by Lauren Wood
When I got back over to Bonnie’s house a bit later, she looked a little bit upset and I asked her what the matter was.
“That was Jesse on the phone. He wasn't too happy about me canceling on him. I don't think I've ever had him mad at me before and I didn't like it. He seems to think that you had something to do with it, but I told him that he was just being paranoid.”
I tried not to smile at her. I was supposed to be acting like I didn't know what she was talking about, but of course I did. Of course, it had something to do with me. I had orchestrated it all, and I certainly wasn't going to feel guilty about it. How could I feel guilty about something that felt so right?
“Well, he's probably just being paranoid.”
“Is that what it is?”
I agreed quickly and she found that amusing as well. I guess it was better than her being upset with me. Was I really that transparent?
“Well, like I said before Steven, don't think that this is going to go any further than a day out. This isn’t even a date, just friends going out.”
“No, but it's a night out, and I'm always an optimist. You don’t have to see it coming.”
She waved me off, but I could see that it got to her. As much as she wanted to not be affected by me, she was. Bonnie couldn't help it and that made my job a lot easier.
Even though Jesse knew that I had something to with Bonnie suddenly being busy, we still went to a bar in the next town over. Bonnie had the night off; her children were with their father for the weekend, and it was the perfect opportunity to get to know her again. It didn’t take long either because Bonnie was out to have a good time.
“You know that this is my first night out without my kids in like a year?”
“Wow.”
She smiled and then kept dancing. Bonnie looked like she didn’t have a care in the world, and I liked to watch her. She was just too beautiful not to.
The problem with beauty though, was that it was coveted, and it wasn’t long before Bonnie was getting more attention than I liked to see. If I wasn’t careful, she was going to be taken away from me in the same fashion that I’d done. Just because it would be poetic justice did not mean that I wanted it to happen. She was mine and I corralled her back to a table, my hand possessively around her. I was hoping to send out the message that she was mine.
Her eyes were alight with pleasure, and I almost felt bad to stop her from dancing. I told myself that we would just get a drink and then wait until the song was a little bit slower. The only kind of dancing I wanted to do with her was dirty. I wanted to remind her how it had been between us. It happened a long time ago, but I think we both remembered fairly clearly how good it was. I know that I sure did.
We ordered a couple of drinks and it took a bit for them to get to us. One of the pool tables was open and I took her over to it, my hands possessively on her waist.
“You played in a while?”
“No, I haven't. My ex was not really into this kind of thing.”
“Then what was he into?”
“Fancy stuff that I've never been good with.”
“I remember. Remember when we had to go to that fancy ball, and you couldn’t figure out how to use the silverware, so you just use the salad fork the whole time? Everyone else copied you and by the end of it, it was proper just to do it that way.”
“How do you even remember that?”
“I remember a lot about you, Bonnie. You have that way about you. Anybody who meets you is likely to never forget you.”
“Is that so?”
I agreed that it was and she kind of scoffed at me. I was being serious.
“You seem to think that I can't pick up a magazine and read it. I know all about you, Steven. You have been quite the naughty boy while you were in the city, and far more experienced with women now.”
I was a bit surprised about that. Now, I wondered if she looked me up after seeing me again or before she moved here? Either way, it was a good sign. I liked the fact that she was checking me out with an internet search.
“Well, you can’t believe everything you read.”
“I would hope not. If that was the case, you probably have some sort of STD or something.”
I chuckled and almost blew the drink out of my mouth. I certainly did not expect that to come out of her mouth. She was always that way though, wasn't she? She was always the type that came out of nowhere like a typhoon, flattened everything around her and then was gone as quickly as she came. That's exactly what Bonnie had done in my life. I needed to be careful that she didn't do the same thing again.
“Well, I assure you that I didn't get one of those.”
She giggled, and I knew that she was just messing with me. Of course, she was. Why was I finding it so hard to recover my emotions?
“So if I can’t believe it all, how much of it is true?”
“Some of it.”
“Aren't you being ambiguous. Why do I get the feeling that you don't want to tell me the truth? I don’t think you want me to know what a bad boy you’ve been.”
“It’s not about the truth, it's more that I don't want to tell you something that I'm going to regret later. I was young, and I made a lot of mistakes. I did a lot of dating and when you have cameras following you around everywhere, the chances are that they are going to get something. They are bound to catch you in a situation you would probably not want the world to know about.”
“Are you talking about when you left a restaurant with a drunk model and she was basically naked?”
I sighed. “You saw that, huh?”
Bonnie shook her head and smiled. She was enjoying this far too much.
“Yeah, I seen it and a lot of other people did as well.”
“Well, there was actually a story behind it, but I will save you the details. Let's just say that she was already three-sheets to the wind before we got to the restaurant, and it pretty much just went downhill from there.”
“Sounds charming.” She thought it was anything but.
