Jake Understood

by Penelope Ward

  After several minutes, she finally took it and let me pull her in.

  Yes.

  Her voice was shaky. “Leave the door open.”

  “Okay. We can take this slow.”

  I continued to hold the door open but knew she was never going to tell me to close it. “You tell me when you are ready to take a ride.”

  “I won’t ever be ready. Don’t you understand? I won’t ever be ready for that door to close.”

  “Then, you need to let me decide when, okay? You trust me, Nina?”

  She squeezed my hand tighter. For a petite girl, she sure as hell had a lot of strength when she was clinging on for dear life.

  Then, something amazing happened. She looked me in the eyes, and there seemed to be a shift in her expression. I knew it was the exact moment she decided to put all of her trust in me. For the second time since our adventure began, I had to squelch the urge to pull her into my chest.

  “I probably shouldn’t trust you, Jake, but the truth is, I do. I’m just scared.”

  If it was the last thing I did, I wanted to eradicate every last bit of the fear that lived inside of this girl. I wanted her to be happy and wanted to be the one to make that happen even if I couldn’t understand where that need was coming from.

  “Nina, I’m going to let the doors close now, okay?”

  She nodded.

  Good girl.

  I released the button, but when the doors closed, Nina started shaking. I kept with the plan and pressed the button for the highest floor. She caught me off guard when she grabbed a hold of me, wrapping her arms around my waist and placing her cheek on my chest. Every muscle in my body tightened to resist the feelings that were rocketing through me. My heart thundered against her cheek. I looked down to find that her eyes were closed. Her nails dug into my sides, and I silently willed her to do it harder. I wanted her pain. I wanted anything she could give me in that moment and relished her touch even if it wasn’t meant to be enjoyed. I breathed in the clean scent of her hair to calm my sensory overload. She likely had no clue that my own body was in flux for an entirely different reason than her own.

  My mouth lightly touched her ear when I said, “You’re doing good.” I looked up at the digital numbers. “Look. We’re on fifty now.”

  She refused to move her face which was still buried in my chest. “Don’t tell me! I don’t want to know how high we are.”

  As much as I never wanted to let her go, we’d reached the top floor. I reluctantly backed away from her, my body instantly craving the return of her warm breasts against my chest. “You want to walk around up here for a bit or do you wanna go right back down?”

  “Go back down. Please.”

  “You got it.”

  You got it, dude.

  She grabbed a hold of my shirt again as the car descended. While I was tempted to bring her closer into me, it was better that I didn’t because in seconds, I was about to become the most hated man in her universe.

  Nina, I promise. It’s for your own good.

  I took a deep breath and pressed the red button.

  The elevator came to a grinding halt, and Nina screamed like a banshee.

  “Jake! Jake? We’re stuck! What’s happening? What’s happening?”

  With one hand on the stop button, I kept my cool and held my index finger to my mouth. “Shh.”

  The look on her face transformed from fright to rage before my eyes. “Please tell me…you…did not just stop this elevator?”

  “Calm down, Nina. Calm dow—”

  Ow. Fuck!

  She’d used all of her strength to smack me in the chest.

  “The fuck, Nina. Stop!”

  I grabbed her hands and locked them into mine, and my glare burned into hers. She couldn’t move from my grasp. As much as her whack in the chest hurt, she was now realizing how strong I was and that she wouldn’t be able to compete.

  “You told me you wouldn’t force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I am begging you…move this elevator…now!”

  If any residents heard her say that, they’d call the police.

  Holding her hands tighter, I said, “Nina, calm down. It’s okay. Don’t you see you have to stick this out? You have to pass through the moment of panic. If you can get past that and see that nothing happens, you can do anything.”

  I’d done a lot of research in the last several days on panic attacks. There was always a peak where the symptoms got to their most unbearable, but if the person stuck with the situation rather than running, things would eventually calm down once they realized they weren’t really in true danger. Most people ran before they got to that point. The cure lied in sticking it out until the end.

  We continued to argue back and forth until she started to hyperventilate. I wanted her to know that the choice was still hers. I moved in closer and placed my hands on her face. “Look at me.” I ran my tongue ring across my bottom lip. As crazy as she was acting, I ached to taste her mouth. I wished it were possible to kiss the fear right out of her. Instead, I simply said, “If you make me push that button, the deal’s off.”

  “Fine…deal’s off…do it. Now.”

  Well, that backfired.

  I repositioned myself in front of the panel of buttons to block it and decided to firm up my stance. I crossed my arms. “No.”

  “Jake…push the button.”

  “No. You’d be back at square one. You have to get over this, and the only way is to experience it. I’m not letting you give up that easily.”

  She screamed out in frustration and punched the back wall.

  “Fuck me! I can’t believe this,” she said.

  Believe me, I’d give anything to know what it felt like to fuck you, Nina.

  I joked, “Well, that’s one way we could pass the time, but I don’t make a habit of doing that with women in the midst of a hyperventilation episode. It’s too confusing…hard to tell what’s actually causing the heavy breathing.”

  “Very funny.”

