Tainted Forever

by Terri Anne Browning

  “No. I can fix this. We can work through this.” He went to grasp my hand, but I pulled back. “Counseling. Yeah, that’s it. We can go to counseling. Whatever you want, baby. Anything.”

  “I asked you to go to counseling with me back in January,” I reminded him in a tired voice. “You couldn’t be bothered. It’s too late, Jace. I’m done.”

  Panic filled his eyes, but I couldn’t let his anguish dissuade me. I had to respect myself, love myself more than I loved him, or I was never going to get through this.

  “You should go,” I told him, suddenly feeling like there was a ten-ton weight on my chest.

  “Kin, baby, I love you.” Tears replaced the panic, and I couldn’t look at him. His pain only magnified my own. “I love you so fucking much.”

  “Please go.”

  “Look at me, damn it!” He was in front of me, barely an inch separating us, but I couldn’t lift my eyes to meet his gaze. If I did, I knew it would be game over. I would want him to hold me, to make this all better. But that would be like putting a bandage on a mortal wound. It couldn’t save us; it wouldn’t even stop us from bleeding out.

  His chilled fingers touched my chin, urging me to look up at him, but I clenched my eyes closed. He lowered his head, his breath brushing over my cheek seconds before his lips touched the corner of my mouth. “I love you,” he whispered. “I will love you every day for the rest of my life. Nothing will change that, ever.”

  “Please, just go,” I choked out, fighting back a sob.

  “I will, for now.” His thumb caressed over my jaw and down my neck before pressing into the pulse at the base of my throat. “But this isn’t over, Kin. I won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past.”

  My eyes were still clenched shut tight, so I couldn’t see what he was doing, couldn’t tell what he was thinking. His lips skimmed across my cheek until he reached my ear. “You are my life, my soul. I won’t ever give up on us.”

  His arms came around me, holding me so tight that I thought for a moment he could put me back together, but then he kissed the top of my head. He stepped back and I instantly missed the warmth of his body, but I still kept my eyes closed, holding on to the sobs that wanted to be set free until I heard the door click closed behind him.

  A pained cry left my lips, breaking the dam that held back the sobs. My knees gave out, and I dropped to the floor. I was thankful the room was soundproof, because the noises that left me scared me, and I knew they would terrify anyone outside those four walls.

  --

  Somehow, I managed to pick myself up and find the bathroom. I blew my nose and washed my face, trying to regain some semblance of control over my emotions. I couldn’t let this pain rule me. There were other things to worry about instead of a broken heart.

  Like getting the demos recorded so Aunt Emmie could jump-start my new career. I was taking a year off from college to see what could happen. The royalties from the songs I’d already sold were enough to live off for years if I needed to, so it wasn’t like I needed money, but Aunt Emmie really wanted me to turn singing into something substantial. With her help, I knew I could.

  First, I needed to get the demos ready for her. Then she could get me a record deal, and we could move on from there.

  That she wanted me to sign with the same label as Tainted Knights didn’t make me particularly happy. Any other musician would have been jumping through hoops even to be considered by Petrova. Me, on the other hand…I couldn’t really stand the guy behind the music label. It wasn’t like I had a reason to dislike him either, but from the first time he was introduced to me at a party to celebrate TK getting the contract with his label, I’d hated him.

  But if Aunt Emmie thought it was the best route to take, I would have to trust her.

  After cleaning up, I noticed more than an hour had passed since my meltdown with Jace. Shane was back in the control room when I got to the recording booth, and thankfully, Amara was in there with him and Mason.

  But I still felt like I was going to implode.

  “Relax, Kin.” Shane’s voice filled the booth, as if he thought I was nervous. “It’s just me, Amara, and Mason in here. Give me all you got, sweetheart, and I’ll do the rest. Yeah?”

  I nodded, but I knew I couldn’t start. Not yet. It was too much, and if I didn’t do something, I was going to…

  I threw my head back and screamed out my frustration, knowing no one in the world could hear me through those soundproof walls, not even the three people staring at me like I was losing my mind.

