The Complete Works of   JAMES JOYCE

by James Joyce

  — But wait till I tell you, he said. We had a midnight lunch too after all the jollification and when we sallied forth it was blue o’clock the morning after the night before. Coming home it was a gorgeous winter’s night on the Featherbed Mountain. Bloom and Chris Callinan were on one side of the car and I was with the wife on the other. We started singing glees and duets: Lo, the early beam of morning. She was well primed with a good load of Delahunt’s port under her bellyband. Every jolt the bloody car gave I had her bumping up against me. Hell’s delights! She has a fine pair, God bless her. Like that.

  He held his caved hands a cubit from him, frowning:

  — I was tucking the rug under her and settling her boa all the time. Know what I mean?

  His hands moulded ample curves of air. He shut his eyes tight in delight, his body shrinking, and blew a sweet chirp from his lips.

  — The lad stood to attention anyhow, he said with a sigh. She’s a gamey mare and no mistake. Bloom was pointing out all the stars and the comets in the heavens to Chris Callinan and the jarvey: the great bear and Hercules and the dragon, and the whole jingbang lot. But, by God, I was lost, so to speak, in the milky way. He knows them all, faith. At last she spotted a weeny weeshy one miles away. And what star is that, Poldy? says she. By God, she had Bloom cornered. That one, is it? says Chris Callinan, sure that’s only what you might call a pinprick. By God, he wasn’t far wide of the mark.

  Lenehan stopped and leaned on the riverwall, panting with soft laughter.

  — I’m weak, he gasped.

  M’Coy’s white face smiled about it at instants and grew grave. Lenehan walked on again. He lifted his yachtingcap and scratched his hindhead rapidly. He glanced sideways in the sunlight at M’Coy.

  — He’s a cultured allroundman, Bloom is, he said seriously. He’s not one of your common or garden... you know... There’s a touch of the artist about old Bloom.

  * * *

  Mr Bloom turned over idly pages of The Awful Disclosures of Maria Monk, then of Aristotle’s Masterpiece. Crooked botched print. Plates: infants cuddled in a ball in bloodred wombs like livers of slaughtered cows. Lots of them like that at this moment all over the world. All butting with their skulls to get out of it. Child born every minute somewhere. Mrs Purefoy.

  He laid both books aside and glanced at the third: Tales of the Ghetto by Leopold von Sacher Masoch.

  — That I had, he said, pushing it by.

  The shopman let two volumes fall on the counter.

  — Them are two good ones, he said.

  Onions of his breath came across the counter out of his ruined mouth. He bent to make a bundle of the other books, hugged them against his unbuttoned waistcoat and bore them off behind the dingy curtain.

  On O’Connell bridge many persons observed the grave deportment and gay apparel of Mr Denis J Maginni, professor of dancing &c.

  Mr Bloom, alone, looked at the titles. Fair Tyrants by James Lovebirch. Know the kind that is. Had it? Yes.

  He opened it. Thought so.

  A woman’s voice behind the dingy curtain. Listen: the man.

  No: she wouldn’t like that much. Got her it once.

  He read the other title: Sweets of Sin. More in her line. Let us see.

  He read where his finger opened.

  — All the dollarbills her husband gave her were spent in the stores on wondrous gowns and costliest frillies. For him! For raoul!

  Yes. This. Here. Try.

  — Her mouth glued on his in a luscious voluptuous kiss while his hands felt for the opulent curves inside her deshabillé.

  Yes. Take this. The end.

  — You are late, he spoke hoarsely, eying her with a suspicious glare. The beautiful woman threw off her sabletrimmed wrap, displaying her queenly shoulders and heaving embonpoint. An imperceptible smile played round her perfect lips as she turned to him calmly.

  Mr Bloom read again: The beautiful woman.

  Warmth showered gently over him, cowing his flesh. Flesh yielded amply amid rumpled clothes: whites of eyes swooning up. His nostrils arched themselves for prey. Melting breast ointments (for Him! For Raoul!). Armpits’ oniony sweat. Fishgluey slime (her heaving embonpoint!). Feel! Press! Crushed! Sulphur dung of lions!

  Young! Young!

  An elderly female, no more young, left the building of the courts of chancery, king’s bench, exchequer and common pleas, having heard in the lord chancellor’s court the case in lunacy of Potterton, in the admiralty division the summons, exparte motion, of the owners of the Lady Cairns versus the owners of the barque Mona, in the court of appeal reservation of judgment in the case of Harvey versus the Ocean Accident and Guarantee Corporation.

