Our Darkest Hour (Our Darkest Series Book 1)

by Sarah Bailey

  The gentle lap of the waves and the tide were the only sounds we heard for several long minutes. Rhys was right. It was peaceful. And we were all alone here, far enough away from the main drag of the promenade. No one would disturb us.

  “You remember when we made that stupid pact when we were eleven and your parents decided you weren’t going to the same secondary as me?”

  His voice startled me, breaking through the silence.

  “The one where we promised if we were ever separated permanently, we’d run away together and live our lives out by the ocean?”

  “Yeah, that one… I don’t know why we made it. Not like we’ve ever been separated. You promised you’d never leave me.”

  “I won’t.”

  I had no reason to. I felt as though I would die on the inside if I wasn’t with him. Maybe that’s how you were supposed to feel when you loved someone as much as I did him. Letting go of Rhys wasn’t an option.

  “And we made it because we were scared my parents would find a way to keep us apart for good.”

  The day I’d realised they were trying to stop me from spending time with Rhys, I’d run away from the house and caught the bus by myself. We’d hauled up in his room, hugging each other until my mum had come to get me. I think that was the day she realised the lengths I’d go to be near Rhys. So even though I’d been grounded for two weeks, the moment my incarceration had been lifted, I begged Maritza to take me around Rhys’ house. And when she drove me there, the two of us had sat out in his overgrown back garden and made that pact.

  Rhys reached over and grabbed my hand, entwining his fingers with mine.

  “Too bad for them we were wise to their intentions.”

  I swallowed, my skin tingling where our hands were joined. As much as I wanted things to go back to normal after this morning, I wasn’t sure they could. Something between me and Rhys had shifted. I could see it when I looked in his dark eyes. There was a layer of emotion I didn’t recognise. And I’d thought I’d seen Rhys display every emotion imaginable to me.

  “At least your mum likes me.”

  “As if anyone could not like you, A. You’re like Prince Charming on steroids. People flock to you… don’t think they can help themselves.”

  Wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that. I couldn’t see it myself. I didn’t do anything special other than being nice to those around me. A little kindness went a long way in this fucked up world. What was the point in being mean and nasty? Didn’t do anyone any favours, least of all myself.

  “Valentine hates me.”

  “No, he hates me. He just tolerates you. There’s a difference.”

  “He’s a prick.”

  “Too fucking right. I wish that prick would fuck off permanently. Why he even still seeks us out is a mystery.”

  Who knew? His dad still worked for mine, but I’d long since made it clear I wanted nothing to do with his son. Especially after I got in trouble for kicking Valentine in the balls. Prick deserved it a thousand times over.

  “He likes to torment us for sport.”

  “Still think he should grow up. He’s twenty years old. Surely he’s got better shit to do.”

  “That would imply he has a life, which he doesn’t.”

  Rhys winced.

  “Ouch!”

  “He’s a waste of oxygen.”

  “A cretin.”

  I snorted, laughter bubbling up from my chest and spilling out.

  “Are we coming up with shite insults for him now?”

  “Hey, that was a good one. He is a fucking cretin.”

  He slapped me with his free hand on the shoulder so I slapped him back. Next thing I knew he was practically on top of me, his fingers digging into my ribs as he tickled the shit out of me.

  “Ah, fuck, stop it,” I almost screeched.

  “Not until you admit it was the best insult ever.”

  “Fuck no!”

  Rhys only tickled me harder. I tried to push him off me, the two of us struggling for dominance which only had us both laughing and gasping for breath after a few minutes. It’s at that moment we both heard the rumble of thunder and then the heavens erupted.

  “Fuck!”

  The downpour was torrential within seconds. Lightning streaked across the sky, lighting up the sea as the storm raged above us. Rhys got up, unsteady on his feet and put a hand out to me. He dragged me up when I put my hand in his and the two of us ran hand in hand towards the promenade, both laughing as the rain drenched us to the bone.

  “Jesus, this wasn’t fucking forecast.”

  We reached the wall and huddled next to each other, shivering, the rain continuing to hammer down around us.

  “We’re going to have to run back to the car.”

  Rhys stared at me as I rubbed my arms. His dark eyes held something which made me swallow hard. My clothes were plastered against my skin as were his. His dark hair had fallen in his face, driving me to want to push it back. I couldn’t help staring because I’d already seen him wet this morning after his shower. And the memory of being pressed up against him surfaced, making me very aware of how close we were standing.

  Even though we were both cold, his breath came fast and his hands fisted and un-fisted at his sides. My eyes went to his mouth and the urge drove through me. The urge to press against him. To feel him everywhere.

  “A…” he breathed out.

  Hearing my name on his lips. Watching him say it. It had me in knots. Absolute fucking knots. I couldn’t do this any longer. I couldn’t pretend. My heart hammered so hard against my chest, drowning out everything else.

  I wanted Rhys King so much, I could no longer think straight.

  My hands came up, gripping his face before I pushed him back against the sea wall. He stared at me, eyes wide and breathing as erratic as mine.