  Arms wrapped around me, and I sagged against Amara, letting my pregnant friend slash manager comfort me. I hesitated for only a minute before wrapping my arms around her in return and closing my eyes.

  “I hate the world right now,” I told her in a hoarse voice. “Maybe we should just wait a few days to do this.”

  “Nah,” Amara said, leaning back to look down at me with a reassuring smile. “I think you’re going to do great today. Artists need passion, and no one said it had to be happy passion.”

  “This isn’t passion,” I mumbled. “It’s a desperation to eradicate all the liars in my life—and the inability to accomplish such a feat without going to prison.”

  Her snort of laughter was adorable, and I wondered how Cash had ever let this chick get away. “Yeah, I’ve been there a few times. But experience has taught me that the best way to get back at those idiots is just to move on.”

  “Easier said than done.” Sighing, I pushed my hair back from my face. “But you’re right. It’s definitely time to move on. I’m just glad it’s Friday.”

  “You need a night out,” she informed me, pulling out her phone. “This calls for a girls’ night. I’m taking you out, getting you drunk—and maybe laid if you’re up for that. I’m making you turn off everything even remotely related to Jace St. Charles.”

  “Fuck yeah,” I laughed, but it came out more than a little shaky. Remembering I’d told Angie and Lucy we would have a night out, I asked Amara to make sure to invite them. “You two preggos can watch the rest of us shoot tequila together.”

  She grinned. “Sounds like a date. Riley is making all the plans as we speak.”

  I grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze. “Thanks, Amara. I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten through the last few months without you beside me to keep me straight.”

  She hugged me again. “Just remember you’re not alone, babe. I’m here anytime you need me.” Stepping back, she squeezed my shoulders. “Now, deep breath. Suck it up and put all the feels into your music. You got this. You’re going to be a motherfucking rock star.”

  For the first time all day, my excitement was enough to push down thoughts of Jace. “Yeah.” I nodded, feeling the confidence filling me, and straightened my shoulders with determination. “Yeah, you’re right. Fuck Jace. Let’s do this.”

  Chapter 10

  Kin

  After spending most of the morning in the studio letting Shane work his magic on my demos, I was exhausted. Forgoing lunch, I went back to my new apartment for a nap, knowing I wouldn’t be able to go out later if I didn’t get some rest.

  The sound of slamming doors pulled me out of a deep sleep hours later. Groaning, I searched blindly for my phone. Pulling it close to my face, I saw it was after six.

  “Shit,” I groaned as I noticed the many texts on my phone’s screen. I must have turned off the ringer.

  Ignoring the few from Jace from a number I didn’t recognize, I shot Lucy a reply, telling her I would meet her at the club Amara and her friend told me about earlier. My stomach was growling hungrily, so I grabbed a shawl to pull over my pajama shorts and tank top before walking out to the kitchen.

  Rubbing my grumbling stomach, I walked barefoot through the apartment.

  “Holy shit, you mean the new roomie actually exists?” an amused feminine voice asked from my left. “I was seriously starting to think there was a ghost living i
n Lindsey’s old room. I was cool with that, though. I mean, if the ghost can afford a third of the rent, I don’t mind being haunted.”

  A grin teasing at my lips, I ran my eyes over my apparent new roommate. She was small and curvy. Her chic bob was dyed jet black and made her blue eyes even more striking, especially with her golden tan. Her full lips were tilted up in a half smirk as she walked around the kitchen in shorts so tiny the cheeks of her ass half hung out. Her top barely covered her flat, toned stomach. When she turned her back, I saw that the material was shredded, revealing a single peacock feather tattoo inked along the length of her spine.

  “Not a ghost,” I assured her as I opened the fridge, pulling out the jug of orange juice. “But sometimes I feel like I’m dying, so don’t be surprised if one day I suddenly start floating through walls.”

  “I’m Riley,” she introduced.

  “Kin.” Finding the cabinet with glasses, I pulled one out and poured the juice.

  “If you’re hungry, I just ordered some pizza. Me and Mar are going out later, but you’re welcome to come with.”

