A Uniform Approach

by Andrew Elstone

  He had his hair gelled and was wearing a collared shirt that looked a bit big for him, which was saying something.

  The minister addressed the room and invited everyone to sit down. I sat with my family a few rows behind Benjamin, who was surrounded by aunties and uncles, half of which he probably didn’t even know he had. I’m his best mate, but suddenly Uncle Gus and his varicose veins was more of a VIP than me, the kid who once took the blame in year 1 for peeing on a seat that Benjamin had been responsible for soaking after one too many Yakults.

  As the service went on, my mind wandered which I felt pretty crappy about, but then again there was still a lot going on in my life. There was this new program in school that I was being accused of brainwashing everyone else with, setting up the athletics carnival. I was even going to ask Dad to lend me a fiver to get a new school skirt as I was tired of using the one given to me by the school office.

  As the service ended, we all went to the church hall for food and drink and to talk to people we’d never see again. I kept trying to find Benjamin, but he was busy getting over-patted by random mourners, and Mum and Dad were occupied helping Benjamin’s Dad organising food and drink, making sure everyone had a bit of everything.

  I went up to the tray full of sausage rolls and drowned one of them in tomato sauce, ready to shove it down my gob in one big hit. Just as I shoved it in there I noticed a presence looming over me. It was the minister. Benjamin had mentioned him before, that he was an odd bloke, with a big bald head and wore flannies to make it seem as if he could pass off Jesus as something young people get into, as if he could tell bible stories like they were One Direction songs.

  “Seems like you’re making the best of a tough situation there, mate.” Oh goodness this guy was as lame as Liam Burnes. I wonder if they both buy their clothes at the same sad store.

  “Yeah,” I said, hoping to seem disinterested enough that he’d leave me alone. A trick I’d learned from Dad whenever he went to a school function and didn’t want a bar of any of the other parents.

  “I take it you’re Benjamin’s friend. He’s mentioned you before at youth group. You should think about popping along one day; you’ll have a blast!”

  I wanted to turn him down, but didn’t have the heart. There was something about this guy’s eagerness that made me want to tell him what he wanted to hear in order to get him to sod off.

  “Could be cool,” I said trying to sound into it. “What do you do there?”

  “We play games, sing songs, talk about God.” He paused for a moment. “I take it this is all foreign to you, aye. That’s fine, you’re welcome here if you are full of questions, full of doubt, or full of faith.”

  I looked at him now not exactly knowing what he was going on about.

  “Sorry there father, I don’t exactly know anything about this stuff,” I said hoping he’d dumb it down for me a tad.

  “All good mate. Just thought it’d be nice to have you along. The past week he’s been raving on about his best mate Riley taking on the kids in the playground in his skirt.” I knew full well

  Benjamin made up a lot of stuff, but I didn’t mind the idea of being thought of as some skirt-wearing superhero.

  “Just thought it’d be nice to have someone that awesome spend time in an awesome group like Friday night SMASH.”

  I assumed all those letters stood for something pretty cringeworthy and didn’t want to find out what, so I changed the subject quicker than you could say kit & kaboodle.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I said.

  “You just did!” the minister replied quickly, looking unnecessarily pleased with himself.

  “Right. I was just wondering, you were saying how awesome this church is and how awesome the group is.”

  “Where’s the question there, Riley?”

  “If it’s all so awesome…” I then turned to Benjamin, who was looking like a stunned mullet in a circle of relatives all looking down to him. “Why did this happen?”

  The Reverend nodded understandably and he let out a small sigh.

  “I won’t pretend like there is a simple answer to that question. There are many reasons. But ultimately it is through our suffering that we understand how valuable we are. And we feel connected to God most when we are upset, and when we acknowledge we need his help.” I smiled and nodded, pretending that that was an acceptable answer, and who knows maybe it was and I was too dumb to realise. But I was here today to be a friend, not to be a genius.

  “I’d better go back to see if Benjamin’s ok. You seem alright in my books though. I might come out to this youth group thing, who knows.”

  “That sounds like a yes to me. We’d love to have you. And if you like I can meet your parents also, if that would make them more comfortable if they knew more about what we were about.”

  I grinned like a goose and sent him a quick line. “Trust me, the less they know the better.” The Reverend met my grin with one of his own; this clearly wasn’t his first time chatting to a nonbeliever.

  I looked over at Benjamin, looking like a loner in the corner, not even digging in to any of the sausage rolls or caramel slices that were circling him. I hated it. And I thought taking it out on the Reverend would make everything better.

  “You know what? I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but I gotta say, if God exists, he really sucks.”

  The Reverend didn’t seem insulted at all. I thought that would send arrows through him, but he still stood tall and took a sip of his cup of tea and looked at me with a more serious look, the kind Mr Symonds would give me whenever he caught me chewing gum in class.

  “I’m not going to stand here and tell you that he works in mysterious ways, or that there is a special reason why this is happening to your friend and his family. But people need to find meaning in what we go through sometimes. And whether or not you see that as being God or not, that’s fine. You’re only a little’n. But you need to find meaning in something.”

