Redemption

by LK Shaw

  I stood for a while watching the demonstrations, but even they couldn’t bring me any happiness at the moment. Self-pity surrounded me. Since not even rope was making me feel better, I knew it was time to head home. I clumsily made my way down the hallway toward the exit of the club pulling out my phone. I opened my mobile app and arranged a pick up from a local car service. I waved goodbye to Philip who remained diligent at the entrance before stepping out into the humid night air.

  I stood on the curb waiting for my driver to arrive. Within ten minutes, I spotted the headlights coming down the street. A blue sedan pulled up and after seeing the car service logo on the windshield, I got in the car. I didn’t attempt to make small talk with the driver beyond a casual “hey, thanks for the ride.” The ride took longer than I remembered it should have, but finally we pulled up to my house.

  Since my ride was paid for through the mobile app, I waved goodbye to the driver and wove a path up the sidewalk to my front door. I struggled with the lock, but finally I got the key to work. I entered my house not bothering to turn on any lights. Between the full moon and the streetlight, there was enough illumination to see where I was going. I stopped when I heard a noise come from the kitchen. If my reflexes hadn’t been diminished from the alcohol, I would have had a faster response time when the glint of light off the knife flashed in the air.

  In the nick of time, I threw up my arm to avoid having my face slashed. Instead, a burning sensation sliced through my forearm. Immediately, I sobered up and, this time, when the intruder came at me, I was slightly more prepared. The self-defense training Connor had forced me to attend came in handy when I deflected the next strike. A groan of pain came out as I wrenched back the wrist of the person in front of me, and the knife clattered to the ground.

  No longer armed, the attacker raced down the hall and out the back door I hadn’t noticed being open. Adrenaline rushed through me when the attack first happened, but now that the threat seemed to be gone, I started to crash. Plus, my arm hurt like a mother fucker. I grabbed a couple of towels from the kitchen and pressed them against my wound. I went out the back door and took a cursory glance around. When I didn’t see anything, I went back inside, bolted the back door, turned on the lights, and called Connor.

  Chapter 16

  Connor must have broken every speed limit known to man because within twenty minute he was banging on my door. My arm still burned like fire, but I was pretty sure the bleeding had slowed down enough that I wasn’t going to bleed to death. I’d been applying pressure and elevating this whole time.

  “What the fuck happened, Josie?” he barked the minute I opened the door to let him in. His gaze honed in on the bloodied towel wrapped around my arm. Immediately, his eyes scanned my body, assessing me for any further injury. Once he’d assured himself I wasn’t harmed elsewhere, he began pacing.

  “When I got home, someone was in the house. He attacked me with a knife, and I was able to disarm him. But not before he sliced the shit out of my arm. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna need stitches. Once he took off, I looked around a little, but I haven’t noticed anything missing. So, I either caught him before he had a chance to steal anything or there was another reason for him to be here.”

  Connor ran his fingers through his hair. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. “Jesus, c’mon, let’s get you to the hospital.”

  I was beginning to feel a little woozy so I let him guide me out to his car. Once he had me secured in the passenger seat, he hopped in and took off like a bat out of hell to Pinegrove General. I knew Connor would investigate the break-in at my house, but he had little to work with. I didn’t have security cameras, and there was only one streetlight that partially shone on the far edge of my back yard. Unfortunately, it didn’t provide enough illumination on the off chance a neighbor had been looking outside when the intruder had entered or fled.

  While not a professional hit, the glimpse I caught of the intruder didn’t give anything away. The person had been covered from head to toe in black, from the ski mask to the black gloves to the nondescript black shoes. The only clue was that I knew he was male based on the sound of the voice when I’d disarmed him. It still wasn’t anything to go on. It had either been a random home invasion, and I’d startled him, or the attack had been personal, and we just had to wait for it to happen again since the first time was a failure. If my death was the end goal, that is.