“What about you? You just got divorced, but how long were you married? What happened? How could a guy be so stupid as to lose you?”
That made her blush and it started to lessen my anxiety.
“Just idiots I guess.”
“Must have been…”
10
Bonnie
I didn't usually talk about my marriage to Doug with anyone. It had turned into a complete mess and it wasn't something that I wanted to think about. Let alone talk about.
It was a lot easier to pretend that it happened so long ago, and we weren't married that long. But we were married almost five years, and the divorce was still new and fresh. I probably should have been more upset about it, but I was more relieved than anything else.
It wasn't too hard to talk to Steven now. I don't know why, but I told him more than I'd probably told my best friend. Christina didn't even know everything, but she was busy with her own life, so there was a lot that I was unable to talk to her about.
So, we're in the middle of it, and I realized I was sitting there yakking only about myself and it embarrassed me. I usually wasn't this way. Why was I so different when I was around Steven? I was so much more reserved the rest of the time.
“Don't stop on my account. It's good to hear about what you've been up to. I have wondered.”
“Why would you be wondering? You have been living the high-life. Made tons of money, dated models. What in the world would have you thinking about me in the midst of all that?”
He just kind of shook his head and smiled. “I've always thought about you, Bonnie. I don't think that is ever going to change.”
“Why?”
I didn't quite understand his devotion, but it was nice to think that I was wanted like that. That someone had been thinking about me all these years and even though we had been together only for a short time, I had made an impression on him. He had certainly made a mark on me.
Steven shrugged and told me that he di
dn't really know. “Who's to say? Scientists are sure that it has something to do with smell, but I don't know about all that. All I know is that ever since we have been together in high school, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.”
“When you do think about me, what comes to mind? You can't be thinking about that one night too much because both of us had been drinking a bit too much.”
“It's fuzzy, but I have gotten a very good blow by blow from a couple of other people that walked in on us.”
“Oh, really? I didn't know about that.”
“You wouldn't, because you had already taken off by then. We were the talk of the town for a while.”
“I have missed a lot of things about Ridgewood over the years, but the gossip and everybody knowing everybody else’s business was certainly not one of the things that I missed at all.”
“Yeah, they talked about it for quite a while. To this day, I still have people ask me how you are doing.”
I apologized about it, but he just waved me off. He said something about always liking to be reminded of me, and again, I didn't know if what he said was real or not. How could he have had all these feelings for me from just one night? I knew that he had some kind of crush on me before, but he was acting like it was a bit more than I realized.
Dinner was over and I was kind of lost at what we were supposed to do next. This would be the part of the date that we would go back to one of our houses or call it a night.
I didn't really want to call it a night, because we had already been having such a good time. But I didn't know if I was ready to go back to sleeping with him. If I invited him back to my place, I was quite sure that was what was going to happen. I had come to Ridgewood to heal, not to get into another impossible relationship that I wasn't ready for.
When we were getting ready to leave, he asked me if I wanted to come by for a drink when I told him that I needed to get up early. The only problem with dating the neighbor was that he knew where I was. I couldn't necessarily say that I had to go somewhere, unless I was willing to get up at eight or nine o'clock and go. So, I left it ambiguous and hoped that he didn't ask too many questions.
We drove back to my place and he then drove a few feet over to park in front of his house. I waved at him before I went in the door and had no idea why I was feeling so strange about everything. It's not like we hadn't done this before, but now it was different. Now he was right next door and I found myself going to bed, regretting the decision to call it a night. I wondered if he was awake just like I was.
The next morning, I left to get some coffee and when I came back Steven was sitting out on the porch. He was hard to shake. Another guy pulled up in my driveway that seemed to be just as equally complicated. Jesse was now here, and I waved back to him when he waved at me. The plot thickens.
I didn't even look over at Steven because I already knew that he wasn't going to be happy that Jesse was here. There was definitely some jealousy between the two of them because Jesse glared at Steven as he was walking up.
“Hey, Jesse. I didn't know you were coming by this morning. I would have grabbed you some coffee because I just left the cafe.”
“No big deal. You know that I’m not too into coffee. I was just passing by and thought that I would stop and say hi.”
“Well, hi.”
Truth was that I didn't even know Jesse knew where I lived, but then again, he could have found out pretty easily. This was Ridgewood and this was a very small town. I'm sure that most of the people here knew where I was staying before I even moved here. Once the sale was done, the realtor was probably gossiping to the rest of the town about it. There were no secrets or even privacy in this town.
After an awkward minute or two with him standing for me, I invited him in because I just needed something to fill the air. I didn't want to seem rude, but I was still feeling weird about ditching him to go out with Steven last night. It wasn't something that I would usually do. Usually I would stick to what I said, but in those circumstances, I hadn’t wanted to. I’d wanted to be with Steven.
