by Saxon Andrew
Another giant robot was rolling on the other side of the table and it said, “I’m Robby and the same goes with me. I’ll take it personally if you don’t have an extraordinary evening.”
He looked at Britt and said, “That’s some serving staff you have here.”
“They’re more than servants. They have been with my parents since they fled from Britannia when it was attacked by the Core Aliens. They’ve changed a lot over the years with constant updates, but I consider them close friends. They’ve always been here since I was born.”
Bob replied, “Thank you, Britt. We feel the same way about you.”
Funny Man saw the others were waiting to start eating until everyone was served. He looked at his plate and saw the knife and fork. He could not remember what purpose they served; he’d been eating with his hands for a very long time. He looked at Britt and his brow furrowed. “Ahh, that’s what they’re used for.” Everyone picked up their forks and Funny Man adroitly cut off a piece of the meat.
Britt leaned in and whispered, “You got all of it that fast?”
Funny Man nodded and whispered, “Being a telepath does have some advantages. Learning to do things doesn’t take long.” He lifted the piece of steak and put it in his mouth. He immediately froze…then started slowly chewing.
Taffy looked at him and asked, “Is everything all right?”
Funny Man continued chewing and held up his hand. He swallowed the steak and said, “This taste is…is…incredible. I’ve never tasted anything this good.”
“I’m glad you like it,” Taffy replied.
He took another bite and closed his eyes as he savored it. The entire meal was almost a religious experience. He finished and shook his head. Cami looked at him, “Why are you shaking your head?”
“Because this meal will spoil me. It’s going to linger in my memories for a very long time.”
Taffy leaned over, put her arm around Cami and kissed her on the forehead, “Cami, don’t make our guest uncomfortable.”
Funny Man looked at Taffy and said, “I understand you’ve adopted Cami.”
Taffy smiled, “Yes, we did.”
Candy spoke up, “RJ and I asked her to allow us to adopt her, but she refused.”
Funny Man looked at them and then turned back to Taffy, “I understand why.”
“WHAT?!” Candy asked instantly.
Funny Man turned to her, “You wanted her, but Taffy loves her.”
“Just how do you know that?’ Candy asked. “Did you look at her thoughts?”
Funny Man raised a shoulder, “You don’t have to be a telepath to see this. A blind man would see it. I would not be so inconsiderate as to look at any of your private thoughts.”
Taffy smiled broadly, “Even if you don’t decide to help us, I will always treasure what you just said. Thank you.”
Cami was staring at him and asked, “Have you decided?”
Taffy looked at her and said, “Stop it!”
“But we need to know Mom!”
Taffy’s eyes moistened and she said, “That’s the first time you’ve called me that.”
Cami hugged her across their chairs and smiled, “It won’t be the last.”
Grady looked at Funny Man and asked, “Is there an issue?”
He shrugged and said, “Let me tell you why my name is Funny Man.” The room grew silent and he began, “Until I was twelve-years-old, I didn’t really try to hide my telepathic talent. Many of my parent’s neighbors began questioning them about how I knew so much about what was going on in their lives. My parents just shrugged it off but there was some unhappy people living around us. One day in the sixth-grade, I heard one of the bad-asses in my class thinking about beating up a boy that sat next to me after school. I asked him why he was going to beat Ronnie up and Ronnie heard me. Needless to say, Ronnie beat a hasty retreat from school and avoided being attacked. Since he wasn’t available, the bad-ass and four of his associates decided that I would take his place.”
He paused and Taffy asked softly, “What happened?”
“They beat and kicked me so severely that I had to be taken to the hospital. The entire time they were hitting me, the leader kept saying, ‘So you’re the funny man!’. Every time he kicked me, he’d say, ‘Laugh at this Funny Man!’”
Grady stared at him and asked, “Was anything done to them?”
“They were all expelled from school, but I heard the principal asking my parents while I was recovering from the beating at home about how I knew they were planning to beat up Ronnie. He said that all five of them swore they never said anything about it.” He paused and said, “I did not want to answer that question. So, as soon as I could walk, I left home before the Principal could ask me. I’ve lived in the streets from that moment until now.”
“Why would you do that?” Taffy asked. “It had to hurt your parents!”
“I used my telepathy to listen to them talking and it appeared a number of the neighbors had stopped the principal and told him about weird things I knew about them. I decided I was not going to put my parents in jeopardy by trying to explain my behavior and it would have come out that I’m a telepath.” He turned to Grady and said, “My name was Funny Man after that event and it constantly reminds me that no one, and I do mean no one, is safe. If you don’t know my real name, you won’t find my parents.”
Cami stared at him, “You must love them very much.”
He turned to her and shook his head, “You do ask the most vexing questions.”
Grady said quietly, “You must know your parents are in danger.”
“No, I don’t! New Britannia’s Navy is the most powerful in the galaxy; I’m sure you can handle this situation.”
Grady stared at him and said, “Look at my mind.” Funny Man’s brow furrowed, and his eyes narrowed. “I mean it! Look at my innermost thoughts!”
Funny Man stared at Grady and then his brow furrowed slightly. Everyone was silent and ten minutes later, Funny Man said, “You’re lucky to be alive.”
