Death & Desire: A Snarky Urban Fantasy Detective Series (The Jezebel Files Book 2)

by Deborah Wilde

  His eyes narrowed. “You’re not helping your case.”

  “You’re a good man, Levi, and deep down, I’m sure you can see the benefits of this arrangement. You already offered me the job. I’m simply negotiating the terms and conditions. It’s not like I’m demanding a month’s paid holiday time to start.” I shot him an innocent look. “I don’t suppose–”

  “Shut up. I beg of you.”

  I mimed zipping my lips.

  Levi glared for three minutes, then he came over, his hand outstretched. “Deal.”

  I jumped to my feet and shook. “You won’t regret this. Do you prefer I address you as His Lordship, Imperious One, or Fearless Leader?” I gave a celebratory click of the pen.

  He stole it away, tucking it into his suit jacket pocket. “And so the regrets begin. Alright. I’d regret missing the opportunity to take Chariot down even more, though. Just, uh–for both our sakes you should know that, um.” He glanced down, wet his lips, and his hand tightened on mine. “I’m betting the House on you,” he said quietly.

  His shirt was kind of crumpled from all the times I’d attacked him and grabbed it in this visit, and the circles under his eyes indicated that he hadn’t quite caught up on sleep after monitoring me post-feather debacle. But his eyes were the ocean against a brilliant sunset, at once both scared and exhilarated, like he too had leapt into an abyss and someone had been there to catch him.

  “I won’t let you down.” I slid my hand free. “I guess this makes us boss and employee now.”

  “Yeah.” He gave me a rueful smile that echoed my own feelings that sleeping together from this point forward was a bad idea.

  “Would you–okay, well, Priya and I are doing this thing tonight. You’ll probably think it’s stupid, but we love karaoke, and maybe you want to come with us? I could invite Arkady and if you wanted to bring Miles, that would be okay.”

  His expression was comically horrified.

  “It’s not like I’m asking you to handle dangerous reptiles.”

  “That might be preferable,” he muttered. “Do I have to sing?”

  “Noooo. Spectator status is good. I figure we could try being fr-friends, seeing as we’ll be working together for the foreseeable future, but if you’re busy or chicken?” I shrugged.

  Maybe friends was where we’d needed to start all along.

  Levi’s expression was similar to that of Indiana Jones when he saw the pit full of snakes. “I’ll come, but we’ll see about the friends part.”

  “You’re extremely vexing, Leviticus. See you at Blondie’s at eight.”

  The purple glittery tiara dangled from my fingertips. “I was going to celebrate my Jezebel official status with whiskey, not plastic aspirations of royalty, but okay.”

  “The two aren’t mutually exclusive.” Priya mushed my cheeks between her palms. “Who’s a pretty Jezebel who kicks bad guy ass?”

  “Oy vey.” I slapped the plastic crown on my head. “Happy?”

  “I can’t believe you didn’t get me one,” Arkady sniffed, holding the door to Blondie’s open.

  “You’re not a Jezebel,” Priya pointed out.

  The place was already pretty full with karaoke regulars. A hockey game on the TV mounted over the bar played on mute accompanied by Rolling Stones on the stereo, and the air was replete with cheap cologne and stale beer.

  “I’m the one who’s been reassigned to be at the beck and call of Queenie here,” he said.

  I pointed to a couple free tables near the back. “Yeah, those boy band moves you pulled out when you heard what you’d get to work on were infused with sorrow.” I hurried over to push the tables together. After a bit of wrangling with the table next to ours, occupied by, ugh, newbies, I snagged a fifth seat for our group.

  Arkady tossed his duffel coat over an empty chair and smoothed out his “Keep calm and kiss boys” T-shirt.

  I shrugged out of my leather jacket, feeling much more myself in a tight black shirt shot through with silver thread and my leather pants. My favorite skinny metallic scarf was wound around my neck and not because I was hiding hickeys. Not that I’d be getting any to hide, what with our employer/employee status and all. Fuck that. I did not require His Lordship’s assistance with my hickey acquisitions.

  Priya poked my lip. “Quit scowling. This is a party.”

  She’d outdone herself on the pink front, even threading pink flowers in her hair. If she was that hellbent on enjoying herself this evening, I wouldn’t kill her buzz.

