Captivated Souls (The Beautiful Souls Collection Book 3)

by Ellie Wade

  “Yeah, but you’re making it harder than it needs to be.”

  “Maybe, but I’m trying. I’ll figure it out.”

  “You better because she’s good for you, and you deserve to be happy.”

  I nod. “That seems to be the consensus.”

  “You talk the talk, Ollie, but you need to walk the walk. You’re great at giving me advice, but maybe you should take some of that advice and apply it to your life.”

  Past memories twist my stomach into knots. There’s so much loss and pain. I see their faces, those haunted by demons that I couldn’t help them escape. The reality, that there was probably little more I could’ve done to help them, rests just beneath the surface, but it’s smothered by the what-ifs. What if I had called or stopped by more? Were there signs I missed?

  What if?

  It’s heavy, and it hurts.

  It’s crucial that I move on or at the very least try to accept it as is. I can second-guess every second of my past, but I’m not going to change the outcome.

  “Clem…I am. This time, I am. I’m seeing a therapist and working shit out. Okay?”

  “You’re seeing a therapist?” Surprise coats her tone.

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay. Well, that makes me happy.”

  “Well, as long as you’re happy.” I chuckle.

  She claps her hands together. “Okay, so you’re going to double your therapy sessions so that you can get your shit together asap because we need to talk Christmas, and Quinn needs to be there.”

  “She does?”

  “She does,” Clem deadpans. “Now, what are our plans because we need to make this Christmas really special. Not only will you and Quinn be reunited but we also need to do something incredible for Saki.”

  “For Saki?” I raise a brow.

  “Yeah,” Clementine snaps. “You never know when her last holiday will be, so you need to make sure every one is amazing.”

  “I thought we decided that she had eighteen more years in her?”

  “Well, yeah, that’s the plan. So the next eighteen years need to be epic.”

  “Okay.” I grin. “Well, I’ll brainstorm some ways to give Saki the best Christmas ever. Okay?”

  “Don’t forget Quinn,” she warns.

  “Right, and Quinn.” I hold out my fist, and Clementine bumps it with hers. “And you keep doing what you’re doing because you seem really great.”

  “I am,” she says with a genuine grin. “And I will.”

  I walk out of the rehab facility feeling lighter than I ever have. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but Clementine’s recovery was holding me back from moving forward. I love that girl so much.

  I’ve been dreading the call for the past month. The one that informs me that Clementine’s gone. It’s a constant fear. Losing those I love is always on my mind. It’s debilitating.

  I know that just because she seems great doesn’t mean she’s out of the woods forever, but it’s enough to allow me to breathe.

  It’s enough to give me the strength to fight.

  Chapter 30

  Quinn

  I stretch my arms up over my head and sigh as my back cracks.

  “Happy Birthday to me,” I say to myself. Turning on my side, I wrap my comforter tighter around my body.

  Growing up with a December birthday, December thirteenth to be exact, conditioned me not to make a big deal of the day. Every Christmas, I was met with a “Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas” present from my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I honestly never thought much of it. That’s just the way it was.

  It wasn’t until college, when Alma insisted on making a big deal of my birthday every year, that I realized I should celebrate it despite it being so close to Christmas.

  In Alma fashion, she’s throwing me a big party tonight, but I don’t feel like celebrating. I miss him so much it hurts…all the freaking time.

  Why does it smell like bacon?

  I bolt up in bed and sniff the air. It definitely smells like bacon, and seeing that I haven’t purchased that meat in a year…it’s odd and out of place in my home.

  I jump from bed and open my bedroom door, the aroma now stronger.

  “Hello?” I call out hesitantly.

  There’s no response, so I make my way to the kitchen.

  I gasp, bringing my hands up to cover my mouth when I find him there.

  Ollie turns, a smile crosses his beautiful face. “Happy Birthday, baby.”

  Wide-eyed, I back out of the kitchen until I feel the couch behind me, and I fall onto it.

