by Cathryn Fox
“Hey, I’m here now.” He glances past my shoulder, uncomfortable with my display of affection and not knowing how to handle it. “Want to grab a bite to eat?”
I note the way he’s changing the subject, unable to deal with my emotions. Then again, maybe that’s just his way, and maybe that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.
I nod, and he grabs a tissue to wipe my face. “I’ll make something here,” I say.
“No, we’ll go out.” He makes a fist and nudges my chin, and it brings a smile to my face. “The least I can do is treat my sister to a meal, right?”
I nod and I sniff back the tears and wipe my cheeks as we step outside. We climb into his car and a few minutes later, he pulls up in front of one of my favorite restaurants. Not that I eat here often. I can’t afford it.
The hostess seats us, places our menus on the table and, as she tells us the specials, I look at my tough-as-nails brother, take in his scars, ones that were made on the ice, not from a skipping rope.
My stomach tightens, the noise inside the cafe fading to a dull roar as I think of the pain Cole endured. I wish I hadn’t been so mean to him back in the day. Then again, he did tease me all the time. But still, I’m so glad our house was a sanctuary for him.
The hostess leaves and Cason stretches. “It’s good to be home.”
“Did you beat up guys who looked at me?” I ask, and his head rears back with the question.
“Ah, what?”
“Did you beat up guys who looked at me?” I pick up my napkin and wrap it around my fingers.
He glances around, like he’s being punked or something. “Where is this coming from, Nina?”
“I just want to know.” The waitress comes with our water, and we both glance over the menus quickly. We put in our order and when she leaves, I ask, “Did you?”
His nostrils flare and his fingers curl. “You’re my little sister, of course I did.”
People show love in different ways.
As Cole’s words ping around inside my brain, a laugh wells up inside me. Inappropriate considering the circumstances? For sure.
“You know, all these years I never thought guys liked me, only to find out you were scaring them off.”
His jaw clenches. “How did you find out?”
Damn, he’s really pissed that I know he was protecting me from the shadows. Cole protected me, too. He was the one I called when Kenny drove me to the middle of nowhere and demanded I put out. He’s the one who wanted to go after the bartender who abused me and made me feel like a whore.
I shake my head. “Doesn’t matter.” I reach across the table and put my hand over his. “How come you didn’t tell me the trust fund was from you?”
Angry fire lights his eyes. “Jesus, Nina, who have you been talking to?”
“I always thought Mom and Dad set it up after my concussion. They never alluded to the fact that it was you. How come you never told me?”
“Doesn’t matter,” he says, throwing my words back at me. “But it’s yours, and I want you to use it for anything you need.”
Okay, I’ll give him that. He has his own reasons, and he’s not about to share. “You’ve always been watching out for me, haven’t you?”
“Where is this all coming from?” he asks, instead of answering my question, and in that instant, I realize my brother and I have very different ways of showing love.
“I miss you so much, Cason. When you’re away…I just really miss being close. You’re my family. I think that’s why I hate hockey so much.” Cole was right about that. In fact, he seemed to know a lot about me, more than I ever realized.
I hear his throat work as he swallows. “Nina, I miss you too. I hate being on the road all the time, but it’s my job. I wish you could come. Wish we could hang out more.”
“Really? You mean that?” My mind races with all the hockey stories I could tell if I actually went on the road and shadowed Cason. I mean, what’s really keeping me here in Seattle? I love Jess, but we’d never lose touch, and I’d be home at the end of every season.
Then again, seeing Cole on a daily basis just might kill me.
“Of course I do.”
My throat tightens. I had no idea how much Cason really cared about me. He’s just unable to display affection the way I’d like to receive it—Mom and Dad couldn’t either, but I knew deep down they cared.
“One more question. When we were kids, did you like me tagging along on your hikes, your concerts, and everything else?”
He goes quiet for a long time, his brow furrowed like he’s fighting an internal battle. “Yeah, Nina. I did. I’m your brother, and growing up, we only had each other, right? Still do.”
