Broken Mercy

by Stacy McWilliams

  My body began to tingle, and my balls tightened, so I stilled until the feeling receded because I didn’t want it to be over too quickly. I flipped us, so I was lying on the bed, and she was riding my cock, facing away from me. I fucked up, as she moved, her moans and groans filled the room. As my balls tightened, I reached around and pressed my fingers to her clit, while she moved and just as she screamed my name. I came so hard, my vision blurred and my head flopped back onto the bed.

  I couldn’t move for a moment, couldn’t see, or feel, as I rode the wave of my orgasm. Amber climbed off of me and collapsed at my side, breathing hard, and we both lay there in silence, catching our breaths.

  “Fuck me, Amber. That was insanely good.” I finally muttered, still breathless, with my heart racing.

  She turned to face me and gave me a long kiss, that somehow felt off. I shook the feeling off and wrapped my arms around her, drifting back off to sleep. Never for a moment imagining, that when I woke, up my life would change course again.

  If I’d known she was going to leave, I never would have let myself fall asleep. I would have stayed awake and begged her to stay with me, but I didn’t know. When I woke up hours later, and she wasn’t in my bed, I didn’t think anything of it. I just thought she’d gone downstairs to get a coffee and I quickly dressed, excited to see her again.

  My bare feet sounded loud on the stairs, but my head was a little tender. Probably from all the drink and blow, I’d taken, before I’d reconnected with my girl. I walked along to the kitchen surprised to see Karina sitting there in a robe, with Harris at her side. I thought them two would end up fucking. She tried with me and while she was gorgeous, with her curvaceous figure, D cup breasts and long flowing brown hair, she wasn’t my girl. She’d tried to get more of a reaction out of me, as she kissed my chest, but I moved away from her, and she’d turned her attention to Harris. He gave me a funny look as I’d entered the kitchen, and they both stopped speaking.

  “Morning,” I muttered gruffly, as my eyes scanned the room for Amber, but she was nowhere to be seen.

  The coffee was made though, and it was too tempting to ignore. I picked it up and poured a cup, taking a sip and letting the warmth of it heat me up. My loose jeans sat low on my hips and I had no socks, and no top on. Karina’s eyes roamed over my bare chest, in a way that made me uncomfortable, while she was leaning on my friend’s chest. Ignoring her, I turned to Harris and blocked, her out.

  “You see Ambs?” I asked him, and he glanced down and then back up at me.

  “Yeah, man. She left at six am.”

  He watched as I stepped back in horror and disbelief, and shook Karina off as he came towards me. My whole body trembled, as a tidal wave of pain rolled over me and sucked me down into the depths of the abyss.

  “I’m sorry, man. I tried to stop her, to talk sense into her, but she said you both got closure, and it was time for her to leave.”

  My world stopped spinning at his words, and they bounced around my head, echoing loudly.

  No. No. No! This couldn’t be happening.

  I refused to believe him and slammed my cup down onto the counter, spilling the contents. I turned and ran to the door, opening it to a wet San Francisco day and running out barefoot onto the drive. My whole body shook at seeing that her truck was gone. My heart shattered, as I realized why her last kiss had been so off, she wasn’t kissing me because she forgave me. She was kissing me goodbye. I dropped to my knees, letting the rain batter down on me, while my heart shattered in a million pieces.

  Part Two

  One Year Later

  Chapter Fifteen

  Unexpected Meetings

  Mason

  The past year had been a blur. When Amber left, I hit the bottle hard. Mom ended up staying with me, so I didn’t lose custody of the kids. Six months ago, the boys had staged an intervention, when I’d stopped showing up to tour rehearsals and basically let them do all the work at the label.

  I was four months out of rehab, and I was doing much better. I still longed for alcohol to numb the pain of losing her, but I was managing to spend time with the kids. I was back and able to write music, play my shows, run my label and scout for new bands. We’d been touring for around six weeks and my new au pair was pissing me off. She was constantly trying to get into our support acts pants. Since Greg Sanders was sharing our tour, she was always hanging around him. I had to remind her that her job was to care for my kids, not her love life.

  I missed Amber so much, but when I’d gone through my counselling, I realized that she was right to leave. I’d treated her dreadfully and I longed for a chance to reconnect with her, but I couldn’t find her. She’d changed her name, closed herself off from me completely, and by all accounts left the state to go somewhere new. Every night on tour I still looked for her, as I sung one of our new songs, Apologies. I’d written it after she left and it was for her but I never saw her. I was giving up hope that I’d ever find her again.

  “Mr. Michaels, Andrea needs you,” Jonah, our sound guy came and interrupted my musings.

  I gave him a sharp nod, as I stood up to follow him. I was furious, I’d only left her half an hour ago with the kids, but again, she wasn’t coping, and I was ready for firing her ass. The only thing that stopped me, was how I’d replace her at the start of a tour. My feet followed him into the arena, Madison Square Gardens, and he led me to the playpen set up by the stage. Lexa was sitting with baby Kristie and playing with Lucca and Sofia. Andrea was nowhere to be found and I growled under my breath as I approached them.

  “Where is she?” I hissed at Lexa.

