A Walk in Wildflower Park

by Bella Osborne

  ‘Can I come too?’ asked Anna, feeling as pathetic as she sounded.

  ‘Err, of course. I mean it’s not exactly riveting. But I’d love the company.’

  ‘Great. Call for me. I’ll bring a picnic.’

  Anna needed to be kept busy. She was the sort of person who struggled to relax. She liked her mind to be fully occupied. A quick trip to the local shop and she was making healthy snacks and rustling up homemade hummus.

  Sophie knocked as planned and Anna bounded outside with a cool box and a picnic rug. Sophie had the look of the perpetually harassed about her.

  ‘Hiya, kids.’ Petal launched herself at Anna, puckering her lips for a kiss, and Anna obliged. Anna gave Arlo a kiss on his forehead and he rubbed it off quickly. ‘You okay?’ she asked Sophie.

  ‘We made cakes,’ she said by way of explanation.

  ‘Ah. With blue icing.’

  ‘How’d you know …’ began Sophie as Anna fished a lump of blue icing from Sophie’s hair and presented it to her.

  ‘Next time you need your kitchen redecorated invite my kids round to make cakes.’

  Inside the park was a hive of activity with a group of teenagers playing a game of Frisbee up by the oak trees, a number of families picnicking on the benches and a variety of people and dogs all out enjoying the sunshine. But the park was so large everyone had plenty of space. They walked past the pond where a fisherman was packing up his tackle and a gang of small children were feeding a family of ducks.

  They decided on a spot near the children’s swings, under the dappled shelter of a large tree, and set out their wares.

  ‘Cupcake!’ shouted Arlo.

  ‘Carrot stick,’ offered Anna and Arlo screwed up his nose.

  Sophie gave him a bottle of bubble mixture and he and Petal began happily making and chasing the bubbles.

  ‘What’s up?’ asked Sophie, scooping up a dollop of hummus with a celery stick.

  Anna took a deep breath, letting the tranquillity of their corner of the park engulf her. She watched Arlo and Petal chasing after bubbles before being distracted by trying to catch the tiny pink blossoms as a breeze tickled the trees. ‘I’m off plan and I don’t like it.’

  She could see this had grabbed Sophie’s attention. ‘Off plan? I’d love to be free as a bird like you.’

  Anna had seized her independence and was settling into life on her own terms but she was still very much outside her comfort zone. ‘I don’t want to moan but where am I going in life?’

  ‘Wherever the hell you want to. Anna, you need to stop moping and give yourself a shake.’ Anna was taken aback. ‘I don’t mean to be unkind but lots of people would kill to be in your situation with no ties or responsibilities. You could literally do anything you want to.’ She pointed a celery stick at Anna. ‘Yes, you’ve had a shock with Liam messing everything up but much better to find out now than eight years and three kids down the road.’

  ‘You’re right.’ There was possibly a gentler way of saying it but whilst Sophie was blunt she was honest too. Anna narrowed her eyes. Was there another message in there somewhere? ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Arlo! Don’t feed duck bread to your sister.’ She turned back to Anna. ‘I’m on a treadmill and I can’t get off but if I stay on it I’ll die of exhaustion anyway.’

  ‘Is it really that bad?’ asked Anna, watching Petal giggling as she chased after her brother.

  ‘Yes, it is. There’s no excitement in my life. When I was younger I was wild and free. I thought that side of me would always be there. But Dave has worn it down. I should have married someone like Hudson.’

  ‘He’s off the market for you in more ways than one.’

  ‘I said like Hudson. As in a non-gay, free and single version. Someone who makes my insides feel like stirred jelly with one look, who notices if I’ve made an effort and makes me feel special.’ Anna knew what she meant, although she didn’t like to admit it. ‘Is that too much to ask?’

  ‘No. It’s not.’ Anna had to agree that on occasion she’d felt the same. Hudson seemed to have that way about him. ‘But it doesn’t make Dave a bad person because he doesn’t do those things. And it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.’

  ‘Okay. Who would you pick? Dave or Hudson? Go on.’

  Telling her she’d pick Hudson wasn’t going to help. ‘At least you have Dave. And he might not be exciting but he is reliable and he loves you. What do I have to come home to? An empty flat and a giant cat who thinks I’m his personal slave.’

