All Your Fears

by Peter Hodgson

  ‘I haven’t seen you for a while,’ Gill said. ‘I hope you’re feeling a lot better. You’d had some bad news the first time I saw you … If you go inside, there’s a spare table in the corner. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.’

  Kim went inside, took a seat. She wiped her face again with a tissue and peeled her shirt off her clammy torso. Five hot, sweaty minutes passed by and Gill attended to her. ‘Sorry to keep you waiting. We’re busy today.’

  ‘I’ve been busy too. How are you finding your new job here?’

  ‘I’m enjoying it. The staff I work with are friendly and helpful. Can I take your order?’

  ‘I’ll have a beef and onion muffin, a large fresh orange drink and a slice of lemon drizzle, please … My name’s Kim, by the way.’

  ‘I’ll process your order, Kim. Shan’t be long.’

  Contentment brightened her features. She reflected on her life in Eaton Cross, and how different it was to the grubby, unappealing town she once lived in. Her thoughts drifted to her life in Grenthorpe. Distressing memories surfaced and the guilt she harboured was reinforced by her decision not to attend mother’s funeral.

  She wished she could have been there to say a final goodbye.

  ***

  Smarty bounced down the stairs when he heard the door open. He sniffed at the bag containing the remainder of the lemon drizzle Gill had given to her. ‘Settle down, Smarty. Give me a minute and you can have your food.’ She dropped her shoulder bag onto the floor. Her body sagged from the fatigue of a strenuous day. She fed Smarty and watched him gobble up his meal. He trotted into the hallway and sat near the wall-hook where his lead was kept. ‘All right, my boy. We’ll go for a walk.’

  Outside, Kim pulled hard on the lead to restrain him. At the end of the road, she turned right instead of left. A visit to the castle grounds would have to wait for a month or two. A smouldering fear had eroded her confidence. Even the daylight hours could not entice her to go there. She walked a couple of blocks and returned home.

  The tension in her body dwindled. She poured a cold drink, sat in front of the television and ate the remainder of Markham’s mouth-watering cake. She soon became bored with the war drama being shown. ‘Rubbish as usual,’ she said. She gulped down the orange drink, went to the bedroom, stripped off her clothing and stepped into the shower. She smeared Satsuma orange-scented shower gel over her soft, pale skin and enjoyed the relief of the powerful gush washing away the day’s toil. She tilted her head, ran her hands over her firm torso. Her toes curled, her body trembled. A sexual heat rose inside her, potent and demanding. Her hands skimmed repeatedly over her breasts. Her nipples hardened. Her hand slithered to the apex of her thighs. She probed deeper inside. Two fingers. Three fingers. Kim pressed herself against the wet tiles and brought herself to a body-shaking climax.

  ***

  Lauren Dagnall was asleep on the sofa, curled up in the fetal position. Upstairs, Stuart clicked away at the computer keyboard and made notes on Charles Bonnet syndrome. A colleague had spoken to a person who was experiencing this bewildering condition. Stuart wanted to know more. He read his notes, highlighted certain sentences with his marker pen. Satisfied with what he had written, he stretched his arms above his head and yawned. He shut down the computer, crossed the room to draw the curtains. A flash of white caught his eye. In the fading light, he saw Kim standing in the back garden clad in a loose, white dressing gown. The movement of her right hand inside the opening of the gown suggested lewd activity. Stuart succumbed to his male instinct, intrigued by the arousing display. Kim tilted her head back, flicked the garment off her shoulders and let it fall to the ground. ‘What is she playing at?’ he murmured. He kept perfectly still, didn’t want to attract her attention and be accused of voyeurism. He admired the curve of her firm, protuberant arse. ‘My, my,’ he whispered. ‘Go on, turn round and let me see the rest of you.’ Kim responded as if she could hear his muted words. She raised her long, slender arms then ran her hands down her torso and over her well-defined hips. He focused on her pert breasts and long, brown nipples. Forbidden pleasure aroused his masculine impulse. She sensed he was ogling her. She turned to the window. He jumped back involuntarily. The arms of temptation pulled him forward. He had to see more of her body. He looked down unashamedly and gawked at the triangular forest between her thighs. ‘Bloody hell,’ he whispered … and the floorboards behind him creaked.

