Sugar Baby

by Robin Roseau

  Her mother invited us to dinner. I think everyone was shocked when they saw her. And so that was several lasts all at once.

  We hired a company to help, at first coming in just every few days to check on her. And then every other day. And then every day.

  We had our last serious conversation, and it was about her sister. “Don’t let her push you around,” she told me.

  But an hour later, her lawyer arrived. They sent me to the store for an errand. It wasn’t the first time that had happened, but that was the last.

  After that, I was afraid to leave the house. I begged others to run our errands. Surprisingly, Lynette showed up every few days with fresh groceries. She spent a little time with her sister and spoke very little to me, which was probably best. But she told me each time she came, “If you need to get out for a while, I’ll stay with her.”

  I thanked her for that, but told her, “I don’t want to be gone, not for longer than a walk to the mailbox.”

  At that, she only nodded, but she offered each time, anyway.

  And then there were the remaining lasts. There was the last time we shared a passionate kiss. There was the last time she talked to her mother.

  And then the day came that the nurse said, “It might be time to make some phone calls.”

  I nodded and made three, first to Cherlyn, and then to Lynette and Nan.

  * * * *

  Cassidy woke that afternoon. I was lying with her, holding her hand and listening to her breathe. She turned her head and smiled. “Hello, my sugar baby.”

  “Hello, my amazing wife,” I replied.

  “I love you so much,” she said.

  Then she closed her eyes, having spoken her last words.

  Wednesday

  Cassidy Marie Hart died at 1:47 PM on a Wednesday afternoon in May. We’d been married for eleven months. She took her last breath while held in my arms and surrounded by a very small group of friends and family.

  Part Four

  Lawyers

  Cherlyn helped me get through the next couple of weeks. The arrangements had already been made, so there was little to do in those regards. I tried to be strong, but I failed miserably. I don’t know what I would have done without Mom.

  The first few days were rough, but I knew what I needed to do. It was what came after those first days, when I found myself alone at home, and I didn’t know what to do.

  I was sure there was something I should do, shouldn't I?

  I stood at the center of the living room, looking around. What am I supposed to do?

  I was still there ten minutes later, and ten minutes after that.

  For the first time in years, absolutely years, I had no clue what I should be doing. I’d had school, and responsibilities. I had studying to do, or planning to see Cassidy, or something.

  I had nothing, and I didn’t know what to do.

  I finally shook myself. I wandered to the bedroom. I stared at the bed for a while. And then I took a blanket and went back to the main floor. I wrapped up in the blanket and cried myself to sleep on the sofa.

  Other than trips to the bathroom, and I think maybe a trip to the refrigerator once or twice, I was still there when Cherlyn arrived the next afternoon. I didn’t even notice until she knelt down before me.

  “Hi,” I whispered.

  “Darling,” she replied.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I whispered.

  “I know,” she said. “When is the last time you showered?”

  “Did you just tell me I smell?”

  “No, but let’s say you’re not looking your best, and maybe a shower would feel good.”

  I turned away from her and stared at the ceiling for a while. “She’s gone.”

  “I know.”

  “She’s not coming back.”

  “No. I’m so sorry, Astrid.”

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “I know. For now, it’s one thing at a time, Darling. So you’re going to get up and take a shower. You’re going to get dressed, and by the time you’re done, I’ll have made us a little something to eat.”

  “The fridge is full. People kept shoving more and more food into it.”

  “Then we’ll go through it and freeze some,” she said. “But I’m not doing it for you. We’ll do it together. Now get up, Astrid.”

  I did, then shambled upstairs for a shower and tried not to cry.

  Then, with just a towel wrapped around me, I stared at my closet. That’s where Cherlyn found me next. She stepped up behind me and set her hands on my shoulders. “Oh, Darling. It gets better. I promise.”

  “Everything in this closet she bought, every last stitch. Do you notice anything?”

  “It’s nice clothing?”

  “She stole my grubby clothes. I’m pretty sure they’re around here somewhere.”

  “She liked looking at your legs,” Cherlyn said. “I don’t particularly blame her. Do you?”

  “I suppose not.”

  “White blouse and a simple skirt,” she said. “Here.” She stepped past me and picked things for me. I was able to pick underthings myself and then slowly dressed. I turned to look at Cherlyn. She stepped closer and put her hands on my shoulders again, this time facing each other. “It gets easier.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because billions of people have experienced this before, and nearly all of them survive. Most even thrive, after a while. I’m not saying it’s easy, Astrid. It hurts. It hurts a lot. But you have good people in your life who will help you.”

  I didn’t say anything, but I took a half step forward. She wrapped her arms around me, and for a while, I just wanted to be a little girl and have my Mommy take care of me.

  * * * *

  We had something to eat. Then we went through the food, sealed a lot of it, labeled it, and moved it to the freezer. Then Cherlyn sat me down at the table. She took my hands and then asked, “What needs to happen?”

  “I don’t know.” I looked around. “I signed a pre-nup. I don’t even know if this house is mine. We didn’t talk about that.”

