by Sarah Bailey
I shut my mouth, but it didn’t stop me wondering why Aaron seemed so weird about the subject. He never seemed to care what people thought before, so why would he care about this?
Chapter Fourteen
“Is that a bad thing?”
Did Rhys have any idea how confusing his question was for me? Did he not care if the other kids thought we were more than just friends? And if he didn’t, did it mean he might like me that way too? Probably wishful thinking on my part. Rhys had never expressed an interest in anyone. Not girls. Not boys. He seemed closed off to anything outside the small world he kept himself locked up in. That he even let me in had been a huge deal. I could tell by the way he still sometimes kept me at arm’s length even though we were friends.
It’s not as if I planned to come out and tell him I liked boys. Well, more specifically him. Only him. Whenever we were together, my heart went wild in my chest. This reaction to another person was so foreign to me. I had to face facts. My crush on Rhys wasn’t going away and I’d have to deal with it.
The first time I’d realised girls weren’t really my thing was when I’d met Calvin and Lydia at my old school. Lydia had been the first one to talk to me. Her golden sun-kissed skin and dark ringlets probably should’ve made me think she was pretty, but it wasn’t her I had those thoughts about. No, it was her twin brother with his short-cropped black hair. He was the one I found myself looking at closely. Though my admiration didn’t give me a strange swirling feeling in my stomach as it had done when I’d seen Rhys.
Calvin, Lydia and I had become fast friends, but it’d been obvious that Lydia liked me. So I tried to keep her at bay, making it very clear we were friends. And it wasn’t just Lydia. Half the girls in my class stared at me. It’d been worse when I started this new school. Having them fawn over me made me uncomfortable in my own skin. On the outside, I seemed calm and collected, but inside, my self-consciousness got to me. Twisting me up in knots. Only being around Rhys kept those feelings at bay. However, the feelings he elicited were unnerving in their own way. But I’d put up with those to be close to him, even if he never reciprocated.
“See you tomorrow, yeah?” Rhys said, getting my attention with his hand on mine on the backseat.
“Yeah.”
He gave me a half-smile before waving to Tamara, slipping out of the car and running up the path to his front door. I watched him as Tamara pulled away. When I first told her I wanted to help a friend by giving him lifts to and from school, she’d been a little sceptical. Then when she’d seen where Rhys lived and met him, she’d understood. He wasn’t trying to take advantage of me because my mum was famous and my dad was rich. It’d all been me. My generosity towards him knew no bounds. Sometimes I wondered if Tamara gave me what I wanted to make up for the fact my parents weren’t around a lot.
“Calvin and Lydia’s Mum called. She wanted to know if you’d come to their birthday party next weekend.”
I looked towards the front seat.
“Um, okay, I guess so.”
I should go. They were my friends for two years before I’d switched schools.
“You don’t sound very sure about that.”
I shrugged. The prospect of going to their eighth birthday party didn’t fill me with joy. Then again, nothing did if it didn’t include Rhys.
“Aaron, I’m going to ask you something and I don’t want you to think I’m prying or jumping to conclusions.”
My skin prickled.
What’s that supposed to mean?
“O…kay.”
She had her eyes firmly on the road, but her hands gripped the steering wheel harder.
“Did something happen between you, Calvin and Lydia?”
“What do you mean?”
That wasn’t what I’d been expecting.
“Well, you’ve been avoiding them and the last time you were at theirs, you seemed very… uncomfortable.”
I sighed and looked out the window.
“Lydia likes me and I don’t like her like that.”
It seemed easier to tell Tamara that rather than the truth about why I didn’t want to spend time with anyone but Rhys. Besides, Lydia did like me and it did make me uncomfortable.
“If you don’t like Lydia like that, you could just tell her.”
“No, I can’t. That’s embarrassing.”
She let out a little tut, but I ignored it.
“Okay, I have another question. Do you like Calvin like that? Because it’s okay if you do.”
I almost jumped out of my skin. Had Tamara noticed I liked boys? I’d been so careful. Though admittedly I probably stared at Rhys way more than I should. Maybe I had to be less obvious. It would be hard, but I could do it. I’d keep my staring to when we were alone. Then I could admire him without anyone knowing about how I felt. He seemed oblivious to my crush.
“No. I don’t like either of them like that. Why are you asking me? They’re my friends.” Or at least they used to be.
“I’m just trying to get to the bottom of why you don’t want to spend time with them any longer.”
“I just told you.”
I glanced at her, noting the small furrow in her brow through the rearview mirror.
“Well okay, do you want me to tell their Mum no?”
If I did that, then it might backfire on me with my mum. She told me it was good to have lots of friends.
“No, I’ll go.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, Tami. I’ll go. I can handle it.”
Other kids would be there so maybe Lydia would be distracted. The prospect did not fill me with enthusiasm but I put on a brave face for the sake of keeping the peace. Didn’t want Tamara prying any further into my feelings. Especially not when it came to Rhys.
“Okay good. I’m pleased to hear it.”
