When We Began

by Elena Aitken

  But he didn’t understand.

  They were silent for a few minutes before finally Cody asked, “Why did you call, Amber?”

  She swallowed hard. “I’m not sure. I think because I’m finally starting to be okay with things.”

  “Okay with what happened or your habit?”

  “All of it.” She pushed her foot through the snow, letting her boot be covered before shaking it off. “I don’t know if I can explain it, but I don’t feel so bad about it anymore.” She didn’t bother telling him about the horses or Logan, or that she’d finally admitted things out loud to herself that even in the group setting, she’d swallowed back. “I’m not ready yet, but I’m getting there and I guess I just…well, I just wanted you to know.”

  She could practically hear him smile on the other end of the line. “I’m so happy to hear that, Amber. I really am.”

  “Thank you, Cody. And I’m really sorry I was ignoring you. I just—”

  “It’s okay. We all have our process. I’m really glad you reached out.”

  “Thank you. I mean it.”

  “Anytime,” he said. “And I mean that. Don’t be a stranger, okay? I’m still your sponsor, whether you like it or not. Got it?”

  She laughed out loud in earnest then. “I got it. We’ll talk soon, I promise.”

  Amber hung up the phone and tucked it into her pocket. It was cold, and despite the big dump of snow they’d had the night before, it felt like it might snow again. She’d never liked winter in Timber Creek when she was a kid. Maybe it was because unlike her friends, she’d never participated in any outdoor sports. She’d been too busy to take up cross-country skiing or snowshoeing. The idea of spending her day in an ice fishing hut, waiting for a bite on the line, seemed like a massive waste of time and her father insisted that downhill skiing, the sport she might have the most interest in, was just a huge money grab and they had better ways to spend a hundred dollars than strap boards on her feet and slide down a mountain.

  But walking through the crisp winter air, feeling the sting of the cold on her face, Amber found herself enjoying the nip in the air and the way she felt alive. Maybe it was the season? Maybe it was being back in her hometown? But maybe it was just that after so many years of hiding under her own expectations, she was finally coming alive on her own?

  Whatever it was, she liked it.

  She also knew she liked Logan. A lot. And even though her friends had given her a hard time, she wasn’t upset or weirded out by it the way she would have been in high school. Things had changed. Including the way she felt about making the next move.

  Amber pulled her cell phone out of her pocket again, and scrolled through her contacts until she found his number.

  She opened up a new text message and typed.

  Are you free tonight?

  She didn’t expect him to text back. Not right away. But to her delight, her phone chirped almost at once.

  After seven. Dinner? I’m cooking.

  Her face lit up in a smile.

  What can I bring?

  Just you.

  “I’ve said it before, Logan, and I’ll say it again. What you’re doing here is pretty special.”

  With the lack of a real office, Logan had invited Brent Baker up to his little cabin after their quick walk around the barns. The other man looked overdressed in the rustic space, but a hot coffee was exactly what each of them needed after being outside on the chilly winter morning.

  “I’m glad to hear it, Brent. And I really hope your patients think so, too.”

  So far, Brent had sent up a total of five patients to participate in Taking the Reins, including young Kalen whose mother had stopped him on Halloween. Logan wasn’t delusional; he knew that not all of them were responding as quickly as the teenager, but he was still hopeful it had been complementary to Brent’s practice.

  “I think most of them would absolutely agree,” Brent said. “And I can tell you that I’ve noticed a real change in all of them. Even if they don’t all agree.” He winked at Logan. “But seriously. I see the biggest difference in those who have had a hard time opening up to anyone else about what they’re thinking and feeling. The progress over the last few weeks has been incredible. After they come out here to be with your horses, they come back into my office and it’s like something has shifted. They want to talk. And not only that, it’s like they have some sort of deeper understanding about what they’re going through.”

  Pride flowed through Logan, as if it had been him who’d made all the difference to those people and not his four-legged partners who were currently in the barn, happily munching hay.

  “If I’m not careful, you and your horses are going to put me out of business completely.”

  Logan chuckled, but just as quickly the laughter died as he remembered there may not even be a program soon. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, Brent. In fact, that’s part of the reason I wanted to talk to you today.”

  “What’s going on?”

  Logan told him all about how Ruby was going to sell the ranch, and how as much as she’d like to find buyers who would keep the equine therapy program going, she couldn’t guarantee it. And then he told Brent about the idea he’d had just the night before. It was a long shot, but it was one he was willing to take.

  “I think you should invest in the ranch,” he said quickly. “As an addition to your practice.”

  Realization crossed Brent’s face, followed quickly by a shake of the head. “Oh no.” He waved his hand and Logan felt the tiny glimmer of hope he’d been holding on to fade. “There’s no way I have that kind of capital.”

  “You just said yourself how helpful the horses have been. It could—”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have the capital.” Brent shook his head apologetically. “I’m sorry, Logan. I just don’t have it. Between you and me, there just isn’t much left after student loans, business expenses, and a mortgage. And don’t get me started about how expensive kids are.” He smiled ruefully. “I’m sorry, Logan. I really am. Is there no other way? You’re sure Ruby is selling?”