  “It’s yours until you hear otherwise,” she replied. “But maybe don’t make any changes that can’t be undone.”

  “I suppose.”

  “You’ve spent the last year taking care of Cassidy. Now it’s time to start taking care of yourself, Astrid.”

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  “Well, let’s identify the basics. Exercise. We’re going to go for a walk. It’s a start. Proper diet. Decent sleep. Mental stimulation.” She looked around briefly. “And you have to decide if the house is healthy for you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This was Cassidy’s house, and everywhere you look, you’re going to be reminded of her. That might be good, but you might wallow because of it. When I got here, you were wallowing.”

  “Are you blaming me?”

  “No, but it’s not healthy.”

  “I suppose. Are you telling me to sell the house?”

  “No. If you don’t want to stay here, though, you don’t have to. You have other choices. You don’t have to decide this minute, and you aren’t making permanent decisions.”

  I looked down, not sure what to do.

  “Let me tell you something else. This may not be true about you, but I think it is. It was certainly true about me until I was a bit older than you are now, and I still find it is true sometimes. When we’re young, most of us live our lives based on pleasing others. It starts with our parents, and then our teachers.”

  I knew immediately that was true about me.

  “You went from home to school. Even when your parents dropped you, you still had the expectations of the college. Then you added Cassidy’s expectations, and I think you’ve made a lot of your choices based on that.”

  “I suppose.”

  “Well, you still have people with expectations. I have expectations. Maggie does. I wouldn’t be surprised if some members of
Cassidy’s family have expectations.”

  “Probably.”

  “But you don’t answer to any of us, Astrid.”

  “I’m pretty sure I haven’t stopped calling you ‘Mom’.”

  “And you know I love you for it,” she replied. “But you do that by your own choice. Here’s my point. Yes, I have expectations for you, but you need to be aware of what you’re doing. You need to be aware if your choices are because you’re still trying to please your birth parents, or me, or friends, or teachers, or Cassidy. And if you are, and it’s what you want, that’s fine. But you don’t owe any of them anything, not even me.”

  She let that sink in. I thought about it and said, “Does that mean you won’t help me?”

  “No, Astrid. Of course I’ll help you.”

  “I think right now I need you to help me figure out what to do.”

  “I think you’re right,” she said. “But this is temporary, Astrid. You’re going to get back to standing on your own two feet.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “So it starts with going for a walk with me.”

  “All right.”

  “It’s a little dreary out. You’ll want a jacket.”

  “All right.”

  * * * *

  We went for a walk. We didn’t talk very much, but when we got home, I said, “I think I should stay here.”

  “All right. But you’re not sleeping on the sofa anymore.”

  “I don’t want to sleep on her bed.”

  “All right. So you’ll use the bed in the guest room for a few days. Yes?”

  “I guess.”

  “Let’s make sure it’s ready for you.” And then we didn’t wait. She led the way, and I followed.

  Together, we changed the bedding and aired the room out. Then, also together, we went through the house. I vacuumed. We put a few things away.

  She stayed for a few more hours, and then she went home.

  I slept in the guest room. Mom had told me to.

  * * * *

  I went for walks, twice each day for the next couple of days. Then Cherlyn said, “Come for dinner. Do you want Maggie to pick you up, or are you able to drive?”

  “I’ll drive.”

  I took hugs, and we had an easy meal then watched a little television together. When I got home about ten, there was a car in the driveway, and it was blocking the garage stall. I parked beside it, and that was when I found Lynette going through some of Cassidy’s papers.

  “What are you doing here?”

  She turned to me and looked at my coldly. “This isn’t your house. I should ask what you’re doing here.”

  “It’s mine until the lawyer tells me otherwise,” I said. “Which you know. This is my home, and you’re not welcome. And those are not your papers. Please leave.”

  She stared for a while then stood up, leaving the papers spread about. “We’re meeting with the lawyer on Monday. This isn’t your house. You signed a pre-nup, and I am going to make sure you’re stuck with it. I know who you are, Astrid Ann Ahlstrom. Don’t think I don’t.”

  And then she marched from the house.

  * * * *

  Oma Desmond, Cassidy’s lawyer, told me to arrive at nine. Everyone else was coming at ten. She sat me down, asked me if I needed anything, and then said, “I have been Cassidy’s lawyer for several years. It wasn’t until the last few years that she had significant work for us. Prior to that, she had us review a few contracts and see to a boilerplate living will, but that’s about all.”

  “All right.”

  “Cassidy has already paid us for the work we’re doing on your behalf.”

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  “Well, to some extent, it means you can’t fire us, although you could hire additional lawyers, if you don’t believe we fully represent your needs.”

  “I don’t understand that, either. Is there a problem with the pre-nup?”

  “There are no problems,” she said. “But Cassidy warned me her sister wasn’t the easiest person to deal with.”

  “You can say that again.”

  “Also, we know everything, Ms. Hart. Everything.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means we reviewed the contract with Gentle Affection.”

  I went cold. “Oh,” I said.

