by Shayla Black
But worse, he’d lost Jessica and Reid.
He deserved to lose Jessica. Hell, he’d never really had her. If she’d known about his secret life, she would have turned away. But Reid…he might not deserve Reid, but after twelve years with him, not sharing their lives openly was slowly killing him.
Gideon stayed perfectly still, not wanting to break the connection. The Dom in him wanted to simply order Reid to touch him.
Yeah, that didn’t work anymore. Trust was the key. And he’d broken Reid’s trust into a thousand pieces. How long would it take to get his life back?
“Dom or sub?” Gideon asked. Stick to the conference. It had only been a couple of months since they had started talking about anything outside of work. Gideon had been grateful for the day when Reid started using words with more than four letters and foul hand gestures to communicate.
“A pretty little sub.” Reid’s sexy whisper made Gideon wonder.
What did this sub look like? It had been a long time since he and Reid had a gorgeous female sub between them. After he’d agreed to marry Anna, they hadn’t played. Despite the fact that Gideon had never actually touched Anna and they had a discreetly open relationship, it had seemed wrong to him to bring a woman in.
Maybe the way to get back into Reid’s heart was to remind him of how much fun they’d once had. “Good. I wasn’t in the mood to give a stern lecture to a late Dom. I’d love to spank a sub though. It will be a good way to start the seminar right.”
Reid let his arm drift around Gideon’s waist. “Will you? You haven’t seemed terribly interested in disciplining anyone for a long time.”
“Can you blame me? I’ve spent all my time trying to get you to talk to me again.”
There was a long sigh, but to Gideon’s complete relief, he didn’t pull away. “I miss you. I’m tired of being apart. Are you finally willing to understand that Anna was a horrible mistake?”
“I know Anna was a mistake,” Gideon replied woodenly. He was back to being morose, though not for the reasons he suspected Reid thought. He could forgive himself for Anna. It wasn’t Anna’s blonde beauty that haunted Gideon. It was a petite, curvy thing with big blue eyes and chestnut hair that made his heart clench every time he thought about her. He shrugged out of Reid’s embrace. Maybe he wasn’t ready for this. “Is there anything to do before tonight’s mixer? The caterers have everything ready?”
Reid sighed. “Yes. Everything’s ready. I planned the menu myself. It will go smoothly, just like everything else. You’re running on fumes, you know.”
He turned and looked at his long-time best friend. They’d shared everything since they were nineteen. Well, everything except Anna, and that had been the trouble. Gideon had tried the vanilla route in public, and it had been a disaster. He’d tried to please his family and ended up hurting everyone he truly loved. He could still hear his father turning him out. His mother had cried prettily, but she wouldn’t take his phone calls even six months later. His brother had been well pleased. When Gideon had left the mansion he’d grown up in, his ex-fiancée had been at his brother’s side, her well-manicured fingers clutching his arm. Gideon still wondered how long his brother had been having an affair with Anna. The thought that his baby brother had outed him left him weary on the inside. It should have enraged him, but he’d simply felt hollow.
He’d buried himself in their legal business for the past six months. It had been damn good for the bottom line, even if it didn’t help him out emotionally. He kept up his obligations in the D/s community. Gideon couldn’t see what Reid was complaining about. If he wanted to brood, shouldn’t that be up to him? “What do you mean? You’re going to have to give me a list of grievances. I’m sure it’s long. Mind how you talk to me, though. I’m in a bit of a sadistic mood.”
Cool green eyes rolled. “See, you are the touchiest thing these days. I’m supposed to be the dramatic one in this relationship. I don’t like having to be the logical one. I’m not thoughtful, damn it.” He shook his head and started to walk away. “And I’m playing the Dom while we’re here, too. It wouldn’t do for the students to see me over your knee.”
Gideon felt a smile tug at his lips. Reid’s ass looked good over his knee. God, it had been so long. He was right, though. His switch of a boyfriend was firmly in Dom mode while they were here. Still… “I was thinking more along the lines of tying you to a St. Andrew’s Cross and taking out my frustrations.”