Now though, I wasn’t regretting the decision, but feeling guilty about it. All of this was complicated, and these were all complications that I was supposed to be staying far away from. I had come here to get away from men.
“So, did you go see the movie last night?”
I didn't know what else to say and apparently that was not what I was supposed to say because he immediately seemed to get upset about it.
“No, I figured that we would go when you had some time. Do you have any today?”
I had several hours before I had to go pick the kids up, but selfishly, I did not want to spend it with Jesse. After a moment with me not saying yes immediately, I realized that I was going to have to. He had so much more invested into this than I could have realized. It was certainly more than I had invested.
“I probably have some time this afternoon. Do they have like some kind of matinee or something?”
“The middle of the day?”
I agreed, and I apologized because I knew that it wasn't the best time to do something like that. It also made it seem like less of a date and that was just fine for me, but it apparently was not fine for Jesse. He wanted it made very clear that it was a date.
“I don't think I will be able to go on a proper date until next weekend or the one after that. My life is kind of crazy right now Jesse, and I would understand if you didn't want to wait around until it slowed down.”
“No, no that's not it at all. I was just hoping that we would be able to spend some more time together. If all you can do is this afternoon, then I would be happy to take you out then.”
Somehow it became that I was asking him out, and I tried to hold in my frustration. Here I was thinking about the complication that was my next-door neighbor and now I had Jesse to contend with as well. It made everything harder than it had to be. Emotions and feelings always did that. The real testament to that was my divorce. My divorce to Doug had showed me that the more I tried and wanted something to work out, the harder it was to hold it together.
Before Jesse left, which he wasn’t even there very long, he had secured a date with me. It was officially a date of course and it was one that I was not going to be able to get out of. Steven was not going to be able to help me this time.
11
Steven
I don't know why, but I thought at some point that Bonnie would come over during the day. I knew that she was over there by herself, but instead, she had a visit from Jesse, then from another woman that I didn't recognize right off the bat. When that was over, I saw another car pull up around two in the afternoon, though I didn’t know who it was.
I had many things that I should have been doing, but I was only worried about the next door neighbor. I was willing her to come by, but she was apparently not getting the picture. Jesse stepped out of the other vehicle and my hackles raised.
The more attention I paid to her movements, the worse off it got. I realized pretty quickly that Jesse was there to pick her up for some kind of date. Not only was he kind of dressed up spiffy, but she was dressed up as well. She had on something tight and inviting, and I felt jealousy come over me. It was quick and hot and burning in the pit of my stomach. No matter how stupid it appeared and how much I knew I had no right to even feel this way, there was no way that I could fight it. I wanted to rip the guy’s face off.
Before I really thought about it, I was going out on the porch and then getting something out of my car. I didn't need to of course, but I just wanted to see her. Maybe I just wanted her to see me and to know that I knew.
What it was that she was supposed to know, or I was supposed to know, I wasn’t even sure. I didn’t know what the hell they were doing, but I didn’t want them together. She was mine, no matter if Bonnie had agreed to it or not.
Bonnie waved to me and she had a smile on her face. I wanted her to come up to me and ask me how I was doing. Have a little chit-chat while Jesse w
as fuming in the car. That probably would have been the only scenario that made what was happening in front of me okay. Or at least semi-okay in my head. Even then, I don't think that would have worked, because she still would have left with him.
That little fantasy didn't happen though. Instead of her coming over to have a conversation, Jesse said something and she waved one last time as a goodbye. She got in his car and seconds later they were driving away.
Where were they going? Why was she even leaving with him? All of those questions did nothing to help my current mood. I was mad that she had taken off the way she had, and even more upset with the fact that I was so mad about it and there was nothing I could do. Realistically, she isn't mine. Me and Bonnie had slept together a million years ago, so why the hell was I acting like she was my wife or something?
I told myself off, because I needed to. I was getting so worked up that it started to consume me. This wasn't the first time that thinking about her being taken away had done this to me.
Even worse was waiting for her to come back. I knew that they couldn't be gone too long because Bonnie had said something about having to go pick up her kids. She was not the type of person that would not be late for something like that, so of course she had to be back in enough time to do that.
Relief just flooded over me when they got back a few hours after they left. Wherever they had gone and whatever it was that they had done, it hadn’t been that good. If they had had sex, I was positive that they would have been gone longer. It was the only thing that I could think of to appease myself. To make it so that I wasn’t obsessing over it any longer.
I tried to ignore them as they walked up to the walkway and then to her door. The only question I had now was if she was going to kiss him or not. I was standing at the kitchen window, and I saw him move in for the kiss. I had done it myself, not even a few hours ago.
Bonnie did not react in the same way and that was the only saving grace that I had. She had gone on a date with Jesse, but when he tried to give her a proper kiss, she turned her head at the last minute so that he got her cheek instead. Then there was an awkward hug and Jesse was on his way. He did not have a very satisfied look on his face and neither did Bonnie.