  ‘Most men are like that too. There aren’t many Hudsons around.’ They both sighed. ‘You need to get out there and find yourself a non-gay Hudson.’

  ‘It’s not that easy when you’re handling more baggage than Heathrow on a bank holiday.’

  ‘We all have baggage, Anna. You need to find someone you trust enough to help you unpack.’ Sophie’s attention was drawn to the children. ‘Arlo! What are you doing?’

  ‘Watering the wildflowers,’ came his giggled reply.

  ‘Why does he think the world is his urinal?’

  Another evening stretched before Anna. She’d enjoyed her afternoon in the park with Sophie and the kids. Although Sophie hadn’t totally understood her issues, she had helped her see things from a different perspective and she’d learned the names of more wildflowers than she ever knew existed. After her chaotic, but fun, afternoon, tonight Anna was particularly lonely. Curled up on the sofa with Maurice she stared into space and stroked him absent-mindedly. Maurice was so chilled out he looked drunk but then it occurred to Anna he was basically getting an all-over body massage and they made her zone out too.

  Perhaps it was the contrast after being surrounded by people for a couple of days making her feel alone. It was silly but she was enjoying her fake relationship with Hudson. She liked him as a person but the fake relationship was like a shield, protecting her from her own mutinous thoughts about taking Liam back. Liam had caught her off-guard when he’d told her he still loved her but now he thought Hudson was on the scene hopefully he’d keep a respectful distance. Despite her desire to be a fiercely independent woman perhaps she was one of those people who needed someone else in their life. If that was the case, and it pained her to admit it, she needed to be very clear on what terms she would set out for future relationships. For now, a fake one with a gay man was more than enough.

  She checked the television and when a documentary about people falling from holiday balconies came up she quickly switched it over but found nothing interested her. She picked up her book and put it down again and wondered if twenty to nine really was too early to go to bed. The documentary picked at her thoughts. Pandora’s box of archived memories was not one Anna wanted to open. Once opened, even a fraction, a wisp of a memory could escape and rapidly snowball into an overwhelming avalanche of guilt, sadness and regret.

  Anna’s phone pinged and Maurice eyed it with disdain. ‘Could it be?’ she asked Maurice. Anna jiggled the mass of cat to one side as she reached for it. It was a message from her mystery man.

  Hi, A. Did your week get any better? C.

  She was smiling as she replied: Yeah, a bit. You know, when life gives you lemons … A.

  … pretend they’re hand grenades and lob them at whoever is pi**ing you off. C.

  Anna laughed out loud and Maurice jumped off her lap and exited via the open window. ‘Sorry, Maurice,’ she called after him.

  Not for the first time she wondered who C really was. Could it be someone she knew, as Sophie had suggested? There had been no texts while she’d been away on the team-building event, which made her think Liam, Hudson and Karl could all be possibilities. She shook the thoughts from her mind. Nonsense. It was just a random stranger – and a nice one too. She’d heard all the warnings but for someone to bother to keep in touch they must have benevolence at their core. She liked the mystery of who it might be. Perhaps someone like her – a little bit adrift in life, searching for an anchor.

  She picked up the phon
e and started typing: How’s the new car? A.

  Car is excellent. Been driving Mum round all day. C.

  She was quite surprised he’d admitted that but she really liked that he had. If a man cared for their parents it was always a good sign in her book. Especially as she was close to hers – not everyone understood the bond she had. It had puzzled Liam a few times; in fact she’d thought, on occasion, he’d actually been a bit jealous of their relationship.

  She typed: That’s nice, and then deleted it. Nice – she couldn’t say nice. She tried again: I bet she really appreciates it. A. She pressed send.

  It’s the least I can do after all she’s done for me and my sister. C.

  Are you a mummy’s boy? ;-) A. She put the winking face because she didn’t want to offend him. They’d been messaging for a while now so it seemed okay to tease him a little. She had to wait for the reply.

  Totally! Have a good night. C.

  You too. A. She was a little disappointed that he’d ended the conversation so quickly.

  It was an odd thing to be exchanging messages with someone she didn’t know but he was starting to feel less of a stranger. She tapped out another message.

