Gunner

by Heather Slade

  However, this was worse. Lena had been mentally deranged. Raketa was flat out lying to him about her true motives. He went so far as to wonder if, by having her here, his life would be at risk.

  He walked back toward the house and continued the workout he’d begun earlier, only this time with a vigor driven by his temper.

  —:—

  Raketa sat up and saw Gunner stalk back to the tire he’d been hurling earlier. He looked angry, almost enraged. What could’ve happened for him to look as though he wanted to rip the rubber in two?

  She waited to see if he’d look her way, but gave up after several minutes, emptied the tub, climbed out, and got dressed.

  Instead of going outside, Raketa went back into the room she’d slept in and sat on the bed. Maybe he was like this all the time. How would she know? They’d spent so little time together she really knew nothing about him, as much as it often felt the opposite.

  Had she spun the fantasy of him so intricately that now she had to reconcile it with the man who was outside, punishing his body?

  She peered through the window again, like she had when she first woke up, and saw him stalking toward the front door. Not knowing what to do, she stayed where she was and waited.

  Within moments he stormed through the bedroom door.

  “What is your connection to Petrov?” he bellowed, coming close enough that she thought he might grab her.

  “There is no connection,” she murmured.

  “Bullshit. Quit fucking lying to me. Who is he to you?”

  Raketa stood her ground and looked him in the eye; she had no intention of answering.

  Gunner grasped the back of her neck and leaned in closer so their noses were almost touching.

  “Who…is…he…to…you?” he spat, not lowering his voice even though she was right in front of him.

  “He is no one to me.”

  “Let me rephrase, then. Who was he to you?”

  Raketa closed her eyes, leaving them that way far too long. He knew, or at least, he sounded like he did, and he wanted her to admit it. She never would allow the words he wanted to hear to cross her lips.

  “No one,” she whispered.

  Gunner raised his arm, but Raketa knew he wouldn’t strike her. He ran one hand through his hair while the other held tight to the back of her neck.

  “Last warning. Tell me the truth,” he barked.

  Last warning, and then what? Would he leave and let someone else take over, someone who would interrogate her in the way she doubted Gunner could?

  It didn’t matter. She’d face death head-on before she admitted who Petrov was to anyone.

  —:—

  Gunner released Raketa’s neck, drew back with his right hand and struck, putting a hole in the bedroom wall. She didn’t shrink away from him, nor did she look afraid. She was banking on the fact that he wouldn’t hurt her because of their previous intimacy.

  He needed more space between them and this room was too small to give him enough.

  Gunner took a step back. “Come with me.” He left the room and stalked down the hall without bothering to see whether she was following. On his way, he grabbed a shirt that he’d tossed over the back of a chair and pulled it over his head.

  When he reached the house’s main room, he pointed to one of the sofas. “Sit,” he told her.

  She ignored him and stood with her arms folded.

  “When were you born?”

  “You already know the answer.”

  “What day?”

  There it was, the flash of pain in her eyes that he’d seen before, gone before most would’ve noticed it.

  “You don’t know, do you?”

  She didn’t answer or even move her head.

  “Who were you before the KGB recruited you?”

  Still no response.

  “Who is Zaryana Ivashov?”

  This time she squared her shoulders, but still didn’t speak.

  “Who is Petrov to you?” he repeated, knowing he wasn’t coming close to wearing her down. He was, however, confirming Razor’s theory, just based on her lack of reaction.

  —:—

  Inside, Raketa was trembling with a combination of fear and uncertainty. When Gunner walked closer, she wasn’t sure what he intended to do. Part of her still believed he wouldn’t strike her, but without another wall in close enough proximity, maybe she should consider the possibility that he would.

  She didn’t flinch when he raised his arm and stroked the side of her face with his finger. Her eyes met his, and she wished she knew what he was thinking.

  “Rocket Girl,” he murmured. “Why can’t you just tell me the truth? Why can’t you believe I want to help you?”

  Of everything he’d said, yelled, or demanded of her, that statement affected her the most. She bit down on her tongue as her stupid eyes filled with tears. When she tried to move away from him, Gunner wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

  She rested against his chest.

  Gunner brought his lips to hers. “I need you to know something.”

  Raketa nodded.

  “Whatever happens between us…physically, has nothing to do with the questions I’m asking you. Do you understand what I mean?”

  She nodded a second time.

  “Look at me.”

  Raketa raised her head.

  “I want you, Rocket Girl, naked and in my bed, but more than that, I want to know you understand that this is separate.”

  His eyes bored into hers as though he was waiting for her to tell him she did. Part of her did, but the other part couldn’t trust him. No one had her trust, and she doubted anyone ever would—even Gunner Godet.

  —:—

  He could physically feel her hesitancy and wished he had the words to convince her to talk to him. Even if she didn’t answer a single of his questions, he still wanted to hear her voice.

  Instead of waiting any longer, Gunner covered her mouth with his, pushing his tongue inside, and making it impossible for her to speak.