  She sighed, pointing over to the stage where Andrea was standing, trying to talk one of the roadies into letting her backstage. Even though, I’d explicitly told them she wasn’t allowed there.

  “Andrea,” I called.

  She turned to face me, with a furious expression on her face. Her eyes were dark and her lips a tight line, as she stormed towards me.

  “What?” she hissed at me and I glared down at her, wanting to strangle my mom for recommending her for our tour.

  “If you can’t do your job, are incapable of understanding basic instructions, or following my directives, then the door is over there. You can walk through it, at any time.”

  Lexa gave me a look and I gave her a sharp nod. I didn’t care anymore. I was sick of her messing about and leaving Lexa looking after the kids. Alicia, one of the PA's, usually helped her. I was quite prepared to offer Alicia, an incentive to look after my kids, until part one of the tour was over.

  “You can’t fire me,” she laughed, “You need me to look after your snot nosed, brats…”

  “That’s it. You’re done. Go get your shit and get out.”

  I towered over her furiously, and she stepped right into my space.

  “You fire me, and I’ll go to the papers. I’ll tell them all about the washed up, has been, singer, of Black Mercy, who’s just out of rehab and can’t get over his broken heart.”

  I laughed because I knew she was serious, but she’d signed an NDA. If she said shit about me, I’d be suing her ass and pushing for her to do jail time.

  Stupid spoiled, little bitch.

  “You signed an NDA. You say one word and your ass is going to jail.”

  Her face paled and she glared up at me.

  “You can’t send me to jail,” she hissed at me and I stepped right into her face.

  “Yes, I can. The NDA says so, so go on. I dare you to test me.”

  Joe came over and stepped between us.

  “Mason, you need me.” He asked, as he stared at my furious expression.

  “Yes, she’s done. I’ve had it. She’s on the first flight out of here. I won’t have her using me, or my kids to try and screw someone. It’s not fucking happening.”

  “Yes, sir,” Joe said and turned to Andrea with a grin.

  “Let’s get your stuff, girly. You’re done here.”

 
As they walked away, I moved to open the playpen and sat down with the kids. Scooping up Sofia into my arms, as she crawled about my feet.

  “Mason,” Lexa began, and I shook my head.

  “Don’t Lex, okay, I can’t. Not today.”

  It was a year to the day Amber had left me and I was hanging on by a thread as it was. I couldn’t take anymore. I just wanted to get this show done. She nodded at me and gave me a brief smile, as she played with Lucca and his ball. He was getting so big and his resemblance to Cassie was astounding. I missed her so much and when we’d celebrated Christmas, I felt her absence more than ever. We sat and played for a while, until it was time for us to check our set and do our run through. I climbed up on stage and picked up my guitar. It was warm to touch and vibrated as if it was waiting for me to connect to it. I knew it was all in my head, but it made me feel better about playing.

  We began with Rock This City and The Broken, which were our two most popular hits, from our last album. Then we got more upbeat for a bit, with Seriously Damaged, Untold Menace and If I Were You. After our upbeat section, we slowed things down and sang Beautiful Danger and Sex with Someone.

  Sound check went well, and we began to get ready for the show. I managed to catch Alicia and asked her if she could watch the kids for the weeks, we were on tour. Until I found a replacement for Andrea, and she agreed. She was a sweet kid and I knew I could trust her.

  As the show approached my anxiety got higher and higher, but I didn’t know why. I didn’t usually get this nervous before one. I was pacing around the tour bus, an hour, and a half before the show, having ducked out for a breather before the meet and greet. The door went on the bus and I walked over to open it. Feeling my anxiety kicking up a notch, as I opened it, but it was Joe, and he tapped his watch. It was time to put on being Mason Michaels, Rock star, lead singer and guitarist of Black Mercy and leave human me, on the tour bus.

  I swallowed a deep breath and then gave him a sharp nod, as he led me into the venue, towards the green room. Where we were doing our pre-show meet and greet. Greg was already on stage and I could hear, Just Like You, as I followed Joe inside. I didn’t speak to him, but as I reached the green room and saw all the fans, I wanted to turn and run, but I couldn’t.

  The girls started to simper and giggle as I walked in. All except one, who was standing with her back to me, chatting with Quinn and Lewis. Quinn saw me, nudged Lewis, and they both glanced over at me, as a gaggle of girls approached me and commanded my attention. I posed for photos, and signed things, but the girl was still standing with her back to me.

  From behind I could have sworn she looked like Amber. My heart began to race and my palms were sweaty, as I made idle chit-chat with my fans. I couldn’t stop constantly looking over at her, but she didn't turn around to look at me. It irritated me, because I wanted to reassure myself it wasn’t her.

  It couldn’t be.

  I could see Quinn speaking quietly to her, but before I could get over to her, another gaggle of girls approached me. When I next looked over, she was gone. I tried to ask Quinn who it was as we stood waiting to be introduced, but he shook his head. Putting his ear monitors in and giving me a thumbs up, as he ran out on stage. He began strumming the guitar and the crowd went wild, as Lewis kicked in on drums and Harris on bass. Then it was my turn and I made sure my monitors were in tight, as I grabbed my guitar from our roadie, Kory and pulled the strap over my shoulders.