  Phlegmy coughs shook the air of the bookshop, bulging out the dingy curtains. The shopman’s uncombed grey head came out and his unshaven reddened face, coughing. He raked his throat rudely, puked phlegm on the floor. He put his boot on what he had spat, wiping his sole along it, and bent, showing a rawskinned crown, scantily haired.

  Mr Bloom beheld it.

  Mastering his troubled breath, he said:

  — I’ll take this one.

  The shopman lifted eyes bleared with old rheum.

  — Sweets of Sin, he said, tapping on it. That’s a good one.

  * * *

  The lacquey by the door of Dillon’s auctionrooms shook his handbell twice again and viewed himself in the chalked mirror of the cabinet.

  Dilly Dedalus, loitering by the curbstone, heard the beats of the bell, the cries of the auctioneer within. Four and nine. Those lovely curtains. Five shillings. Cosy curtains. Selling new at two guineas. Any advance on five shillings? Going for five shillings.

  The lacquey lifted his handbell and shook it:

  — Barang!

  Bang of the lastlap bell spurred the halfmile wheelmen to their sprint. J. A. Jackson, W. E. Wylie, A. Munro and H. T. Gahan, their stretched necks wagging, negotiated the curve by the College library.

  Mr Dedalus, tugging a long moustache, came round from Williams’s row. He halted near his daughter.

  — It’s time for you, she said.

  — Stand up straight for the love of the lord Jesus, Mr Dedalus said. Are you trying to imitate your uncle John, the cornetplayer, head upon shoulder? Melancholy God!

  Dilly shrugged her shoulders. Mr Dedalus placed his hands on them and held them back.

  — Stand up straight, girl, he said. You’ll get curvature of the spine. Do you know what you look like?

  He let his head sink suddenly down and forward, hunching his shoulders and dropping his underjaw.

  — Give it up, father, Dilly said. All the people are looking at you.

  Mr Dedalus drew himself upright and tugged again at his moustache.

  — Did you get any money? Dilly asked.

  — Where would I get money? Mr Dedalus said. There is no-one in Dublin would lend me fourpence.

  — You got some, Dilly said, looking in his eyes.

  — How do you know that? Mr Dedalus asked, his tongue in his cheek.

  Mr Kernan, pleased with the order he had booked, walked boldly along James’s street.

  — I know you did, Dilly answered. Were you in the Scotch house now?

  — I was not, then, Mr Dedalus said, smiling. Was it the little nuns taught you to be so saucy? Here.

  He handed her a shilling.

  — See if you can do anything with that, he said.

  — I suppose you got five, Dilly said. Give me more than that.

  — Wait awhile, Mr Dedalus said threateningly. You’re like the rest of them, are you? An insolent pack of little bitches since your poor mother died. But wait awhile. You’ll all get a short shrift and a long day from me. Low blackguardism! I’m going to get rid of you. Wouldn’t care if I was stretched out stiff. He’s dead. The man upstairs is dead.

  He left her and walked on. Dilly followed quickly and pulled his coat.

  — Well, what is it? he said, stopping.

  The lacquey rang his bell b
ehind their backs.

  — Barang!

  — Curse your bloody blatant soul, Mr Dedalus cried, turning on him.

  The lacquey, aware of comment, shook the lolling clapper of his bell but feebly:

  — Bang!

  Mr Dedalus stared at him.

  — Watch him, he said. It’s instructive. I wonder will he allow us to talk.

  — You got more than that, father, Dilly said.

  — I’m going to show you a little trick, Mr Dedalus said. I’ll leave you all where Jesus left the jews. Look, there’s all I have. I got two shillings from Jack Power and I spent twopence for a shave for the funeral.

  He drew forth a handful of copper coins, nervously.

  — Can’t you look for some money somewhere? Dilly said.

  Mr Dedalus thought and nodded.

  — I will, he said gravely. I looked all along the gutter in O’Connell street. I’ll try this one now.

  — You’re very funny, Dilly said, grinning.

  — Here, Mr Dedalus said, handing her two pennies. Get a glass of milk for yourself and a bun or a something. I’ll be home shortly.

  He put the other coins in his pocket and started to walk on.

  The viceregal cavalcade passed, greeted by obsequious policemen, out of Parkgate.