  What she said with her lips and her tongue, though, told him what he needed to know for now. When she pressed her body against his, he released the grip he had on her, picked her up, and carried her to his bedroom.

  “Tell me you want this,” he said before crossing over the threshold.

  Raketa nodded.

  “Not good enough, Rocket Girl. I need to hear the words. Tell me you want this. Tell me you understand that what is about to happen doesn’t have a damn thing to do with Petrov, United Russia, K19, or anything else that is happening outside the walls of this room.”

  “I understand.”

  Gunner still didn’t move. That wasn’t enough. He needed to hear the rest.

  “I want this,” she whispered.

  He walked over to the bed and rested her body on it. “Lean back for me.” Gunner hovered over her, making sure her eyes stayed focused on him.

  With one arm resting on his elbow, he unfastened the buttons on her shirt with the other. It was one of many he’d picked out for her when his sister, who owned a women’s clothing boutique, sent him an email with options for the woman he’d described to her.

  “She’s probably a size zero, three at the most, the way you’ve described her. I’ll send a mix of both sizes.”

  He’d thanked her and had agreed to tell her more as soon as he could. She was used to that line both from him and their father who had retired as a four-star general.

  “Look at you,” he murmured when he unfastened the last button and opened her shirt, exposing the soft skin of her belly and the pale pink of the bra his sister had also sent.

  Raketa’s eyes remained focused on his as he leaned forward and licked his way from her belly button up to the thin clasp that held together the cups of her bra. Raketa took in a breath when he released it and let it fall to the side. He ran his tongue around her dusty rose nipples, gently nibbling each one before continuing his trail of kisses up her sternum, to her neck, and
finally to her mouth.

  Gunner had been gentle to that point, but he couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He kissed her hard, battling her tongue with his, and increasing the pressure as she responded the same way.

  He reached around and pulled the shirt he’d just put on over his head and dropped his shorts.

  “I’m sweaty,” he said, but the heat in her eyes told him it didn’t matter.

  He stood, resting one knee on the bed, next to her, and pulled down her elastic-waist workout shorts, smiling when he saw she was wearing the pale pink panties that matched her bra.

  It didn’t matter that Raketa was one of the most badass Russian operatives who’d ever lived, underneath it all, she was a woman who could be soft and sweet and sexy as all get-out.

  He lay on the bed next to her and licked the skin above the waistband of her panties. He grasped each side and pulled them down her legs and off her body.

  The scent of her arousal was so powerful he couldn’t resist a taste. She squirmed as though she was uncomfortable.

  “Let me do this,” he told her, holding her still.

  Raketa tentatively opened her legs wider.

  “More,” he said, looking up into her eyes. “That’s better,” he said when she did as he asked.

  When he brought his mouth to her flesh, every muscle in her body tensed enough that Gunner stopped before he’d gotten started.

  “Talk to me, Rocket Girl,” he said, bringing his body next to hers and turning her to the side so they were face to face.

  Raketa closed her eyes, her face flushed, and she turned her head away.

  Gunner grasped her chin and turned her head back. “Don’t. Talk to me.”

  She shook her head and didn’t open her eyes.

  Gunner covered her lips with his and pushed his tongue into her mouth when she opened to him.

  “That’s you,” he said, “and I want more.”

  The muscles that had relaxed tightened again. Gunner stroked her cheek with his finger and brought his lips to hers a second time. He kissed her lips softly and then continued down her neck until he reached her breasts. Equally gentle, he laved one nipple while his fingers teased the other. Little by little, her tension released.

  As soon as he moved down her body farther, she tensed again.

  “I wish you would talk to me,” he said, looking up at her. “Did someone…”

  When her eyes filled with tears, Gunner stopped talking, stopped his mouth’s assault on her body, and held her close, resting his head on her stomach.

  “I’ve never…” Her words were barely a whisper.

  “Do you trust me, Rocket Girl?”

  What he saw in her eyes wasn’t just about sex. She didn’t trust him, and she couldn’t lie to him and say that she did. He respected that.

  Again he stroked her face with this finger and gently kissed her lips. He didn’t do more than that and didn’t intend to.

  “I’m sorry,” she said when, after several minutes, he stood and picked her clothes up off the floor and handed them to her. “We can still—”

  “No, sweetheart. We can’t. Not until you trust me.” Gunner pulled on his shorts and sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

  What could he say? He’d asked her to tell him she understood that sex between them was separate from him wanting to know what she was involved in or up against. He had to make sure that she understood he wasn’t using intimacy to get her to talk. He should’ve also asked about her trust before he brought her in here, stripped her of her clothes, and made her vulnerable to him.

  He felt her weight leave the bed and heard the door close behind her. He put his t-shirt back on but didn’t immediately follow her. He’d give Raketa a few minutes, or maybe the rest of the day. What he’d done had been unfair. How could she believe anything other than that he was trying to manipulate her?

