Anna's Secret

by Blossom Turner

  Jason knew his brother. He would rage. He would justify his anger and even believe his superiority. Jason’s only prayer was that Mark had not become too hard in his spirit to allow the process of forgiveness.

  Jason had accomplished what he set out to do. He had saved his mom from Mark’s initial flare of anger and unkind words. He hoped by the time they had a chance to talk, Mark would’ve cooled down enough to think before he spoke.

  Jason opened his clenched fingers and stilled his shaking hands. He hated conflict. He dropped to the couch and did the only thing left to do—pray.

  Matt couldn’t believe the incredible events of the past few weeks. He went from being an overworked doctor with no other reason to get up in the morning than to see his patients—to the excitement of becoming a father—the greatest high ever. The thought of a God in heaven who cared about him personally no longer seemed too farfetched. Anna carried their child, and he was shocked how much he wanted this baby.

  His cell rang. He glanced down before he answered to make sure it was not Tamara. His pulse ran rapid when he realized the caller was Anna.

  “Matt, it’s Anna.”

  His heart bucked like a bronco … yeah, he knew who it was.

  “Hi, there.”

  “Do you have time to get together? We need to talk about the future of our child.”

  Her voice sounded professional and businesslike.

  “Sure.” He knew he sounded too eager.

  “I know you asked to be present when the baby is born, but … that won’t be possible.”

  He bit his lip.

  “My sister, Lana, has come to all the Lamaze classes, and she’s my coach. I haven’t had a chance to tell her the truth yet. I know it’ll come as a shock, and she’ll need some time to wrap her brain around all of this.

  “But—”

  “Matt, please. I’ll get someone to call immediately, and you can be there to see the baby right after the birth.”

  His gut clenched tight as he held in his disappointment. He understood the dynamics. Had he wooed her slowly and worked hard at becoming a trusted family friend, things would be different.

  “I hope you change your mind, Anna, but I will respect your decision.

  “Where do you want to meet?”

  She mentioned a small café, and they said good-bye.

  All I want is for us to be a family, but take it slow, old boy. Fatherhood is an amazing start, and she used the word future. Matt’s heart kicked up speed at the mere thought.

  Matt couldn’t imagine the amount of stress Anna had to process at the disclosure of this news to family and friends so late in the pregnancy. With this in mind, he prepared for their lunch determined to take a less selfish role. She needed to stay calm for the birth ahead. The least he could do was take it slow and respectful.

  By the time he found the tiny cafe she suggested, the clock read five minutes late. He jumped out of the car in a rush but stopped short. Through the window, he caught a rare moment to enjoy her unobserved.

  Her classic beauty and long wavy hair that framed high cheekbones took his breath away. A glow that people so often say pregnant women carry added the rosy color into her cheeks, while a set of hauntingly beautiful brown eyes stared toward the door. He marveled again at the fact this lovely woman, both on the inside and out, carried his child.

  She dabbed the napkin to the corner of her eyes. That could only mean tears.

  His stomach twisted into a knot. He felt responsible for her sorrow.

  This one honest moment gave him pause.

  What has my demand cost her? If I truly love her, shouldn’t I choose what’s best for her? But how? What?

  The thought of forfeiting all rights to his child flooded in and pained him greatly, but seeing her vulnerable state had him so conflicted, he almost walked away.

  Suddenly, she turned toward the window and caught him there. She waved and he waved back.

  “Hello, Anna,” he said, as he slid across from her into a booth that was reminiscent of the 1950s. The quaint roadside cafe made him feel like he had walked back in time. Not a place anyone in his circle of friends would suggest for lunch, the cafe exuded a comfortable charm and warmth that stilled his pounding heart.

  She smiled that smile. The one he’d come to dread.

  There was an awkward silence as they sat eyeing each other. In the past, conversation had never been a problem. Not so today. The tension grew palpable and could be cut with a knife.

  Her obvious distress made things clear, he knew he had to gain the courage … to let go. Her happiness was more important than his. He would make the painful discussion quick, and then take a lifetime to heal. It was like he was ordering up a bitter sauce, rather than the lunch he had looked forward to.

  “Anna.”

  “Matt.”

  They both started to speak at the same time.

  Matt waved his hand. “Please … let me speak, and I think I’ll set your mind at ease.”

  His throat tightened in an impossible ache, and he swallowed hard to release the knot. He forced himself to speak while he still had the nerve.

  “I’ve done some thinking.”

  She didn’t need to know that the thinking had been in the last few minutes viewing her emotion. Nor that the truth had hit him like the force of a loaded semi-truck rammed full speed into a brick wall.

  He now felt crushed and mangled. He hated what he saw in himself. The selfishness. His demanding attitude. The lack of sacrifice for the one person in the world he loved more than life itself.

  Silence, weighted and thick, hung between them. She sat across from him with a perplexed lift to her beautifully arched brows.

  “I’ve been thinking about your friends, your family, your church … everything that is important to you, and I found something inside myself I don’t like all that much. In my selfishness, I’ve demanded what may very well destroy you. I’m no longer willing to do that.”