No doubt she’d be reporting this to my parents. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared out the window. I didn’t care if she’d told me it was okay if I liked a boy. She couldn’t find out about my crush on Rhys. No one could. Least of all him. Then he might run. Everything could be ruined. I’d rather have Rhys as a friend than not at all. Without him, I felt empty. He brought colour back into my life when everything had been dark when Mum and Dad told me I was moving schools. And after they left me alone with Tamara for two years to fend for myself. Rhys was my reason to smile again. To feel genuinely happy. I wanted to make him happy too.
So I decided my feelings needed burying deep so no one could find out. I had a feeling what Rhys needed from me most was friendship. And I would never do anything to jeopardise that.
These feelings. This crush. I had to hope they’d lessen with time so I could be there for him. Be his friend. His confidant. His everything except what I really wanted the most.
And that was all of him as mine.
Chapter Fifteen
Attending this birthday party happened to be the very last thing I wanted to do. Things between Rhys and me had been a little strained. He hadn’t outwardly shown any signs of things being awkward between us but I could feel the distance all the same. As if telling me about his dad had put some kind of barrier up.
It’s not like I’d asked him anything else about it. Knowing he didn’t like his dad made me wonder why. What had he done to make Rhys think he was a dick? Wasn’t exactly the nicest thing to think about your own parent. Then again, I couldn’t exactly say mine were the best parents in the world either. I had a feeling what Rhys was going through would be much worse than what I experienced.
Tamara knocked at the front door, which Lydia and Calvin’s mum, Polly duly answered.
“Aaron! It’s so lovely to see you.”
“Hi, Mrs Sani.”
She ushered both of us in. Lydia and Calvin’s dad, Tayo, was Nigerian. He’d come to the UK and met Polly years ago. I liked their parents, they were always nice to me.
Tamara promised she’d come in with me so I didn’t have to stay l
ong. My behaviour definitely concerned her, but not so much she’d tell my parents. She popped the presents down on the table set up in the living room before following me out into the garden. There were tons of kids and their parents which made me feel awkward but I wouldn’t show it.
Saying hi to some of my old school friends, I made my way over to where Calvin was watching his sister in the bouncy castle their parents had clearly hired.
“Happy birthday, Cal.”
Calvin grinned and gave me a wink.
“All right, Aaron?”
“Yeah, all good. Lyds looks like she’s having fun.”
He snorted.
“She begged Mum for this.”
Several kids were bouncing with her looking like they were having the time of their lives.
“Let me guess, she went to Tayo and asked him.”
Calvin laughed. Their dad doted on her. His little princess. Polly tried not to spoil them, but clearly, no expense had been spared for their party.
“Busted. Mum was so mad but Dad went ahead anyway.”
I watched the kids, not saying a word. Maybe in the past, I’d have been right in there in the thick of it. These days only the prospect of seeing Rhys got me excited.
“You’re quiet.”
I shrugged.
“Just thinking.”
Calvin ran his eyes over me. It’d been the same way when I’d last seen him and Lydia. Life had changed drastically for me. Mum was away more and the loneliness hit hard. Maybe I’d become more withdrawn too. Not wanting to express my feelings any longer.
“You ever going to tell Lyds you aren’t her Prince Charming?”
“What?”
“Come on, Aaron, I’m not stupid. She adores you.”
I looked away as my face grew hot.
“And? I can’t stop her.”
“Girls are dumb, they can’t even tell when boys don’t fancy them.”
Maybe not all girls but Lydia hadn’t got the message. She kept staring at me like she worshipped the ground I walked on.
“What do you know about girls?”
“Well, dur, I live with one. It’s gross. She’s all Aaron this, Aaron that. She cried when you didn’t come back to school.”
A horrible feeling settled in my stomach. Lydia needed to get over it. And I needed to be clear I didn’t like her in that way.
“Not my fault, Mum thinks this new school is better for me and I think so too.”
Calvin nudged my shoulder.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I met a new friend. He’s cool. Likes reading.”
“You hate reading.”
I grinned.
“It’s not so bad. Rhys gets so excited about books, can’t help but find them interesting too.”
Before Calvin had a chance to answer, Lydia came rushing up to us having got off the bouncy castle.
“Aaron!”
“Hi, Lyds, happy birthday.”
I didn’t have time to object to her hugging me.
“Missed you,” she whispered in my ear.
I stiffened. Letting her down gently would be hard, but I had to.
She pulled back and rocked on her feet.
“Wanna come bounce?”
I shook my head. The very last thing I wanted to do was upset my stomach, which was already in knots.
“Come on, Aaron… for me.”
Be strong.
“I’m okay here with Cal.”
Lydia pouted.
“Leave him alone, Lyds. If he doesn’t want to go, you can’t make him,” Calvin said rolling his eyes.
She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring daggers at her twin brother.
“Shut up, Aaron can tell me himself.”
I almost sighed. Lydia could act like a spoilt brat at times.
“Oh look, Tami’s waving at me.”