  “Aaron…”

  The way he said my name this time drove me. It was almost like a plea. A desperate all-consuming plea.

  And there, with lightning flashing around us, thunder rumbling in the distance and the rain pouring down hard, I pressed forward, planting my mouth on his and sealing away anything else either of us had to say.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  The pounding of my heart echoed in my ears over and over. Aaron kissed me. Aaron had actually kissed me. His hands were on my face. His mouth on mine. His body pressed against me. I had no idea what the fuck was happening or how we’d even got here. It seemed so surreal. There we’d been laughing and joking with each other. Then the fucking downpour started and now this. Us. Kissing. Because I wasn’t standing there doing nothing. No, my mouth was moving against his as my hands came up and gripped his waist because I felt like I was capsizing and needed something to hold on to. Desperately.

  I didn’t even know if we were doing this right either. Neither of us had kissed anyone before. And I had no idea why I was kissing him back. Why wave after wave of lust drove through me, stealing away all of my self-control.

  His hands gripped my face harder, pushing my head back against the wall as if he didn’t want me to go anywhere. As if I could. My limbs felt paralysed. My whole body drowned in him. In Aaron. My fucking best friend.

  The next thing I knew, he’d pulled back, putting inches between us, staring at me with wide eyes. As if he couldn’t believe he’d just kissed me. And I’d kissed him back. His eyes flicked down to my mouth and back.

  I don’t know who moved first this time, but our mouths fused together again. And our hands grasped each other like we couldn’t get enough.

  “Rhys,” he moaned against my mouth like a prayer.

  The rain continued to beat down on the pavement, but it was like neither of us noticed. He felt so warm against me despite the cold. I wanted him closer. I needed it. Needed him.

  His tongue pressed against the seal of my mouth, demanding I give him more. The moment I relented, it was a clash of tongues and lips. Messy and completely
insane. Perhaps we’d both lost our minds. Today had been so full of emotions. From this morning where he’d made me feel things I shouldn’t about him by accidentally touching me in his sleep. Me masturbating over him in the shower and the sense of nostalgia I’d felt all day as we traipsed around Brighton. So who the fuck knew what was up or down any longer.

  All I knew is Aaron felt very right against me. That was up until I realised I was getting hard and so was he. The painful reminder we were supposed to be friends. Best friends didn’t kiss each other. Best friends didn’t cling to each other and lose all sense of control. Best friends shouldn’t be rubbing their hard cocks against each other.

  So I shoved him back away from me, breaking that insane kiss and our bodies grinding against each other.

  “What the fuck?” I ground out.

  He blinked. The rain had plastered his hair against his head. No doubt we both looked like drowned rats with swollen mouths right then.

  “I… I… I don’t know.”

  “No, seriously, Aaron, what the fuck was that?”

  I shouldn’t be getting pissed off at him. I’d actively participated in the kiss, but I couldn’t deal with the emotions rushing through me at an alarming pace. I couldn’t cope. Nothing about this was anything but complicated. And we couldn’t be doing this. Kissing each other. It was just plain fucking wrong.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know? You kissed me!”

  He took a step back, putting his hands up.

  “I know.”

  “That’s not a fucking explanation. Why? Why would you…? You’re supposed to be my friend. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  He flinched, rubbing his hand over his arm.

  “I’m sorry, I… I don’t know what just happened.”

  I ran my hands through my wet hair. The cold seeped into my bones, making me tremble. Us standing in the rain wasn’t helping this situation one bit.

  “Stop saying you don’t know. What made you think it was okay to kiss me, huh? Like I don’t get it, A. I don’t.”

  I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t okay with him being gay. So no matter what, I would not bring it up. It wasn’t about that anyway. This was about him kissing me out of the blue.

  Did he like me in that way? And if so, how long? God, how fucking long had he harboured secret feelings towards me?

  The thought of it made my stomach roil in protest.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.”

  I could hardly stand to look at him right then. Seeing the abject misery and agony in his eyes cleaved me in two. I couldn’t stand the pain I saw there. The last thing I’d ever wanted to do was cause him pain.

  “Let’s just fucking go. I’m cold and… and I want to go home.”

  I wanted to be alone to process this. To try to understand what happened. The two of us were never supposed to kiss. Never. It didn’t work like that, did it? We were friends. Best friends. We had been for ten years and yet Aaron had thrown fucking acid all over it by kissing me. By turning our friendship into something else. Something I wasn’t remotely prepared for.

  “Okay,” he replied in a small voice, looking like he wanted to throw up.

  I couldn’t stand to see him that way, so I turned and started walking back the way we’d come. It took us fifteen minutes to get back to the car. We’d been absolutely drenched by the rain so Aaron whacked the heating up high before we set off.

  “Rhys—”

  “Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  I didn’t know what the fuck to say. He’d not told me why and at this point, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know either. It didn’t help that it kept replaying in my head over and over again. The press of his body against mine. The way he’d taken complete control despite being the smaller of the two of us in terms of body mass. We’d become evenly matched in height over the years since I shot up when I’d turned fifteen. It reminded me of the way I’d thought about him in the shower this morning. How I’d wanted him to pin me down and take me. I looked out of the car window, trying to shove those images away from my brain. This whole thing was absolutely fucked up on every level.