  She stared at him with her dark brown eyes popped wide.

  “I want to be a father to our child with all my heart, but I want you to be happy more. My demands will ensure the world knows our story and will cause you great embarrassment and shame. I can’t in good conscience do that after all you’ve been through. I will help you financially, but that will be my only involvement.”

  “Matt, you’d do that for me?”

  It pained him greatly to say yes, but he did.

  A genuine smile flooded her face as she reached across the table to take his hands in both of hers. “Matt, you truly are a wonderful person. Your child is going to be so blessed to have a father like you.”

  He didn’t know what to take from that remark, but it sure felt wonderful holding her hands and having her smile at him like she actually meant it.

  She pulled her hands from the table to her oversized lap. Matt watched Anna smooth the top of the mound in a gentle circular motion as she arched her back and shifted in her chair.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No worries, Matt. Sitting is hard these days, and junior here doesn’t like the scrunched up feeling any more than I do. That’s why I smooth my hands over my belly, it seems to calm him down.”

  “Him? You think it’s a boy.”

  “Oh, yeah, this is a boy,” she laughed. “The pregnancy has been exactly like the last two, same heartbeat, same positioning, everything.”

  “I think it’s a girl.” He shrugged. “I can’t tell you why, I just do. But why haven’t you found out? Most everyone does these days.”

  “What? And spoil one of the best surprises in life. Nope, I want to wait, so how about a little wager on it, Matt?”

  “I thought you good Christians don’t bet.”

  The pained look she shot him made him regret his playful banter.

  “I guess we’ve e
stablished that I’m not always such a good Christian, am I?”

  He could tell she was referring to their past. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

  “I know. And yes, we do have small fun bets, not like mortgaging the house or anything. When my boys still lived at home, we’d often debate a subject with the loser having to fulfill a favor or do a chore. Besides, it made them research the answer to prove their point. All in good fun.”

  “Okay, what do I want if the baby’s a girl?” He brushed a hand through his curly mop. “I want to give our baby girl her middle name. I wouldn’t suggest the first, but the second for sure.”

  Anna laughed. “I hope it’s not Gertrude, Ethel, or Myrtle … because that wouldn’t be considered a fun bet.”

  “I assure you, it’s not any of those names. I’ve been thinking about Joy, because I’ve felt nothing but joy at the thought of being a father.”

  Anna’s eyes glistened with tears, and a flutter of disquiet tugged at her heart. “You’ve already given serious thought to names?”

  “Yeah, so how about our wager?”

  “It’s a deal.”

  “Hey, wait a minute. Before we shake on it, what do you want if you win?”

  “I hope I don’t win.”

  That made him smile.

  “Let’s go for a walk!” she suggested. “Baby and I will be a whole lot more comfortable.” She fished some coins out of her purse for the glass of milk she had ordered and dropped them on the checkered tablecloth.

  He followed her out of the restaurant wondering what else they’d have to discuss, since he would soon be out of her life, but decided he’d enjoy this last walk by her side.

  He reached for her arm in protection as they crossed the street. Once he had touched her, it felt as natural as breathing to slide his hand down her arm and entwine his fingers into hers.

  He could see out of the corner of his eye that she momentarily looked over in surprise but made no attempt to remove her hand. He kept his gaze straight ahead as if nothing was unusual. The sensation of her warm hands in his sent a shiver up his spine. Yes indeed, he’d enjoy this last walk. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

  They walked hand in hand in silence to a nearby park. He felt oddly at peace with his decision to give up his rights to the baby.

  She interrupted his musings. “Matt, I’m glad you found me and forced the truth to surface.”

  He was shocked by her words.

  “Living that lie chewed me up inside. And what I did to you was so wrong. For that I’ll always be sorry.”

  “You’ve said you were sorry—”

  She stepped in front of him to face him. “But sorry means setting it right. When you came along claiming the right to your child and a meaningful relationship with him—”

  “Her.”

  A smile flooded her face, “Okay, her.

  “Matt, it was the catalyst I needed to change. I’ve already told a number of people the truth. I have a long way to go yet, but as the Bible says, the truth will set me free. I haven’t felt this good in months.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. You’re this child’s father, and if you desire to be a father then you deserve that right as much as I deserve the right to be a mother. Besides, our child needs you. I was cheating you and our baby, for the sake of my own pride.”

  Matt let her words wash over him. He was going to be a father, and the thought thrilled him to no end. Not to mention, having the opportunity to pop in regularly into this beautiful woman’s life. His heart swelled in size.

  Matt longed to drop a kiss on her sun-drenched cheek, or better yet on her glorious lips, but he remembered his decision to concentrate on the baby alone. They resumed their walk with his hand regretfully at his side, and he steered the conversation away from them. They talked, and even laughed about totally unrelated subjects. As they circled the park, Matt felt their easy friendship return and marveled at the gift of this awesome restart.

  “But, Lana, you’ve got to believe me when I say that I’m sorry. This was not personal—”

  “Not personal? Give me a break. You lie to me for months, and I’m not supposed to take this personally?”