So Cole was right about everything.
“You have Cole, and he has you.” I nod, and tears burn behind my eyes. “I want us to be closer, like he is with his sister.”
He slowly eases back into his seat. “What does Cole have to do with all this?”
“He’s been helping me. My editor asked me to write a hockey series, and since he was home with a concussion, he’s been giving me lessons.” I decided not to tell him about the sex lessons. There are some things a brother never needs to know.
The muscle along his jaw ripples. “He never mentioned it.”
“Oh, I thought he texted you about it.”
“No,” he says, looking like he’s about to hunt Cole down and kill him. Surely, he wouldn’t punch his best friend?
You’re worth the fight.
“Is there something you want to tell me, Nina?”
“No. Well, maybe just that I can take care of myself, you don’t need to go around intimidating people. I’m a grown woman, in case you didn’t know.”
“Doesn’t matter. Any guy who wants to date you has to go through me first.”
“Cason…” I begin, but then Cole’s words once again ping around inside my brain.
People show love in different ways.
I blink once, twice, as understanding dawns in small increments. I gasp and stiffen in my seat. Oh. My. God. Tabby asked me if I really knew Cole, and at the time, my answer was no. But is that true? When Cole wasn’t in The Playmaker mode, I saw many sides to him—kindness, compassion, a man who paid his father’s medical bills even after all the abuse. He didn’t want me to see that side of him. Didn’t want anyone to.
Why?
He’s not who the world thinks he is.
My mind races, sorts things through as I go over everything, from our very first trip to the grocery store to the last night we’d made love. Did he leave because he doesn’t think I’d like the guy kept hidden by The Playmaker?
“Oh, my God,” I whisper under my breath, thinking about all the things Cole has done for me, the way he’s been showing me he cares.
“What?” Cason asks.
I glance at my brother. Cole is far more damaged than I ever realized. I never asked for more, told him I didn’t believe in happily ever after, and that no man was as good as the ones I wrote in my books. But he needs to understand that I know who he really is deep inside, and it’s that sweet, kind boy beneath the mask that I lost my heart to…many years ago.
“I need you to do something for me.”
18
Cole
What the hell is Nina doing here?
It’s the first game of the playoffs, and she’s the last person I expected to be watching, especially after the way I walked out on her, refused to return her texts. Then again, maybe she’s glad it’s over, that she doesn’t have to hang out with the likes of me any longer.
As the announcer speaks, and we all hit the ice, Cason flies past me on his skates. My thoughts shift to my best friend, who’s been acting weird around me all day. He can’t know about Nina and me, and maybe her being here is about Cason. Nina and her best friend are seated behind our bench, so he must have secured those spots for them. Still, he’s not usually so quiet around me. He had lunch with Nina yesterday. Maybe they had an argument or somethi
ng.
And maybe I need to stop thinking the whole damn world revolves around me.
Either way, it’s my first day back in the game, and I need to keep my focus. From the corner of my eye, I catch sight of Burns. The fucker is eyeing me and grinning, like he’s going to take me out again. Fuck that. Jonah, the team’s enforcer, is going to be all over his ass tonight.
The ref blows his whistle and I skate to center ice for the face off. My stomach is coiled tight, my nerves on fire, read to play, ready to defeat. I position up, face my opponent and wait for the whistle.
A second later, the puck is poised on the end of my stick, and as I take it down center ice and pass if off to Sundin, I can’t help but glance into the crowd. Is Nina taking notes? Watching Sundin, The Wingman, do his thing. I follow him down the ice but feel Burns on my heels. I skate around the net and he comes at me. I shift, and he hits the boards, and coming from behind me, Jonah hits him hard.
Burns goes down.
“Stay down, fucker,” I say, and skate off and pat Jonah on the back. I love my fucking team. Unable to help myself, I glance at Nina again, take in her big eyes. She gives me two thumbs-up, and I laugh as my heart crashes against my chest. I wish I could talk to her, tease her about wanting to take Burns out in an alleyway.