  While I couldn’t prove it, there was a good chance the attacker had been sent by my father. He was the only person I could think of that would want me dead, especially after our phone conversation the other day. I wouldn’t expect him to send an amateur, but maybe he was hoping it would look like a home invasion gone wrong. Either way, I needed to keep a closer eye out.

  If it were my father, once he discovered they’d failed, someone else would try again. I couldn’t think about it right now. I also, intentionally, didn’t mention my suspicions to Connor. He’d only mother hen me to death. I must have been more out of it than I realized, because before I knew it, we were at the hospital. Connor got me inside and three long hours later, I was stitched up, given a prescription for pain meds, and sent home.

  Connor helped me into the house, and I tiredly plopped down on the couch.

  “Can you stay for a little while? I need your advice.” I hated how defeated I sounded.

  His face softened, and he came to sit beside me. When he opened his arms, I snuggled up to him, resting my head under his chin.

  “What’s going on, Little Bit?”

  “I fucked up, Connor.”

  “It can’t be that bad.”

  In spite of myself, a sniffle escaped as I felt a tear fall. Son of a bitch. I wasn’t a crier. I hastily wiped it away before another could join it.

  “Miles hates me. He showed up at Eden tonight, and we went back to a private play room. He was fully agreeable to everything when we headed back there. I thought about waiting until after we… well, you know and then telling him who I was, but I didn’t think it was fair. I wanted him to know exactly who he was submitting to. When he saw it was me, he was so hurt. I mean, devastated. And betrayed. Just like you said. You were right. I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.”

  “Oh, Josie, you know he doesn’t hate you.” Connor placed a soft, brotherly kiss on the top of my head. “He’s just nursing his wounds right now. Men don’t want their women to see when their hurting. Even when the woman might be the cause of the pain. It’s a defense mechanism we use so you don’t think we’re weak. A lot of shit has been thrown his way lately, and he needs to figure out how to process it all. Once he thinks about things, he’ll forgive you. It may not be tomorrow, or even the next day, but in time, he’ll understand your reasoning. But you have to let him do it in his time. You can’t go forcing things to happen when they don’t fit in your time table.”

  “How did you do it?

  “Do what?”

  “You were in love with Bridget for years before you finally got together. How could you look at her every time you were at Eden and not do something?”

  My hair fluttered with his breath as he let out a sigh. “You have to remember, Little Bit, I had my own hang ups. To me, Bridget was unattainable. She was everything I wasn’t. Bold. Outgoing. I’m a scarred, run-down man who hates talking to most people. My insecurities were what held me back. For a while, they were stronger than even I knew.”

  “You have far more restraint than I do. It’s been six years, Connor. Miles and I had one night, and it was the best night of my life. And now, it’s slipped out of my fingers. My heart literally aches, because, for the tiniest moment, I had him and now, I’ve lost him.”

  Connor’s arms tightened around me in a supportive squeeze. “You haven’t lost him. I’ve known Miles a long time, Josie. And even though I’ve never said anything because it’s none of my business, I see how he watches you in the office. He looks at you like I look at Bridget. Like his life is a barren wasteland and you are the balm to his
aching soul. You’re everything he’s ever wanted, but didn’t know it. He’ll come around.”

  My eyes were growing heavy, and I knew Connor needed to get home to Bridget. I pulled out of his embrace and dropped a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for everything. I know I don’t say this often enough, but I love you, Connor. You’re the best big brother I never had. Go home to your fiancée, and give Bridget my love.”

  “Don’t give up, Josephine. You’re strong enough for this.”

  After Connor left, I locked up, double-checking that all the doors and windows were secure. I took some pain medicine and slipped off to sleep.

  Chapter 17

  For two days I ignored Connor’s phone calls and text messages, even so much as calling in sick on Monday. Something I had never done before. But, I had no desire to talk to Connor and most definitely not to Josie. I was still pissed off and didn’t trust myself to not say something that would cause a permanent rift between us. I knew I couldn’t put off seeing her forever, though. In fact, I’d have to face her again tomorrow. That didn’t mean I planned on speaking to her.

