Our Darkest Hour (Our Darkest Series Book 1)

by Sarah Bailey

  “Go on then… you’re going to have to work for it.”

  No hesitation. His hand left my jeans and gripped the bottom of my cock. Aaron worked me, his mouth suctioning around my shaft and driving me fucking crazy. My fingers tightened around his head, digging into his scalp. I panted when he took me deeper, my other hand landing on his shoulder. He was still amazing at this. He knew exactly how hard to suck me, to stroke me with his hand. He knew everything about me and it was equal parts incredible and damning. I hated and loved him knowing how to please me.

  “Oh fuck,” I groaned. “Yes, like that. Don’t stop! Fuck, that’s it, A.”

  My slip of the tongue registered with me the moment I felt everything inside me tighten. This situation was far too fucked up for words. Aaron somehow chipped away at my walls in the brief time he’d been back in my life. Almost effortless on his part. You couldn’t erase our past. The friendship we’d forged. The love between us. It all still remained. Clear as fucking day.

  Aaron might not have told me he loved me, but I could feel it from him. His heart crying out for mine. His soul bleeding for me. Just as mine did for him.

  I didn’t want this to end. Didn’t want to walk away. But how could I trust him again? How could I forgive him? We hadn’t even talked things through. Being alone with him made it hard to concentrate on anything else but having him against me. Touching his body and sating the overwhelming desire I had to fuck him. This wasn’t just about my anger or my hate. Being close to him soothed my shattered soul.

  I stared down at his blue-grey eyes, the part of him I’d always adored the most. Every inch of me melted for him. I didn’t have it in me to deny him anything. Not when I could see his feelings for me written all over his features and in the way he touched me.

  “Shit, Aaron,” I moaned, erupting in his mouth as the sensations washed over my skin.

  I couldn’t look away, watching him take everything I had to give and how some of it spilt out over his lip. Seeing him take it was so fucking hot. Pulling my cock free of his mouth, I breathed deeply. Aaron swallowed and licked his lip, cleaning the cum from it. I let go of him, the urge to reward him for being so good overwhelming all my senses.

  “Get on the bed.”

  He scrambled to obey, shifting backwards. I didn’t bother putting myself away. No, I just dropped to my knees and crawled between his legs, running my hands up his thighs. Lifting my hand, I pressed it against his chest and shoved him down. Then my hands were at his jeans, tugging open the zip and pulling him out. He let out a choking gasp when I wrapped my mouth around him, my tongue circling the crown of his cock. His hands flexed by his sides and his breathing grew erratic.

  I loved the feel of him in my mouth. I revelled in making him moan and struggle not to reach out to me. Fuck knows I shouldn’t be doing this, but the consequences of my actions weren’t on my list of priorities. Was it so wrong of me to want to just feel right now? To remember how good it was when we were together.

  Damn it, Aaron, I love you so much and it kills me. It fucking decimates me.

  “Oh fuck,” he panted. “Rhys, fuck… please.”

  My hand curled around the base of him, stroking as I sucked his cock exactly the way I knew he liked it. Forgetting how to please Aaron would be impossible. It was almost like muscle memory for me. We’d been so in sync with each other, so in tune. Seven years hadn’t changed that in the slightest. My body knew his just as his knew mine. It remembered everything. Every dip and curve. The dusting of blonde hair leading down to his cock. The slight curve to his hard shaft. Everything. And I fucking adored it. Adored him.

  I got off on his moans and pleading. Watching him come apart right before my eyes as if he could never get enough of me. Of this. Of us. And when he came, groaning my name, I took every last drop, swallowing it down when I pulled away.

  I shifted up on the bed and flopped down next to him, watching his chest rise and fall as he tried to catch his breath. My hand reached out without me thinking, stroking down the centre of it. Every part of me wanted to be wrapped up with him. I stared hard at his mouth, trying to quell the urge to kiss him.

  “Do you want to stay?” he whispered.