  I tapped my tiara. “Bring on the fun.”

  Jodie, the prehistoric server who was my gold standard of misanthropy, came over to take our order, half-engrossed in the text she was sending. “What’s with the crown? If you’re trying to get free birthday shots, pull another one.”

  I pressed my hands to my heart. “Ah, Jodie. Your radiant visage has lightened my soul and shrunk my hemorrhoids. A JD on the rocks with a splash of water, my good lady.”

  She grunted and flicked a finger at Arkady, who perused the chalkboard menu behind the bar.

  “A Guinness and an order of ribs with…” He trailed off at Pri and my frantic head shakes. “A burger?” More head shakes.

  “For Chrissakes, girls, tell him to order the fries and be done with it,” Jodie said.

  “He’ll have the fries,” Priya said. “As will I. And a Stella.”

  “Make it three,” I said.

  “Like I didn’t know that,” Jodie grumbled and wandered off.

  “What just happened?” Arkady said. Jodie had sat down to continue texting. “Did she even take our order?”

  “Oh, sure. Settle in for the long haul and all will show up eventually. Just don’t ever eat anything except french fries here,” Priya said.

  “This place is a gem,” he said.

  “Consider yourself blessed that we–” I slapped a hand over my mouth, a snort escaping my lips.

  Priya followed my gaze to the door and let out a soft “oh.”

  Arkady picked up the knife that had been left on our table and jabbed it at the newcomers. “Do not even think of sitting here.”

  Miles and Levi frowned at each other, twin pictures of innocence as they lumbered toward us in Metallica (Miles) and Def Leppard (Levi) shirts under jean jackets. But the pièce de résistance were the mullet wigs they’d unearthed.

  Miles hooked a leg around the leg of the chair that Arkady was trying to drag away and sat down with a chin nod. “S’up.”

  Levi flicked the “party” part of his mullet off his shoulder, taking the seat between Priya and me. “Yo.”

  Jodie arrived, sloshing liquid as she deposited our drinks with zero care. “Anyone ever tell you you look like Nikki Sixx? Now there’s a real man.” She chucked Levi under the chin and sashayed off with so much hip sway that dislocation was a distinct possibility.

  I fell back in my seat, helpless with laughter.

  Priya wasn’t doing much better. “She hit on you and still didn’t take your order.”

  Levi grimaced and tried to pull the wig off, but I clamped a hand down over his, a fizzy spark hitting me at the contact.

  “No way, Nikki. You made this bed. Now lie in it.” I tilted my head to Jodie. “Bet she’d lie in it with you. Rawr.”

  “Only if she can borrow your tiara, princess.” Levi grimaced. “That sounded better in my head.”

  “Whatcha drinking?” Miles asked Arkady.

  Arkady crossed his arms. “I do not converse with hosers, Mimi. Some of us have an image to maintain.”

  “That’s very intolerant of you,” Miles said.

  Arkady waved a hand around Miles’ entire getup. “I can’t even.”

  “Can’t even? Like ohmigod, Becky, are we gonna have a smackdown?” Miles said in a girlish voice, motioning Jodie over.

  Arkady went bright red, and Miles crossed his arms causing an avalanche of bicep and tricep ripples, a tiny grin playing at his lips.

  Priya had an odd look on her face.

&n
bsp; “Pri, you okay? You need some air?”

  She shook her head, typing something on her phone.

  Levi shot me a concerned look and I shrugged, rubbing the back of my neck, a rolling sensation in my stomach. Was inviting him here a bad idea? Should I have kept us on a professional footing? Was he uncomfortable right now?

  Why did I care? I slammed back my Jack Daniels.

  “Whatcha need, sweet cheeks?” Jodie said to Miles.

  Arkady made Priya switch seats with him. “Shots.” He answered before Miles could. “Lots and lots of shots.”

  “Kick in the Balls.” Priya and I chorused loud enough to attract attention from other tables.

  Levi slid down in his seat, one hand over his face and my heart kicked up. The drinks arrived and the world got a little rosier, a little more full of wonder, and a little more of a place where two people with a long and fraught past, could, for a moment, put down their weapons and be friends.