  The moment I entered the office on Tuesday morning, I noticed Josie’s office lights were off. That was unusual. She’d been the first one in the office every day for six years. What was going on? Where was she? She didn’t actually quit because of what happened between us did she? Even pissed at her, I didn’t want her to stop working here. I headed down the hall to Bryce’s office. I knocked, but didn’t wait for an answer before I walked in, closing the door behind me.

  Bryce looked up at my intrusion. “Sure, come on in. I wasn’t busy or anything.”

  “Where’s Josephine?”

  He sat back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head. Then he stared at me, completely ignoring my question.

  I could be a stubborn son of a bitch, but I needed answers more than I needed to win a pissing contest on who could hold out the longest.

  “Damn it, Bryce, where is she?”

  “You were the one ignoring calls and text messages. Why do you suddenly care what’s been happening?”

  My stomach dropped. I assumed Connor had been calling to cuss me out for breaking his favorite girl’s heart. If something happened to Josie and I’d been too stubborn to answer the phone, I’d never forgive myself.

  “Look, just tell me what’s going on. Please,” I added as an afterthought.

  Thank god Bryce took pity on me. I saw the capitulation in his posture. “First off, Josie’s fine. She’s taken the last couple of days off after a slight altercation Saturday night.”

  “What do you mean, ‘slight altercation’? She was fine when I left Eden.”

  “There was a break-in at her house after she got home from the club. The intruder had a knife and she was cut. She needed stitches, but she’s okay. Her pain medication is knocking her out so she took some time off until she feels a little better.”

  In shock, I stumbled over to the office chair and plopped down. Josie had been hurt while I’d been sulking because she hadn’t told me who she was. What if she’d been killed? Did I really want the last words between us to be words of anger? I needed to see her. So I could at least see with my own eyes that she was going to be fine. It still didn’t mean I forgave her. But I wasn’t a heartless bastard. Besides, even feeling betrayed, it didn’t mean I didn’t care for her.

  Bryce had remained silent. “Is she home or is she at the hospital?”

  He took his time answering. Perhaps weighing how much he should tell me. I wondered how much he knew about what’d happened between her and me on Saturday. Considering how close he and Josie were, I’m sure he knew all the details.

  He must have sensed that I would get answers whether he wanted to give them or not, he finally told me what I wanted to know.

  “She’s home. Resting.”

  If that was a hint that I was supposed to leave her alone, it wasn’t a very good one. I didn’t care if she was resting. She could rest again once I left. I planned on checking on her. I rose from the couch and left with the same abruptness as I’d arrived. I’d text Connor I would be coming back later. Not that I didn’t think for one second that Bryce wouldn’t share with him where I was anyway.

  Thirty-five minutes later I was knocking on her front door. Muted footsteps became louder before the door finally opened. Surprise and delight momentarily crossed Josephine’s face when she saw me standing there, but quickly shifted to wary. My gaze scanned her body looking for injuries. My eyes stopped their roaming when I spotted the white bandage wrapped around her forearm and the way she gingerly held it against her body.

  “Miles, what are you doing here?”

  I pushed my way past her, and I heard her mutter under her breath something about making myself at home.

  She stood against the door, the hand of her uninjured arm on her hip, a scowl now on her face. God, she was beautiful. Against my will, my cock hardened. Damn, I needed to get my body under control. Too late. Her eyes darted to my erection and a self-satisfied smirk flitted across her lips.

  “I was worried about you and came to check and make sure you were safe. Bryce told me what happened. I don’t like you being here alone. What happens if the guy returns? And why didn’t you call me? Tell me you were hurt?”

  Josephine walked past me and plopped down on her couch, wincing slightly when she jarred her injured arm. I sat on the edge of the recliner, leaning my forearms on my knees waiting on her explanation.