  ‘What are you looking at?’ Lauren asked.

  Panic fluttered in his chest. ‘Kim was in the garden. I was only seeing what she was doing.’

  She yanked his arm as he began drawing the curtains. She looked out of the window and gasped. Kim winked at them, picked up her gown and ran into the house.

  ‘What was she doing?’ Lauren said, curiosity riling her.

  ‘I’ve no idea. She winked at us. I wonder why.’

  ‘At us? Don’t you mean at you?’

  ‘Look here, I didn’t expect to see her naked. You speak as if I had something to do with it. If there was a naked bloke standing in the garden, what would you do?’

  ‘Don’t turn it around on me, Stuart. I certainly wouldn’t stand there like some sex starved woman who had never seen a cock.’

  Lauren stormed out of the room.

  ‘Bloody typical,’ Stuart said under his breath.

  ***

  Kim bounced onto the sofa and grabbed the phone. She slipped her hand inside the gown pocket and found the piece of paper Jay had given to her. She eagerly jabbed the keys. Wrong number. She cursed. ‘Let’s do it right, this time.’ She entered the number carefully and waited. ‘Is it you, Jay?’

  ‘Yes. What can I do for you, Kim?’

  ‘How do you know it’s me?’

  ‘There’s no mistaking your husky voice.’

  ‘I want you to come and see me again.’

  ‘Why, what’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing. I want to see you and have a chat.’

  ‘I understand. You’re feeling low and could do with some company. I’ll come and see you tomorrow evening.’

  ‘No. Come round now. Bring some booze with you.’

  ‘I have a dozen school assignments to check.’

  ‘You can do it some other time.’

  ‘All right. If you insist. I shan’t be long.’

  Jay pondered over the unexpected invitation. A note of desperation in her voice gave him the notion something wasn’t quite right.

  Chapter Nine

  ‘You made it at last,’ Kim said. ‘Come in. Make yourself comfy.’

  Jay could smell her freshly-washed auburn hair. Luxure body spray vapour drifted from beneath her loosely-tied dressing gown. Inviting. Dangerous.

  The room was bathed in a pale, pink light.

  ‘Smarty’s used to me now,’ Jay said. ‘He stopped barking when he saw me.’

  ‘He should settle down and sleep for the rest of the night.’

  The atmosphere and Kim’s demeanour instilled a disquiet that put Jay on his guard. Kim crossed her legs, intentionally exposing her thigh.

  ‘Your manner surprises me, Kim.’

  ‘How do you mean?’

  ‘Your mother died recently. I would have expected … Never mind. How are you feeling?’

  ‘I’m not in the mood for questions. I wanted to see you, be near you. I have a desire for you. You know what desire is, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes, Kim, I know what the word means.’

  ‘So, how deep are your feelings for me?’

  ‘Now you are asking the questions.’

  ‘I was in the shower earlier, couldn’t stop thinking of you. I would have given anything to have you in there with me, getting to grips with each other.’

  A wry smile crossed his face. ‘There are different ways of gaining each other’s affection.’

  ‘You fancy me, don’t you? You must fancy me otherwise you wouldn’t have come to see me.’

  ‘Yes, I do fancy you.’

  ‘I’m happy to hear it. So
, where are the drinks?’

  ‘To be honest, I couldn’t decide what to buy. There’s a lot to choose from. I can go to Booze Buster if you want me to. It’s not a problem.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’ She slid closer to him, unfastened two buttons on his shirt and caressed his chest. ‘I want you, Jay – right now. Let’s go upstairs.’ She planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek, ran her tongue over his neck, unable to resist the thrill of excitement vibrating inside her body. He gently pushed her away and fastened his shirt buttons. She straightened herself. Anger simmered. ‘I don’t understand,’ she spat. ‘I invite you to see me and all you do is reject me. I’m not one of your bloody immature pupils … Find me interesting, do you? Well fuckin’ do something about it and act like a man should.’

  An awkward silence developed. A look of displeasure flitted across his face.

  Kim’s body sagged. ‘Take no notice, Jay,’ she said, snapping out of her momentary anger. ‘Please stay. I don’t know what came over me.’