Reid shook his head. “Another time, lover. Somehow I don’t see me giving in quite that easily. Although later you might try. I’m going to see if our last guest is here.” Reid stopped. He turned and, despite his earlier protests, looked very thoughtful. “You know I love you, right?”
“Of course,” Gideon replied automatically. The fact that Reid loved him had been the one constant in his life for years. Even when Reid wasn’t speaking to him, Gideon had known deep down that he wouldn’t leave.
“Remember that.” Reid nodded cryptically and walked away. “And remember you owe me.”
He groaned and turned back to the delightful scenery in front of him. Reid was right. He was sleepwalking through his days. He couldn’t help it. Every time he let his mind wander, Jessica’s face showed up.
What was she doing now? Was she back in Alabama enjoying the day? Was she getting ready for a date?
He couldn’t help but think back to that fateful morning.
“Why?” she’d asked him the morning after they made love. She had pulled the sheet up over her breasts as though disturbed by the thought of him looking.
His first impulse had been to tear that sheet from her hands. She should never hide that body from him. That body belonged to him. It was his to look at. It was his to please and take his pleasure from and, oh, he’d had such pleasure from her. She’d been so soft beneath him. She hadn’t complained or questioned him. She’d taken the pleasure and the discipline he’d given her. She was the perfect submissive, just as he’d always suspected. She was perfect for him and perfect for Reid.
She didn’t even know about Reid.
Gideon had felt panic gnawing at him. He and Reid had hidden their relationship from her for years. She would walk out, just like his family had.
“It won’t work.” He’d forced himself to grind out the words. He wasn’t going through this again, he promised himself. Jessica was too sweet, too naïve to enjoy his lifestyle. It wasn’t fair to try to bring her into it. Just because she was submissive didn’t mean she could handle what he would demand from her.
“It worked fine last night in your office. It worked fine when I drove us back here,” she’d mumbled.
He could see her retreating. God, how was he going to deal with her in the office? How was he going to work with her every day and not take her again? How could he go back to being friends with her?
“It was a mistake.” He’d been in full-on protection mode. He couldn’t see her again. “I had too much to drink. I wouldn’t have touched you if I’d been sober. You’re not my type.”
The tears that had filled her eyes had almost done him in. He wanted to fall to his knees and play her supplicant for once. He’d held his ground. It was a case of being cruel to be kind. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew she’d been infatuated with him for a while. She had no idea he’d been half in love with her since the day they met, and she would never know. He had to let her go. She needed to find someone nice and normal who would buy her a house in the suburbs and never try to share her with his gay lover. His gut had rolled at the thought of Reid. Reid had been pushing him to get close to Jessica. Reid thought Jessica was the one.
Reid was going to be so angry with him, but he couldn’t do it.
“If you’ll give me a moment, I’ll get dressed and get out of here.” Her voice wasn’t quite even, but he could tell she was working hard to hold it together.
He’d nodded and left, planning all the while how to ease her out of his professional life.
He shook his head, coming out o
f the memory. The crazy part was he’d changed his mind almost immediately. After she left without a good-bye, he’d sat in his lonely house and thought about her. His daily life had revolved around Jessica. She’d taken care of the office and been the bright spot in his increasingly dark life. Jessica’s smile had been as necessary as a cup of coffee to start the day. By the time Monday had rolled around, he’d found himself waiting at her desk with a dozen lilies, ready to beg her forgiveness. He’d made the decision to ease her into D/s and gradually bring in Reid. She’d loved Reid. Maybe, he’d thought, maybe Jessica would understand.
Her resignation letter had been the only thing waiting for him on Monday. She’d sent it with Reid rather than facing him. That choice had saved him. She was smarter than he was. Still, he wondered if she liked her new job and if her new boss was nice to her. He missed everything about her. Reid had been the one to keep in touch with her. Gideon listened in when he knew Reid was talking to her.
It was better this way. She was far too soft to handle him.
And he was never going to change.
