Can't Fight The Moonlight (Whisper Lake Book 3)

by Barbara Freethy

  "Good point. Amazing. Spectacular. Mind-blowing. How are those adjectives?"

  "Much better." She rolled onto her side so she could get a better look at him. "What made you change your mind?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "I knocked on your door. You didn't answer." She paused. "I thought maybe you were asleep, but you weren't, were you?"

  "No, I wasn't."

  "So, why did you come here?"

  "Because I realized how stupid I'd been not to answer the door."

  "Why didn't you, Justin?"

  "I don't know. I thought the moment had passed. You were gone a long time."

  "Patty needed to talk." She took a breath. "And I wasn't sure if the moment had passed either, but when I got to the stairs, I found myself going up instead of down. When you didn't answer, I didn't know if I should feel relieved or disappointed."

  "Well, I felt like an idiot for worrying about the future instead of enjoying what's happening right now."

  "I didn't think you were worrying about the future," she said, surprised by his statement.

  "I saw how upset Patty was when Alice showed up. Clearly, she'd developed feelings for Noah in a very short time. I couldn't help wondering if we weren't heading for the same kind of bad ending. I don't want to hurt you, Lizzie."

  "Are you just worrying about me? Or also yourself?"

  "Both. I have to admit you've turned my very well-controlled life upside down. I've been off-balance since the first moment we met. You have gotten under my skin in a way that no one else has."

  She liked that. "It goes both ways, you know. I wasn't expecting anything like this." She licked her lips, choosing her next words carefully. "I realized tonight that I didn't want to miss out on something great just because it had an end date. Patty said that life is made up of moments, and she didn't regret falling for Noah, because the time they'd spent together had woken her back up. He'd made her feel alive again. I started thinking that you kind of woke me up, too. I didn't want to miss our moment. We have some time before Sunday. We should enjoy it."

  "That sounds good to me," he said with a warm smile.

  "I'm glad. So, are you a snuggler, or are you counting the seconds right now as to when you can make a quick exit?"

  "If I'd had to answer that question yesterday, I'd have said I'm not a snuggler, as you call it. But right now, I have no intention of letting you go any time soon. This feels too good."

  "Agreed, and I'm okay with that."

  "You better be, because it's happening."

  Even though she liked to be in charge as much as Justin did, it was nice to have him call the shots. She'd felt so overwhelmed with decisions lately that not having to make one more felt great. "Good," she said. "I like to snuggle. I also like to talk."

  "That's no surprise. You've been talking since we met. But since we're in bed together, are we going to talk dirty?" he asked with a hopeful expression.

  She laughed. "Maybe later, but I was thinking maybe we talk…secrets." She could feel him stiffen, and she almost regretted her suggestion, but then her curiosity took over. And she remembered Patty telling her to push a little. "You shut down every time I get close to your personal life. What don't I know about you, Justin?"

  "A lot."

  "Can you tell me anything?" Silence followed her question, and she could see the conflict in his gaze. "When we were talking earlier about your friend who died, the one who inspired your company, I got the feeling there was more to that story."

  "I don't talk about Sean."

  "Sean? Wait? Isn't that your brother?" she asked in confusion. "Was he the inspiration for the company?" More facts slid into place. "Sean is dead?"

  He let out a breath. "Yes."

  She had not been expecting anything as tragic as the loss of a sibling. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. Marie and Ben never said anything about your brother or his death."

  "No. They just told you there were tensions in the family."

  "That was really an understatement, wasn't it?"

  "Big-time. But that's the way my family is. They like to sweep things under the rug."

  "I'm surprised you let them. You're very direct."

  "Now I am—probably because of the way I grew up." He paused, his gaze reflective, as he stroked her arm.

  "You don't have to talk if you don't want to."

  "I want to tell you about Sean, Lizzie. I just don't know where to start. Or if I should start. I've been holding him behind a big wall, a dam, you might say. If I pull a brick out, the whole thing might collapse. It's a huge risk."

  She was touched by his emotional words. They hadn't come easy for him. She was beginning to understand why he'd built a robot company. He'd surrounded himself with objects that could never die, never cause him pain, and he could never hurt them. There was more than pain in his eyes; there was also guilt. She wanted to know so much more, but it had to be on Justin's terms. She didn't want to push him into revealing something he wasn't ready to share.

  "We don't have to do this, Justin. You don't have to say anything. You don't owe me your confidences. I just want to know you as much as I can. But that's because I'm rather fascinated by you."

  His expression lightened. "Even though I'm leaving?"

  "I've accepted that your departure is going to sting no matter what else we say or do, but I'm not going to regret being with you. I know that."

  "Good." He paused once more, then said, "Let's see how far I can get." He drew in a breath and blew it out. "I told you that Sean was my half brother, my mom's son."

  "Yes. And he was a lot older than you, but you were close."

  "Very close. Sean looked after me from the day I was born, and in some ways, he became a surrogate parent to me."

  "Why?" she asked curiously.

