Sage Advice

by Katie Graykowski

  So she wasn’t upset about the arm. That was good. “It’s deodorant and body wash. My assistant is bringing some over. Maybe I’ll share it with you.”

  “You’re moving grooming products in? Crap, you really are moving in.” She shook her head. “I’m not giving you any drawer space, and my closet is my own.” She huffed out a breath. “I have a guest room. You can put your stuff in there. But you’re only staying until we watch all of the seasons of Game of Thrones. I mean it. I don’t care how angry those Halloween kids are. You’re going home after Game of Thrones.”

  They would see about that.

  An hour later, there was a knock on the front door.

  Chloe picked up the remote and hit pause.

  Pierce rolled to his feet. “I’ll get it.”

  “Now you’re answering my door?” She sighed. “If it’s the angry Halloween kids, I’m not saving you.”

  “That’s not very nice.” He loved their banter. He couldn’t remember having ever bantered with anyone before.

  He checked the peephole. His assistant stood out there next to Sweet Louise. Neither one of them looked too happy. “It’s Sweet Louise and Karen, my assistant.”

  Chloe threw the blanket off of her and looked like she was trying to stand.

  “Sit, sit. There’s no need for you to get up.” He opened the door.

  He hadn’t expected her to comply, but she did. That was the thing about Chloe—just when he thought he had some part of her figured out, she proved him wrong.

  Sweet Louise waited for Karen to walk in first, and Karen waited for Sweet Louise.

  “Karen, I insist.” Sweet Louise gently pushed Karen inside.

  “Thanks.” Karen, his motherly assistant and confidante, placed his duffel bag next to the sofa. She held out her hand to Chloe as she looked her over. “Hi, I’m Karen.”

  His assistant could be overprotective, but she loved him in the way she loved the five sons she’d raised.

  Chloe shook her hand. “Chloe. It’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry Pierce put you to all this trouble, but I can’t seem to get him to leave. He’s like a stray cat that I fed, only he fed me and went grocery shopping.” She glanced at the bag Karen had dropped. Her top lip curved into a snarl. “He’s moving in with me, isn’t he?”

  Karen busted out laughing. “I like you.” She turned to Sweet Louise. “Good choice.”

  Sweet Louise shrugged. “I have a gift.”

  Chloe held up her hands. “Wait, I think you’ve got the wrong idea. He just feels guilty … seriously guilty. In addition to groceries, he also bought me a new dishwasher and installed it himself. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I never have enough dirty dishes to necessitate a dishwasher, but even if I tried, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care.”

  Karen sat down next to Chloe. “Until five seconds ago, I’d have told you that he doesn’t do guilt, but now I can’t say that.” She leaned in close to Chloe and stage-whispered, “He likes you. No amount of guilt would have kept him here overnight.”

  He felt his face heat up. Sweet Louise must have caught his blush, because her shoulders shook with silent laughter.

  “I still can’t figure out how he can look so good after having slept in his clothes.” Chloe pointed in his general direction. “I mean, seriously, does he even have pores? His skin is flawless.”

  Karen nodded. “He has a pretty aggressive skin-care regime. It’s a multistep process. I brought all of it.”

  He threw his hands up. “I’m standing right here.”

  “A regime. That’s quite a commitment. I have more of a skin-care chaos method. You know, like, I buy lots of creams and then I don’t use them.” Chloe grinned. “He smells good too. Does he have a smell-good regime too?”

  Chloe was so fixated on his appearance, he mashed his lips together to keep from smiling. It was both annoying and fantastic. She might not like him as a person, but she liked the way he looked and smelled.

  “Hon, I’m so glad you’re better.” Sweet Louise sat down on the foot of the chaise. “I don’t know if you remember, but I came to the ER to check on you.” She looked up at Pierce. “I brought an ice chest full of food. Would you mind getting it for me?” She tossed him her key fob.

  He caught it, but he didn’t want to leave even for a minute, because he knew they wouldn’t hesitate to talk behind his back. Hell, they’d been talking about him in front of his face.