If there was anyone in the world who needed a change, it was Gideon. Reid couldn’t help but think about that fact as he walked through the lobby of his uncle’s ski resort. The Aspen Retreat was one of his favorite places in the world, and he couldn’t wait for Jessica to see it. He only hoped she didn’t get right back in her car the minute she realized Gideon was here.
He sighed. He also hoped Gideon didn’t punch him in the face when he saw Jessica. Gideon could be extremely indulgent with him, but he was pushing his Dom, and he knew it.
Theirs was an odd relationship. He wasn’t truly submissive enough to fulfill Gideon’s need to dominate, and Gideon couldn’t submit at all. They’d discovered ménages with female submissives filled the holes in their relationship. He’d always thought they would find a permanent third until the day Gideon told him he was getting engaged.
He’d almost left Gideon that day. He’d almost told the bastard where he could shove his vanilla, straight white picket fence dream.
And then Jessica had walked in for an interview. Perfect, sweet, submissive Jessica. He’d known then and there that this was fate, and he’d stood by the only man he’d ever loved. All through the two and a half years of Gideon’s “engagement,” Reid had stood in the shadows knowing the arrangement wouldn’t work.
Sure enough, it hadn’t.
Reid touched his jaw. There was a mirror over the registration desk and he studied himself in it. Gideon wouldn’t discipline him, though he probably deserved it. He really was too pretty to fight with. He made sure his black hair was perfectly mussed. It took an enormous amount of product to look that deconstructed.
The problem with Gideon was his stubbornness. He had a bit of a god-complex. What Dom didn’t? It led Gideon to believe he knew what was best for everyone. Gideon had made the decision that Jessica was better off without him, and he couldn’t be swayed. Jessica had made it easy on him by taking herself out of the equation. But if Gideon had to deal with Jessica in an intimate situation, he wouldn’t be able to help himself.
He caught sight of her struggling up the steps with her ridiculously oversized trunk. She was wearing a skirt and heels to a place where half an inch of snow was practically summer. Still, his breath caught. She was the sweetest thing. It went far beyond her luscious body and pretty face. Jessica was funny and kind. She was one of those people who lit up a room when she smiled. Gideon might think he knew what was best for her, but Reid knew better.
She was the one, and he intended to prove it.
What was life without a little risk? He moved to open the door for her.
He was making a big bet and gambling everything, but she was going to be worth it.
She smiled brightly and immediately threw herself into his arms. She was a soft armful in the parka he’d insisted she buy. “I’m so glad to see you. I thought I was going to fall off that damn mountain. I shouldn’t have come by car. I should have rented a mountain goat.”
He chuckled and enjoyed the feel of her pressed against him. He needed her softness the same way he needed Gideon’s tough exterior. “I don’t think a mountain goat could carry you and your luggage, love. I thought you were staying for the week, not moving in.” He looked pointedly at her trunk.
She wrinkled her nose at him. “It’s my only good piece. It’s antique Louis Vuitton. My very fashionable grandmother left it to me. If I’m going on a trip, it’s coming with me. I’m not a ‘pack light’ kind of girl. Besides, how do I know what I’ll need?”
“Sweetheart, this is a BDSM seminar. All you need is some rope and a pair of stilettos,” Reid quipped, loving how she blushed. Her face always flushed when he shocked her. He tried to do it on a regular basis. “See you don’t need to wear clothes to change colors. You’re the sweetest pink right now.”
She laughed and playfully struck his arm. She went on her toes and brushed her mouth lightly across his. God, she wouldn’t do that if she knew how hard it made him. His dick was standing at full attention. He took a step back and prayed she didn’t look down. She took off her coat, and Reid practically drooled. She wore a tight V-neck sweater that showed off her breasts to perfection. He wanted to reach out and cup them. He intended to reveal his plans to her, but the lobby wasn’t the place to do it.
“Do you want to see your room?”
“Lead on,” she purred, thrusting her arm into his. “I’m excited.” Her blue eyes were wide as she took in the place. “You really grew up here?”