  “I shouldn’t.”

  “I have no right to say this, but I want you here.” He turned his head towards me, his eyes full of emotion. “I need you, Rhys. I don’t function right without you.”

  My heart constricted in my chest, the ache driving right into my bones. He placed his hand on top of mine on his chest, right where his heart sat.

  “This belongs to you. It always has and it always will. If you want to keep punishing me, you can… just stay with me. Please give me one chance to show you how sorry I am. To prove to you I’ll never leave again.”

  If only it was that easy. The pain of being apart from him overwhelmed me. Made me want to give in. To allow him back in my life so I no longer had to live with this anguish. I wanted to let Aaron take it all away. To let him love me again. Except there were so many things holding me back, preventing me from allowing him back in.

  “I don’t know how to trust you,” I whispered, hating myself for admitting the truth.

  He shifted on his side and reached for me, cupping my face.

  “You don’t have to do anything. I’ll do it all. I’ll fight for you. Just let me, please. I don’t care if I have to beg because I fucking will, okay?”

  All the sincerity in his voice made me crumble.

  “Okay. I’ll stay tonight, but don’t expect anything from me, Aaron. Don’t think this is going to be easy. I don’t even know if I can forgive you or move past what happened. You really hurt me… I did something stupid because I couldn’t handle being without you.”

  His eyes grew concerned.

  “What happened?”

  I didn’t want to tell him about this, but perhaps he’d understand why this wasn’t a simple case of me forgiving him. It couldn’t be. Not after everything I went through.

  “The week after school started, I had people calling me a… murderer under their breath. I ignored it at first, but it kept getting worse. It was enough my heart was broken, then I had to deal with that bullshit on top of it. I didn’t want to go on any longer, I’d had enough. Everything hurt too much.”

  I swallowed, my eyes darting away from his and focusing on his chest instead.

  “I ran a bath, locked the door and got in with all my clothes on. I didn’t care any longer. Without you and the shit at school, I had nothing to live for. So I held myself under the water, wanting it to be over, wanting the pain to just fucking well end.”

  Aaron’s hand around my face tightened.

  “The thing is… Mum came upstairs to check on me because she knew how much I was struggling. I could sort of hear her banging on the door, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Under the water was so still and peaceful for the longest time, even as my lungs constricted, I kept myself submerged. The next thing I knew, Graham ripped me out of the water. I choked and struggled to breathe again. Turns out, Mum had got him to kick the door in. She wasn’t very happy with me for obvious reasons, but she understood. I put her through a shit time during that year. I hated myself for it and I hated you for making me want to end everything.”

  When he didn’t say a word for several minutes, I got the courage to look up into his eyes and found he had tears in them. Not an unexpected reaction. I had admitted I’d almost ended my life over him and the shit at school. Didn’t stop me hating the sight of him crying. So I reached for him, pulling him against me and letting him cry on my chest.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered through choked breaths. “I’m so sorry.”

  I stroked his hair, unable to say anything else. It already hurt enough telling him about that awful day. It’s why I couldn’t just forgive him. Why I harboured all this hate for the boy I loved in my heart. The pain of the day he’d ended everything had driven me to an extreme measure to stem my bleeding
heart.

  Aaron raised his head, staring at me with watery eyes and a broken expression on his face. I couldn’t take it any longer. My hands curled around his cheeks and I tugged him closer until our lips met. The kiss was gentle at first, but it didn’t stay that way. It became hard and messy, so charged with the violence of our emotions. We clung to each other. His tongue clashed with mine, making me drunk off him and the relief I felt at finally giving in to the urges overloading my system.

  When he put inches of space between our mouths, I felt bereft. I wanted him right there again.

  “I’ll never hurt you like that again,” he whispered. “I swear. You are my everything and I’m so fucking sorry. I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you.”

  My heart clenched hard.

  “I know you do.”