Taffy nodded, “We’ve been very lucky to have survived this long.”
Funny Man turned back to Grady, “You’re consumed by fear.”
“I am.”
“You genuinely think there’s a good possibility that mankind will be exterminated.”
“I do.”
“Even with all your wealth, your main concern is saving those that are in danger.”
Taffy said, “It’s not what you have; it’s who you have with you that’s important.”
Funny Man looked at Britt, “I see where you get it.” He turned back to Grady, “Ok, I’m in. But the way you’re going about getting telepaths to join you isn’t going to work.”
“WHY NOT?!” Cami asked.
“Because you’re too nice! You’re pleading with them to do the right thing and telepaths have never done the right thing. You’ve got to reach them with something they can understand.”
RJ said from across the table, “Then you should be the one doing it.”
Funny Man turned to RJ, “You must be the smart one of the bunch.”
“Oh?”
“I saw in Britt’s mind that one member of his family is brilliant. You just cut through everything with that statement.” He turned to Britt, “Am I right?” Britt nodded.
Cami interrupted in a soft voice, but everyone at the table heard her, “Someone else needs to take my place anyway.”
Grady turned to her, “Why?”
“You and Mom are going to have a meeting with the leaders of the Colonies in a week and I must be there with you.”
“I ask you again, why?” Grady responded.
“Because they have to know the danger the aliens represent, and we must start a search for telepaths in the Colonies. I can show them the thoughts of those aliens so they can understand.”
Taffy looked at Grady, “Did anyone write down what those aliens thought?” Grady shook his head. “Then Cami is right, the only way they’re going to believ
e us is to hear it from her.”
Grady turned to Funny Man, “Are you willing to help find other telepaths?”
“If there are any more out there, I can try.”
RJ spoke up, “There’s more! A lot more!”
“Are you sure about that?”
“The fact you’re here confirms it. They’re just ignoring us and refusing to talk with us.”
Funny Man shrugged, “Ok. Care to tell me what I’m in for.”
Cami spoke up before his question could be answered, “Why do you wear a hat at the dinner table. I’ve been told that’s impolite.”
Taffy rolled her eyes and he replied, “I never take my hat off.”
“Why not?”
“CAMI!”
Cami turned to Taffy, “I really want to know.”
Grady chuckled and added, “You’ve made me curious and I’d like to know as well if you’re willing to tell us.”
Sweets said from across the table, “And I want to know too.”
Funny Man sighed, “Being a telepath means hiding and keeping a low profile. If anyone sees my hair, they won’t forget what I look like. So, I keep the hat on.”
“Show us, Pleeeese!” Cami asked. Taffy didn’t stop her because she was curious as well.”
Funny Man shook his head and Britt said where everyone could hear, “You do not have to take your hat off.”
Funny Man looked at him and said, “What the hell!” He took off his hat and his ponytail fell out of it down to his shoulders. His hair was so blonde it looked white. He saw everyone staring at him and said, “Tell me you wouldn’t remember me if you saw my hair!”
Cami stared at him with wide eyes and said, “That’s amazing!”
Sweets remarked, “I wish my hair was that color!”
Funny Man turned to her shaking his head, “You don’t need to change anything. You’re perfect just the way you are. Changing any of it would not improve your looks.”
Sweets smiled, “I look like my mother and grandmother.”
“The same is true of them,” Funny Man replied. He pushed his ponytail on top of his head and put his hat back on. He turned to Grady, “What happens now?”
“We weren’t certain about finding any other telepaths, so we’ve not started building quarters for them to stay. If you don’t mind, for the near future, I hope you’ll stay with us. You’re going out with Britt each morning and that will make things simpler.”
“Do you have room for me?”
Britt said, “We have eight bedrooms that are unoccupied. You can pick the one you want.” Funny Man looked nervous and Britt asked, “What’s wrong.”
“You told me this house was computer controlled. I don’t want to wake up after talking in my sleep and have the computer making the bed with me in it.”
Everyone laughed and Britt replied, “I’ll teach you how to use the systems and how to shut them down.”
Grady smiled and said, “I didn’t answer your question about what happens next. As of this moment, you are inducted into New Britannia’s Navy with a lieutenant’s rank. You will be paid and provided room and board once we build the facilities. Thank you for agreeing to help us.” Funny Man nodded as the others started asking questions.
Chapter Six
The next morning Britt and Funny Man ate breakfast and headed up the stairs toward the roof. They arrived at the shuttle and found Sweets and Linda Kay awaiting them. Sweets smiled and asked Funny Man, “Do you know what you’re going to say?”
“I really haven’t given it much thought.” Sweets’ eyes narrowed and he raised his shoulders, “I do my best work thinking on my feet. If I planned something it would just come out as a stilted speech. If there’re any others out there, they’d just ignore me.”
“You still don’t believe there are others?” Linda Kay asked.
Funny Man shook his head, “There’s just been no evidence of them.”
“What do you mean by evidence?” Britt asked.
“I’ve never heard the thoughts of another telepath. That sort of control for all the years I’ve been on the fly is just…difficult to believe.”