“Only during the summers.” Reid paused, letting her take in the lobby. It was what he liked to call rustic elegance. “It was cheaper than summer camp. Mother thought I could learn a thing or two from my uncle. Of course later, when I came out, she blamed the whole mess on him. Apparently spending summers outside the city makes one gay. You know these wilderness folks, they’re all flaming homosexuals.”
“Yes, I’d heard that,” Jessica replied, playing along.
It was so good to see her smile. Was he doing the right thing? She was starting to get over Gideon. Did he have any right to throw her back in?
He had a sudden attack of conscience. He didn’t like it.
“Damn it.” He stopped in the middle of the lobby. He had to warn her. Anxiety suddenly tightened his gut. “Sweetie, I have to tell you something.”
She was staring straight ahead. She wasn’t flushed now. She’d gone stark white.
“Gideon’s here,” she whispered.
Reid followed her eyes. Gideon stood watching them, the darkest look on his face. Oh, he was in for so much more than a spanking.
“Yes, Gideon’s here,” Reid agreed. “Please forgive me.” He hoped Jessica would, because there was not a hint of forgiveness in Gideon’s eyes.
1
Jessica felt her heart pound at the sight of him. He looked dangerous even though he was wearing a perfectly sedate black sweater and black jeans. His sandy blond hair was starting to curl around his ears. He would cut it soon. He never let it get too long. She’d been his assistant long enough to know his habits. It was on the tip of her tongue to beg his forgiveness. She hadn’t meant to move into his space.
“What is she doing here?” Gideon asked Reid. His gaze slid off her like she wasn’t there.
Apology forgotten. She clenched her fists even as she promised herself she wasn’t going to punch him. She would be a lady. She would be polite and not let him know how much his dismissiveness hurt her.
“She signed up for the seminar.” Reid’s voice was even, but she saw the fine tremor in his hand. He quickly shoved them in his pockets.
She watched Reid because it was easier to look at him than to see the coldness in Gideon’s eyes.
“And how did someone like Jessica know about the seminar?”
Reid actually swallowed before answering. “She saw the material at a club I took her to.”
“You took Jessica to a bondage club?” The question came out as an
angry shout.
“I told him I would go on my own if he didn’t take me.” She didn’t like the thought that Reid was going to get in trouble for helping her. Though he and Reid were friends and partners, she’d noticed right away that Reid tended to defer to Gideon. She wasn’t sure why he’d hidden Gideon’s presence from her, but he’d been nothing but kind to her up to this point. She was willing to listen to Reid’s explanation before making a judgment about his motivations. “He didn’t think it was a good idea for me to go alone.”
Gideon’s jaw clenched. It was a sure sign he was angry. She’d seen him have the same expression with more than one client who turned out to be guilty as sin. “It was a stupid idea. It was an idiotic thing to try. Those clubs are hard core. The men there will eat you alive.”
“I acted as her Dom,” Reid explained, sounding annoyed. “No one is going to question me. No one bothered her. She just wanted to try it.”
Gideon squared off with Reid. “Good, she tried it. Now she can get her ass home where she belongs.”
Angry tears sprang to her eyes. “No. I signed up. I got here. I’m taking these classes. I have every right. Reid is the teacher. You can’t kick me out.”
Gideon laughed, a sound that held not an ounce of humor. “Reid is the secondary teacher. He’s my assistant. This is my seminar, and you are not welcome here. Get your stuff and head home.”
Gideon turned, having made his decision. He simply began to walk away with no further discussion. A righteous anger suffused her. She wasn’t going to meekly walk away. He couldn’t act as though she didn’t exist. Jessica calmly took off her red three-and-a-half-inch J. Reneé pump. Reid’s eyes were large as he realized what she was about to do.
“You don’t want to do that, Jess.”
Oh, but she did. Remembering everything her father ever taught her about pitching with power, she shot a fastball special right at Gideon’s retreating figure. It hit the back of his head with a satisfying thud. For a moment, she was perfectly content with her rebellion. Then he stopped and turned around.