I practically ran away from the two of them, glancing back to find Calvin laughing and Lydia looking incensed. Tamara wasn’t even in the garden but I had to get away. The very thought of having to tell Lydia I didn’t like her in that way made my skin crawl. Telling anyone I wasn’t into girls made me sick. It wouldn’t bother Calvin but I didn’t think Lydia would understand. Better to not have that confrontation. I had enough of those at school with Valentine trying to bully Rhys. I hated that idiot. He kept trying to insert himself into my business. Just because our dads knew each other, didn’t make us friends. Besides, I didn’t make friends with bullies.
A little while later, I’d just filled up a paper plate with food when Lydia cornered me by the dining table.
“Hey, Aaron.”
“Lyds.”
“Are you avoiding me?”
I blinked.
“No.”
“You sure? It feels like it.”
“I’m really not. You just seem busy, I mean it is your birthday party.”
She put a hand on my arm. I stumbled back immediately, not wanting any physical contact between us. Lydia couldn’t get the wrong idea.
“See, you won’t even let me near you. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I swear.”
Her eyes narrowed to slits.
“Did… did you meet someone at your new school?”
My heart pounded in my ears.
“Huh? No, why would you ask that?”
“Cal said you had a new friend. Is she prettier than me?”
I almost choked on my tongue. Why on earth would she automatically assume my new friend was a girl?
“Um, I can’t really say if he is or not.”
Lydia looked like she’d hit the jackpot.
“He? Oh… then you don’t have a girlfriend.”
I shook my head. As if I would ever have one.
“No girlfriends. Rhys and I are just friends.”
“I’m glad you’ve made a friend, must be weird being somewhere new where you don’t know anyone.”
I shrugged and fiddled with my paper plate.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind it. The teachers are nice and I’m doing better with my schoolwork.”
Lydia knew that’s why my parents made me change schools. They wanted the best for me.
“So definitely no girls you like?”
“No, Lyds, I don’t like any girls.” At all, whatsoever.
“Good, that’s good… you know I was hoping—”
“Lydia, time for cake,” called Polly from the kitchen.
I breathed a silent sigh of relief when Lydia gave me an apologetic look and scurried away. No doubt she was about to ask me if I liked her and I’d have to say no. That conversation would not go well.
I was thankful she didn’t manage to corner me again before I left the party. Tamara talked the whole way home with me giving one-word answers. At least that was over with. Maybe I could tell Rhys what an absolute disaster it had been at school on Monday. My heart warmed at the thought of him. I couldn’t wait. Most kids wouldn’t look forward to school. Not me. I relished every moment. It meant I could be close to him.
My heart sank again when I realised it wouldn’t be the end of things with Lydia. I would have to tell her, eventually. But perhaps I could put off seeing them again for a while and hope in the meantime she might transfer her affections elsewhere. Because I would never feel the same way. Especially not when the person who held all of my attention was everything I could’ve ever hoped for in another person. And so much more.
Chapter Sixteen
Rhys was unusually quiet when we picked him up on Monday morning. His eyes fixed on the window outside as he hid his hands under his legs. Tamara chatted away about the weekend but I don’t think he was listening. I had planned to tell him about Lydia until I’d seen his face when he got in. Something happened over the weekend and I could put money on it being bad. He might normally be quiet and reserved, but he was never completely silent and uncommunicative with me. At least he hadn’t been since
we’d established we were friends.
Even when we got to school and walked to the classroom, he wouldn’t meet my eyes nor say a word. We sat at our usual desk near the back. He began to pull out his things. I watched him for signs he would talk, but he seemed to be ignoring me.
“Rhys…”
“Yeah?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
It didn’t look like nothing. His eyes were haunted. My heart shrivelled at the sight of it. He only ever let me in a little way. I kept finding myself slamming into his walls at every turn. Being his friend was almost impossible at times, but I reminded myself he’d open up, eventually. He’d allow me access to the deeper workings of his mind when he learnt to trust me completely. I just wished it’d happen faster.
“You look unhappy.”
He flinched.
“You see too much,” he muttered, turning his face from me.
Every time we took a step forward with each other, we always took four steps back. I steeled myself. No matter what, I’d get him to talk to me. To open up because I couldn’t not. Rhys had to stop hiding. Didn’t he know I’d do anything for him? I’d keep each and every one of his secrets. I’d hold him when it all got too much. I’d just damn well be there for him whenever he needed me.
“I just want to help you.”
“You can’t help me, Aaron. No one can.”
The note of despair in his voice and the fact he’d used my full name made my stomach sink to the floor. This wasn’t like him. Not the Rhys I’d come to know since the beginning of term. What happened at the weekend? What could’ve possibly gone so wrong to make him want to shut me out completely all over again?
“Don’t say that. It’s not true. I can if you let me.”
His expression darkened and his fists clenched in his lap.
“You don’t understand. You can’t possibly… it doesn’t matter. Just leave me be. I can’t talk about it. I won’t talk about it.”
The way my heart fractured at his words had me almost clutching my chest. Pain drove through me. Not for myself, but for him. For the boy I couldn’t help but be drawn to. I wished he’d let me carry his burdens. I wouldn’t give up on him. I couldn’t. He needed someone. I’d made a promise to never leave him. And I intended to keep it.