  He didn’t exactly run out to Sweet Louise’s Caddy, but it definitely qualified as race-walking. He grabbed the giant ice chest out of the trunk, closed the trunk, and balanced the ice chest on the trunk while he locked the car.

  He carried the ice chest through the front door and rested it on the kitchen counter while he unpacked the various covered dishes and zip-top bags into the fridge.

  “And then there was Lovely Devine. She might have been the stupidest person I’ve ever met.” Sweet Louise sighed. “She was a stripper, of course. Her real name was Lovely Devine. She was born with it. I know, because I checked. But she was so stupid that she took the name Jenny Devine as her stage name.”

  “Wow. She was born with a stripper name and then thought it was, what, too stripper-y or not stripper-y enough?” Chloe laughed.

  He could stand to hear that sound every day for the rest of his life.

  He almost dropped a bag full of meatballs and marinara. That was … he didn’t … the guilt really must be getting to him, because he’d never had any sort of urge to spend any length of time with anyone.

  He just needed to take a step back. Just because he liked her laugh didn’t mean anything. True, he’d never really liked any sound more, but that was beside the point.

  It was just guilt, and he really wanted to help her because she’d taken the blame for his mistake. He wasn’t actually developing feelings for her. That wasn’t possible. He did feel more for her than he had for Brittany, but it was different. He took a deep, calming breath and let it out slowly. It didn’t work. He wasn’t calm, and he kind of liked it.

  “The press is camped outside of your house,” Karen called to him from the living room, “which is surprising considering that you live in a guarded, gated community. They are really worried about your fake sister. You’re going to need to speak to them before they find out where Chloe lives.” She glared at him from the sofa. “And they will find out who Chloe is and where she lives.”

  He hadn’t thought of that. Thanks to Game of Thrones, he’d now seen how that whole incest thing worked. He gagged a little. Jaime and Cersei were brother and sister and were also lovers. The gagging got worse.

  “Are you okay?” Sweet Louise walked into the kitchen.

  “Yes, I’m fine.” Except that he wasn’t fine. He now had to help Chloe find a fake fiancé, who would probably kiss her in public … a lot. Every molecule in his body already hated the man, and he hadn’t even found him yet.

  “You look really mad,” Sweet Louise whispered. “How could you be mad at Chloe?”

  “I’m not. I just realized that I have to do something I don’t want to do.” It shouldn’t have bothered him, but it did. He wanted to be her fake fiancé, and not only to help her but also because they could spend more time together.

  Sweet Louise leaned in even closer. “You’re falling for her.”

  “I am not.” But he was. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours, and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. This was bad … very bad.

  “It looks like you really hate that idea.” She pulled him into a hug. “It’s scary and exciting and awful and wonderful all at the same time. I knew that if you took the time to really see her, you’d be good together.”

  “She doesn’t take me seriously.” He hated the weakness in his voice.

  “Until last night, you didn’t take yourself seriously. Give her time.” Sweet Louise dropped her arms. “For now, just be her friend.”

  “I am,” he bit out. And that meant he’d have to find her someone to fake love. “I’m g
oing to go take a shower. I put all of the food away. Can you stay until I get out? I’d like to make sure she takes it easy, but I have a feeling that if you two left, she’d throw my things outside and change the locks while I’m showering.”

  “I have a feeling you’d just come in through a window and change the locks back.” She patted his cheek. “I like seeing you like this. She makes you a better man.”

  He didn’t know about that, but he hoped it was true.

  Chapter 8

  Chloe waited for the guest bathroom door to close and looked directly at Sweet Louise. “Seriously, why won’t he leave?”

  She wasn’t helpless, and thanks to the prescription Ibuprofen she was taking, her foot didn’t hurt that much.

  “He’s worried about you.” Karen laughed. “I’ve never seen him worried about anyone but himself. It’s nice.”

  “Yes, but his guilt is starting to smother me.” She was no one’s pity project. She had some pride; it wasn’t much, but she did have some.

  “If you think guilt is the only thing keeping him here, you’re not as smart as I thought you were.” Sweet Louise sat down next to Karen.