  Chapter 26

  Kenneth, our beer-bellied and bearded karaoke host with the most, stepped up on the small stage and announced sign-ups were open. Priya, Arkady, and I hustled to get the first slots.

  Autumn elbowed me with no remorse whatsoever and ripped the pen out of my hand.

  I rubbed my ribcage. “Nice Hippocratic oath, Dr. Kelly.”

  She readjusted the flowery scarf around her neck. “I convinced Emily to sing ‘Enough is Enough.’” She waved at her wife, who was nervously drumming her fingers on the table. “If we’re not first, she’ll bail. You wouldn’t want to deprive her of the joys of disco duets, would you?”

  “Sure, play the guilt card.” I stepped aside so she could sign up first.

  When we got back our shots were already on the table along with three platters of fries. Levi was eating off the one at my seat.

  “You’re failing your friend probation period,” I said.

  He dragged a fry through ketchup, doing this funny little tap at the edge of the plate with the potato. “Friends share.”

  I’d invited him thus I didn’t stab him with a fork, but I did divvy up the fries, giving myself the lion’s share.

  Arkady pressed shots into all our hands. “To wanton women,” he said, raising his glass in cheers.

  “Here, here,” Priya said.

  “L’chaim,” I said.

  We clinked glasses and fired them back. I shivered at the delicious burn.

  Priya pointed out various people in the bar to Arkady and Miles, giving them their life histories, though she kept checking her phone.

  Autumn and Emily took the stage. Autumn, singing Babs’ part in the song, had to carry more of the performance, but by the time they got to the first chorus, Emily had stopped looking like she was going to bolt and started having fun as Donna Summer. I whooped in encouragement.

  Then I opened Levi’s jean jacket wider to take in the full glory of the shirt. Was this appropriate friend behavior? If I really stretched the definition? Let’s go with yes. My palms flattened against his hard pecs and my breath came a bit quicker. “Why the need to channel your inner metalhead? In public?”

  “I live to surprise you.”

  I folded my hands primly in my lap so I didn’t move on to stage two mauling. “Okay, but why did you keep those costumes from the camp talent show senior year in the first place?”

  “These are costumes?” His eyes widened comically. “They were in Mom’s basement. She was cleaning it out and called me to come get some boxes last week.” He ate another fry. “What are you singing tonight?”

  Kenneth called me up to the stage, raising his voice over the applause for the duet.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  I tapped my booted toe to the opening kick and bass of Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” both hands wrapped around the mic and my hips rocking. When I got to the chorus, I ran a hand down my body, grinding down to the floor.

  The place erupted into catcalls, with my table the loudest of all. Except for Miles, who quietly head-banged. Levi watched me with a perplexed smile.

  I finished the song with two heel raps and dropped the mic. Then I swaggered back to the table, high-fiving Arkady on his way to the stage.

  Priya shoved a Kick in the Balls at me. “Catch up.”

  That first shot had made what I faced with Abraham tomorrow slightly easier to bear. Two shots might even dent my self-disgust. Three and… I ogled Levi shamelessly.

  “That is not the woman I know who hates attention,” Levi said, giving no sign of whether he’d noticed my appreciation of his fine form.

  “Karaoke Ash is a separate personality,” Priya said. “Karaoke Ash is an attention whore.”

  “True that.” I shot back the Kick.

  “She can also sing,” Levi said. “Why didn’t you ever do the talent shows at camp?”

  I shrugged. “Didn’t feel the venue.”

  He twirled a finger. “Whereas this fine establishment inspires you?”

  “Yup.”

  Arkady did a kickass rendition of “Don’t Stop Believin,’” followed by Priya’s bootylicious rendition of “Push It.” My bestie loved her 80s and 90s rap.

  By that point, more fries and more drinks had been ordered and the night slid into a glossy haze, punctuated by much laughter, animated conversation, and Miles taking a perverse pleasure in riling Arkady up and making him flush.

  Somehow my chair and Levi’s had gotten shoved together and his thigh was pressed against mine. Every time he moved, even the tiniest motion as he spoke, the scent of his scotch and chocolate magic infused a bit more of me. My eyes darted down to the hard line of muscle, wishing I could lick up the inside of his thigh and watch him do that cute little squirm that he did.

  Priya handed me a glass of water. “Drink. Now.”