  — I’m sure you have another shilling, Dilly said.

  The lacquey banged loudly.

  Mr Dedalus amid the din walked off, murmuring to himself with a pursing mincing mouth gently:

  — The little nuns! Nice little things! O, sure they wouldn’t do anything! O, sure they wouldn’t really! Is it little sister Monica!

  * * *

  From the sundial towards James’s gate walked Mr Kernan, pleased with the order he had booked for Pulbrook Robertson, boldly along James’s street, past Shackleton’s offices. Got round him all right. How do you do, Mr Crimmins? First rate, sir. I was afraid you might be up in your other establishment in Pimlico. How are things going? Just keeping alive. Lovely weather we’re having. Yes, indeed. Good for the country. Those farmers are always grumbling. I’ll just take a thimbleful of your best gin, Mr Crimmins. A small gin, sir. Yes, sir. Terrible affair that General Slocum explosion. Terrible, terrible! A thousand casualties. And heartrending scenes. Men trampling down women and children. Most brutal thing. What do they say was the cause? Spontaneous combustion. Most scandalous revelation. Not a single lifeboat would float and the firehose all burst. What I can’t understand is how the inspectors ever allowed a boat like that... Now, you’re talking straight, Mr Crimmins. You know why? Palm oil. Is that a fact? Without a doubt. Well now, look at that. And America they say is the land of the free. I thought we were bad here.

  I smiled at him. America, I said quietly, just like that. What is it? The sweepings of every country including our own. Isn’t that true? That’s a fact.

  Graft, my dear sir. Well, of course, where there’s money going there’s always someone to pick it up.

  Saw him looking at my frockcoat. Dress does it. Nothing like a dressy appearance. Bowls them over.

  — Hello, Simon, Father Cowley said. How are things?

  — Hello, Bob, old man, Mr Dedalus answered, stopping.

  Mr Kernan halted and preened himself before the sloping mirror of Peter Kennedy, hairdresser. Stylish coat, beyond a doubt. Scott of Dawson street. Well worth the half sovereign I gave Neary for it. Never built under three guineas. Fits me down to the ground. Some Kildare street club toff had it probably. John Mulligan, the manager of the Hibernian bank, gave me a very sharp eye yesterday on Carlisle bridge as if he remembered me.

  Aham! Must dress the character for those fellows. Knight of the road. Gentleman. And now, Mr Crimmins, may we have the honour of your custom again, sir. The cup that cheers but not inebriates, as the old saying has it.

  North wall and sir John Rogerson’s quay, with hulls and anchorchains, sailing westward, sailed by a skiff, a crumpled throwaway, rocked on the ferrywash, Elijah is coming.

  Mr Kernan glanced in farewell at his image. High colour, of course. Grizzled moustache. Returned Indian officer. Bravely he bore his stumpy body forward on spatted feet, squaring his shoulders. Is that Ned Lambert’s brother over the way, Sam? What? Yes. He’s as like it as damn it. No. The windscreen of that motorcar in the sun there. Just a flash like that. Damn like him.

  Aham! Hot spirit of juniper juice warmed his vitals and his breath. Good drop of gin, that was. His frocktails winked in bright sunshine to his fat strut.

  Down there Emmet was hanged, drawn and quartered. Greasy black rope. Dogs licking the blood off the street when the lord lieutenant’s wife drove by in her noddy.

  Bad times those were. Well, well. Over and done with. Great topers too. Fourbottle men.

  Let me see. Is he buried in saint Michan’s? Or no, there was a midnight burial in Glasnevin. Corpse brought in through a secret door in the wall. Dignam is there now. Went out in a puff. Well, well. Better turn down here. Make a detour.

  Mr Kernan turned and walked down the slope of Watling street by the corner of Guinness’s visitors’ waitingroom. Outside the Dublin Distillers Company’s stores an outside car without fare or jarvey stood, the reins knotted to the wheel. Damn dangerous thing. Some Tipperary bosthoon endangering the lives of the citizens. Runaway horse.

  Denis Breen with his tomes, weary of having waited an hour in John Henry Menton’s office, led his wife over O’Connell bridge, bound for the office of Messrs Collis and Ward.

  Mr Kernan approached Island street.

  Times of the troubles. Must ask Ned Lambert to lend me those reminiscences of sir Jonah Barrington. When you look back on it all now in a kind of retrospective arrangement. Gaming at Daly’s. No cardsharping then. One of those fellows got his hand nailed to the table by a dagger. Somewhere here lord Edward Fitzgerald escaped from major Sirr. Stables behind Moira house.