  "My father is an infectious disease scientist. My mother is a nurse. The first several years they were together, my mom stayed home with me and Sean. We had a normal childhood. At least, that's what I'm told. I don't really remember that time. What I do remember is all the years that came after normal. When I was six and Sean was twelve, my parents got involved with a global medical team that went into poverty-stricken third-world countries to provide medical care. They hired a nanny to take care of us when they were gone. She was nice enough, but she wasn't our mother, so Sean and I turned to each other for support."

  "That makes sense, but you must have missed your parents."

  "Very much—in the beginning. It was never supposed to be more than two or three weeks every couple of months, but the assignments got longer with less time between them. They were missing big holidays. I remember one Christmas when they couldn't get back. We spent it with the nanny's family, and it was weird, but I actually liked that Christmas better than the others. It felt like a family should feel. But then Gloria, the nanny, she got another job. She wanted to take care of little kids, and I think Sean was pissing her off. He was fifteen by then and he did not want a nanny asking him questions. The next few people my parents hired stayed for a few months at a time. And sometimes Sean took care of me in between, which was fine. We ate pizza and played robot wars."

  She could hear the depth of affection in his voice for his brother. Justin had told her he didn't do relationships, and she'd thought that meant he'd never felt love for anyone, but he'd loved his brother. He'd gone all in on that relationship, and then his heart had been broken. She felt a wave of anger toward his parents. "I don't understand how your mom and dad could just abandon you like that."

  "They had a higher purpose. They were working for the greater good. And it was always supposed to be ending. They'd be back in a few weeks or next month or next year. There were so many excuses. I finally stopped asking when they'd be home. I couldn't believe whatever promise they gave me. I couldn't count on them to be there if I needed them. I had to take care of myself and Sean and I looked out for each other."

  "What about your grandparents? Where were they? It seems like Marie and Benjamin w
ould have stepped in."

  "They were living in Europe during that time. My grandfather was a professor at Durham in the UK. My grandmother worked in a tea shop," he added, with a small smile. "I don't think they had any idea how much my parents were gone. I believe my father lied to them. I heard him on the phone once saying they would only be gone two weeks, but that trip turned into two months. Anyway…we're getting to the hard part."

  "Do you want to stop?"

  "I don't think I can stop."

  She moved in closer to him, putting her arm around his waist. "I'm here—if the dam breaks."

  "You think you can catch me?"

  His question was meant to be light, but she could feel the weight behind his words. "I know I can," she said.

  "Sometimes you're as overconfident as I am, Lizzie."

  "That might be true, but I'll give it my best shot."

  He met her gaze. "You're a very kind person. You have a big heart, for friends and for strangers."

  "We're hardly strangers now."

  "That's true. And at some point, we need to discuss that tattoo you have on your hip. That was an interesting surprise."

  "And to think you don't like surprises," she teased.

  "I liked that one," he admitted. "I hate to turn this night into a downer."

  "We can talk about something else. I can tell you about my guilty TV pleasures, the fact I spend a little too much time watching the below-deck crew on a sailing yacht."

  "I've never heard of that show."

  "It's really fun. I think it appeals to me when I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with work and an old house that needs constant care. Sailing off the coast of Greece in a luxury yacht feels like a good escape, not that I'd want to be the crew on that yacht. I'd have to be a guest."

  "I've actually been on one of those yachts."

  "Really? How was it?"

  "As amazing as anything I've ever done."

  "And here I thought a little cruise around Whisper Lake would be the highlight of your boating career," she teased.

  "That wasn't bad, either, but mostly because you were there. I can't seem to stop smiling when I'm around you."

  "That's a good thing."

  "Which is why I should stop talking."

  Despite his words, she sensed he felt a need to let out the pain. "It's your call."

  "And I'm stalling, but I've come this far." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "When Sean was a junior in high school, he really got into partying. His grades plummeted. He was always cutting class. His friends were losers. I could see the downward spiral, even though he tried to keep it away from me. Somehow, he graduated from high school, I'm not sure how. After that, he went to the community college, but he wasn't into school. I think he was rebelling against our super-intelligent parents, and by then, he didn't want to be anything like them. My parents finally realized how bad things had gotten when he was arrested for a DUI. He was nineteen then, and they put him in rehab. My grandparents also came back to the States around that time. I felt like my family was finally rallying together. But it was too late. We had several decent months and then Sean OD'd. I was fourteen. He was almost twenty-one."

  Pain came off Justin in waves of emotional heat. She wrapped her arms around him and held him as tightly as she could, feeling like maybe she did need to catch him, because while he wasn't crying or talking, it felt like the dam was breaking. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

  He didn't say anything more for several minutes. He just held onto her with a fierce need.

  The connection between them now felt even more powerful than before. They weren't just physically connected now but also emotionally. They were bound together by Justin's secret, by his trust in her, and she was deeply touched. She couldn't really understand what he'd gone through, the world he'd grown up in. It was so very, very different from her own, and she couldn't help but think how lucky she'd been to have her parents, her siblings, her big extended family. She'd won the lottery when it came to family and Justin had not.

  Finally, Justin's grip on her eased and he let out a breath. When his gaze met hers, she could see that the painful shadows had receded. He shifted slightly. "Thanks. You were right. You were strong enough to catch me."

