Tainted Forever

by Terri Anne Browning

  Exhaustion fully hit me as I dropped down onto the sectional in the spacious living room. My eyes felt too heavy to keep open and began to water when I tried to fight it. Pulling the afghan down off the back of the deliciously comfortable couch, I pillowed my head on one of the soft, fuzzy pillows.

  As I finally gave in, letting my lids stay down, my heart squeezed painfully. Jace should have been with me up here in this mountain paradise. We should have been cuddled together, taking a nap together.

  Instead, my heart was broken, and I was running away from the man I’d thought I was going to spend my life with.

  Chapter 6

  Kin

  September

  Pulling my Range Rover up in front of Lucy and Harris’s Malibu house, I leaned my head back into the headrest and closed my eyes.

  Other than on Skype, I hadn’t seen my best friend in a little over four months. We talked every day by text, yet I was nervous as hell right then. Spending so much time holed up in a secluded cabin with only my manager for company had given me a bit of anxiety when it came to being around other people. Something I was going to have to get over quickly if I was going to be able to go through with the plan Aunt Emmie had for my career.

  I sucked in a deep breath and met my own gaze in the rearview mirror. “Suck it up, Kin. You can do this. Get your shit together, and go see your best friend.”

  My reflection only glared back, and I groaned. With a curse, I forced myself to stop hiding and get out of my vehicle.

  The smell of the ocean filled my senses as I walked up the stone path to the front door. I could hear the waves hitting the beach that was Lucy’s backyard. I’d missed that sound. Having grown up in Southwestern Virginia, surrounded by mountains and hours from any beach, I’d never really thought about living anywhere else.

  Until I was forced to.

  I’d hated living with my father when I came to California at seventeen, but I fell in love with the ocean. The past few months, I’d missed it almost as much as I missed Lucy and Angie.

  The door opened before I even made it to the front porch, and my beautiful friend came out, waddling only slightly from the extra weight of the baby girl growing in her belly. Tears filled her eyes when her gaze met mine, and seconds later, we were hugging.

  “I missed you so much,” Lucy laughed emotionally as she hugged me tight.

  I swallowed the lump trying to fill my throat and hugged her back. “Missed you too, Preggo.”

  Stepping back, she grasped my hands and pulled me into the amazing house her parents and in-laws had given them as a wedding present. “Are you hungry? Thirsty? How was the flight? How is that Amara chick? Is she showing yet? Does she know what she’s having? Should we plan her a baby shower or something, do you think?”

  “Whoa, sweetness,” Harris said with a laugh as he came down the stairs. Dressed in dark jeans and a black button-up over a gray T-shirt, he looked amused and maybe glowing just as much as his pregnant wife was. But he’d been doing that ever since the wedding. “Maybe give Kin time to answer one question before moving on to the next one.”

  She grimaced. “If I don’t ask them all now, this stupid pregnancy brain will make me forget. It’s better just to get them all out of the way now, and she can answer them in her own time.”

  Reaching us, he bent to kiss her. Considering he was over a foot taller than her, he had to bend a good bit before his lips touched hers. I looked away, unable to handle seeing how much in love they were now. Before everything started going downhill with Jace and me, I never once was jealous of these two. There was no need to be when I had a man I thought loved and cherished me just as much as Harris did Lucy. Now that I knew better, I couldn’t bear to see the proof of someone else’s happily ever after.

  Lifting his head, Harris pulled me into a welcoming hug. “About time you came home,” he grumbled as he stepped back. “Lu was scared you were going to miss the baby shower and Hayat’s birth.”

  “Nothing could keep me from being here for that,” I told him honestly. “Can’t have my goddaughter coming into the world without me there.”

  “I have to head to work, but Lucy wants to have dinner together tonight. You’re coming, right?” he asked expectantly.

  “Depends. Will it be just the three of us?” Because if Jace was going to be there, no way in hell was I going. I’d spent four whole months away from anything and everything that could remind me of him. I didn’t know how I would handle seeing him again now, and I didn’t want to find out.