  —:—

  Raketa went outside and walked behind the house, in the direction of the woods. She wondered if Gunner would stop her or come after her, but he didn’t.

  Would it really have been that hard to simply tell him she trusted him? She’d lied thousands of times as part of her job. Tell them what they want to hear in order to get what you’ve been assigned to deliver. It didn’t matter how you got the information, all that mattered was that you did.

  He asked her if she understood that sex wasn’t part of his plan to get her to talk. She’d told him she did, but she’d lied then, not being absolutely certain. It was only when he directly asked if she trusted him that she couldn’t bring herself to lie again.

  She’d never used sex to get information because, until she’d been with Gunner, she’d never had sex at all. Or since. Why couldn’t she bring herself to tell him that?

  When she reached the edge of the woods and saw the shore ahead, she sat on a fallen log.

  Trust would always be an issue for her. Always. She likely wouldn’t be here at all if she’d trusted Gunner enough to tell him why she hadn’t wanted to leave Petrov’s compound. Maybe he would’ve even helped her.

  She hadn’t heard Gunner approach until he sat next to her. The bastard was known to be a stealth god; he’d just proven how much of one he was. She was trained to hear and react to everything, yet here he was, beside her, close enough that he could’ve slit her throat or killed her in a myriad of other ways.

  “I said I was sorry earlier, but I want you to know why I’m sorry.”

  Raketa nodded. “I know.”

  “Do you think I don’t want you?”

  She shook her head. “You’re a good man, Gunner. In our world, we don’t meet many who are.”

  “You’re an honorable woman.”

  She tilted her head and looked at him. “What do you mean?”

  “You didn’t lie to me.”

  “But I did. I told you that I understood when I didn’t.”

  “I would never use sex to get you to talk, Rocket Girl.”

  She nodded.

  “I want you to give me the answers because you want to. You trusted me enough to come to me about leaving United Russia. That’s a start. When you’re ready to tell me why you’ve had a change of heart, or the real reason you want to return to Moscow, let me know. In the meantime, I have a workout to finish.”

  He stood and looked down at her. “Wanna join me? I wouldn’t want you to get soft out here on my island.”

  She smiled and stood too. “As if I would ever get soft. Wait, did you say this is your island?”

  “Tiny as it is, it’s all mine.”

  Raketa waited for him to tell her more, but he turned and walked into the woods. There was so much about Gunner Godet that she knew nothing about. She couldn’t explain her attraction to him, but it was as strong now as it was the first time their eyes met. It hadn’t lessened even a little.

  She almost wished it would because then she’d know that he wasn’t different. He was just a man she was attracted to, and not someone she could risk trusting.

  8

  It wasn’t just that Gunner was being noble with Raketa, he believed the words he’d said to her. Sure, there had been women he wasn’t in a relationship with that he’d had sex with. There’d been no question in his mind that they knew the score and didn’t expect anything more from him.

  With Raketa, though, it was different. Just like it would’ve been different with Lena, not that they’d ever been intimate. They’d come close, back before her accident.

  “Paps?”

  He looked up from the newspaper he was reading while he waited for Lena to finish her breakfast.

  “Why do you hate me?”

  He shook his head. “You know I don’t hate you.”

  “You act like it.”

  “Think about the way you act and then maybe you’ll know why you irritate me.”

  She lowered her fork and folded her arms. “For example?”

  Gunner looked around the restaurant�
��s dining room and saw that most of the tables close to them were empty. He leaned forward anyway.

  “What’s this shit about you not having a place to live and demanding that your ex-husband let you live with him? Let’s start there.”

  “It’s my house as much as it’s Kade’s.”

  “No. It isn’t. It hasn’t been since you divorced, and that was years ago.”

  She didn’t respond, so he continued.

  “It’s over between the two of you; it has been since before it got started.”

  “That’s not fair. I was raped.”

  “Are you suggesting that was the reason your marriage failed?”

  She nodded.

  “Bullshit. You don’t believe that any more than anyone else does.”

  “He couldn’t love me.”

  That may have been true, but Gunner didn’t believe it had anything to do with the fact that she’d been raped. Lena and Doc had married far too young, and at the time, Doc was an active-duty Marine, deployed for long periods of time.

  He never understood why they’d gotten married in the first place, but that really wasn’t any of his business. After the rape, Lena had been forced to live her life under protection, knowing that if the man who’d raped her found out she’d had a child, both she and that child would be in danger.

  Now that the man, a Russian double agent, was dead, the threat to Lena and her daughter had gone away.

  “The odds were against you,” he finally said when he realized she was waiting for him to respond.

  “Now that Calder’s dead, we could try again.”

  “You know he’s in love with Merrigan.”

  Lena looked away, and he saw her eyes had filled with tears.

  Gunner reached over and rested his hand on the table with his palm open. Lena uncrossed her arms and put her hand in his.

  “Let him go.”

  Tears spilled down her cheeks. “I can’t,” she mouthed.