“Now that was brilliant,” Josh scolded.
Refusing to look at Josh, or at the blood that was oozing to the top of his hand, Alec grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and applied a few seconds of pressure, but as his mind flipped through the details of the journey he intended to make, it suddenly occurred to Alec that checking himself out of the hospital was totally pointless if he didn’t have any clothes.
And he didn’t.
Shoes he still had, they were right by the side of his bed, but the rescue team had cut his shirt off the second the helicopter arrived in the hayfield. And who knew what had happened to his pants?
Groaning just from the effort it took to merely pull out the drawer to his bedside table, Alec breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that his watch, his wallet and his keys had all thankfully been preserved and sent to his room. But even with his finances intact, there was still no way he could travel all the way across the country in a hospital gown who’s open back left his bare butt exposed.
“Take off your clothes,” Alec said when he whirled back around to face Josh.
“The hell you say,” Josh boomed.
“I’m serious Josh, I’m going to need your clothes.”
“I’m beginning to think your concussion is more serious than they thought, little brother,” Josh insisted. “Because you’re a crazy man if you think I’m going to strip off right here and hand over my clothes.”
“Well I sure don’t have time for you to make the trip all the way back to your apartment for mine,” Alec argued as he strapped his watch on his arm. “In fact, I’ll be lucky if I can even get a flight out this afternoon, Josh. It’s the Fourth of July holiday weekend, remember? And even if I can get a flight out, who knows how many connections I’ll have to make or how long it will take me to get back to Charleston?”
Despite Alec’s urgent pleas, Josh still didn’t budge.
“Don’t you realize I’m fighting against the clock here? It’s already almost four o’clock in Charleston. That gives me just a little over twenty-four hours to travel all the way across country and make it to the church in time to stop the wedding.”
“You’re wasting your breath, Alec,” Josh practically yelled. “Because there’s no way in hell I’m going to be a party to this ridiculous damn plan of yours.”
“Hey guys, what’s all the fuss in here? We can hear you all the way at the nurses’ station,” the pretty redhead said as she poked her head around the door.
Josh barely acknowledged her arrival, but Alec looked at the woman as if the Virgin Mary herself had suddenly appeared to save him. “Come inside and close the door,” Alec urged, and though the redhead hesitated for a second, another look at Josh helped her make her decision.
“I’ll give you one hundred dollars if you’ll find me a pair of those scrubs they wear in the operating room,” Alec said with a gleam in his one good eye.
The redhead looked at Josh, then back at Alec. But she frowned when she noticed the abandoned IV tube that was currently dripping a steady stream of life-saving fluid into the floor. “Okay, what’s really going on in here?” she demanded, bringing her hands to her shapely hips. When neither of them had an immediate answer, she headed straight for Alec. “Now get back in bed, Mr. Southerland, so I can fix your IV tube.”
Josh sent Alec a satisfied smile until Alec grabbed the nurse’s hand and said in a pleading voice, “Have you ever been in love?”
She flushed slightly. “Not really,” she said, but she kept her eyes on Josh when she added, “At least, not yet.”
“But do you believe that everyone has a true soul mate?”
She looked back at Alec, and this time she didn’t even grimace at his horrible appearance. “Why, yes. I do believe everyone has a soul mate out there somewhere.”
Alec’s lopsided grin twisted his face into an even more hideous expression. “Well, so do I. And if I don’t get to South Carolina by five o’clock tomorrow evening, my soul mate is going to marry someone else. So, please. In the name of love. Find me something I can wear so I can get to the airport before it’s too late.”
Without another word the redhead hurried from the room and before Alec even had time to collect his shoes and the rest of his belongings, the redhead returned and held out a pair of pale green surgical scrubs.
“I could lose my job if anyone found out I willingly helped a patient discharge himself from the hospital,” she said when Alec grabbed the clothing.
“You have my solemn promise, I’ll never say a word,” Alec assured her.