  Chloe shot Sweet Louise a yeah-right look. “Just because he hit me with his car doesn’t mean we’re going to fall madly in love. In my experience, happily ever after is a delusion.” She put her hand over her heart. “I’ve been clinically trained in delusions.”

  And her parents liked them some delusions. Her father thought the world revolved around him, and her mother thought the world revolved around her. Only one person at a time in the same family should be a narcissist.

  Karen sat back and looked like she was carefully picking her words. “I’ve known Pierce since he was little. I have five sons, and Pierce and my Ryan and Cooper were inseparable. Pierce lived most of his childhood at my house. His mother left when he was less than two, and his father …” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “He drank a lot, yelled a lot, and knocked Pierce around a lot.” She threw up a hand. “I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel sorry for him, but I want you to know that he doesn’t have experience with love. He has a hard time trusting people.”

  Chloe felt her heart break for him, but it wasn’t pity. She knew what a hard childhood was like. Her parents hadn’t yelled, they’d just frozen each other out. Navigating her parents’ marriage was like juggling live grenades with her eyes closed.

  Part of her wanted to believe that Pierce felt something other than guilt and pity for her, but she liked living in reality and not a rom-com. She knew she could trust Sweet Louise, and she hoped she could trust Karen. “He’s helping me find a fake fiancé.”

  Sweet Louise tilted her head to the left like she was trying to process the information. “Come again?”

  Chloe told them everything, including Dr. Van Card’s grisly demise.

  “Okay, um …” Sweet Louise looked like she was trying to wrap her head around it. It was funny to watch Sweet Louise be speechless.

  “Yes, I created a fake boyfriend who turned into a fake fiancé.” Neither one of them had probably ever needed a fake boyfriend.

  “So he’s helping you find a real fake fiancé.” Karen laughed. “I can’t wait to see how this turns out.”

  “I guess since everyone thinks you’re brother and sister, he can’t do it himself,” Sweet Louise said.

  “He did get down on one knee and fake propose over breakfast.” Chloe smiled at the memory.

  “What did you do?” Karen matched her smile.

  “I laughed so hard that orange juice shot out my nose. It was painful, but I couldn’t stop laughing.” She couldn’t help but laugh now.

  “What did he do?” Karen sat on the edge of her seat.

  “He couldn’t believe I said no. Then I pointed out that someone like him ending up with someone like me doesn’t happen in real life, and I reminded him that everyone thinks we’re related.” She shook her head. “Don’t read into it that I have low self-esteem, because I don’t, but come on, he’s gorgeous. We exist in two different universes.”

  “That’s not true.” Karen tried to sound convincing but didn’t.

  “I wouldn’t have set you two up if I didn’t think you’d end up together.” Sweet Louise was convinced. “Don’t put yourself down.”

  “I’m not … really. I know what I am and what I’m not. I’m comfortable with myself.” Why did being realistic always make other people uncomfortable? “I appreciate Pierce’s help. Otherwise, I would have to hit up RentAFiancé.com. And yes, it’s a real thing.” Only romantics believed that average ended up with perfection.

  Karen pulled her smartphone out of her purse. “I’m sure he’ll want to pull from the team first.” She thumb-typed something. “Here’s the team’s website. I’ll pull up his closest friends who aren’t attached and see if any of them interest you.”

  “How do you know they’ll go along with it?” Her crazy fake fiancé story was hard enough to tell people she knew, but with people she didn’t, it might be impossible.

  Sweet Louise waved it away. “They would do anything for him. The team is like one big family.”

  “What about Noah? He’s a nice boy.” Karen made it sound like he was sixteen.

  Chloe looked over at his team picture. “He’s even better looking than Pierce. Pass.”

  Karen moved on to the next picture. “What about Jeb? He seems nice, but he’s new.”

  “He’s a good kid.” Sweet Louise nodded.

  “Is he even legal? He looks like he’s fifteen.” Chloe made a left swipe motion with her index finger. This was like NFL Tinder.

  “He is kinda young. He’s twenty-two. We don’t want you to feel like you’re babysitting.” Karen pulled up the next picture. “Keavon has excellent manners. I don’t know him very well, but he seems nice.”