  He put out his hand and looked me firmly in the eyes. “It was a pleasure to meet you Riley.”

  I shook his hand and met his confident stare. “Yeah, you too mate.”

  I went to walk towards Benjamin whilst going to the sausage roll tray on the way over to stock up and turned back quickly to the Reverend. I still had a lot of questions for the guy. Like what he thought of Miss Walker getting married to Aisha, or what he thought about me wearing a skirt. Scott McElroy always said that stuff wasn’t looked at very well by churches and stuff like that. But right now that would have to wait because the Reverend was right about something; people need to find meaning in stuff, to feel like they are important.

  It’s partly why I wanted to wear a skirt a few weeks back. I wanted to feel like I mattered. Ben didn’t have a skirt, but he had me and hopefully that is meaning enough for the time being. That’s when I realised this church stuff might be useful for him, might help him feel like he means something. Ben needed a skirt, and maybe this churchy stuff was the key for him; it was his skirt.

  Although hopefully not quite as daggy as the one the flower arranging lady was wearing.

  Chapter 13

  “So a lot’s been going on, it seems!” I really didn’t have a clue how this geezer got a job here; he’s an absolute cheese ball of a person. Of course a lot had been going on, but he didn’t need to rub it in like Mum does when she belts sunscreen onto our bare backs at the beach. My best friend’s going through the worst of times, my skirt keeps getting caught on the fence as I walk through the front gate, my PE teacher is being accused of being some kind of gay-marriage witch doctor, my Dad’s still unemployed and I still haven’t figured out how to do that bloody greenhouse effect project for Mr Symonds. It’s more like everything’s going on!

  “Yeah, you could say that.” Given Mum treated killers and nasties for a living I knew never to reveal too much to these shrinks; they use stuff against you. Although Liam did seem like he was legit wanting to help, I just wished he’d understand I d
on’t need another mate at the moment. I just need the one mate I’ve got, not this dropkick.

  “How are you finding the safe-living program?”

  He asked hoping that I’d rant and rave about it. I hadn’t given it much of a thought. Between funerals, gay kiwis and athletics carnivals, I pretty much had my hands tied. That said the longer I stayed in his office the longer I could put off getting back to science class.

  “It’s alright I guess. Something I don’t get about it though.”

  “Oh?” he said glad I was getting involved in the chat for once.

  “Yeah, Mr Symonds said it was for everyone. Not just the gay kids.”

  “That’s right. I mean it’s for those who don’t identify as being with the gender they were born with, your peers who are attracted to the same sex, and of course those who are just exploring their identity.”

  “What about kids who just want to get through the day?” Word vomit. I didn’t mean to say that now I had opened up a can of smelly, festering worms that I wouldn’t be able to chuck back in the tin by any means.

  “What do you mean exactly, Riley?”

  What do I mean? I mean the kids getting red bull slosh spat on them at the canteen, the kids whose mums are dead, who’s looking out for them?

  “I’m not saying the program isn’t great or anything. I think it’s good to like people even though they are different. I don’t think Miss Walker is any worse off than my Mum or Dad just because they are both girls. And I don’t think Benjamin is better than me because he wears shorts. I just think everyone is making too big a deal of it all.”

  Liam put his notepad down and stopped taking notes. I think for once he was actually trying to listen to me.

  “It’s like a guy I was talking to the other day said, we all want to find meaning in what we’re going through. I think this program is good for helping us kids to do that. I’m just angry because it’s not so simple for other people.”

  “And by other people I assume you mean Benjamin?” he said aptly.

  “Yeah.”

  I don’t know what I was more shocked by, the fact that Liam and I had actually made some progress, or that I’d actually taken on board something that a Reverend had said.

  “I think that’s what we want you all to do. You’re all growing up with so much technology and little gadgets that we never did, and we want you to use them safely and respectfully. And we want kids who might be on the outside, feel like they don’t have a door keeping them from the inside.” What he was saying half felt like rubbish but half like gold, but hey if I expected anything better from this guy maybe he wouldn’t be working as a shrink in a public school.

  “And I know that you’ve heard what some of the other kids have been saying regarding your new choices in uniform.”

  “And about Miss Walker?” I said feeling it to be important that she was included too.

  “Yes and Miss Walker,” he said even though he was kinda meant to leave the teachers out of it. “I hope you don’t think the school is forcing you to be anyone, or making you two models we want everyone else to be like. We want our students to make their own decisions, and once they do that we want them to have our full support.”

  I felt slightly at ease after hearing him say that. It felt good having him say something that was meant to make me feel better, not just keep me on his side or to make himself look cool to me. After we finished the session, I walked out of class and instead of walking back to Mr Symonds’ science class I breezed by the main oval and saw Miss Walker was still setting up some equipment for the athletics carnival tomorrow. She was humming some song from an era that she was sure to tell me I should know more about, without a care in the world. “Hey stranger!” she said to me seeming actually pleased to see me.

  “Hi Miss,” I said. I didn’t have anything else to say really, in fact I forgot why I came over to begin with, or if I had a reason in the first place. Anyway, she was on the front foot.

  “Did you need something?” she said with a tone that suggested she was worried Scott McElroy had given me a royal hiding.