  "And you were strong enough to let go. Sometimes, that's even more difficult."

  He nodded. "I'm okay. Better than I thought I would be. No one in the family talks about Sean. And I haven't spoken about him to anyone in years. Only my business partner knows the story, because I met him when I was eighteen."

  "And you've never told anyone else?"

  He shook his head. "No. I was never even tempted. I'm actually good at hiding my feelings. That seemed to change when I got here. Somehow when you're around, I want to bare my soul. Actually, I think that's the magic of this town. Every person I've met felt free to confide in me, and it just kept blowing me away how open everyone was. But now I'm doing the same thing, spilling my guts."

  She smiled. "There is magic here."

  He smiled back at her. "Maybe you're the magic, Lizzie."

  "I wish I had that power. What happened with you and your parents after Sean died?”

  "We were so angry with each other. I blamed my parents and also my grandparents. They blamed each other and also me."

  "Wait, no way. You weren't to blame. You were a kid."

  "But I knew better than anyone what Sean was doing. They might have been fooled by his funny, charming, loud, gregarious behavior. He was the life of the party, and everyone thought he was happy, but I saw him when he wasn't putting on a show. I knew he was partying too hard. I should have said more. I tried to tell him I was worried about him, but he always said he had it under control."

  "He was young. Everyone thinks they have it under control when they're a teenager. And you were even younger, Justin. His death was not your fault. Your parents are another story. Your grandparents, too. I'm a little disappointed in Marie and Ben."

  "To their credit, when they realized there was a problem, they moved back. After Sean's stint in rehab, they insisted that both of us live with them. Of course, Sean wouldn't do it. He said he needed to be on his own, but I moved into their house. My parents were still in and out, although they were around more then, but you could tell their heart wasn't in LA or in the family. They were adrenaline junkies and hunting for cures was their drug of choice. We need people like that in the world, because they do amazing things, but they probably shouldn't have kids."

  "Probably not," she agreed.

  "Anyway, my grandparents saved me. After Sean died, they overwhelmed me with attention and love and caring. They were constantly watching me, constantly trying to make sure I was all right. I think they were trying to make up for all the years they weren't there. And it helped. I couldn't connect with my parents, but I had them to lean on."

  "Well, that's good. I would have expected that from them."

  "They definitely kept me on track, not that I wanted to follow in my brother's footsteps. He loved feeling out of control and wild. I didn't like that at all. I wanted to feel the solid ground under my feet. I wanted to know who was around me and what I was doing. I wanted to remember every second of my life."

  "That's where the need for control and predictability came in."

  "Yes. I didn't want any more horrible surprises. I controlled everything I could, except my parents. That would have been an impossible task, so I didn't bother. And they didn't seem to care. Whatever relationship we'd had before Sean died was shattered. It was irreparably broken. It was almost better knowing that we were done. I didn't have to keep wishing for them to be the parents they were never going to be. The worst had happened. And there was no going back or moving forward with them."

  "I can't believe they didn't want to be in your life after losing Sean. It seems like it would have become more important to them, not less."

  "They'd tell you they tried. They'd tell you they did their best. They'd tell you they only left again because I didn't w
ant anything to do with them." He paused. "Maybe some of that is true, but it's still not good."

  "No, it's not. I have to say, Justin, after everything you went through as a kid, you got it together as an adult. You built an amazing company. That's an accomplishment that you should be so proud of."

  "I am proud of my company. It started out as a tribute to Sean. It was his dream as well as mine, and I wanted to make it happen for him."

  "You did that and then some."

  "I just wish he could have seen it all," he said, his voice heavy with grief.

  "He would have been very impressed with his little brother. I'm sure your parents must be proud of you, too."

  "They don't have a right to be proud. They contributed nothing to my success."

  "When's the last time you saw them?"

  "Three years ago. We didn't make it more than ten minutes without a screaming match. I blame them for everything, and they blame themselves for nothing, so we are a billion miles apart. But I don't care about them anymore. It's not like I lost anything. You can’t lose something you never had." He drew in a breath and let it out. "So, that's my story. That's my secret. Now, let's talk about you and more of those guilty pleasures."

  She stiffened at his words, not because she was afraid of revealing her secrets, but because she realized she was holding a secret that belonged to his grandmother, one that could affect him. Marie had asked her not to tell Justin that his parents might come to the ceremony on Saturday. But after what she'd just heard, could she keep that secret?

  "Justin, there is something I should tell you," she began.

  He frowned. "You sound suddenly serious."

  "It's not that big of a deal. Actually, it might not even be a deal at all." Was she making a mistake to create drama and anger with his grandparents for something that might not even happen? Maybe she should talk to Marie first and let her know that she needed to come clean to her grandson. It was really her secret to tell.

  "You know what? I think we've talked enough for one night," Justin said.

  He was letting her off the hook, and while she knew she shouldn’t take the reprieve, she really wanted to. If she told Justin his parents might show up on Saturday, he would probably leave immediately, and she wasn't ready to say good-bye to him yet.