly I’m in trouble here. Why does he have to be so damn perfect to look at?
“Nice of you to join me,” he smirks.
His arm moves and before I can really register what’s going on, a sword is coming at my face. I reach up and snatch it out of the air, more instinct than anything allowing me to make the catch.
“Nice,” Rye smirks.
“What the fuck! I get that I’m a little late, but that could have killed me,” I snap.
“It’s a training blade. It’s blunt. The worst it could have done was broken your nose,” Rye says. “Now are you going to stand there bitching, or are you going to make me pay?”