  Nodding, I gulped half of it back, and then pressed the glass against my forehead.

  “You gonna sing, Mimi?” Arkady said.

  Miles poured himself a glass of water. “I don’t sing.”

  “You will. You’ve been riding my ass all night and not in my preferred way.” Arkady ran a finger around the rim of his shot glass. “How about this? If I can make you blush like you’ve been so set on doing to me, then you sing a song of my choosing.”

  Priya’s phone vibrated. She went poker-faced for a second, then placed it screen down before I could see.

  “Good luck,” Levi said. “Miles is hard to fluster.”

  Miles stretched out his legs, his mullet askew. “Go for it.”

  Kenneth called me up.

  “Don’t do anything without me as a witness,” I said and ran to the stage to sing Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll.”

  Arkady took the stage after me with a wink. The Jonas Brothers’ “Sucker” came on and Arkady hammed it up, singing directly to Miles. He was hammered past the point of having any filter, but this was Arkady who barely had one on a good day. There was much ass wiggling, finger pointing, and batting of lashes.

  Levi hooted with laughter, his shoulder falling into mine. I didn’t know if it was an accident or not, but he didn’t move away. Neither did I, telling myself this was the best position to watch Priya from, because something was going on in that head of hers.

  Miles sat there looking stoic and long-suffering. Levi leaned over and said something to him that I didn’t catch, but Miles laughed and shook his head.

  When Levi sat back, he’d shifted so no part of us touched. Good.

  I did another shot.

  Arkady returned to the table to high applause from the rest of the bar.

  “You lost the bet, Arkady,” Miles smirked. He deliberately mispronounced the name as “Ar-CADE-y” and not “Ar-KAH-dee,” knowing how much Arkady loathed it.

  Arkady braced his hands on Miles’ shoulders and ever so slowly leaned in.

  Even though Miles had about fifty pounds of muscle on Arkady, he didn’t break free. When their lips were almost, but not quite touching, Miles said, “That isn’t part of the
song.”

  “Nothing gets by you.” Arkady hadn’t moved away yet. “Glad you noticed.”

  Miles ran his teeth over his bottom lip, his heated gaze fixed on Arkady. “I noticed. But you didn’t make me blush.”

  Arkady raked an extremely languid and thorough gaze over Miles. “I will.” He sat down smiling like the cat who swallowed the canary.

  “I broke up with Kai,” Priya blurted out. She burst into tears and ran off.

  I made my excuses and ran after her, catching up with her at the sink in the women’s bathroom where she was splashing water on her face. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not. You constantly disparaged Kai.”

  “Yeah, I did, but he wasn’t right for you.”

  “He was safe and dependable and it was all fine. Except neither of us was upset about the breakup, so maybe it wasn’t. After I was kidnapped, I convinced myself that I’d get counselling and I’d be okay. Life could go on as usual. Then I saw how Miles looked at Arkady, and I was so happy for them, but suddenly I couldn’t breathe and I needed out.” She twisted off the taps, her gaze dropping to the sink. “It’s like this virus has gotten into my code, breaking me down into chaos.”

  I wiped the counter down with a tree’s worth of paper towels before sitting on it. “Out of their wreckage, viruses open up new possibilities.”

  “Don’t quote me to me.” She dried her face. “I’ve been on pause since my engagement with Ravi blew up, haven’t I?”

  “Kind of.”

  “I hate myself for letting it happen and you're a shit best friend for not saying anything.” She blew her nose loudly and then tossed the paper towel in the trash.

  “Nicknaming your boyfriends after spreadable food products wasn’t hint enough? Listen, if you want Miles to look at you that way, I’ll totally take Arkady out for you. I hear groves are a good place for body disposal.”

  She gave a watery laugh. “I don’t. I just want to stand on the edge of a dangerous cliff not certain if I’m going to go into freefall or plunge to a horrible end, but either way, I feel brilliantly alive and I’m ready to jump. Like you with Levi.”

  “The only way I’m going off a cliff for Levi is if I suddenly transform into a lemming. I want to shag him, baby,” I drawled in an Austin Powers impression. “That’s it.” I shook my head. “No, that’s not fair. I want to be friends, and everything else is over anyway because I’m working for him.”