  ‘Most women would find it difficult to make love after a member of the family has passed away. I’ve only been here five minutes and you want to have casual sex. What’s happening inside your head?’

  ‘Nothing’s going on inside my head. I want to be intimate with you. I want to be comforted. I don’t think it’s unusual to have sex after a loved one has died.’

  ‘You don’t know me well enough.’

  ‘I’m aware of my own emotions. You helped me when I was injured. You took me and Smarty back home to safety. What the hell is wrong with you? Am I ugly to you?’

  ‘Calm down. The last thing I want is for us to fall out … I meant to ask, did you attend your mother’s funeral?’

  ‘I didn’t go.’

  ‘You surprise me.’

  A tear trickled down her cheek.

  ‘Funerals are unpleasant,’ he went on. ‘I’ve been to a few myself. Is there a reason why you didn’t attend?’

  ‘There might be.’

  ‘You’re a closed book, Kim. In fact, I would say you are becoming a bit of a mystery.’

  ‘There are people who can’t discuss unpleasant things … I want you to kiss me, Jay. Show me some affection.’

  He gave her a lingering kiss. A platonic calmness replaced her sexual desire. She drew her head back slowly and smiled.

  ‘Wipe the tears from your eyes,’ he said. ‘What a vivid colour they are, especially close up.’

  ‘They’re not my eyes at all.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘Another mystery, no doubt.’

  ‘Yes … Let’s have a drink. I’ve got some wine. Better than nothing.’ She hummed a tune on her way to the kitchen. Jay was glad he hadn’t walked out on her. Although bemused by her behaviour and attitude he was determined to delve deeper into her psyche. ‘There you are,’ she said on her return. ‘Hope you like it.’

  He took a sip. ‘A bit sweet for my taste. By the way, your gown has come open.’

  ‘What a gentleman you are.’ She knotted the belt and pulled tight on the ends. ‘There you are, all covered up … and I don’t feel randy.’

  ‘What you mean is, you are in control of yourself.’

  ‘Yeah. I guess you’re right. What’s in your case?’

  ‘A few books, various letters I need to respond to, and some photographs of the Old Town. Would you like to see them?’

  ‘You take photographs of Eaton Cross?’

  ‘Yes. I told you, on the night someone tried to kill you.’

  ‘Yeah, well, nobody tried to kill me, did they? It was a sick joke, probably some dickhead out for kicks.’

  ‘Perhaps.’

  ‘I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. You said so.’

  ‘Has anything unusual happened since then?’

  ‘You ask as if you expect something to have happened … On Sunday evening, I took Smarty to the castle grounds. A man was there, alone. I had this feeling of being watched. I was terrified and went straight back home.’

  ‘Do you think he singled you out?’

  ‘I’m not sure. The same evening, after you left this house, I heard a noise at the window. I looked out. There was a man staring at me from the top of the fence in the back garden. He was wearing a dark balaclava. I opened the door. Smarty ran out and scared him away.’

  ‘Good old Smarty.’

  ‘Yes. Good old Smarty,’ she repeated with a hostile look.

  ‘I’m not a peeping Tom if that’s what you think. I drove home, read a book for a couple of hours and went to bed. You can trust me, Kim. Surely, my conduct tonight is proof enough of my good character.’

  ‘I had to be sure. It could have been a stalker then. The stranger I saw at the castle and over the fence could be the same man. Not unless it’s a coincidence.’

  Jay pondered over her surmise. His eyes narrowed, lips pursed. ‘Strange episodes. Unsettling,’ he murmured. ‘Do have any male acquaintances who might have an unhealthy interest in you?’

  ‘There’s Andy at the hotel. He wouldn’t do anything to frighten me, I’m sure … There’s Stuart who lives next door. I hardly see him at all. He’s a busy man and lives with Lauren, his wife. They’re a happy couple. I’m sure Lauren would know if he was up to no good.’

  ‘There could be somebody from your past who has a grudge against you. How long have you lived in this town?’

  ‘A year. Only a couple of people know I’m living here. I was …’ Kim paused. Her features darkened.