  “That wouldn’t work. He lives with his mother.” Sweet Louise held up a hand. “I used to live with my son, but we were roommates only. Keavon doesn’t have room in his life for anyone but his mother. Next.”

  Karen pulled up another photo and then another.

  “Aren’t there any men on the team who have more than five percent body fat and aren’t gorgeous? This is like looking at the Hemsworths’ family photo album.” Chloe stared down at the phone. “I’ve always wanted to ask Mama Hemsworth if she has any ugly children hidden away.”

  “Me too.” Sweet Louise held her hand up for Chloe to high-five.

  Chloe slapped her hand. “I need a lazy eye or a hump or something to work with. I thought football was a rough sport. Shouldn’t they all have broken noses, scars, something?”

  She’d never realized there were so many pretty people in the world. “Don’t y’all know any okay-looking CPAs or software engineers? Dull works for me.” It was time she told them the truth about her anxiety issues. “I have a social anxiety disorder that makes meeting new people difficult. Handsome men make me nervous, which makes me tongue-tied. To keep from babbling incoherent words, I just clam up.”

  “Did that happen last night?” Sweet Louise smiled kindly. Chloe knew that if Karen wasn’t in the way, Sweet Louise would have hugged her tight, and not because she felt sorry for Chloe, but because she genuinely cared.

  “Yes and no. I opened my front door, and he looked me over and came up disappointed. That pissed me off, so all of a sudden I didn’t care what he thought. My silence after that was more boredom than nervousness.” She nodded. “Lesson learned. Pissed off kicks nervous’s butt. I’m going to use that from now on.”

  Sweet Louise pulled her smartphone out of her cleavage. “I’m going to text Noah and have him come over to meet you. He can come off as a jerk sometimes, so I think he’ll be a good candidate.” She held her thumbs at the ready as she looked at Karen. “What do you think?”

  Karen nodded. “He’s a good guy, but sometimes he lets his fame go to his head.”

  “Can you ask him to be extra jerky?” Chloe asked. This could work. “It might help.”
<
br />   “Okay.” Sweet Louise drew out the word as she thumb-typed.

  Karen crossed her legs. “Just so you know, they call him Handsome Hansen. His last name is Hansen.”

  Chloe sighed like the weight of Handsome Hansen sat squarely on her shoulders. “I hope he’s a real ass to make up for it.”

  Karen shrugged one shoulder. “Depends on the day. Most of the time he’s a really nice guy. We might need to tell him to asshole up.” She held up an index finger. “I know, tell him you’re a huge Dallas Cowboys fan.”

  “Who’s a huge Dallas Cowboys fan?” Pierce walked into the room, his hair still damp, wearing a pair of khaki slacks and a black turtleneck. Was that his loungewear?

  Chloe glanced down at her puffy hoodie dress. They had two very different ideas of loungewear.

  “Apparently, I’m a huge fake Dallas Cowboys fan.” With all of the fake in her life, she was losing sight of what was real.

  He looked like he was waiting for some explanation, but none came. “Why?”

  “We’re setting her up with Noah as her fake fiancé,” Karen said. “She says handsome men make her nervous until they’re jerks and then she can handle being around them.” She stood and looked down at Chloe. “May I use your bathroom?”

  “Of course. There’s one down the hall on the left or one in the master bedroom.” Chloe pointed to the hallway.

  Pierce took Karen’s seat even though there was plenty of room on the other side of Sweet Louise.

  He looked directly into Chloe’s eyes. “Hansen’s not a nice guy.”

  “Good. The jerkier the better.” She should probably change clothes to meet her prospective fake fiancé. At least she could put on a little makeup. She leaned around Pierce to talk to Sweet Louise. “Can you help me get ready? I feel like I should put a little effort into meeting my possible new fake fiancé.”

  “That’s a good idea, but I don’t want you to fuss too much. Noah won’t care.” Sweet Louise stood, stepped over Pierce, and offered Chloe a helping-hand up.

  “I think you look fine.” Pierce shook his head. “Hansen’s a bad choice. What about one of the other guys?”