  I let him pull off our clothes and tuck us up under the covers. It was still early, but honestly, after all of that emotional shit, I was exhausted. We held each other tightly and kissed again, but it was more out of comfort than anything else. Reassurance. I had Aaron. The man who enabled me to breathe easy.

  I still had no idea if I could forgive him or trust him, but I’d taken a giant leap of faith today in admitting just how much he decimated me all those years ago. I came here hoping to find closure so I could move past him. Now I knew better. There would be no moving past Aaron, walking away or saying goodbye. My heart and soul fucking belonged to him.

  I love you more than life itself, Aaron. I want you to fight. I want you to show me I can trust you.

  Please… never leave me again.

  Chapter Fifty Eight

  I’d left Aaron’s early yesterday before his nieces woke up. He didn’t want me to go, but I had to put some distance between us. Especially after what I’d admitted to him. It didn’t feel right to give him hope things would eventually be okay between us. I didn’t know if they would be or not. I could allow him to try to mend my heart and regain my trust, but I couldn’t make any promises he’d succeed.

  Walking away from him might be impossible, but I needed time. Burying myself in work helped keep my mind off it all. I had a lot to do anyway having neglected stuff last week. Well, it did until he started texting me around lunchtime today. I hadn’t responded yet. Instead, I’d read them over and over, obsessing about what he’d said. They’d arrived at hour intervals as if he was trying to give me space but failing miserably.

  Aaron: I started reading your comic strip last night. Your artwork is stunning. I can see why Emily likes it.

  Aaron: I can’t wait to see what you come up with for her book.

  Aaron: I missed you sleeping next to me.

  Aaron: Honestly, I just plain miss you all the time.

  Aaron: You’re my home. Everything feels empty without you.

  Aaron: I love you x

  The last one made my heart melt into a puddle on the floor. He could see I’d read them. Who knew if it was driving him crazy, me not replying. Probably. But Aaron wasn’t giving up on me. He wanted me back. If I had to let him sweat a little, so be it. I told him it wouldn’t be simple or easy.

  The buzzer went and I got up to let Meredith in, opening the front door and leaving it for her. I went into the kitchen and grabbed two beers from the fridge, popping the caps. Then I took those back to the sofa and set them on the coffee table.

  “Pizza has arrived!”

  Meredith flounced in with two pizza boxes and jumped onto the sofa next to me.

  “Hello to you too.”

  She grinned and shoved a box at me.

  “All right my bestest friend in the whole wide world?”

  I narrowed my eyes.

  “What do you want?”

  “What makes you think I want something?”

  I opened my box and gave her a look. Meredith would only ever be over the top nice when she wanted a favour. And usually, it was something I didn’t want to do.

  “Okay, fine, I need you to help me.”

  “With what?”

  “A guy at work asked me out for drinks and I said yes thinking it was a group thing but it’s not.”

  Considering Meredith hadn’t been out with anyone in weeks, I was a little surprised.

  “Just tell him if you’re not interested.”

  She shook her head.

  “I am, but he’s too hot for me. Like he’s a twenty out of ten.”

  I raised an eyebrow as I stuffed a slice of pizza in my mouth. The melty, cheesy goodness made me groan. Meredith grabbed one of the beers I’d left on the coffee table and took a swig.

  She had leftover hang ups from when she was a teenager so I wasn’t exactly taken aback by her comment.

  “Mer, no one is too hot for you. You’re stunning.”

  “You’re my best friend so you have to say that, not to mention being as into dick as me.”

  “Being into dick doesn’t disqualify me from being able to appreciate female beauty.”

  There was only one dick I had any interest in other than my own. One I’d worshipped on Saturday night even though I shouldn’t have. I tried not to shiver at the memory of the mutual pleasure I’d shared with the owner of said dick.

  “I need you to come with me.”

  No way in hell I wanted to be a third wheel on her date.

  “I’m sure he’ll appreciate your gay bestie crashing the party… not.”

  The twinkle in her eye told me that wasn’t everything.