  What is he doing here? What’s happening?

  “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  “I wanted to surprise you with a birthday breakfast. Alma gave me your spare key.”

  What does this mean?

  A month of suppressed emotions come to the surface at rapid speed, a torrential storm of feelings and hurt I’ve been avoiding for weeks. Losing control, I bury my face in my hands and cry, full-on back-wrecking sobs.

  “Quinn.” Ollie is at my side rubbing my back. “I’m so sorry. This was a stupid idea. I don’t know. I thought it’d be sweet, but I was wrong. I don’t know how to apologize the right way. I’m sorry.”

  I’m crying so hard that I can’t answer. The tears flow freely, carrying a month of pain and sadness with them as they fall. I guess I wasn’t avoiding my grief as much as storing it up until it could explode all at once.

  My chest aches from my violent tears or the sight of Ollie beneath my roof or both.

  It hurts, and I don’t know how to make it stop.

  Ollie’s quiet as I cry. He continues to gently rub my back.

  “I’m so sorry,” he says.

  Eventually, the tears abate, and I catch my breath. Turning to Ollie, I ask, “Why are you here? What does this mean?”

  “I came to apologize and to ask if you’d consider taking me back.” His blues plead.

  “Why?” The question cuts through the hair like a whip.

  He presses his lips into a small smile and tucks a strand of tear-soaked hair behind my ear. “Because I love you, Quinn. I love you so much. You’re everything. My light. My comfort. My future. You are my happily ever after.”

  As much as I’ve wanted to hear these words fall from his lips, I’m scared—hesitant to believe them.

  I’m not sure what to say because I’m having a hard time processing everything I’m feeling. Hearing Ollie say that he loves me is everything I’ve ever wanted, but now a fear resides just beneath the surface of my skin, acting as armor and making it impossible for the words to penetrate my terrified heart.

  Ollie taps his thumb against my chin. “I know you’re scared. I hurt you. I’d be afraid to trust me, too. You need to know that I wanted to run after you the second you left my house that day. I wanted to tell you that everything you said was true because it is. Yet, it was crucial for me to know that I would never put you through that again and never cast you aside, and I didn’t trust myself at that moment. I knew I needed help. You are everything to me, Quinn. I’m completely, a hundred percent in love with you. I love you so fucking much it physically pains me. The thought of a life without you is unimaginable. So I had to do the work.”

  Bits and pieces of my armor chip away with each word he speaks.

  “I was fucked up, and the fact is I’ve been fucked up my whole adult life. I never fully dealt with everything all those years ago, and it was important that I did before pursuing you again. I wanted to come back to you when I was as whole as I could be and confident in the fact that no matter what life throws at me, I’ll keep you at my side. I did a shit ton of soul-searching. I went to therapy…a lot. I talked it out with Saki.”

  I fight off the urge to smile at his last sentence. He smiles down at me, big and happy and free. I see the change in him, and my heart soars.

  “But there was one problem. I wasn’t whole because I need you to be complete…” His words bring on another round of tears. Y
et this time, they’re happy tears. They fall softer and carry so much promise—for tomorrow, and the next day, and every day from here on out—days I’ll be spending with Ollie.

  He shakes his head. “I’m not perfect, and I never will be. There will be issues in my future. There will be heartache or loss. But I can promise that as long as you want me, I’ll be at your side, and we’ll face it together. If that’s what you want.”

  His voice drops with hesitancy.

  I close my eyes and send a prayer of thanks into the universe. Opening my eyes, I take Ollie’s face in my hands and pull his forehead to mine. “I want you. All of you. The sad you. The happy you. The messed-up you. The strong you. The kind you. Just…you.”

  “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Quinn,” he admits.

  “I feel the same because being loved by you is the greatest feeling in the world,” I tell him before my lips press against his.