  Damn good gin that was.

  Fine dashing young nobleman. Good stock, of course. That ruffian, that sham squire, with his violet gloves gave him away. Course they were on the wrong side. They rose in dark and evil days. Fine poem that is: Ingram. They were gentlemen. Ben Dollard does sing that ballad touchingly. Masterly rendition.

  At the siege of Ross did my father fall.

  A cavalcade in easy trot along Pembroke quay passed, outriders leaping, leaping in their, in their saddles. Frockcoats. Cream sunshades.

  Mr Kernan hurried forward, blowing pursily.

  His Excellency! Too bad! Just missed that by a hair. Damn it! What a pity!

  Stephen Dedalus watched through the webbed window the lapidary’s fingers prove a timedulled chain. Dust webbed the window and the showtrays. Dust darkened the toiling fingers with their vulture nails. Dust slept on dull coils of bronze and silver, lozenges of cinnabar, on rubies, leprous and winedark stones.

  Born all in the dark wormy earth, cold specks of fire, evil, lights shining in the darkness. Where fallen archangels flung the stars of their brows. Muddy swinesnouts, hands, root and root, gripe and wrest them.

  She dances in a foul gloom where gum bums with garlic. A sailorman, rustbearded, sips from a beaker rum and eyes her. A long and seafed silent rut. She dances, capers, wagging her sowish haunches and her hips, on her gross belly flapping a ruby egg.

  Old Russell with a smeared shammy rag burnished again his gem, turned it and held it at the point of his Moses’ beard. Grandfather ape gloating on a stolen hoard.

  And you who wrest old images from the burial earth? The brainsick words of sophists: Antisthenes. A lore of drugs. Orient and immortal wheat standing from everlasting to everlasting.

  Two old women fresh from their whiff of the briny trudged through Irishtown along London bridge road, one with a sanded tired umbrella, one with a midwife’s bag in which eleven cockles rolled.

  The whirr of flapping leathern bands and hum of dynamos from the powerhouse urged Stephen to be on. Beingless beings. Stop! Throb always without you and the throb always within. Your heart you sing of. I b
etween them. Where? Between two roaring worlds where they swirl, I. Shatter them, one and both. But stun myself too in the blow. Shatter me you who can. Bawd and butcher were the words. I say! Not yet awhile. A look around.

  Yes, quite true. Very large and wonderful and keeps famous time. You say right, sir. A Monday morning, ’twas so, indeed.

  Stephen went down Bedford row, the handle of the ash clacking against his shoulderblade. In Clohissey’s window a faded 1860 print of Heenan boxing Sayers held his eye. Staring backers with square hats stood round the roped prizering. The heavyweights in tight loincloths proposed gently each to other his bulbous fists. And they are throbbing: heroes’ hearts.

  He turned and halted by the slanted bookcart.

  — Twopence each, the huckster said. Four for sixpence.

  Tattered pages. The Irish Beekeeper. Life and Miracles of the Curé of Ars. Pocket Guide to Killarney.

  I might find here one of my pawned schoolprizes. Stephano Dedalo, alumno optimo, palmam ferenti.

  Father Conmee, having read his little hours, walked through the hamlet of Donnycarney, murmuring vespers.

  Binding too good probably. What is this? Eighth and ninth book of Moses. Secret of all secrets. Seal of King David. Thumbed pages: read and read. Who has passed here before me? How to soften chapped hands. Recipe for white wine vinegar. How to win a woman’s love. For me this. Say the following talisman three times with hands folded:

  — Se el yilo nebrakada femininum! Amor me solo! Sanktus! Amen.

  Who wrote this? Charms and invocations of the most blessed abbot Peter Salanka to all true believers divulged. As good as any other abbot’s charms, as mumbling Joachim’s. Down, baldynoddle, or we’ll wool your wool.

  — What are you doing here, Stephen?

  Dilly’s high shoulders and shabby dress.

  Shut the book quick. Don’t let see.

  — What are you doing? Stephen said.

  A Stuart face of nonesuch Charles, lank locks falling at its sides. It glowed as she crouched feeding the fire with broken boots. I told her of Paris. Late lieabed under a quilt of old overcoats, fingering a pinchbeck bracelet, Dan Kelly’s token. Nebrakada femininum.