“And we’re going to have to cut the left sleeve so we can get it over your cast,” she told Alec as she pulled a pair of surgical scissors from her lab coat pocket.
Alec reached up to yank off his hospital gown, but a frown from Josh stopped him before it was too late. “Guess I’d better start with the pants,” Alec told the nurse with a sheepish grin, then shuffled back to the bathroom trying to hold the back of his hospital gown together with his one good arm.
“Damn, no underwear. No socks,” Alec grumbled to himself as he finally got into the pants and slipped his bare feet into his loafers.
Tying the string that went around the waistband of the pants, however, was impossible. Shuffling back out of the bathroom with a half-bare chest, since his cast covered most of the left side of his body, he was still holding on to the strings when the nurse said, “Here, let me tie that for you.”
Alec then waited until she cut the left sleeve of the scrub top and helped Alec ease it over his head. “Well?” Alec asked Josh the minute his head popped through the opening, “Are you going to take me to the airport, or do I have to call a taxi?” It wasn’t until the redhead looked at Josh as if he were a traitor that Josh finally said, “Hell, why not, little brother? Far be it from me to stand in the way of true love.”
WHILE ALEC WAS MAKING a mad dash to the airport, Mackenzie was standing at the back of the church with Karen and two other bridesmaids, getting ready to make their third attempt at walking down the aisle to Angie’s satisfaction.
“Remember, pace yourself to the music,” Angie called out from the front of the church. “It’s important that you reach the altar at the exact time the music comes to a finish.”
Karen groaned, but only loud enough for Mackenzie to hear. “How long do you think she’ll keep this up?” Karen whispered to the back of Mackenzie’s head.
“Until we get it perfect, of course,” Mackenzie whispered back.
“But do you think we’ll ever be perfect enough for Angie?” Karen mumbled.
“Sorry,” Mackenzie said. “I’m afraid all brides become anal retentive when it comes to the most important day of their lives. And believe me, after the number of weddings I’ve already attended this year, I could write a book on the subject.”
“Great. And since Angie’s already a perfectionist, I guess that means we’ll still be standing here when the guests start arriving tomorrow.”
Mackenzie muffled a laugh with her hand. “Just keep reminding yourself that we love her in spite of this hell she’s putting us through now,” Mackenzie whispered back over her shoulder. “And if there’s any justice in this world, her time will come.”
Before Karen could comment, the organ came to life again and Mackenzie took a step forward with her hands clasped in front of her pretending to hold a bouquet like Angie insisted they all should do for optimum effect. Mackenzie was almost tempted to yell out a good old Southern “Yee-ha,” pretend to toss her imaginary bouquet over her head, and then do a series of acrobatic cartwheels down the aisle, but her love and devotion for the anxious-looking blonde who was standing at the altar held Mackenzie to the precision pacing she was doing now.
After all, like she’d just told Karen, tomorrow would be the most important day of Angie’s life to date. And like everything else in her carefully controlled life, Angie intended for her wedding ceremony to be absolutely perfect.
By the time the final bridesmaid made it to her
designated spot, Angie sent them all a contrite little smile and said, “Well, that was much better girls, but…”
“I’m over it, Angie,” Mackenzie finally spoke up in self-defense. “In fact, we all are. And if you continue to make us walk up and down this aisle for another hour, we’re all going to be late for the rehearsal dinner.”
Glancing at her fancy Lady Rolex watch, Angie let out a small sigh then looked around for John, who had become so bored with the entire ordeal that he was currently thumbing through a hymn book as if it were the latest edition of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
“Sweetie,” Angie called out, snapping John to attention. “I think we’re all wrapped up here. Could you go outside and ask the limo driver to bring the car around?”
Apparently delighted to have any chore that would put an end to the hours of endless rehearsing, John made a quick exit to summon his bride’s chariot to the church’s front steps. And Mackenzie quickly elbowed Karen, then nodded towards the front door of the church.