  Logan nodded and sank back into his chair. “She is. And I don’t blame her either. It’s just…” He shook his head in frustration. “Even if the buyers allow me to keep running the business, there’s no way they’ll agree to the low lease that Ruby did. I’m not sure there’s….” He didn’t bother finishing the sentence because there was nothing else to say. Everything he’d worked to build, everything he’d dreamed about, would be gone in a matter of months. “It’s okay, Brent. You understand that I had to ask.”

  “I would have thought less of you if you hadn’t.” The other man smiled, and Logan could see why his patients opened up to him. He had such an easy-going manner that instantly made you feel at ease. “How’s everything else going, Logan? I hope you’re not working too much. I see it too often. Young men who put their career first and then…well, then something happens.”

  “It’s okay,” Logan assured him. “I’m good. I’ve been seeing—” He hesitated before completing the sentence.

  Had he been seeing Amber? It wasn’t official, but…it sure felt like that’s what they were doing. Is that what Amber thought?

  It was almost impossible to know what Amber thought. And maybe it wasn’t a great time for her. After all, she did have a lot going on.

  “Can I ask you a question?” He changed tracks, but Brent only nodded, going along with him. “In your professional opinion, do you think it’s healthy for someone to hang onto a secret about themselves that has been life-changing? Or should they come clean to their loved ones?”

  Brent considered the question for a moment. “Are friends and family at risk or impacted by what the truth might be?”

  Logan shook his head. “No. It’s more that the person holding the secret is also holding onto incredible guilt and self-hatred because of the secret.” For a moment, he felt badly about talking about Amber when she wasn’t there, but he hoped he
was being obscure enough to keep her privacy. Besides, he truly was concerned about her. “Do you think it’s better for the person emotionally if they can be honest with everyone?”

  The other man was silent for a moment, but he finally nodded. “Without knowing the whole story, I’d say that in most situations it’s always better to be upfront about things and not to keep secrets. Even if they’re potentially harmless ones. When people hold things in, they tend to eat away at them and affect all parts of their lives. Often these things can fester and manifest as entirely new problems.” He took a sip of his coffee. “If you’re talking about yourself…” Logan shook his head. “Okay then, a friend?” Logan nodded. “If he or she doesn’t want to consider talking to a professional, which I’d encourage by the way—”

  “Naturally.”

  Brent winked. “I’d maybe gently suggest that they come clean. Particularly if it’s solely for their benefit and no one will be negatively affected.”

  Logan thought about his words and thought about Amber. He was absolutely certain she’d feel better if she told her friends and family the truth. For a moment, he considered Joseph Monroe, who was likely still out in the barns with the horses.

  There was no doubt that he loved his daughter, and Logan was positive that her friends would be nothing but supportive to Amber.

  There was only good that could come from Amber opening up. He was sure of it.

  Now he just needed to convince her of that.

  And a few hours later, when she sent him a text, and he invited her over for dinner, Logan saw his opportunity to do just that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet, but that didn’t mean anything as far as the weather in Timber Creek was concerned. Things were unpredictable in the mountains, so Logan wasn’t surprised when the chilly, clear day once again clouded over. There was a good chance they’d get another dump of snow before dawn. But that was fine with him, because he expected Amber to knock on his door any moment and he couldn’t think of much that would be more enjoyable than cuddling up in the cabin with her.

  He’d already set a fire in the stone fireplace and he was certain they’d be perfectly cozy inside his cabin. With any luck, they’d be very cozy.

  Before heading back out into the living room, Logan took another quick look in the mirror in the bathroom. He’d chosen a button-up shirt that was slightly dressier than his usual selection, as well as a brand-new pair of dark jeans. It was their first real date, even if it wasn’t at a restaurant, and Logan was aware that Amber was probably used to men dressed in sharp suits. He’d never be one of those guys, but he did clean up pretty nicely.

  He returned to the kitchen and checked on the roast chicken he’d tucked into the oven earlier. It wasn’t fancy, but he knew his chicken and roast vegetable dinner was delicious, and it never failed to impress. He’d run into town and grabbed a fresh loaf of bread from the bakery and a bottle of wine, too.

  Neither of them drank much, but a crisp white paired nicely with the chicken. And it was a date, after all.

  Moments after he put the chicken back into the oven to finish up, there was a knock on the door and his stomach flipped the way it used to when he saw Tina.

  Logan quickly banished the thought. He was not going to think of Tina. Not tonight. She was the past, from a different time of his life. Hell, a completely different life.

  He opened the door and again his stomach flipped, only this time it was accompanied by a distinct reaction lower in his gut. Damn. Even in a parka, Amber looked amazing.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey yourself.” Logan shook his head, breaking the trance her presence had thrust him into. “Come on in.” He held the door to the side so she could enter the warm, little cabin.

  When she was inside, she handed him a bottle of wine and shrugged. “I know you don’t really drink much…well…I mean…I didn’t know what else to bring.”

  He laughed and took it from her. “I told you only to bring yourself.”

  “It didn’t seem adequate.”