  Anna hung her head in shame. “I was wrong. Please forgive me?”

  Lana shook her head. “I still can’t believe this. You didn’t trust me? The one person in the world that I thought I could always confide in didn’t trust me with the truth.”

  Anna could feel the hurt oozing from her sister’s words.

  “Our families go to the same church, we see each other regularly, everyone always says we’re as thick as thieves. People are going to think I was in on this lie, and I don’t like that one bit.”

  “No, Lana, I’ll go to the pastor myself. I’ll tell them the truth, that you had nothing to do with this.”

  “As if I can believe you’ll tell the truth.”

  Anna turned away. “I guess I deserve that, but I’ll stand before the church and confess to everyone. I’m done with the lies.”

  “Oh, nice, then we’ll all get to share in your public shame.”

  The click, click, click of Lana’s heels reverberated off the hardwood as she paced back and forth.

  “Anna, did you stop in your selfishness long enough to think how this situation would impact anyone besides yourself?”

  “All I have to offer is my apology. Please forgive me.”

  “I’ll have to think this through and talk to Tom. We’ll decide how best to handle this. You’ve placed us all in a very awkward situation. I shudder at what to tell the kids. What a poor example you’ve been to them, especially now when they are in their teens and so susceptible to the ways of the world. Why, they may think that if good little Auntie Anna can have premarital sex, then so can they.” The tone of her voice registered ten on the sarcasm scale.

  “I should hope they’ll see this as more of a deterrent than encouragement,” Anna said, pointing at her stomach. “And grasp the pain sin causes others.”

  Lana lifted her nose in the air. “One can only hope.” With that, she slipped out the door, always the consummate lady. She didn’t stomp down the hall, nor slam the door. Her car rolled quietly out of the drive and gently picked up speed.

  Anna wished Lana had screamed, yelled, and spun the car out of the driveway in which to release some of her anger, and then offer forgiveness. But that was not Lana’s way. She simmered. She steeped. Then she cut people off and out of her life. The thought made Anna shiver. Surely, she wouldn’t do that to her own flesh and blood?

  The next day Anna received a short message left on her cell.

  “Anna, Tom and I have talked and will endeavor to maintain a good Christian example. We’ve been sisters … well, more than sisters, friends for too long to jeopardize all that. We forgive you, but this hurts. You’ve let us down more than you can imagine. I, in particular, need time to heal. I don’t think …” her voice wavered and silence filled the moment. “I don’t think I can handle being there at the birth and supporting you in these circumstances. You’ll have to make some other arrangement. Goodbye then.” The message clicked off but not before Anna could hear her sister’s sobbing.

  Anna had considered the pain her untimely pregnancy would cost her family. It had been the reason she had allowed the lie. But having lived under the weight of such dishonesty, she knew it was not God’s way. Sin had repercussions, but to hide the sin had even more.

  She had to admit, the thought of Lana’s refusal to coach her through the birth at this late date caused fear to spike. She remembered only too well how difficult the birthing process had been with both her sons, and she was a whole lot older now. To be left alone at this late hour was indeed a heavy price to pay. Her heart picked up speed and hammered in her chest. The baby kicked in retaliation.

  “Oh, God,” she cried, “Q
uiet my fear.”

  Once the truth got rolling, it became easier to tell in one sense only—the more people Anna confessed to, the more freedom she felt. The rest remained difficult. She had a plan, the immediate family first, her pastor and his wife second, and then her friends and church.

  Rita prayed up a storm daily. She assured Anna that each soul God laid on her heart, or brought her way, would be handled with prayer. Anna could feel the power and gave thanks to her wise friend and encouraging mentor.

  A surprise visit thrust Anna into telling the pastor and his wife, Eleanor, before some family members. The doorbell sang out and Pastor Harry and Eleanor waltzed in. They carted a huge box, happily announcing a gift compliments of the church—a new crib for the baby.

  “After I tell you what I need to, you’ll more than likely want to cart that right back out,” Anna confessed. “So, just leave it by the door.” She ushered the stunned couple in and had them safely tucked into chairs before she started. She didn’t want to have to catch them as they fell down in shock.

  “There’s no way to say this, other than say what I should’ve told you months ago. Steven is not my baby’s father.”

  “Why, Anna dear, surely you can’t mean that—” Eleanor sputtered and shook her head as if in a daze.

  “Yes, my dear, that’s exactly what she means.” Pastor Harry reached out and patted his wife on the knee. Without words, he conveyed a message.

  Eleanor gasped, and then pierced her lips tight as if to stem off a flow of words best left unsaid.

  Pastor Harry shifted forward in his chair and took over. “Well, Anna, this does indeed put us in a predicament.”

  Anna nodded, as a tear snaked down her cheek. “I never meant for this to happen. I came that morning preparing to tell the truth and you—” She stopped herself. “Nope—no more excuses—I was wrong, and let’s just leave it there.”

  A frown puckered Pastor Harry’s forehead and then a lift of one eyebrow as truth dawned on him. “I kind of jumped in and made up a perfect story for you, didn’t I?”