  My brain was still fogged with sleep, so it took me a few seconds to put everything together. “Wait…” I groaned and dropped my head, shaking it as a grin lifted my lips. “Of course.”

  “What?” Riley asked, twisting the lid off a beer.

  “Aunt Emmie,” I told her with a laugh. “You’re Riley.”

  She looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Uh, yeah. I just said that.”

  “No, I mean you are Amara’s Riley. Riles. Yeah, that’s what she calls you.” Shaking my head again, I held out my hand. “I’m Kin Montez.”

  Her eyes widened with surprise and maybe a little fear. “I thought you looked familiar. You’ve really been holed up in the backwoods of nowhere with Mar?” I nodded. “Then who the hell has been coming and going the last few months? Someone has been in this apartment.”

  “That would be my stepsister, Angie. Aunt Emmie set everything up, but Angie decided to move in with her girlfriend and give me the room,” I explained. “Don’t worry. There wasn’t really a ghost roaming the apartment the last few months.”

  Relief flashed in her piercing blue eyes. “Thank fuck for that. Well, it’s good to meet you. Mar has told me about you.”

  “Where is she anyway?” I asked, glancing toward the living room.

  “Napping. She had a run-in with Cash’s grandmother earlier, and it drained her.”

  My lips twisted in sympathy for her. I remembered his grandmother well from the few times I’d met her. Even Angie was a little afraid of the old woman. “Doris Mathias will do that to anyone. Is she okay?”

  “Seems to be, just tired.”

  “Yeah, she naps a lot.” Back at the cabin, I found her sleeping on the couch in the living room many times. Growing a human seemed to be an exhausting job. “When she wakes up, she’s going to be hungry, though.”

  “The pizza will be here soon.”

  “No. She always has a craving after a nap.” I set my empty glass on the counter. “Do you have Oreos and pancake mix?”

  “Probably. Should be in the pantry.” She pointed to the small door beside the fridge.

  “Sriracha?”

  “Oreos. Pancakes. Sriracha.” She gave me an odd look. “Do I want to know?”

  Laughing, I opened the pantry and pulled out the dry ingredients I needed. “Trust me. When Amara gets up, you’ll be thanking me.”

  Washing my hands, I got everything ready to fry the Oreos. By the time I was pulling the last from the oil and sprinkling them with powdered sugar, Amara walked into the kitchen. Her eyes still half closed, she walked right up to the stove and grabbed one of the fried Oreos. “Sriracha,” she mumbled sleepily.

  “Here, Mar,” Riley told her, putting the dish of hot sauce in front of her so she could dip her cookie in it.

  As she bit into it, she moaned in pleasure. “Perfect,” she said with a sigh as she chewed. “Riles, how did you…” She trailed off as her eyes finally lifted and she spotted me standing by the fridge, fighting the temptation to grab a few of the Oreos for myself. “You stopped by to make these for me?” Then her gaze took in what I was wearing. “And decided to spend the night?”

  “I live here apparently,” I told her, finally giving in and snatching a cookie.

  “Wait, what?”

  “Aunt Emmie set up the apartment for Angie because she didn’t want to live on her own while I was gone. But then Jenna asked Angie to move in with her, so Angie gave the room to me,” I summarized for her. “Riley said you had a run-in with Doris Mathias. You okay?”

  Amara took the plate of cookies, stuffing her mouth with one while she contemplated my question. “I don’t know,” she said after swallowing. “She said some things that made me want to bitch slap her a few times. But then I realized she was just looking out for Cash. She isn’t going to be around much longer. I could sense it. I think she’s just trying to make sure he will be okay when she dies.”

  “That makes sense,” Riley agreed, eyeing the plate of cookies her friend was hoarding hungrily. “Sounds like everything she’s been doing the last few months was to ensure her grandson has people to love him when she isn’t around to take care of him herself.”

  “Yeah. I’m still not particularly happy with how she went about it, though.” Two more cookies disappeared before she pushed them away. “Ugh. I need a shower. We’re still going out, I swear. I just need to get myself sorted.”