“If we hurry, we can at least ride to the restaurant in peace,” Mackenzie said, but as they attempted their escape, Angie called out behind them.
“I think Mackenzie and the bridesmaids should all ride to the rehearsal dinner in the limo with me and John,” she insisted, heading in their direction. “Because we still have a few things I think we need to work on, girls. Like the way I want you all to smile for the guests, for one thing. And especially you, Karen. You’ve had a perpetual frown on your face all evening.”
Karen sent Mackenzie a pleading look, but Angie quickly summoned her two cousins who were also acting as bridesmaids and herded them all down the aisle.
“Remind me to elope if I ever decide to get married,” Karen mumbled as Angie swept past them to lead the way.
“Don’t worry, I will,” Mackenzie assured her. “I’ll even pay your plane fare to Las Vegas if you promise I won’t have to attend the ceremony. In fact, I never want to hear the word wedding again as long as I live.”
“It’s a deal,” Karen said as the long white limousine pulled up to the curb.
“What’s a deal?” Angie wanted to know as she ushered her captive audience into her luxury carriage.
“I just made Karen a deal that I’d move out of the way so she could catch the bridal bouquet tomorrow,” Mackenzie lied and winked at Karen.
“You shouldn’t make deals you can’t keep, Mackenzie,” Angie said with authority. “Because I intend for you to catch the bridal bouquet tomorrow, even if I have to walk up and personally stuff the bouquet firmly down the front of your dress.”
AS THE LIMOUSINE WHISKED Mackenzie off to John and Angie’s rehearsal dinner, Alec was making his way toward the United ticket counter. He ignored the horrified looks people were sending his way, the same way he was ignoring Josh, who was still at Alec’s elbow griping about what he called the stupidest stunt Alec had ever pulled.
“I told you all you had to do was drop me off,” Alec complained when the ticket counter looming in the distance still didn’t seem to be getting any closer.
“And I told you I wasn’t going anywhere until I was sure you could actually book a flight that would get you to Charleston before the wedding,” Josh argued.
“Don’t worry. I’ll get there before the wedding one way or the other,” Alec said with conviction.
“But if you can’t, be prepared for me to take your sweet ass right back to the hospital, bucko,” Josh informed his brother with just as much conviction. “Because there’s no telling how much trouble we’re already in with the FAA, the National Transportation Safety Board, and the insurance company now that you’ve checked yourself out of the hospital against doctor’s orders.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll plead insanity,” Alec said.
“Like that would be a lie,” Josh jeered. “You’re borderline certifiable right now, man, and that’s the truth if I ever told it.”
When they finally reached the far end of the terminal, Alec took his place in line behind a zillion other anxious travelers, then glared at his watch that seemed to be devouring time in five minute increments. Thanks to their lovely guide, they had taken the back way out of the hospital, and as they made their long journey through the bowels of the hospital, the redhead had managed to extract a commitment from Josh to take her to dinner later that night for all of her trouble.
Unfortunately, once they’d said goodbye to the helpful nurse, the heavy downtown traffic had made a quick trip to the airport virtually impossible. And now that he was facing a long line ahead of him at the ticket counter, Alec was beginning to worry that he might end up right back in the hospital just as Josh threatened.
“Mommy, Mommy, there’s a monster back there,” a little girl who was standing only a few feet in front of Alec suddenly squealed.
Alec automatically turned around with everyone else to see what the child was talking about until it suddenly registered the little girl was referring to him.
“See,” Josh said with satisfaction when the mother pulled the child to her hip and moved as far away from them as possible. “Frankenstein ain’t got nothing on you, buddy boy.”
“Very funny,” Alec grumbled, almost relieved that his face was currently too purple for anyone watching to detect his embarrassment.
After another torturous thirty minutes, it was finally Alec’s turn at the ticket desk. And like the little girl, the preppy young ticket agent standing behind the counter looked as if he didn’t know whether to ask how he could assist Alec with his travel plans, or leave his station and run through the airport terminal screaming for help.