  I told her I was kidding just in case she didn’t get my sense of humor. She ended up crawling down onto the floor in a fetal position next, and that was when I knew it was time to implement phase two.

  Her head was in between her knees, so she didn’t see me open the backpack. I figured I’d start this party off with a bang. I reached into the bag and pulled out the bottle of champagne I’d brought and prepared to open it.

  Here goes nothing.

  When the cork flew into the air, it let out a loud pop. Foam shot out and landed all over my plaid shirt. I couldn’t help but crack up when I saw the look on Nina’s face.

  “Jake! What the hell? What THE hell?”

  I lifted the bottle. “We’re celebrating!”

  “You are sick!”

  “We are celebrating your survival, Nina! It’s been twelve minutes and thirty-three seconds since this elevator stopped, and you’re still alive.”

  I took out two champagne flutes and a picnic blanket I’d brought, nearly hitting her in the face as I fluffed it out and spread it on the elevator floor.

  “What are you doing?”

  “What does it look like we’re doing? We’re having a picnic.”

  I took out the rest of the delicacies I’d bought from Trader Joe’s and placed them on the blanket along with my iPod.

  “You are not serious!”

  “Dead serious. We need to change your negative connotation of elevators. The last time you were in this situation, you associated it with darkness and misery. Now, the next time you get stuck in one, you’ll think of the amazeballs picnic we’re gonna have.”

  I poured the champagne and handed her one. She refused to take it.

  “You’re being a jackass.”

  “You can take it, or I can drink it all. Then, you’ll just be stuck in this elevator with a drunk jackass.”

  I pretended to enjoy the food a little too much while she looked at me as if I were certifiable. There was no rhyme or reason to the ass
ortment I’d selected: Wasabi peas, chocolate-covered cherries, sesame crackers, children’s animal crackers, hummus. I’d been just trying to get the hell out of the grocery store, but now, in looking at the random stuff I’d picked, it was almost comical.

  After several minutes, to my surprise, she started to sample some of the food and had downed her first glass of champagne.

  Cute little lush.

  My plan to take her mind off her symptoms was working. So, now it was time to implement phase three.

  I took my iPod, connected it to a speaker and scrolled down to a very special playlist I’d spent most of the previous night putting together.

  The first song was Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty. You should’ve seen the look on her face when she realized what I was up to. Then, a tiny miracle happened. For the first time since this excursion began, Nina truly laughed, and I followed suit, so relieved to hear that beautiful sound coming from her mouth.

  “Nina Kennedy. Is that a laugh I hear? Are you seriously making light of this dangerous and life-threatening situation we are in? Shame on you!”

  Then, she threw a cherry at me.

  Fuck yeah.

  This was exactly the reaction I was hoping for. She was so caught up in the ridiculousness of this situation, she’d forgotten to obsess about her anxiety, and it was no longer building up.

  “Jake, you are nuts, you know that?”

  “Oh! Speaking of nuts…” I reached into the bottom of my backpack for something I’d forgotten to put out. “You need to sample my nuts, Nina. Try these.”

  I’d fully intended to embarrass her, and it had worked. God, it was so easy. “Why are you blushing?” I asked.

  “I don’t want to taste your nuts, thanks.” She smiled.

  She was playing along. What a rush. Now that I knew she appreciated sexual innuendos, I’d have to make a note to throw some more at her. It would be worth it just to see her cheeks light up into that beautiful shade of pink. I had to shake my dirty mind from wondering what other beautiful shades of pink hid beneath her clothes.

  I handed her the container of chocolate-covered nuts, and we continued to just enjoy the music together.

  “So, Nina, what’s been your favorite part about today so far?”

  “Hmm…let’s see. There were lots,” she said facetiously. “But I think number one goes to…pissing my pants a little when you popped the cork, causing me to actually believe for a moment that the elevator had exploded into a ball of fire. Thanks for that.”

  “That’s what I’m here for, Kodak moments like that.”

  “I appreciate it.”

  “Nina?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Next time, I’ll pack some spare underwear in the back pack for you.”

  Just like that, another chocolate-covered Bing cherry flew at my face.

  I was feeling a little buzzed, and it made me want to flirt with her. “You’re lucky you’re cute when you’re losing oxygen.”

  She didn’t respond.

  Then, she started to laugh when Stuck in the Middle with You by Stealer’s Wheel came on.

  “You like that, huh?” I asked.

  “You’re crazy…but you know what? I’m not panicking anymore, so there is something to this.”

  I winked at her. “Good girl.” I realized I’d said it in an overtly sexual way that made her blush again.

  We stopped talking for a bit and just lay in silence as the music played. Nina closed her eyes, and I decided to do the same. It hit me how exhausting the day had been. I had no clue what time it even was although it didn’t matter, because this was exactly where I wanted to be. I was in no rush to go back to reality.

  My eyes opened at one point, and hers were still closed. This time, it wasn’t out of fear. She looked almost peaceful, and I gave myself a mental pat on the back. It was the first time I could really stare at her without her knowing. Nina was more naturally beautiful than the handful of women I’d been with in recent years. With smooth, milky skin, she didn’t need an ounce of makeup. I had the urge to reach over and tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear.

