by Cathryn Fox
“What?” Cason asks, his voice hard, demanding.
“I love her, Cason,” I say fast, breathless.
What the hell am I doing?
I have no idea, but now that the truth is out, I can’t help but say it again. “I fucking love her.”
He goes quiet, too quiet, and I sit there, uncomfortable as he glares at me.
“She came to me asking for hockey lessons, and, well…”
“Well what?” he asks through clenched teeth.
“Things happened. We happened.”
He takes a long pull from his beer bottle and when it hits the counter with a thud, my heart jumps.
“So there are a million bunnies after your dick and you go and sleep with my sister.”
“Yeah.” I tense, every muscle in my body tight as I admit, “But she’s the only girl I’ve ever loved, and I don’t fucking want to be with anyone but her.”
He glares at me for a long time, and then his hard features soften. “I know.”
My head rears back. “You do?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“How long have you known?”
A laugh catches in his throat. “Oh, since we were teens, and you used to take refuge at our house.” He glances at me, sorrow ghosting his blue eyes before he tears his gaze away, like he can’t bear to look at me. Like he’s responsible for the years of abuse.
“I should have said something, Cole. I should have told my parents.”
I give a hard shake of my head. “No. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want anyone to know. He wasn’t hurting Tabby, and I couldn’t risk being taken away, put in a foster home, away from you and Nina. I needed you guys. You were my family, my life. Still are.”
“I know, but still—”
“No, Cason. You did what I wanted you to do. I’d take a beating every day from that asshole if it meant being with you and Nina.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Don’t do this.”
He nods, because he knows that’s not what I need from him. “So, my sister…”
“Don’t worry. I’ve backed off. I know I’m not the guy for her.” I scoff. “Not that she knows who I really am, anyway.”
He finishes the beer in his bottle and gestures the bartender for two more. “I think she knows more than you realize, and instead of running the other way, she bought you this. Kinda says a lot, don’t you think?”
I open my palm, stare at the helicopter. I might be an expert asshole, but I’m smart enough to understand what it represents. Nina knows the real me, and she likes that guy.
My heart races with the love I feel for her. How could I have been such an asshole? Here I thought she wouldn’t like the guy beneath the jersey—the guy who wasn’t even good enough for his own mother.
“It wasn’t your fault, Cole,” Cason says quietly, like he’s privy to my innermost thoughts.
My gaze jerks to his. “What?”
“Your mother. It wasn’t your fault. You were an innocent child, and she left for her own reasons. I know you’re the oldest by a few minutes, and that you feel responsible for everything that happened because of it, but this had nothing to do with you.”
“I was Tabby’s big brother. I should have been able to make Mom stay, at least for her.”
“No, Cole. This isn’t yours to own, and more likely than not, her leaving had everything to do with your father.”
“How does a mother just walk away like that, like we meant nothing to her?”
“I don’t know, but believe me, this is on her, not you. You’re worth loving Cole.” Cason puts his hand on my shoulder, and my heart pinches. “I fucking love you, bro.”
“I love you, too,” I say around a tight throat. I’d be lost without him, without Nina. I’d never do anything to hurt either one of them.
You hurt Nina.
“Jesus, what have I done?” I look at my best friend. “I totally fucked up.”
“Yeah, you did.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and realize what’s going through his head. I fucked up when it came to our friendship.
Christ, not only did I make a mess of things with Nina and me. I fucked up my relationship with Cason. I can’t lose him. I just can’t. “I’m sorry, Cason. I tried not to touch her. I really did. I never wanted to do anything to jeopardize our friendship.”
Cason stands, and I slide from my stood. We stand eye to eye, and he puts his hands around my head and brings my forehead to his. “You fucked up, Cole, but not with me.”
“What?” Jesus, that’s the last thing I expected Cason to say.
“You shouldn’t have pushed Nina away. You fucking hurt her.”
“I’m such an asshole.”
“Yeah, you are.” He gives a long, slow exhale. “I’ve been beating guys off her for years. Do you have any idea why?”
“Because you’re her big brother, and that’s what big brothers do.”
“Yeah, that…and I was waiting for you to grow the fuck up and be the man she needs you to be.”
“Cason, I’m…I’m not sure I’m good enough for her.” But I want to be. She makes me a better man, which makes me want to realign my priorities and be everything she needs.
“I know you had it hard, Cole. Believe me, I fucking know everything, and I’m telling you this—you are the only guy I’d ever want my sister with. You’re the only guy I’d ever allow her to be with.” He pokes me in the chest, and his love for me, his belief in me, helps me let go of past hurts, old insecurities—everything that had me hiding behind The Playmaker. “Underneath this ‘asshole’ shit, you are the best man I know. That’s the man she fell in love with. Guaran—fucking—teed.”
I breathe deep, and let it out slowly, expelling the pain of my past. I look at my friend, ready to face the future as a new man. “You…you think she loves me?” Could I be so goddamn lucky?
“Jesus Christ, how fucking dense are you? Of course she loves you. You.” He pokes me again. “Not the fucking Playmaker.” He gestures to the helicopter. “That says it all.”