  Harris and Lucy shared a quick look, having a silent conversation before my best friend nodded. “Yes. Just the three of us.”

  “Then, yes, I would like to have dinner with you.”

  Harris kissed Lucy again. “I’ll see you two later, then. Sweetness, Marcus will be by to pick you up around six. If you need anything before then, call me.”

  “Bye, babe,” she said with a dreamy look in her eyes as she watched him leave.

  I linked my arm through hers, urging her into the kitchen and distracting her from the absence of her delicious husband. “I’m starving and thirsty,” I said, answering her questions from earlier. “The flight was okay. Amara tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. She’s good, by the way, got the boot off her fractured foot a while back and has the cutest little baby bump. She, like you, is having a girl but hasn’t picked out a name yet. I guess she wants to talk to Cash about it before deciding. I would really like to do a shower for her, but that can wait a few months, I think. There is time to plan it.”

  In the kitchen, Lucy pulled out a carafe of water from the fridge. A tray of glasses was already on the island in the middle of the room, and she poured us each a glass before going back to the fridge to pull out everything needed for sandwiches.

  As she placed the deli packages of ham and turkey in front of me, she paused to look at me. “Have you been home yet?”

  I shook my head. “Seeing as Angie moved recently so she didn’t have to be in our apartment by herself, I haven’t had time to check out the new place yet.”

  “Aunt Emmie set it up for her, but it’s not like she’s ever there anyway. She’s always at Jenna and Santana’s place.”

  “She should have just moved in with them,” I told her as I started stacking two sandwiches with meat and slices of tomatoes.

  “You know she didn’t because she wanted you to have a place for when you came home,” Lucy reminded me softly.

  I shrugged. “I could have found my own place. I’ve gotten used to being alone.”

  “You had Amara with you.”

  “I like her—a lot, actually—but she gave me my space. Which I’m thankful for. So it was like I was alone more often than not.” I smothered the top slice of bread with deli mustard and then cut the sandwich down the middle before doing the same to Lucy’s.

  She took hers and placed it on a plate, pushing the tray of sliced veggies toward me. “Do you want me to go with you to check out the new place? We can go before we meet Harris for dinner.”

  “Sure. Why don’t you call Marcus and tell him to meet us there so we don’t have to take two vehicles?” I took a bite of the sandwich, watching as she lifted the top piece of bread from her own and loaded it with slices of pickled jalapeños and thin slivers of radishes. I wasn’t surprised by the choice. After catering to Amara’s cravings the last two months, I found nothing weird surprised me anymore.

  “Yeah, okay. Let me text him before I forget.” Wiping her fingers, she pulled her phone out of the pocket of her maternity dress and texted quickly. “I kind of miss him. Since we moved out here and he started working for both me and Aunt Emmie to shadow Mia, I don’t see him a lot. For years, I hated having a babysitter, but it’s a little lonely without him. I guess he was just as much my security blanket as he was Daddy’s.”

  “I have a feeling as soon as Hayat is born, Harris and your dad will freak out again. Only it will be Hayat who has the scary bodyguard.”


  “Probably.” She grinned as she tossed the phone onto the counter before picking up her sandwich. The look she gave her food was similar to the look she gave her husband as he was leaving, making me laugh.

  “You’re adorable when you get that dreamy look for your food, Lu.”

  “Don’t make fun of me. Wait until you are pregnant and food becomes the love of your life.”

  I snorted. “I don’t see that happening anytime soon, but I’ll take your word for it.”

  She was quiet for a few minutes, eating her food in silence. But I knew her well, and could tell she had something on her mind. I finished the rest of my sandwich, waiting and dreading what would come out of her mouth when she did speak again.

  When several minutes passed and she still hadn’t spoken, I wondered if maybe her forgetful pregnancy brain was going to save me, but then she set down her water glass and opened her mouth. “Jace has been a mess.”