  “I ordered pizza. We can go after we eat,” Riley assured her.

  “Save me a slice,” she ordered, leaving the kitchen.

  I watched her go, thankful Aunt Emmie and Angie had set up this new living arrangement for me. I had gotten so used to having Amara around, catering to her pregnancy cravings and enjoying having someone to vent to, I’d been sad to leave the cabin.

  Somewhere along the way, Amara became important to me. She was one of my closest friends now. Lucy was my best friend, nothing would ever change that, but Amara had become just as close to me.

  --

  We all met up out in front of the club Riley chose a few hours later. Angie, Jenna, and Santana surrounded Lucy, with Marcus just feet away when our cab pulled up out front. I helped Amara out then waited for Riley as I took in the others standing with my friends.

  Sin’s girlfriend, Roanna, was there with the Blondes, but it was Kassa my eyes locked on. I hadn’t spoken to her since the night Jace and I broke up, and I honestly didn’t know what to do or say to her now. The first time Jace and I broke up, I lost all contact with her. But even though I’d gone months without speaking to her, I didn’t want to lose her friendship this time around.

  She was laughing and nodding at something Lucy was saying, sticking close to Santana. My heart ached a little when she glanced over and caught my gaze. She was one of my closest friends. The day she asked me to be her maid-of-honor, I nearly cried. She was close to Santana too, and I knew it was hard for her to decide between the two of us. But we both always thought we would end up sisters-in-law one day, and that was why she picked me over Santana.

  Now, we would never end up as sisters of any kind, but I didn’t want her to tell me she no longer wanted me to be a part of her bridal party.

  As if she could read my mind, she walked toward me with determination in her blue eyes.

  “Kassa,” I began when she drew closer, but her arms wrapped around my waist and she hugged me tight.

  “I missed you,” she said with a sigh, squeezing me.

  Swallowing hard, I hugged her back. “I missed you too.”

  Stepping back, but keeping one arm around me, she called to the others, “Let’s go! I need a drink so I can shake my ass with you bitches.”

  Everyone seemed to know each other already, which felt weird to me. I was just meeting Riley, yet she was pulled into the Blondes like she was one of their besties. Amara and Riley met them the same day Jace and I broke
up, so it was I who suddenly felt left out, having missed so much the past four months.

  That feeling quickly faded as we all got drinks in us—minus the two pregnant women. We had a private corner of the VIP floor to ourselves, roped off with a few extra security guys and Marcus standing over us like we were royalty or some shit. That was the way it was whenever Lucy ever went anywhere without Harris, though, and I knew the extra security was something he must have set up when Lucy told him she was going out with us.

  While Lucy and Amara caught up, talking everything baby, I let the others pull me out onto the dance floor. Already three drinks in, I was tipsy and gave the music control of my body, letting myself go. Surrounded by my friends, I felt carefree for the first time in months.

  The dance floor quickly filled up, making it crowded and impossible to dance without bumping into the others around us. A chick drunk off her ass bumped hard into Jenna and Angie. Since I was dancing so close to my stepsister, I got pushed back a little and felt myself start to fall.

  Strong arms caught me before my ass could hit the floor, righting me. Breathless from the near-miss, I turned around to thank my rescuer and squealed when I saw it was Nate. “What are you doing here?” I asked, throwing my arms around him.

  “I’m out with friends. My buddy just got engaged, so I took the night off and came to celebrate with them.” He gave me a brief hug and pulled back, his eyes scanning my friends before pausing on Riley.

  Hiding my grin, I watched his eyes eat up the sight of her. Of all of us, Riley was probably the most beautiful, yet I wasn’t the least bit jealous of her. In a dress that barely covered her ass and gave more than an eyeful of her assets, every eye in the club was glued to her.

  “What did I say about leaving your apartment dressed like that?”

  I nearly choked in surprise at the possessive note in Nate’s voice. He was so nice, so laid-back. Even when he was frustrated at work, I’d never heard him use that tone. It was all growly and full of dark promises.