  I shut my eyes, and this time when I opened them, I caught her staring at me. She looked away immediately. I closed my eyes again and opened them ever so slightly, just enough to see her but make her think I couldn’t and observed her looking over at me the entire time.

  What she really thought of me was a mystery. I felt like she was physically attracted to me, but I wondered if I scared her a little.

  I snapped my eyes open suddenly. As anticipated, she whipped her head away from me.

  I decided to mess with her. “Have you had your fill?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Should I put this stuff away?”

  A look of relief washed over her face when she realized I wasn’t referring to her ogling me. “Oh…yeah…um…yes.”

  Just as I was done putting the food away, my own nerves kicked in when a song I’d originally debated not adding to the playlist came on. I’d been specifically looking for songs about elevators last night when a tune called Stuck in the Elevator came up in my search. Whereas all the other songs I’d picked were meant to be funny, this one was slow, serious and almost hypnotizing. The words conveyed what I couldn’t have known last night but exactly what I was feeling right now: that somehow being here with her in this moment felt meant to be.

  With my back against the wall, I shut my eyes again and wondered if she was getting the meaning of the song.

  Her soft voice startled me. “Who sings this?”

  “It’s a song I found online called Stuck in the Elevator by Edie Brickell. You like it?”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  “Good.”

  “You’re still insane, though,” she said quietly.

  I opened my eyes to find her mouth spread into the most beautiful smile she’d given me yet. It should have felt good, but instead, it triggered a feeling of dreadful longing inside my gut.

  I had a crush on her—like a fucking kid. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like this. Forced to grow up too fast, my teenage years before Ivy were all a blur. I definitely couldn’t recall feeling anything remotely similar before. If I were that teenager, life would be simple and nothing would be holding me back from pursuing her. Instead, I was a twenty-four-year-old legally married man playing a dangerous game with my heart. Getting closer to her, knowing that we couldn’t ever really be together was a bad idea.

  Two voices in my head seemed to be competing with each other as the song continued to play.

  The voice of reason was the loudest: Don’t think for a second this girl could ever accept your marriage to Ivy. After you help Nina through this shit, you need to stay the fuck away from her. You hear me?

  Deep beneath that voice, was a weaker one that I was pretty sure lived in an insane asylum somewhere inside my heart. That one seemed to come out with a single message whenever I would lay eyes on her: Maybe there’s a way.

  ***

  After we returned home that night, Nina knocked on my bedroom door which was half-way open.

  I straightened my back against the headboard and put aside my laptop. “Come in.”

  She walked over to the bed and sat at the edge of my feet.

  “I just want to thank you again for today. I know I must have seemed like a crazy person for a while there.”

  I shrugged jokingly. “No…no. Not at all.”

  I winked.

  She smiled.

  I smiled back.

  Our eyes locked for a few tension-filled seconds before she looked away. We sat in silence until she looked up at me again. The expression on her face turned serious.

  “No one has ever done anything like that for me, Jake. I mean, you put so much thought into it.”

  Shaking my head, I said, “It was nothing. If anything, it was fun for me.”

  She covered her face. “I hit you, for Christ’s sake!”

  I joked, “Eh. Not the first time a woma
n has hit me in the heat of the moment. Usually, I’m handcuffed and blindfolded, though.”

  I winked again.

  She smiled again.

  I smiled back again.

  Nina leaned in a little, causing my pulse to race. “You put yourself through all of that, knowing damn well that I was gonna freak out on you. I mean, what was in it for you?”

  You.

  You were in it for me.

  “What was in it for me?” I sat up and moved closer to where she was sitting on the bed and scratched my chin. “I got to watch you go from living in an imaginary place to living in the present. I was able to share it with you because you trusted me. It’s exhilarating for me to know I could show you how to live in the moment…because that’s all there ever is, Nina. So much stress could be eliminated if we all learned to do that.”

  She nodded to herself, taking in my words. “This moment…right now…us sitting here….that’s all there is. I have to keep reminding myself of that. It’s easier to do when someone who is centered is guiding you through it. No one’s ever held my hand through anything like that. Thank you again.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “You know, everyone at home thinks I’m crazy. They never take my anxieties seriously. My parents, my ex-boyfriend…”

  Ex-boyfriend.

  I wanted to kick this guy’s ass, whoever he was. Fucker.

  It was the perfect window to ask what I’d been wondering since she moved in.

  “Is that the guy in the picture in your room?”

  Nina shook her head. “No. No, that’s my brother.”

  My heart started beating faster. “You don’t have a boyfriend now?”

  “No.”

  Relief coursed through me even though I had to remind myself that it shouldn’t have mattered since I wouldn’t be pursuing her.

  I felt my dick move as her gaze travelled down my shirtless chest and down lower to my six-pack. My pulse quickened when she reached out her hand and placed it over the dragon tattoo on my left forearm.

  “What is that?”

  My arm tingled from her touch, which felt electric. At any given moment, I felt seconds away from grabbing her shirt and pulling her into a deep kiss. I wanted that so desperately.