  “Stop,” I ordered, holding up my hand. Noticing my fingers were trembling, I clenched them into fists and dropped them onto the counter, when really, I wanted to press them to my chest and try to ease the pain there that just the sound of his name produced. “I don’t want to hear about Jace. I don’t want to know what he’s been doing, how he’s been doing, or who he’s been doing.”

  “I know, I know,” she said, her voice sad. “He’s an idiot. What he did wasn’t right. I hate him for breaking your heart, Kin. But he’s still my friend, and I care about him almost as much as I do you. He doesn’t eat, looks like he never sleeps, and the first thing out of his mouth every time he sees me is to ask about you.”

  I was not going to let that make my heart hurt. I wasn’t. I wasn’t. All of those times he’d left me hanging, thinking he was cheating, shutting me out… I wasn’t, damn it. “What do you tell him?”

  “I never tell him anything other than you’re okay. But I’m really glad Aunt Emmie wouldn’t tell me where you were because I honestly don’t know if I would have been able to keep that from him.” She rubbed her hand over her stomach, and I saw her belly moving even through the dress she wore. I didn’t know if it was the food Lucy just ate or what she was feeling, but Hayat was super active all of a sudden.

  “He and I are over, Lucy.” My gut clenched at those words.

  “I know that. Honestly, I really do. You know I’m behind you one hundred percent. I watched you for months as he lied over and over again, and then when everything came out, I was just as pissed at him as you were.” She bit her lip, her hand moving in little circles against the tiny feet kicking her. “I just don’t like seeing either of you in pain like you have been.”

  “We will get over it eventually,” I assured her, not completely sure I believed what I was saying. “Stop worrying about us so much, babe. I’ll move on, and so will he. It’s just going to take a little time, is all.”

  But I knew I was only kidding myself. Four months had already passed, and I still felt as hurt and angry as the day Jace shattered my heart. I didn’t know how I was going to move on without a lobotomy to erase him from my memories.

  I just knew I couldn’t go back. No matter what I still felt for him under the anger and the hurt, I couldn’t go down that road with him for a third time. He’d broken my heart twice.

  No way in hell was he getting a third shot.

  Chapter 7

  Kin

  The apartment was empty when we got to the large three-bedroom rental in West Hollywood. From what my stepsister had told me, I knew we had a roommate already, and even though Angie had been there for a little over two months, she hadn’t met the other chick yet.

  Probably because Angie was rarely home, spending most of her time at work or with Jenna, only coming home to sleep.

  I liked the place as soon as I entered the apartment, maybe more than the apartment my stepsister and I had shared the past few years. The only downfall was that I couldn’t see the ocean from my bedroom window, but that was more than okay with me.

  “Nice,” Lucy commented as she glanced around the living room and kitchen. “Really homey. Any idea who your roommate is?”

  “No clue. Angie probably knows, but we haven’t really talked about it. I was just happy not to have to come back to the old place and all the memories.” Especially my old bedroom. I didn’t need to be haunted by all the times Jace had slept in that room with me, made love to me there. It would have been unbearable, and I would have lost my freaking mind.

  The sound of keys and the door opening had us both walking out of the kitchen. My breath caught as I waited to see if maybe it was the new roommate, but Angie came in with Jenna and Santana right behind her.

  Seeing me, she screamed, and seconds later, the small blonde was throwing herself in my arms. I caught her at the same time her legs wrapped around my waist. Laughing with pure happiness, I swung her around.

  “I missed you,” we both said in unison, making us giggle.

  Jumping down, Angie gave me a tight hug before stepping back, her eyes scanning me from head to toe. “It’s so good to see you. I was scared you would look like a damned wraith, but your color is good, and it doesn’t look like you’ve lost much weight.”

  “Amara kept me fed with some crazy concoctions,” I admitted. Fried Oreos were addictive, minus the sriracha for me that my pregnant manager liked to dip hers in.

  Jenna and Santana were glancing around the place curiously, as if they hadn’t been there before.

  “Nice place,” Jenna commented.

  “You haven’t visited Angie here yet?” I asked.