What the fuck am I doing?
It’s over between us, and I need to get my head in the game. Hockey is the most important thing in the world to me. It’s my life.
With that thought in mind, I strive to keep my focus. The game continues, and the next thing I know, we’re in the third period and the fucking clock is ticking down.
I glance at Cason, and he nods. We need this win. I need this win, to show my team I’m back in top shape and can get the job done.
Conscious of how little time we have left, I keep my eye on the Illinois Icemen’s captain as he heads toward our zone. He makes a pass, I intercept, throw off his play, and then change direction. The hometown crowd goes wild, and all I can think of is Nina, and if she’s enjoying the game. I pass to Cason, who passes to Sundin, and we all race down the ice until I’m in the house. I eye the goalie, read him, and take up position. Sundin passes to me, I pass back. The odd-man rush throws the goalie out of position and Sundin takes the shot and scores.
As the end-of-the-game horn sounds, I race to my teammate and give him a big hug, and all our teammates join in. As I hug Cason, I steal a glance at Nina, to see her jumping up and down.
When I look back at Cason, he has murder in his eyes.
What the fuck?
I push away, skate around the rink, in total Playmaker mode. Girls are shouting, holding signs up that say they want to have my baby, but the truth is, I’m played out, so fucking tired of the act. I’m completely and utterly exhausted by it, but it’s the only thing that gets me through the day, until I can go home to the sanctuary of my own place.
A string of bunnies are waiting for us as we file off the ice. Once girl pushes against me, and in an instinctive move that I’ve done a hundred times, I wrap my arm around her. She whispers in my ear, telling me all the ways she wants to play with The Playmaker, and I laugh.
I angle my head—and when I see Nina a few feet away, watching the exchange, a world of hurt on her face, my heart falls into my stomach. Over her shoulder, I see Jess, who looks like she wants to castrate me.
How many times am I going to gut her before she realizes she’s better off without me?
The bunny gives me a wet kiss on the mouth and says, “Don’t keep me waiting.”
Inside the locker room, the guys are laughing and fucking around. Cason is ignoring me, and I want to ask what’s going on when he walks past me.
“Hey, meet you at Shades later,” I shout to him. Shades is our usual drinking spot after a game.
“Yeah,” he says, and keeps going, like he has a shit ton on his mind. What the fuck? We should be celebrating our win.
“Cason,” I call after him, and he glances at me over his shoulder. “You okay?”
He stares at his bare feet, then frowns as he returns my gaze. “Yeah, see you at Shades.”
I grab my gear from my locker and make my way to the showers behind him. They guys are all carrying on, and lots of pats on the back are given out.
“Hey, Cannon,” says our goalie, Matthews. “You hooking up with Claire tonight?”
“Looks that way,” I say, and from the corner of my eye, I catch the way Cason stiffens.
He can’t fucking know about Nina and me, right? Surely to fuck Nina never would have told her brother about our arrangement. She has to know he’d kick my ass, and I’d have to stand there and take it, because I crossed a line. Cason is my best friend in the whole world, my savior. I’d be lost without him, and I never should have jeopardized our friendship.
But fuck, this is Nina we’re talking about. I get that she’s hands off, but I’ve fucking loved her since I was a kid.
Christ, this situation is so fucked up.
Cason leaves the shower first, and by the time I make it back to the locker room, he’s long gone. I dress, stuff my gear into my bag, and make my way to the hall. Claire and a dozen or so other girls, all looking for hook ups, are there waiting. She rushes up to me, throws her body against mine.
Any other time, I would have enjoyed the warm body pressed to me, but tonight, well, I just want to go home…to Nina.
Fuck, man, maybe I should take Claire up on her offer, fuck her all night in some stupid effort to expel Nina from my brain. But forgetting her, the fun we had, isn’t about to happen now, or anytime soon.