Sweets interjected, “Have you ever broadcast your thoughts?”
“Well…no.”
“Why not?”
“I thought I was the only telepath on the planet; who would I be broadcasting to? And I learned early on that to broadcast to any normal person was a recipe for disaster.”
“Perhaps all of them learned the same lesson and refused to use their talent.”
Funny Man sighed and said, “You may be right about that, Linda Kay, but I just find it hard to believe that someone didn’t slip up. That makes me doubt there are others in hiding.”
“Shouldn’t you have been able to hear Cami when she was a baby?”
“No, Britt. When I was very young the power of my talent was a shadow of what it grew into. It grew as I grew up. To hear a very young telepath would require one to be close to them…very close. I must say that the power of Cami’s mind is amazing considering her age.”
“We need to get started,” Britt said and entered the shuttle. The others followed him in, and Funny Man sat on the front row with Sweets and Linda Kay. “Don’t you need to move to the back of the shuttle to focus or something?” Linda Kay inquired.
“No; is that what Cami did?” Linda Kay nodded. “That explains it.”
“Explains what?” Sweets asked.
“I wasn’t kidding when I initially contacted you. Cami’s thoughts were louder than a siren and she did it every day. I grew tired of it and decided she needed to tone it down. All I need to do is think normally and they’ll hear me…if they’re out there.”
Britt looked over his shoulder, “It’s time to start.”
Funny Man shook his head, “No, we should move further.” Britt’s eyes narrowed and Funny Man chuckled, “I could hear Cami the moment she started screaming from here until she moved around the curvature of the planet. There was no way to stop it. It’s not like you can put your fingers in your telepathic ears; telepathy doesn’t have a way to lower the volume.”
“Tell me when?” Britt responded.
“You might stop the ship while I’m broadcasting and then move around the planet until we’re over the curvature.” Britt nodded. Funny Man sat in his chair for a few minutes and then started sending his thoughts.
• • •
“I know if there are other telepaths out there you’ve been bracing yourselves for the daily screaming you’ve endured for more than a week. Relax, the screaming is over. I suspect you’re wondering who I am and where did the girl go. I’ve taken her place for the time being and I won’t be yelling at you.” Funny Man paused and then continued, “I was just like you hiding out in plain sight, but I couldn’t endure the screaming anymore and told her to cut it out. That’s all I intended to do but I was curious about another telepath suddenly showing up. I’ve always thought I was the only telepath on the planet. She persuaded me to meet her and I agreed mainly out of curiosity.”
“I only intended to take a good look at her and then go my merry way, if you consider being homeless and living in the streets a merry experience. But I looked in her mind and changed my mind. I went with her and had a discussion with the one’s that sent her out to try and find other telepaths. One genius among them insists that there could be a huge number of telepaths on New Britannia and, though he made a good case for his belief, I still have my doubts and think that I’m probably talking to an empty room. However, I agreed to go out and try to talk with you.”
Funny Man paused and then continued, “If you were able to hear over the screaming what the girl was saying, she’s right. I really thought it was all a plot to lure me in and put me in a private community on a deserted island to keep me away from the normal ones. I was wrong as well. I’m not going to continue to bore you; but I wanted you to know that I’m just like you. I’ve been hiding and running to avoid being discovered.”
He pa
used again and said, “But…I was wrong, and she was right. There is an imminent threat to our planet and it’s coming faster than you know. An aggressive species from another galaxy is coming and they intend to disintegrate everything and everyone on New Britannia. Their ships are not detectable and the only way they can be seen is by a telepath. This species also has a form of telepathy which makes them easily heard over long distances. I know, I know, you’re probably laughing at me just like I did. But you’re wrong; they’re coming!”
Funny Man paused for a very long moment then said, “So, from where I sit, you have two, and only two, options. Your first option is you decide I’m full of crap and continue your normal lives. I do recommend that if you should choose that option and there’s anything you’ve put off that you’ve wanted to do, you should go ahead and do it quickly; you don’t have much time.
Your second option is to contact me and join the effort to stop the coming attack. I suspect most of you couldn’t care less about the Normals on the planet; I feel that way. If you won’t do it for them, do it for yourself, unless you’re ready and willing to die. I have to confess that there are a couple of normal people that I don’t want to see burned by nuclear fire and that’s what pushed me over the edge to agree to help in the effort. Whichever option you choose I really wish the best for all of you. If you’re out there, we share a gift and a curse; you’re like brothers and sisters I never knew existed. For me, I’ve decided to fight for you as well as every other person on New Britannia. Send me a thought if you will as well.”
• • •
They sat in silence and Linda Kay was shaking her head, “I don’t know if anyone could have said it better.”
Funny Man turned to her, “I don’t hear anyone responding.”
Suddenly, they heard two thoughts come in together. They stopped and one of them said, “WHO ARE YOU?!”
“HELL WITH THAT, WHO ARE YOU?!” the other voice replied.
Funny Man instantly interrupted them, “Are you contacting me because you want to help us?”
One voice answered, “Are you absolutely certain New Britannia is going to be destroyed if we don’t?”