  The tall brunette shook her head, but it was Angie who spoke. “About that…” She started hesitantly. “The truth is, there was only one room available when Emmie and I talked about moving in here. I took the offer because it was lonely in our old place, but I always planned on letting you take the room. Jenna and I have been talking about me moving in, and now that you’re back …”

  “Really?” Lucy squealed excitedly.

  Jenna grinned, her blue-gray eyes shining with happiness, and nodded. “Really.”

  “Oh my gods!” she screamed and threw her arms around the older girl, her long curly hair tangling around her. “I’m so happy for you.” Tears started pouring from her eyes as she laughed and hugged her friend. “I can’t wait to tell Harris… I can tell him, right?”

  “I called him earlier,” Jenna admitted. “But I was going to tell everyone else Saturday at your baby shower.”

  My eyes were on my stepsister. Moving in was a huge step for her, especially when she hadn’t officially come out to her dad yet. Angie never hid who she was from Caleb or me, but she’d never openly admitted she was a lesbian before. Even though she and Jenna had been officially dating since right after Thanksgiving the previous year, she still hadn’t told Carter as far as I knew. If she was moving in with her girlfriend, that meant she was going to have to face others’ opinions about her sexuality.

  But Angie was all smiles, not an ounce of uncertainty coming off her, and that made me happier than I’d been in months.

  “I’m really happy for you, Ang,” I told her as I pulled her in for another hug. “It’s about time you got your head out of your ass.”

  Choking on a laugh, she pushed me back. “I’ve already told Dad.”

  “And?”

  “And nothing,” she said with a shrug. “He already guessed.”

  “Told you he wouldn’t care.”

  “Yeah, well, we still have to tell Jenna’s parents.” Her jaw tightened, and she lost some of that happy glow.

  Lucy’s phone went off with a text, announcing Marcus’s arrival downstairs. A glance at my phone screen told me we had to get moving so we could meet Harris on time. “We’re heading to dinner, but maybe we could hang out tomorrow?”

  The other girls nodded. “Time and place, we’ll be there,” Angie assured me.

  After locking up, the five of us took the elevator downstairs.
“I need to go down to Aunt Emmie’s office tomorrow to record a couple of the new songs I’ve been working on so a few record labels can hear the demos, but I’ll text you afterward.”

  “Should I invite Kassa?” Santana asked hesitantly. “I wasn’t sure if…yeah.”

  “Kassa is invited,” I assured her as we walked out of the building.

  Marcus was already pulled up right in front of the entrance. Seeing us, he jumped out of Lucy’s Rover and opened the back door for her. After hugging everyone goodbye, she walked over, letting him help her into the vehicle.

  I paused, giving my stepsister another once-over. “I really am happy for you, Ang. Don’t let anyone pull you down, okay?”

  “I won’t,” she promised. “Now, go. You don’t want to keep the pregnant woman from her food. We’ve seen the carnage she can wreak when she doesn’t get fed regularly.”

  Laughing, I waved and jogged over to the Rover to climb into the back with my friend.

  “I’m so freaking happy for Jenna and Angie,” she said as she got comfortable and turned to face me. “But I’m a little worried about what her mother is going to do when she finds out.”

  “Jenna’s been in relationships before,” I reminded her.

  Lucy lowered her eyes, a grimace twisting her lips at the memory of Jenna’s last girlfriend. Tessa was still in prison after taking the plea deal for what she’d done to Harris, and I hoped she stayed there. “Yeah, she’s had other girlfriends, but none of them have ever been this serious. I can see how much Jen loves Angie. This relationship means a lot to her. And her mother has never really taken Jenna’s sexuality seriously. When she finds out that Angie is living with her daughter, she might cause trouble.”

  “Would Jenna break up with Angie if her mother decides she doesn’t want them together?” Concern for Angie had me holding my breath, waiting for Lucy’s answer. It took a lot for Angie to come out to her father, to go public and move in with her girlfriend. I didn’t want to see her hurt.