  The kiss is soft and uncertain at first as our souls find one another and connect once more. Each second his lips are on mine releases the remaining pieces of fear still clinging to my heart until only love remains—pure, intense, crazy love for this man.

  Lips still connected, Ollie picks me up and leads me to my room. He places me on my bed, where we stay for the rest of the day making love. We catch up on each other’s lives over the past month, then kiss until our lips hurt, and make love again. It’s hands down the best birthday of my entire life.

  Twenty-eight is going to be my year.

  At some point after the day of marathon birthday sex, I must have dozed off. I wake up in Ollie’s arms. Though content, my stomach and head ache.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he whispers and kisses my head.

  “I’m so hungry and thirsty. I need coffee, food, and a shower. In that order.”

  “Well, I think it’s safe to say that your breakfast that’s been sitting out for hours is no longer good, but I do believe I spotted a box of Cocoa Krispies.” He kisses my head. “Wait here, and I’ll return with coffee and Quinn’s signature breakfast. Sound good?”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  He stands, not even attempting to cover his naked body, and I lay against my pillow with a contented sigh.

  Moments later, Ollie returns with goodies in hand as promised.

  “Thank you,” I say after taking a long sip of coffee.

  “When you’re done eating, we should get ready to go to your party.”

  The day’s activities made me forget all about my birthday party.

  I groan. “I don’t want to go. Let’s cancel. I’d rather lie here in bed with you all night. I just got you back. I don’t want to share you.”

  “I don’t want to share you either, but Alma’s been preparing for your party all week. She has this whole Hawaii in December theme going on. So you will be getting lei-ed. Just of a different variety.”

  “A necklace of flowers is nothing compared to you.”

  “That may be so, but all your friends are going to be there, and everyone’s looking forward to celebrating you.”

  “Today’s been perfect. I don’t want to leave this room. I’m afraid I’ll walk outside to find that this was all a dream and you didn’t come back to me.”

  He sits down beside me. “It’s not a dream, and you never have to worry about me leaving you again. I told you, I came back only when I knew for certain that I was ready to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Completely and without fear.”

  I nod.

  “We have every day of the rest of our forever together.” He kisses my head.

  “Even that won’t be enough.”

  “We’ll make each day count. I promise.” He swipes my hair that’s fallen across my front to my back and then peppers soft kisses against my shoulder. “Finish your coffee and cereal, and come meet me in the shower.”

  A wide smile crosses my face. “Well, that, I can get on board with.”

  Chapter 31

  Ollie

  Quinn looks like a goddess with her flowy white dress and the pink-and-white-flower lei atop her blond hair like a crown. Alma didn’t use the fake leis that can be found at any party shop for cheap. A local florist made each lei from imported orchids. The house smells like a tropical rainforest.

  Alma’s huge house is full of people to celebrate Quinn. Many of Quinn’s sorority sisters from college are here, along with the usual group—Alma, Lee-Anne, Amos, Love, Ethan, and Cat. Quinn’s friends who live above the Starbucks are here, too—Cassie, Tannon, Everett, and Asher. There are also some friends from the Lair including the cop who instructs the self defence class, and a few people from Quinn’s work.

  The big surprise is Quinn’s parents and her four sisters and their families that drove down to celebrate with her. She started crying when she first saw them. I’m glad there were lots of surprises. I felt bad that I let the theme slip earlier, but I knew that Quinn couldn’t skip the party.

  Quinn wipes her eyes as her father releases her from his embrace.

  “So this must be the Ollie who we’ve heard so much about?” Quinn’s mother says before opening her arms in invitation. I hug her.

  “The very one.” Quinn smiles wide, her beautiful greens shine with emotion and pride, making my heart twist a little—in love and in regret for what I’ve put her through this past month.

  Quinn’s mother is beautiful, as I knew she would be. She looks like an older version of Quinn. Her four sisters stand behind her parents, shooting me interesting stares. They’re all similar-looking with the same face shape and smiles. They have varying shades of eye and hair color, but one can definitely tell they’re related. I extend my hand out toward her father and shake his. I can only imagine what his life has been like as the only man in a house full of six women. If her sisters have a fraction of Quinn’s spunk, I’m sure the poor guy has a million stories to share from the past thirty years.