  By the time we pulled up at my house, it was almost midnight. Mum would be in bed by now and she probably expected me to crash at Aaron’s again. I hadn’t told her where we were going today. She’d got used to me disappearing for days on end to avoid Graham.

  My hand was on the door handle when his voice made me freeze.

  “Rhys, we need to talk about what happened.”

  I turned my head towards him, meeting his eyes finally. Those blue-grey eyes which had the ability to destroy me with one look. And it was the exact look he had in them right then. My heart burnt a hole in my chest. I wanted to crush him to me and shove him away in the same breath.

  “No. No, we really don’t, A. I don’t know why the fuck you even entertained the idea that was remotely okay nor do I really even give a shit right now. Just… just stay away from me.”

  It broke my damn soul to say those words. I turned away, but not before I saw his heart break in front of my eyes. I had the door open and was out of the car, slamming it shut. As I strode away towards the house, I heard the other car door open.

  “Please, Rhys, please don’t walk away from me.”

  I stiffened but kept walking, digging my house key out of my pocket.

  “Rhys, please, let me explain.”

  I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want him to tell me he had feelings for me. I didn’t want him to ruin our friendship. The can of worms he’d open up with that… well… we wouldn’t be able to stuff them back in again.

  “Rhys!”

  “Go home, Aaron.”

  I unlocked my front door, wrenched it open and slammed it shut behind me. Then I slid down it and scraped my hands across my face before I buried it in my knees.

  “What the fuck?” I whispered.

  My entire world collapsed before my eyes. Aaron kissing me? Well, that had just fucked with me completely. But that wasn’t everything… not by a long fucking shot. No, the icing on the cake? I’d kissed him back. And I had no fucking clue how to feel about any of it at all.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  I spent the night tossing and turning, kicking myself over and over for the stupid decision I’d made. Rhys was right to be angry. Right to be pissed off and refusing to talk to me. And yet it didn’t stop the pain radiating out of my chest and destroying me from the inside out.

  Why did I do it? And why did it feel so goddamn fucking right?

  I don’t even know how I got home last night. Tears had blurred my vision the whole way, streaming down my cheeks as I drove. Probably good it was late and the roads weren’t busy. As soon as I got in the house, I stripped off my still damp clothes and jumped in the shower, letting the hot water warm me up. And wash away the horrific beauty of the kiss and his touch from my skin. I’d thrown myself in bed after, not bothering with clothes and hugged the pillow where he’d slept the night before to my chest. It smelt of him. And it made me break down all over again, sobbing into it, the noise echoing in my ears.

  When my tears dried up, I put my fingers to my lips. The memory of his against them assaulted all my senses. Heat blossomed across my skin. It had been everything and more. Electrifying me. Bringing vivid colour into my world. Making me feel alive.

  My first ever kiss had simultaneously been the very best and absolute worst experience of my life. Kissing Rhys King was like kissing a god. Getting shouted at by him for it afterwards annihilating me.

  After everything we’d been through together, I should’ve known better than to spring it on him like that. He deserved better. So much better. I should’ve told him the truth. That I loved him. And I wanted to be more than just his friend. But no, instead of calmly explaining my feelings towards him like the rational adult thing to do, I’d gone with m
y hormones and thrown myself at him.

  What a fucking idiot.

  I had no idea what time it was when the doorbell went. Groaning and scrubbing my eyes, I got up, feeling dead on my feet as I pulled on a t-shirt, boxers and a pair of shorts. I trudged downstairs wondering who the hell was disturbing me. When I wrenched the door open, my heart dropped out from underneath me.

  “R…Rhys?”

  He ignored me, pushing past and flying into my house. I barely had a chance to blink before I rushed after him, shoving the door shut.

  “Rhys!”

  “I came to get my shit, that’s it. We are not okay, Aaron, not okay at all.”

  He stomped up the stairs with me trailing after him.

  “We need to talk.”

  “No, we really don’t.”

  When we reached the landing, I grabbed his arm and spun him around to face me. He looked at my hand like it’d scorched him. The dark circles under his eyes had me thinking he must not have slept either. It shattered my already broken heart further. I’d caused that agony. I’d done this to us.

  “Please let me explain.”

  Shaking me off, he strode away towards my room. Half his stuff he’d left around here was in there and the rest in the guest room.

  “Rhys, just two minutes, please.”

  “No.”

  All I knew was I had to stop him leaving. Had to stop him walking out the door on us. On our friendship. On ten years of us being together like we were supposed to be. Because fuck, Rhys and I were meant for each other and I didn’t care what anyone else had to say about it. He was it for me. He always had been. No one else could ever replace the boy in front of me.

  I stood in the doorway of my room, watching him pace about grabbing various items of clothing. I took a deep breath. I had to be a man and own up to my feelings towards him. There was no other way I could get him to stop this madness.