After I left her bed, she still didn’t leave me. She believed in me, showed up to my game, bought me a gift that speaks volumes, even after I was such a cruel bastard. The fact that she came to the game, sat in the stands and rooted me on, is proof that she cares about me, the real me. The guy I never let anyone see…but her and Cason.
“I can’t believe this.” I swallow hard. “You really think she loves me, the real me?”
“Yeah, I do…but still, you went behind my back and slept with my sister, and well, I’m going to have to punch you in the face for that.”
I laugh, thinking he’s joking, but then his fist connects with my eye.
“Fuck,” I say, and stumble onto my stool. “What the hell, Cason?”
A hush comes over the crowd, and he hovers over me as people gather. “You going to go for it?”
I stand and square my shoulders. “Yeah, I’m fucking going for it.”
“You’re not going to back down like a pussy because I hit you?”
“Fuck no.” I might not deserve her after the stunt I pulled at the rink. But my fuck, from here on out, I’m going to do everything in my power to be the man she needs me to be.
“So she’s worth fighting for?”
“Yeah. I’d do anything for her. I need her so much, it hurts.”
“Then what are you fucking doing standing here with me?”
19
Nina
I spent the last two days swallowing past the gripping tightness clogging my throat, unable to sleep, eat…breathe. Could I have been so wrong about Cole? That underneath it all, he’s not a good man. I can’t believe that. I just can’t. My heart won’t let me.
Then why did he go off with a bunny as I stood there watching?
“Come on, you have to eat,” Jess says as she slides a slice of pizza onto a plate and hands it to me.
I finish the wine in my glass and gratefully accept the food, even though I haven’t had an appetite s
ince the night of the hockey game. I’ve been staying with Jess for the last two days, trying to get my head on straight before I go back to my place, to the bed Cole and I shared before he walked out of my life. But I have to go back soon and get my head back in the game. I have books to write. Bills to pay.
A laugh catches in my throat. Isn’t that how this all started with Cole?
Started and ended.
My editor emailed me yesterday, looking for a synopsis, and I have to figure out a plot before I lose this gig. But when it comes right down to it, I’m not sure I can sit in front of my laptop and write without thinking of Cole, and everything we’ve been through.
As a bone-deep weariness settles into my body, my phone pings. I exchange a look with Jess, and she reaches for it first. “It’s Cason.” She hands me the phone and I read his message out loud.
“You coming to the game tonight?”
I stare at the phone. How can I not be there for my brother? Heck, we talked about me going on the road with him. Not only will it be great for our relationship, it would certainly help me come up with hockey stories.
“You going?” Jess asks.
Before I can answer her, Cason messages again. You need to come. Tell me you’ll be there. I’ll get you and Jess seats behind the bench.
“He wants me to come. He says I need to, and that he has seats for both of us.”
“That’s weird. He’s never needed you to come before.”
I shrug. “We’re working on our relationship.”
Jess nods. “Okay, I’ll go with you, but so help me, if Cole so much as looks at you, I’m going down on that ice and slamming his face into the boards.”
I shake my head. “You can’t do that.”
“Oh, I can. I just shouldn’t.”
“Jess—”
“No guy is going to hurt my best friend and get away with it.”
I exhale heavily and rest my head against the sofa. “I knew what I was getting into when I started this, Jess. We were hate fucking, nothing more.” Too bad my heart saw it differently. Thought we had something real.
Your heart is right.
She waves a dismissive hand. “I don’t care. He turned on his Playmaker charm. How could a girl not fall for that? This is all his fault.”
“That’s the thing though. Yes, he can be charming when he’s in Playmaker mode, but he’s also a cocky, arrogant bastard in that mode, too. Sure, the crowd loves it. But you know what, that’s not the guy I fell for.”
She gives me an odd look. “Why are you defending him?”
I can’t tell her too much without giving away Cole’s secrets. He’s a private guy, and I respect that. Yes, he’s a showboat on the ice, but that’s an act to prevent the world from seeing who he really is. He doesn’t think anyone would like that guy. But I do. I love that guy.
“Because you don’t really know who he is.”
“Then who is he?”
“He’s so sweet,” I say, and hug a pillow to my chest. “He’s funny, caring, an all-around nice guy. He doesn’t let many people in but when he does, he’d do anything for them.”
Like give Kenny a black eye. Make me get back on the ice.
“Nina, I know you’re in love with him, but he’s clearly not in love with you, or he wouldn’t have left with that girl. Maybe you’re mistaken about who he really is.”
“I’m not,” I say adamantly. “When Cole is just being Cole, he’s the most amazing man in the world. That’s the guy I fell in love with.”
I take in the concerned look on my friend’s face, and I can’t blame her for being worried. She was right by my side when Cole pulled that little stunt with the bunny—and then met my gaze to be sure I saw the entire exchange. Why the hell did he do that?
“I’m not wrong about him, Jess.”
“Then maybe you need to figure out why he did what he did.”
“Something is off about him leaving with that girl.”
“Why? He’s done it a million times before.”