  “Not really, Miss. Today, I actually got exactly what I needed.”

  Chapter 14

  Since Benjamin moved back in with his father, it seemed like everything had gone back to normal in our house. Mum would come home late and would bring a bag of yum-cha. Dad still sat on his arse watching Studio 10 all day. Rachel sat in her room, devouring people on social media and I was happy as Larry just being a part of it.

  Tonight, we were all parked in front of the telly watching Q&A and I was watching Dad’s blood actually boil as the show went on. I was never fully in the loop about what the hell they were actually jabbering on about half the time, but it appeared like they are worried about new people arriving to the country by boat, and I don’t think they meant the ones that dock into Sydney harbour and are featured on Getaway. Now they were having a discussion about gay marriage.

  “Mum?” I said

  “Yes, Love?” she said, seeming glad I was engaging in the show.

  “Why don’t you and Dad know any gay people?”

  They both looked at each other stunned about the question.

  Dad responded first. “There was a guy at me call centre who was gay. Or at least I think he was; it would explain all the David Beckham posters he had on his desk.”

  Mum giggled and so did I, but I’m not sure why. Did Dad think soccer was something gay people did or something?

  Mum stepped in to correct the record.

  “A few of the guys I went through uni with were gay, but back then it wasn’t acceptable. People were afraid of homosexual people.”

  “Why?” I said. Did they have some kind of evil superpowers or something?

  Dad now put in his two cents. “People are afraid of things they don’t understand, or know anything about.”

  “Is that like how you’re afraid of those people coming in by boat?”

  Everyone paused and looked at Dad, knowing full well that I’d outsmarted him and called him out. “He’s got you there, hun,” Mum said with a smirk that was pretty much a non-physical way of giving me a high five.

  Dad now seemed pretty eager to change the subject, which showed as he then asked me something about school which was a topic he usually liked to pass by quick smart!

  “All excited for the athletics carnival tomorrow?” Mum rolled her eyes and smiled knowing full well he was trying to come up with any excuse not to respond to my question.

  “Yeah, Benjamin and I have put in some hard yards setting up for it.”

  “Competing in any races?” Now it was getting embarrassing how much he was pretending to care.

  “Nah, maybe just in the three-legged race or tug-of-war.” I couldn’t run to save my life; even though I was skinnier than an old scarecrow I could barely muster the strength to run a mile.

  “And how is that Miss Walker going? She’s a gay person we know I suppose, ha-ha.”

  I wouldn’t go so far as to say that she and Dad ever hang out, so claiming her as a gay person he had on speed dial was a bit of a long bow to draw.

  “She’s good. Her partner, or wife I guess is really nice too.” I immediately realised they weren’t supposed to know we met them at the bowling alley and snuck out that night.

  “A few of the kids at school are saying stuff about her though. And me,” I said to distract them. And it did. Mum and Dad immediately perked up in their seats with fury.

  “What are they saying, love?” Mum said which was trumped by Dad’s roaring,

  “Who’s been bloody spouting stuff at you, Riley!?” his was more of a demand than a question. I suddenly felt like either confessing everything or peeing my pants, although given I was still in my school skirt there were less barriers than when I used to wear shorts…

  “Oh, nothing. Forget I said anything.” Knowing full well that wouldn’t be enough to fend them off.

  “Riley, who’s been saying stuff?” Dad wasn’t go
ing to ask a third time without completely losing the plot, so I gave in. All I needed to say was one name, and it would say a thousand words. How did I get from having checkmated Dad watching Q&A to being forced into talking about school? Either way, it made no difference. I gave Dad the name: Scott McElroy.

  Dad then went to the number one response in the parental handbook and thought to call up Scott’s father to tear him a new one. Mum was more reasonable and rational, responding more like a psychologist than as a mother. They were both talking over one another at me, Dad just yelling like a loony street preacher and Mum giving me instructions on strategies to resolve conflict. And so I thought to myself that I’d do something I felt like I hadn’t done in ages.

  “Guys, I have a big day tomorrow. I’m going to bed.” And though they weren’t quite finished for the night, I definitely knew I was.

  Chapter 15

  I woke up extra early in the morning at 5:30 am, and snuck into Rachel’s room, knowing full well that not even New Year’s fireworks could wake her from her coma. I went to her chest of drawers and took the navy blue athletics skirt she wore for hockey, and then made a run for it. I went in front of my mirror and tried it on. And I looked pretty darn cute If I do say so myself. I wore my red school shirt as it was house colours today and my house wore red. In those fancy books, Mum read the women always wore red when they were deemed to be evil, and that was the way I was feeling knowing that today was going to be another day that everyone stared at me thinking I was from Uranus, and not in the funny way.

  Mum promised to make me lunch today as opposed to just chucking a bacon and cheese roll from bakers delight into a brown-paper bag and flicking me loose change to buy potato chips from the canteen at recess. When I finally got downstairs, she made me a jam sandwich, some carrot sticks and a chocolate yoghurt ‒ and of course a Bakers delight roll too as it was going to go off after today and Mum wanted to get rid of the thing.