  ‘Why did you decide to live in Eaton Cross?’

  Kim ignored him, left the room to go upstairs. When she returned, she was wearing thin cotton pyjamas. ‘I’m so hot,’ she said, fanning her face with a magazine. ‘I had to take off my heavy robe, and I don’t want to sit here in the nude. You would be annoyed.’ She sipped wine and said, ‘Smarty’s out for the count. Fast asleep and snoring.’

  Jay was certain she had avoided answering him. Curiosity wriggled like a worm in his brain. He reached for his case, opened it and rummaged for the photographs. ‘These may be of interest to you. Many inhabitants of the town don’t realise how much history we have here, and curiosities too.’

  ‘I’m not into history,’ Kim said, sliding the thin bundle from his fingers. ‘This one’s black and white.’

  ‘It’s the railway station at the turn of the last century. Look at this one, taken last year.’

  ‘The same railway station?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘It looks similar. I see the original clock has disappeared.’

  ‘The next two are of the castle ruins. The first one I snapped from the bandstand. The other photo was taken on Castle Street.’

  ‘Fascinating, aren’t they?’ she said, her voice rising. He failed to notice her pretence of being interested in them. ‘What’s this one? It looks like a stone with bits running through it.’

  ‘Limestone. They used it for the decoration of a church not far from here. The bits you refer to are the fossilised stems of sea lilies.’

  ‘Were they once flowers?’

  ‘They were animals related to starfish and sea urchins. They are called crinoids, and some species still exist today permanently attached to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean and the Caribbean Sea. The limestone in this photo came from a nearby quarry. Fossils are fascinating impressions in a time capsule.’

  Kim quickly viewed the remaining photographs and stared intently at the last one.

  ‘I snapped that one recently in the Courtyard. If you look closely, above the heads of those shoppers, you can see a hay basket once used for feeding horses. There are another two baskets in the Courtyard, lovingly preserved as a reminder of the days when horse-drawn coaches ran from Eaton Cross to larger towns.’

  ‘How recent is this photo?’

  ‘I took that one last week. Hardly anyone knows the baskets are there. You have to look closely at your surroundings, and the history reveals itself.’

  Ice-
cold fear gripped her. Perspiration covered her forehead. ‘Do you recognise any of these people?’

  ‘No. They happened to be there at the time. Why?’

  ‘I’ve seen one of them before. This one here,’ she said, pointing.

  The woman in the photograph was facing the camera. Stern expression. Bleached blonde hair. Sunglasses. Bright red lipstick.

  ‘Do you know her?’ Jay asked.

  ‘I’m sure it’s the same person I spoke to last month. I was walking Smarty near the castle ruins. She threw questions at me.’

  ‘What sort of questions?’

  ‘She asked the dog’s name and how long I’d been living in Eaton. She was fishing for information. I didn’t like the look of her. And here she is on a photo, staring right at me, threatening me … Weird-looking bitch.’ The photographs slipped from her fingers. A pale hue crossed her face. Shivers ran down her spine like oak leaves in a breeze. ‘Jay, that woman is trouble. I can’t get her out of my mind … I feel threatened.’

  She fell into silence. Jay wrapped his powerful arms around her and kissed her soft cheek. As minutes drifted by, her thoughts melted away and sleep caressed her troubled mind.

  ***

  Smarty was drawn towards the open market. He sniffed at the aroma lingering in the damp air. Kim purchased lamb chops and apple flavoured sausages. Smarty nibbled and licked the shopping bag. Kim held the bag in one hand, lead in the other, and headed for Thackeray’s Olde Sweets stall. She stood there for a minute, deciding what to buy. She settled for two hundred grams of the mega sour bonbons instead of the coconut whirls. She handed over the money, turned around and saw Gill coming towards her with a welcoming smile.

  ‘Gill, how nice to see you.’

  ‘You too. I’m heading back to the café.’

  ‘I’ll walk with you. I fancy a cuppa and a bite to eat … I’ve never seen the market so quiet for a Saturday afternoon. You still happy with your new job?’

  Gill lowered herself, gave Smarty a cuddle and looked up at Kim. ‘What a beautiful dog. I bet it keeps you on your toes. He or a she?’