  “We don’t judge, Ms. Hart,” she said. “Or blab, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I’m not worried, I guess. If I hadn’t signed up with Gentle Affection, I never would have met Cassidy. But I don’t understand something. You’re Cassidy’s lawyer, and now aren’t you the lawyer for the estate?”

  “I am your lawyer now, Ms. Hart. Cassidy was quite clear. For now, as far as we’re concerned, your interests and that of the estate are one. If we ever determine that is no longer the case, then we remain your attorneys, and we will refer the estate to another firm. I do not anticipate that.”

  “That seems…”

  “There would be a conflict if you were at odds with the estate, or the goals of your wife. You’re not.”

  “Oh. All right.”

  “So, speaking as your lawyer, when we meet with everyone, I want you to keep your mouth shut.”

  “I shouldn’t say hello?”

  “You may make the smallest of small talk. You may say you miss your wife. You should otherwise say as little as possible. Some of the people coming are friends. Some may act like it, but they are not. They are opponents. Do you understand.”

  “They’re going to fight me on the pre-nup?”

  “Cassidy was worried they would not respect the will. I’ve met Lynette, and I happen to share the same concern. I know the other members of the family only in passing, but I don’t know how two sisters could be more different.”

  “All right.”

  “Good. There is video we’ll be playing. If you cry, no one will blame you. We’ll have tissues ready for you, and if you need a break, you only have to ask for one.”

  “I’ll make it through.”

  “All right.”

  * * * *

  They kept me separate from the others, and everyone else was already in the conference room when Oma’s assistant walked me in.

  I’ve never been looked at more coldly in my life, and it wasn’t just Lynette. It wasn’t all of them, but most, perhaps. Nan offered a sad look, but it wasn’t one that suggested she was on my side.

  Great. Lynette had poisoned all of them against me.

  We took our seats. I had the center, with a little distance from Lila and Lynette. Oma introduced herself and said, “We don’t necessarily always do it this way. It’s not normally like they show on television. However, Cassidy wanted you all to see this together.” She nodded, and then a television screen behind her came to life. She rolled out of the way, and then Cassidy came on the screen.

  “Hello, Darling,” she said while looking straight into the camera. I immediately choked back a sob. “I know it’s hard. Try not to cry.

  “I assume that Mom and Lynette are here. There might be a cousin or two as well. I want you all to know, even though we didn’t always get along, I love all of you.”

  Cassidy smiled. “I’m sick. I’ve been sick for a while. When I met Astrid, I thought this was licked. I was wrong. Astrid didn’t know until I told her the day of our wedding. I was ready to cut her loose. I didn’t want to put her through what would happen next. Instead, she asked if I wanted her, and then she said we were getting married. And so we did.”

  She took a sip of water. Lynette muttered something under her breath. I didn’t quite hear.

  “Astrid and I met under unusual circumstances and are perhaps not society’s view of a proper relationship. Frankly, I don’t care. She is my wife, and I love her. I hope everyone understands that.

  “There was a prenuptial agreement. It addressed our financial agreement if Astrid and I separated or divorced. But that isn’t what happened. The prenuptial agreement intentionally did not ad
dress my death. At the time she signed it, Astrid did not know I was sick, but I certainly did.”

  Lynette began howling, even before Cassidy finished. She stood up and began screaming at me. Oma’s assistant paused the recording. Before she stormed from the room, the two clearest phrases were, “Money-grubbing, gold-digging whore,” and, “I’ll see you in court.” And then, yes, she stormed from the room, everyone staring at her. In the doorway she spun and pointed at me. “I told you what would happen if you found a way around the pre-nup!” And then she spun and was gone.

  The tirade got my back up and helped me to end my tears. “I signed the papers Cassidy told me to sign,” I said in a soft voice. “And not once did I pressure her to change them. And in case anyone is wondering, I’d rather have my wife back than all the money in the world.”

  “So would I,” Lila agreed. “What does the will say?”

  “There isn’t much left of the video,” Oma replied. “Starr, go ahead.”

  Ah, that was her name. Starr. Oma’s assistant hit resume play. On the screen, Cassidy told everyone how I had stood by her, and then paused for a moment. “No one else needs the money, and so I am going to do what anyone would do. I am leaving my entire estate to my wife, Astrid Ann Martin Graves Hart. I do hope the rest of you will respect my wishes. I love you all.”

  Then she bowed her head, and a moment later, the recording ended. The room was quiet for a minute, and then Lila asked, “That was made last year when she still looked healthy. How did she know her wife remained with her?”

  “Because I visited monthly,” Oma replied. “And in between, I talked to the medical professionals. I also talked to some of you, who while unhappy that Cassidy had married someone so young, expressed praise for how Astrid was seeing to her. If Astrid had not taken such care of her wife, Cassidy would have had every opportunity to make changes to her arrangements. Instead, she ratified them every time we met.”

  “That’s why you always sent me away,” I said.

  “Yes,” she confirmed.

  Lila nodded and then slowly climbed to her feet. “Let’s go,” she said in a commanding tone. The rest of Cassidy’s family followed her from the room, although a few shot me accusatory glances. I eventually turned away but didn’t understand why they hated me so much.