“Hey, rain check,” I say to Claire, even though I have no intention of ever cashing it in. She pouts and is about to say something, when Harding comes out the door behind me. She looks past my shoulder and the next thing I know, she’s in my teammate’s arms.
I shake my head and walk out of the stadium. The cool night air falls over me, and I glance around looking for Cason, for Nina.
Cut it out, dude. She’s better off without you.
I find my Jeep, toss my hockey bag into the back, and peel out of the parking lot. I think about going home, but the place feels empty. Tabby and Jack were long gone and Cason only stayed two nights. As I think about my sister, a smile touches my mouth. I’m thrilled that things worked out between her and Jack, and she came clean about our childhood. He accepted all sides of Tabby, and for that, I’m grateful.
Would Nina accept all sides of me?
Shit, I can’t think about that. I’m a fucked-up mess, and she deserves better.
I round the corner and as I head toward home, my mind revisits the way Jack went down on one knee to propose. He did it in front of me, Tabby’s only family—at least the only one who cares—and I’m grateful that I got to be a part of the moment. He put it all out there on the line, wore his heart on his sleeves, and that really showed both Tabby and me just how much he loves her.
I drive by my house and the lights are all off. Fuck, man, I don’t want to go in there alone, everything reminding me of Nina. Christ, I broke all the rules with her. I let her into my house, my head, and my heart.
I spin the Jeep around and head toward Shades. Not only do I need a drink, I need to figure out what’s going on with Cason. I can’t lose him from my life.
I squeeze my car between two trucks and power it down. Music filters into the street as I make my way inside. The place is packed, bodies swaying together on the dance floor, and I search the crowd for my best friend. I cut around the dance floor but get stopped by a few girls looking to play with The Playmaker. I politely decline, my only focus on finding my best friend.
I catch a glimpse of him at the bar, and plunk down on the stool next to him. “Great game.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Told you I’d meet you for a drink.”
He checks his watch. “You done with Claire already?”
I exhale and brush my hair back. “Yeah, well, that didn’t work out.”
He eyes me, and I nudge him with my shoulder. “What the fuck is going on with you, anyway?”
He goes stiff, his gaze going from curious to murderous, and my heart nearly seizes.
“I think I should be the one asking you that question.”
“Nothing’s going on with me.”
“Why you fucking lying to me?”
Jesus fuck, he knows. He has to know.
As the room grows hot, I straighten on my stool. “I’m…you’re my best friend, Cason. I’d never want to do anything to hurt you.”
“Why did Nina ask me to give you this?” He reaches into his pocket. “I’ve been thinking about it all day. Trying to figure it out.”
I tug at the collar on my T-shirt. “Give me what?”
He pulls something from his pocket, slams it on the counter—and my seized heart nearly jumps out of my goddamn chest.
“What’s this all about?” Cason asks.
I pick up the little toy helicopter, my big fingers shaking as I fumble with the plastic model. I examine it, think back to the day dear old Dad destroyed my toy, my childhood…my dreams. I grab the small crushed envelope taped to it, open it up and see she also bought me flying lessons.
I suck in a fast breath and hold it. Never in a million years could Nina know what this means to me. My throat tightens to the point of pain, and I nearly fucking sob.
Jesus, fuck.
I shift on my seat, almost fall the fuck off as the world around me spins. But why would she do this? She has no money to pay her bills, and yet she went and did this for me? Ever since I hit it big in the NHL, women have wanted something from me, and while Nina came to me wanting lessons, the truth is, she gave me more than she ever took.
I turn the toy over in my hand, and then squeeze it in my fist as my pulse jackhammers. Tears pound against the back of my eyes, drum in my ears, and my throat feels like someone had just taken a cheese grater to it.
“Something you want to tell me, Cole?”
“I…” I try to speak, get the words out, but what am I supposed to say? This is my best friend, and I went behind his back and slept with his sister. What kind of a guy does that? Not a very good one. Which again, reminds me Nina deserves so much better than the likes of me