  He helped her out of her jacket. “It’s more than adequate.” Logan turned to hang her parka on the hook by the door and when he looked back at her, his breath momentarily caught in his throat. “You look gorgeous,” he said after a moment.

  Amber blushed a little, which had the effect of matching the skin that dipped down to her cleavage to the tight red blouse she was wearing. “You clean up pretty nicely yourself.”

  They stood staring awkwardly at each other for a moment too long. Whatever else happened, Logan was not going to let their first date be awkward in any way and there was only one way to guarantee it wasn’t. He took a step forward, threaded his fingers through her silky black hair, and cupped the back of her head. “I’ve been wanting to do this since the last time.” He pressed his lips to hers. Gently enough not to startle her, but with enough pressure to make it perfectly clear about exactly how badly he’d been wanting to do it again.

  She kissed him back, and a tiny moan escaped her lips as they deepened the kiss. Logan held himself in check, and before things went too far, he took a step back and put a little distance between them.

  “That’s better.” He grinned.

  Her fingers went to her lips. It was both a sweet sight and an incredibly sexy one. “What’s that?”

  “Like I said, I’ve been wanting to do that for days. And now that I have it out of my system, I think we can have a nice dinner.”

  She laughed. It really was a sound he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing, which was good because he was hearing it more and more. As far as Logan was concerned, that only meant she was relaxing and becoming more and more comfortable with him. And he liked it.

  “Dinner smells delicious.” She walked through the little living room into the attached kitchen and made a show of inhaling deeply. “I had no idea you could cook, too.”

  “There’s still a lot you don’t know about me.” He winked and almost wanted to pinch himself. How they’d gone from almost enemies to this easy back-and-forth flirtation in only a couple months was beyond him, but he was certainly glad they had. “And it’s almost ready. Maybe I could get you to open the bottle of wine in the fridge.”

  She looked at him sideways.

  “Hey.” He held up his hands in surrender. “I picked up a bottle, too, and white will go better with dinner.”

  “But I thought…”

  “I didn’t say I didn’t drink at all.” He answered her unasked question. “Just not a lot. And if you’re okay with it…”

  She nodded at the unasked question. “I am.”

  “I’m glad,” he said. “Because tonight’s a special occasion.”

  She took the corkscrew he offered her and got to work on the bottle. “Is it?”

  “You know it is.”

  Amber had no idea what to expect when it came to Logan’s home, but she was pleasantly surprised at his cozy cabin. It was neat and tidy, and although it wasn’t very big, it had all the comforts she would expect. There wasn’t much in the way of decorations on the walls—a few pictures of horses and landscapes that looked as if they probably predated Logan. The living room had an overstuffed couch and a big easy chair she could imagine herself tucked up in, reading one of her romance novels in front of the fire.

  The thought of making herself so comfortable in Logan’s cabin didn’t shock her or take her by surprise the way it might have a few months ago. For some reason as she stood there and watched him tidy up the last of the dishes from the delicious meal he’d prepared, it seemed completely natural to imagine they might have a future.

  And why couldn’t they?

  “Tell me something,” she said as she watched him wash a plate.

  “What do you mean?” He laughed. “What kind of something?”

  “You said before that there was a lot I didn’t know about you.” She shrugged. “So tell me something. Like, how come you’re still single?”

  H
is smile dimmed momentarily as he turned to put the plate on the counter and she wondered whether maybe she’d asked the wrong question, which, in her experience as a lawyer, meant it was exactly the right question.

  “You really want to know?”

  “Are you really asking me that?” She moved toward him, snatched the towel from where it hung on the stove and started to dry.

  “Okay,” he conceded. “I wasn’t always single. I mean, I assume from what you’ve told me that you always put your career first.”

  That was an understatement and they both knew it, but she nodded.

  “It wasn’t like that for me.” He started to scrub another plate. “I was in love once before, about four years ago.”

  Despite the fact that she’d asked to hear it, the knowledge still stung somewhere inside her chest but she kept listening.

  “Her name was Tina. You probably wouldn’t know her. She moved to Timber Creek after graduation to work at the ski hill for a season. You would have been gone by then.”

  Amber nodded.

  “We started dating and when spring came, she took a job waitressing at Riverside Grill and…well, I thought she was the one.” He smiled a little and handed her the next clean plate to dry. “You don’t have to do that,” he added as she took it from him.

  “I want to,” Amber said. “If she was the one, what happened?”

  Logan’s smile faded. “There was an accident.”

  The word hit her unexpectedly. She’d just assumed they’d had a fight or maybe she’d met someone else, or something a little less…tragic.

  “An accident?”

  Logan focused his attention on the pan he was scrubbing for a few moments before speaking. “Tina was coming home from Seattle,” he said. “I was supposed to have gone with her. We were going to get a hotel room and have a romantic evening.” Amber pushed down the twinge of unreasonable jealousy. “But at the last minute, I decided to stay and hang out with my friends instead.” He shook his head as he recounted the story. “She decided not to bother with the hotel room if I wasn’t there, so she drove home.” He took a deep breath. “She fell asleep at the wheel and hit a tree.”