“I don’t have a ticket, but I need to get to Charleston, South Carolina as soon as possible. First class if you have it,” Alec told the young agent who was making a concentrated effort not to openly gawk at Alec’s mangled face.
The first class brought the lad’s eyebrow up a bit, and after punching his computer keys for several minutes, the young man sighed and said, “Sorry, but the first thing I have available in first class would leave at seven in the morning, with connecting flights in Denver and Atlanta, and arriving in Charleston by seven tomorrow night.”
“That’s not good enough,” Alec was quick to say. “Try coach, but book me two seats,” he added. “I’ll need the extra room with this arm in a cast.”
The young agent sent another wary look at Alec before he returned to his computer. After another few minutes of continuous typing, he looked somewhere over Alec’s head when he said, “I can get you out of Portland at eight tonight, but you’ll have a several long layovers, both in Chicago tonight and again in Atlanta tomorrow….”
“That doesn’t matter. What time will that put me in Charleston?” Alec interrupted.
“Two o’clock tomorrow afternoon,” the young agent said. “Of course, I hope you realize this is going to be very expensive,” he added as if he were talking to some derelict, which he probably thought he was from Alec’s current appearance. “Not only will you have to pay the last minute rates, but if you insist on booking two passenger seats….”
“I’ll take it,” Alec growled.
The agent sent Alec a condescending smile. “Sir, I’m not sure you fully understand what I’m trying to tell you. Two seats for such a short notice flight will cost you nineteen-fifty plus tax. And I don’t mean nineteen dollars and fifty cents.”
Alec slammed his gold card down on the counter with a thud. “I said I’ll take it. Satisfied?”
The young agent shot Alec a contemptuous look, then retrieved Alec’s card and checked the information carefully. Looking back at Alec he smiled. “I’ll need to see a photo ID,” he said as if he clearly suspected Alec of credit card theft.
Reminding himself it was only standard airport procedure to ask passengers for photo identification these days, Alec reluctantly pulled his driver’s license from his wallet, wondering if the fool actually expected him to look like the picture on his license in his current condition.
&nbs
p; “Could I see another form of identification, please?” the snotty agent insisted.
Alec sent him a one-eyed glare, then fished through his wallet until he found his pilot’s license. Let him suck wind when he sees I’m a pilot, Alec thought to himself, but the agent still didn’t seem convinced.
Of course, when he thought about it, Alec really couldn’t blame the poor kid for doubting his credentials. How many other pilots walked around the airport terminal wearing green surgical scrub clothes and looking like a reject from some Hollywood horror flick? None of the pilots Alec knew, and that was for sure.
But before Alec could try to explain his current predicament to the cautious young lad, the agent left without a word and quickly disappeared behind closed doors.
“Hey, what’s the big hold up?” an angry passenger yelled from the crowd at about the same time Josh walked up beside him.
“Trouble?”
Alec shrugged. “We’ll know if he comes back with the security police.”
“Calling security sounds reasonable enough to me,” Josh said with a grin. “Because I sure wouldn’t want to sit next to your scary butt on the airplane.”
Before Alec could come back with a smart reply, the agent returned and punched in a few more keys. “Has anyone given you any packages, or asked you to take a package of any description on board for them?”
When Alec assured the agent neither of those scenarios had taken place, the agent looked Alec up and down again before he asked with more than a hint of disdain, “You don’t have any luggage to check?”
“Sorry, but I didn’t have time to grab the poor guy’s clothes before I helped him break out of the mental hospital,” Josh spoke up, causing several people standing in line behind them to snicker.
The agent only snorted at Josh’s comment, but he eventually handed Alec back his ID, and when he finally produced Alec’s ticket, he said with an extremely strained smile, “Have a nice flight and thank you for flying the friendly skies of United.”
Driven to Distraction & Winging It Page 29