“I know you’re right, but we were at a place…” No way could Cole touch me, kiss me the way he did—make love to me—if there wasn’t more between us. So if there is more, if he’s feeling everything I’m feeling, then why is he running? Especially after I bought him that gift—showed him I knew and liked the guy he really was. That he didn’t need to pretend around me.
I go over everything in my head again. Was he afraid that guy was too damaged to be liked…loved? That he couldn’t even keep his mother around, so why would anyone else stay? Cole hurt me on purpose, pushed me away for a reason, of that I’m sure.
“I think I know,” I say past the knot in my throat.
“Want to enlighten me?”
My stomach coils tight, my heart aching for the young boy who lost his mother, had no one to protect him. “He’s leaving me before I can leave him.”
“And if you’re wrong?”
“If I’m right…”
Her eyes lock on mine. “Is he worth fighting for?”
My heart jumps in my chest. “Absolutely.”
“Then you need to talk to him, smack some sense into his head. Give him another concussion if you have to.”
Hope and excitement welling up inside me, I laugh, and jump from the sofa. I’m in the same frayed jean shorts and tank top that I wore that first day Cole and I watched hockey together. “Should I change?”
“No, you look hot.”
“But I thought you said I looked like hell in these.”
“Yeah, I know.” Her grin is evil when she adds, “There isn’t a guy in a hundred-mile radius that isn’t going to notice you, Nina.”
“If only my brother would stop beating them up.”
“What?”
“All these years I thought guys didn’t like me, overlooked me, only to find out they were afraid of Cason and the beating he’d give them if they so much as looked at me the wrong way.”
“Ohmigod, that brother of yours. Maybe I need to knock him into the boards.” She has a strange look on her face as she jumps off the sofa, and I’m left with the impression that knocking my brother into the boards holds all kinds of sexual innuendo, but that can’t be right, because those two have never really liked each other. She goes to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of champagne. “Come on, let’s get ready for the game.”
“Champagne?”
“Yeah, I always drink champagne after my team wins.”
“I didn’t know that.”
She puts the bottle into her big purse. “That’s because you never come with me.”
“I was at the first playoff game.”
“You were in no mood for champagne then,” she says and usher me outside.
An hour later, Jess and I are settling into our seats and game two of seven is about to begin. The lights dim and the players all come onto the ice. I zero in on Cole, and note the way he’s checking the stands.
Is he looking for me?
My heart gives a little leap at that thought and before I know it, the game is underway. Beside me, Jess is enthralled, and cursing up a storm at the opposing team. Good God, how are we friends? By the time the second period is over, and my team— Wait, when did I start thinking of the Settle Storms as my team? No idea, but my team is up by a score of one, thanks to a fantastic play made by Cole. And of course, like he once said, he couldn’t have done it alone. He has a team behind him.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” I say to Jess, as I wiggle uncomfortably in my chair.
“You can’t.” She grabs my hand tight and hold me in my seat.
“But I have to go.”
“I don’t want you to leave your seat.”
I crinkle my nose. “Why not?”
“Just…third period is about to start.”
“But I have to go.”
“Wait until the end,” she pleads, and I stare at her. Why is she acting so weird?
Cole comes back onto the ice, his helmet in his hand—that’s when
I get a really good look at him, see his black eye. “Ohmigod,” I say to Jess. “What the hell?”
Behind us, I hear two girls talking about The Playmaker. “Did you hear?” one of the girls says to the other.
“Oh, I heard.”
I turn around and glance at the blonde and brunette as they gossip. “What did you hear?” I ask.
They stare at me for a moment, like they’re trying to figure out who I am, but then the brunette says, “That Cannon turned Claire down the other night, and then he got into a fight with Cason. That’s how he got that black eye.”
My heart nearly seizes.
He turned Claire down?
“Yeah, he led her on in front of us all, then he ditched her. What a jerk,” she says.
“Typical Playmaker,” the blonde says, like she’s not bothered by his behavior at all, and would take her turn with him if given the opportunity.
I glance at Jess, who’s watching me, wide-eyed. “I…uh…think your theory is right.”
I suck in a breath to get my heart racing again. “I need to talk to him.”
“I know, but it will have to wait. They’re about to start.”
Desperate to go to the bathroom, and needing a minute to myself, I stand. “I’ll be right back.”
Jess looks at me, her eyes pleading. “Hurry.”
Good Lord, what’s gotten in to her?
I head down the hall toward the bathrooms, and a measure of unease trickles through my veins. Cason gave Cole a black eye. I guess he must have figured out what was going on between the two of us. Not too hard, considering the gift I asked my brother to give his best friend, one that showed I knew who Cole was beneath the jersey, and there was only one way I could know that—by stripping him bare.
Would Cole back off like all the other guys?
As I mull that over, I hear the crowd go crazy behind me. I turn—and find Cole rushing toward me, stick still in hand.
I gasp as he closes the distance between us and hovers over me. “Cole, what the hell?” I say, my voice breathless, panicked. I look over his shoulders, see his teammates and the ref on the ice, thrown off by his departure. They’re not the only ones.