  Maybe it’s time we got on to first-name terms? I’m Anna. She reread it before pressing the send button. It was only her first name; he could hardly trace her from that alone. She wasn’t totally irresponsible.

  Her phone pinged back a text: Hi, Anna, nice to meet you. I’m Connor :-)

  Now she had a name to go with the texts and a picture started to develop further in her mind. She tried to picture someone who didn’t look like Ryan Gosling and she got Hudson Jones so she stopped trying. Connor. She liked the name and she was starting to like the idea of him a little bit too because a relationship by text was also a safe one.

  Sophie had finally got the children to bed – technically they had just stopped climbing out of bed, which didn’t mean they were asleep, but she was still counting it as a victory. She flopped onto the sofa, her face a shade of pink bordering on fuchsia and glowing with a sheen of sweat. Dave was playing his latest war game on the telly. Sophie watched it for a bit; bullets rained down on some sinister unshaven character. She let out a deep sigh and mentally prepared a list of things she still had to do. She decided she’d tackle the ironing first before it completely engulfed the utility room and they all had to go naked. She shut her eyes for a moment.

  ‘Mummy. I need a drink!’ called Arlo from upstairs. Sophie didn’t move. She opened one eye to see Dave’s reaction. Arlo called again. At last Dave speed-glanced in her direction, his thumbs still launching an onscreen attack.

  ‘You okay?’ he said, his eyes now back on the screen.

  She studied him. His mid-brown hair was in need of a cut. His work shirt was open at the collar and his tie hung loose around it.

  ‘I’m tired,’ she said. It was more than that but she couldn’t put it into words.

  ‘You want me to get Arlo a drink?’ asked Dave.

  Why did he have to ask her? Why couldn’t he just go and get it? She needed him to take the responsibility away from her sometimes. ‘Yes, please.’

  ‘Okay. Just let me finish this level.’

  Sophie blinked. He was unbelievable. She waited for a moment and Dave continued to play. She silently stood up, got a beaker of water from the kitchen and went to settle Arlo. Afterwards she would take her frustration out on the ironing. She didn’t expect to hear anything further from Dave.

  Next morning Sophie feared she was going to be late for work. She’d slept through her alarm and overlooked Dave waking her up twice. She was exhausted. It was partly due to the team event, and the sort-out of the whole house that had followed but mainly it was the pregnancy. Each time she was pregnant she went through periods of extreme tiredness, where she could easily sit down wherever she was and go straight to sleep. When she was pregnant with Arlo she’d fallen asleep trying on shoes in Sainsbury’s. Today was going to be one of those days. She’d almost nodded off in the shower.

  She halted in the doorway and surveyed the kitchen. She had left it clean and tidy – pristine white cupboards had been washed down, the worktops had gleamed and the slate floor had been scrubbed and disinfected. Today it should have come with a warning and probably a welder’s helmet and some industrial ear protectors.

  Sophie believed a special circle of hell should be reserved for parents who put kazoos in party bags. Arlo was simultaneously playing a kazoo whilst tipping up a large container whooshing milk into an empty bowl, although his cereal was liberally scattered across the worktop and she heard it crunch underfoot, as a harassed Dave frantically searched the room for something whilst his coffee sloshed out of his travel cup. He was also trying to shrug his shoulder into his suit jacket. Petal was shouting happily in her high chair as she mashed a banana into oblivion, and Sophie watched as Petal studied the resulting goo on her chubby hands. Apparently she’d decided it would make excellent hair gel and started running it through her fine baby hair, making it stick up like she’d encountered a high voltage. Sophie took a deep breath and went in.

  ‘Stoooooop!’ she yelled and Petal’s bottom lip started to wobble. Sophie quickly sponged her hands clean and released her from the high chair. ‘I am not sorting this out.’ She glared at Dave in challenge.

  ‘I’ll sort it when I get home,’ said Dave, giving her a furtive glance. He pulled a folder from under Arlo’s Lego box and headed for the door.

  ‘No, Dave. I need to leave now and I’m not facing a shizzel tip like this again. The thought of it’ll wind me up all day.’

  ‘But I have to go too.’ He checked the kitchen clock.

  Sophie shook her head. It was time she made a stand. ‘I’m leaving now. This needs clearing up. The stuff from last night’s bolognaise needs to go in the dishwasher, your daughter needs taking to nursery and your son needs to be dropped off at school.’