  “I was thinking more like a double date.”

  “Firstly, no and secondly, hell no, and thirdly, just no.”

  “But Rhys—”

  I shook my head.

  “Meredith, I love you, but no way. You promised you wouldn’t try set me up with Jonah again and, did you conveniently forget, I do not date.”

  No doubt that’s who she had in mind. I grabbed my beer and knocked half of it back. She really had no fucking shame at all this girl.

  “I wasn’t going to suggest Jonah, I swear.”

  I didn’t want to know who she would have suggested. It didn’t matter. I was not going to double date with her. Just because I’d got myself involved with some fucked up mess with my ex, didn’t mean my love life had suddenly kick-started into high gear or anything.

  “Even so, it’s still no. Just go on the damn date and stop being a baby about it. Why would he have asked you out if he didn’t like you?”

  “God, fine, you’re such a spoilsport.”

  I stuffed another slice of pizza in my mouth so I wouldn’t say something mean back. She hadn’t had a ton of luck with men. She needed to stop getting involved with dickheads and emotionally unavailable men. I knew where her shit with them stemmed from. Fucking Cole Carter. Bringing him up would only upset her so I refrained. She didn’t mention him unless she was wasted and then it only resulted in her crying over it. In so many ways, Meredith and I were alike. We still had feelings for the people who broke our hearts. And that just plain fucking well sucked.

  “How was your weekend anyway?”

  I swallowed and looked away.

  “Okay.”

  “Just okay? What happened?”

  I fiddled with the cardboard as Meredith opened her own box. It made little sense for me to be nervous about telling her. She had told me to talk to him. My relationship with Aaron was just all kinds of complicated.

  “I saw Aaron,” I mumbled.

  “You did?”

  “I went to his for dinner and met his nieces.”

  “Did you two get to talk?”

  I was about to open my mouth to reply when the buzzer went. Meredith raised an eyebrow.

  “Expecting someone?”

  I dumped my pizza box and beer on the coffee table before getting up.

  “No.”

  Probably one of the neighbours forgetting their key again. Kenny on the third floor was notorious for it. Whilst I’d never actually met the guy in person, he’d ended up introducin
g himself down the intercom after the third time he’d misplaced his keys.

  I trudged out into the hallway and pressed down on the intercom.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi… I’m sorry to turn up like this. I need to know you’re okay.”

  My heart did a backflip and somehow, I found myself smiling.

  “Is this your idea of proving to me you’re not giving up?”

  “Sort of. You didn’t reply to my texts. I got worried. I just… damn it, Rhys, I can’t help it. I need to see you.”

  I didn’t reply, pressing down on the buzzer instead. If he was that desperate, I’d put him out of his misery. To be honest, I was secretly happy he’d turned up here.

  “Who is it, fuckface?” came Meredith’s voice from the living room.

  I stared at the wall, unsure of whether to admit my ex was on his way up here or not. No doubt if I did, she’d be all over Aaron asking questions. Not sure I wanted her up in his face. Not when I’d only given her very minimal details about what happened with him.

  He knocked on the door before I had time to decide. I opened it finding him looking effortlessly handsome in his work clothes.

  I waved a hand at myself.

  “As you can see, I’m alive and well.”

  He took a step towards me.

  “I was going to reply, but I was focused on work.”

  And another step, his blue-grey eyes full of determination.

  “And you could have called me. I would—”

  Aaron grabbed my face, tugged me towards him and kissed me. My body reacted on instinct, clinging to him as waves of relief and desire flooded me. He nibbled on my bottom lip reminding me how obsessed he was with it. Then he put precious inches between our mouths.

  “I needed to see you,” he murmured. “I couldn’t wait any longer.”

  “So I see.”

  His hand drifted down to rest on my chest where my heart thumped against my ribcage.

  “You’re not mad at me for turning up unannounced, are you?”

  I smiled.

  “No… but I do already have company.”