  “I didn’t want to bother you. Besides, I figured you wouldn’t want to talk to me anyway.”

  “Just because I’m pissed at you doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit. I care about you Josephine. We’ve always been friends. I would want to know that you’ve been hurt.”

  “You don’t get it, Miles. I don’t want to be friends. I’m in love with you. Do you even realize the courage it took for me to reveal myself to you? I’ve been in love with you forever. Add that to the fact that I don’t have the most normal sexual desires, I was really putting myself out there. Your rejection hurt me so much. Especially considering your response to my domination before you knew I was Mistress Jasmine. Maybe I should have gone about it a different way, but no other way has worked. I’ve been waiting six years. Six years, Miles. I got tired of waiting. Especially when I know you have stronger feelings for me than friendship no matter how much you deny it.”

  As much as I hated to admit it, everything she said was true. None of that mattered though. My life was a shit show right now, and I had no desire to drag her down into the darkness with me. I woke up every night in a cold sweat, having tossed and turned, seeing nothing but blood. I hadn’t slept more than a couple hours a night since killing Malcolm.

  “I’m sorry, Josephine. I just can’t. I only came over here to check on you and make sure you were okay. Please talk to Connor about having someone drive by here periodically. It would make me feel better knowing you’re safe.”

  She deflated at my words, and I hated that I hurt her. I wish I could be who she needed me to be. She rose from her position on the couch and headed to the front door. I knew that was my cue to leave.

  “Thanks for checking on me, but I’m fine.” She held the door open for me, refusing to even look at me. That had never happened before. Her eyes were always on me, following me. It was a testament to how much I’d hurt her. My arm tensed with the force it took not to reach out and caress her face as I moved past. It took all my effort to hold myself back. No reason to lead her on in the hopes that we had a future.

  “I’m glad you weren’t more seriously hurt.” I wanted to say more, but I knew it was best if I just left. No sense in prolonging each other’s agony. After she closed the door behind me, I stood there staring at it, wondering if I hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of my life. And silently praying she’d open it again.

  Chapter 18

  After Miles’ visit to my house last week, I’d taken one more day off from work. Not because I needed to, but because
I hadn’t wanted to face him after yet another rejection. As much as it killed me to admit it, maybe it was finally time to call it quits. Had I truly been kidding myself all these years? I spent a lot of time thinking about Miles and life in general. Even now, I hadn’t made a decision about what I was going to do.

  After I returned to work Thursday, the atmosphere around the office was awkward to say the least. Bryce spent his days glaring at Miles, and even going so far as to throw darts at a picture of Miles he'd taped to his office wall. In the meantime, Connor gave his best impression of Switzerland. The rest of the staff walked on eggshells around us, even if they didn’t know why.

  As for Miles and me, we no longer even exchanged a greeting if we happened to pass each other in the hall. If I walked into a room and he was there, I turned around and walked back out. I noticed he did the same. We did everything we could to avoid each other. I hated every minute of it. No longer was work a mostly drama-free environment. And it sucked that Miles and I were the cause of it.

  Connor had told me to give Miles time. Patience had never been one of my virtues. Lord, this was going to kill me. Oomph. If my mind hadn’t been wandering, I would have avoided the collision with the hard body in front of me. Instead, I bounced off it, jarring my arm. Thankfully, I’d had the stitches removed earlier in the week, and while it still stung a little, it was nowhere near the pain it was almost two weeks ago. It had been a severely deep cut, requiring over fifty stitches.

  “Sor—” My mouth stopped working when I saw who I’d collided with. Suddenly, any pain I might have felt disappeared. Instead, sparks ignited along the neural pathways of my body like they always did when Miles touched me. Strong, warm hands grasped my biceps to steady me. Office chatter ceased and had a pin dropped, the noise of it hitting the floor would have blasted like a shotgun. Neither of us paid attention to anyone around us. We both remained motionless, not wanting to break our tenuous connection, as we gazed into each other’s eyes.