  Iris and Harper, the older sisters, each have a couple of toddlers in tow, and I can’t deny that the kids are adorable. I always thought that Love was the only exception to my not a fan of kids philosophy, but these little ones are cute. It’s not lost on me that they, too, resemble Quinn.

  “So Quinn tells us you work on bikes?” her dad says. “You know, when I first met Quinn’s mom, right out of high school, I had just bought a Honda CBX.”

  “Oh, yeah? That’s a good bike. I’ve restored a few of the original Honda’s from the late ‘70s,” I say.

  Her dad nods. “Yep. Mine was one of the originals. Great bike. I didn’t have it long, though.” He shoots a look at his wife. “She hated it.”

  Quinn’s mom scrunches her nose. “Sorry.” She looks toward me. “I’m just not a fan.”

  “It’s fine.” I grin. “Quinn’s told me that you aren’t the biggest supporter of motorcycles. I get it. They’re dangerous and not for everyone.”

  “It’s great that you like them. For me, personally, I just—” she rambles nervously.

  I take her hand in mine and release a laugh. “You don’t have to explain. It’s cool.”

  “Okay.” She smiles.

  I knew Quinn had to come from good people because she’s one of the best, but it’s nice to see firsthand. Her family is great—kind and warm people.

  I chat with Quinn’s father a little more about bikes and some of the rebuilds I’ve done, while Quinn introduces her nieces and nephews to Love, and her sisters and brothers-in-law to everyone else.

  It’s not long before she returns to me and threads her fingers through mine as if she missed the connection. I’m not ashamed to say that I did.

  Alma outdid herself with this party. Everything is perfect, from the decorations to the food and even the people. It’s an incredible party for an incredible person.

  Quinn has barely let go of my hand the entire night, and although I love feeling her small hand in mine, it breaks my heart a little. She’s afraid to let me go. I hate myself for what I put her through this past month, but it was needed t
o get to our future. I’m just going to have to make it up to her every day from here on out until she’s no longer afraid of losing me.

  She’ll never lose me. A month without Quinn after knowing what life was like with her was enough to make it crystal fucking clear that she’s my one and only love. My forever. No one could make me as happy as she does. She’s mine. For always.

  Quinn nuzzles into my chest, and I hold her tighter. I should get up and make breakfast, but I don’t want to leave this bed. I’m still coming down from the highs of yesterday. It was emotionally and physically exhausting. I’ve never had so much sex and done so much socializing in one day. As perfect as the day was, I hope to never repeat it. My body feels like it was hit by a truck.

  “Don’t leave,” Quinn grumbles into my chest, sensing my imminent departure into the kitchen. “I don’t need to eat.”

  “You do. We both do, but I’m too beat to make a big breakfast anyway. I can’t keep up with my hot young girlfriend.” This causes Quinn to laugh.

  “Oh my goodness. Stop.” She chuckles. “You can keep up just fine. You proved that on many occasions yesterday.”

  “Well, yesterday was a record for me.”

  “Me, too,” she says. “We had a month of lost time to make up for.”

  “True.”

  “What should we do today?” I ask.

  She thinks for a moment. “Well, in the few seconds I was in your living room last night, I noticed that you don’t have your tree up yet. I’m thinking we should probably decorate.”

  “You want to get a tree today?”

  “Yeah,” she says.

  “Why don’t we just celebrate at your house and skip the decorating here.”

  I’ve never been one to decorate for Christmas. I like the holidays and all, but I just never saw the point of decorating my house. It seemed like a lot of work when I’m the only one here to enjoy the tree.

  “Do you want to sell your house?” she asks.

  “No.”

  “So you see yourself living here for a long time?”