  Dave opened and closed his mouth and she pictured ramming a Peppa Pig sock in there. Maybe Petal had thought the same. Sophie didn’t wait for him to reply. She thrust Petal into his arms, crunched across the cereal-strewn floor and out to freedom. It felt surprisingly good.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Anna found herself in one of those meetings where despite a couple of emails and an agenda, you’re still not entirely sure why you’re there. Hudson had very smartly ducked out of this one saying they didn’t both need to attend. As the meeting progressed she began to wonder why any of them were there. She checked her watch and glanced over at Sophie who, every so often, seemed to be ticking something off on the pad on her lap. Sophie angled the page for Anna to see she was playing Bullshit Bingo and only needed ‘Moving goal posts’ and ‘Circle back’ for a full house.

  Anna shook her head and tried to tune back in to the meeting. ‘Can I raise one point? We don’t want to reinvent the wheel here,’ said Roberta, and a slightly indiscreet fist pump from Karl told her he’d beaten Sophie to the Bullshit Bingo full house. This proved to be the high point of the meeting. Another hour of my life I’m never getting back, thought Anna. After the meeting Sophie beckoned for Anna and Karl to stay in the room.

  Sophie turned to Karl. ‘I wanted you to know before I tell everyone else – I’m pregnant.’ She said it like she was breaking bad news.

  ‘Shit, is it mine?’ asked Karl, his face serious. Anna’s eyebrows darted up involuntarily.

  ‘Karl. Stop being an idiot,’ said Sophie. She shook her head at Anna to indicate there was never any possibility of this.

  ‘Sure?’ said Karl, giving a thinking pout. ‘Because I’m pretty potent, you know. Rubbing up against me in a lift could be all it takes.’

  ‘I think you’re okay. I won’t be after you for maintenance.’

  ‘Anyway. Congratulations on not being fat,’ he said, opening his arms for a faux hug and air kiss. ‘I was wondering how Dave got you into bed but I bet it’s a piece of cake.’ He mimed chomping on a slice of cake and luring Sophie with it. She
thumped him, but she was smiling.

  ‘I’m going to tell Roberta and I thought I’d also float the idea of a different working hours pattern when I come back after maternity leave. I want to do five days in four. Do you think it’s doable?’ Sophie was looking between Karl and Anna.

  Anna was pulling a face. These sorts of things always seemed like a good idea on paper but often the person ended up doing more hours overall because nobody else could get their head around when they were and weren’t working. ‘You’d need to be really strict about your day off but I think it’s workable in a role like yours,’ she said.

  Karl seemed to ponder the question for longer. ‘Five days of bugger all in four seems very doable to me.’

  ‘Aerosol,’ said Sophie.

  ‘Doesn’t Steph in the product team do something similar?’ asked Anna.

  ‘Yes. Have you noticed she’s lost loads of weight?’ said Sophie, with admiration.

  ‘Really?’ queried Karl. ‘She still has an arse like a pair of space hoppers.’

  ‘You are such a snarky cow,’ said Sophie, getting up to leave.

  ‘That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,’ said Karl, wiping away an imaginary tear and following her.

  Roberta was ranting her way through the office and they all stood back out of the way. Priya was following in her wake, trying to write on a pad and keep up with a furious-looking Roberta at the same time.

  ‘She makes an impact doesn’t she?’ said Anna, observing everyone in the open office trying to shrink as Roberta passed.

  ‘Yeah, like a fly on a windscreen,’ said Karl.

  Sophie swallowed hard. ‘Perhaps I’ll catch her later.’ They all hurried in the opposite direction.

  Almost before Sophie had opened her front door she could smell it – the overwhelming stink of garlic. What on earth had Dave been cooking? Then she laughed at herself because when did Dave ever cook? She became like a demented sniffer dog trying to identify the source of the stench. It was a difficult task because the whole house reeked of the stuff. A few steps upstairs told her she was heading in the wrong direction and like the child catcher she turned and crept back downstairs sniffing the air as she tried to follow the garlic trail. Entering the kitchen, it became apparent she was nearing the end of her quest. The pong level had shot past maximum and was off the scale. She held her nose as she rummaged in cupboards and drawers.