  I ran out on stage and took in the crowd, greeting them and counting down with my fingers. We started Rock This City, and the place erupted. Half-way through Broken I saw her. She was in the front row and was watching me with fascination. For a moment, everything stopped, but I managed to keep singing through my shock, but my heart was gone. Smashed, destroyed, ash because Amber was sitting in the front row, watching me sing.

  The rest of the show passed in a blur, until we slowed things down and picked a few people from the crowd, to join us on stage. I couldn’t help choosing her, and she tried to shake her head, but gave in as the crowd began to boo. Once she was on stage, seated on my left, I plucked up my guitar from my right and swung it onto my lap. Before I began to sing Apologies to her, and she smiled at me, while I sang for her. I always sang this for her and to her. I’d written it for her. It was her song.

  You walked into my heart.

  And lit my soul on fire.

  Ignited my desires.

  Holding me to ransom.

  And everything’s about you.

  You heal me and hold me.

  You trust me with your soul.

  And I never meant to hurt you

  But baby I am sorry.

  And I’ll make it up to you.

  Only we can see it through.

  If only you would let me.

  I need you to let me in.

  So, we can begin.

  We need to fix what has been broken.

  And let love mend the breaks.

  Because baby I love you.

  I love you more than words.

  I love you more than life.

  Because, baby I’m your man.

  I’m the one with a plan.

  And I promise to hold your hand...

  I sang the whole song, more heartfelt and with more feeling, than ever before. I knew she felt it too, because her hand clenched into a fist on her lap. I smiled more widely than I had in over a year, as I began Beautifully Dangerous, and she watched me in wonderful fascination. When our acoustic set was over, we were due to go off for a change. We usually followed the fans from the stage, as they were helped down, but I didn’t want her to go. I couldn’t ask her to stay with me, but I wrapped my hand around hers, as I led her to the side of the stage. Giving her fingers a gentle squeeze, before releasing her. I couldn’t wait for the show to end, because I wanted to speak to her. I had so many questions for her. I wanted to find out how she was doing, where she was staying, why she’d left me, but I had to finish my showoff first.

  The remainder of the show, I constantly checked to see if she was still here. Kory, our roadie went and asked her to come backstage, before the final song. As we finished off with, Mercy or Free, I was desperate to get off-stage. When we finally reached backstage, it was bedlam because a few fans had snuck back.

  I couldn’t find Amber, as they rushed me towards the tour bus. I just hoped Kory had managed to put her on there, but he didn’t know who she was, so it was unlikely that he would have done so. He probably just left her in our dressing room and went back to work.

  “Joe,” I muttered as I checked the bus, finding Alicia asleep with the kids in the back bedroom. Sofia was in her cot and Lucca was in his and Alicia was lying on the bed between them.

  “Joe, I need to get back in there.” I told him.

  He shook his head as he closed the door on the bus and told Frankie, our driver, to begin moving.

  “Frankie, stop. Joe, Amber is in there and I need to see her. Please.”

  I needed to see her. I had to talk to her, but Joe shook his head.

  “Amber’s not there, Mason. I had Norry escort her to our hotel. She’s waiting on you there.”

  “She is?”

  He gave me a sharp nod as Frankie, began to drive away from the venue. We reached our hotel within a half an hour, and I was taken first from the tour bus. The kids followed, one in Alicia’s arms and one in Lewis’s.

  Once we were all inside the hotel, I began to relax and as the elevator rose up the floors, Lucca stirred and reached out for me. Sofia was still sound asleep, and I quickly took hold of Lucca and settled him back to sleep. Walking softly down the corridor with him, in my arms, as we reached the suites, we were staying in. We had travel cots, that were sent up to the room and I quickly crossed the room, putting Lucca into bed as Alicia popped Sofia into her bed too. I then left, closing the door at her back. Amber was standing in the sitting room, looking out at the view of New York, as she stood stiffly by the window.r />
  Chapter Sixteen

  Misery Loves Company

  Amber

  I wasn’t even sure about going to the concert. I couldn’t tell Lex, if I was going or not, because I didn’t know. She’d tried to convince me to come, but I’d had to fight so hard to get over Mason. I still had guilt that swallowed me whole, whenever I thought about how I’d left things with him.

  He deserved better than that. He deserved more from me than to wake up in the morning and discover that I’d gone. I’d hurt him and I watched from afar, as he spiraled out of control and ended up in rehab.

  Once he was in rehab, I tried to reach out and ended up connecting with Lexa, through the bands Facebook Page. I’d messaged under Lucy Adams, and she had responded. She was kind, but refused to believe I was me, until I sent her a photo and even then, she was skeptical. I told her I was living in New York and temping for work, as I tried to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. We spoke over Christmas, and she sends me occasional updates of Lucca and Sofia, which I was grateful for. When the band were coming to New York on tour, she told me she’d leave a ticket for me at the box office and a backstage pass. If I wanted to, I could come along. I wasn’t sure about it and had spent the whole day debating it, but then, I decided to go.

  My simple black jeans, red cowboy books and red wrap-around top, made me feel good, but wasn’t too out there, since I wasn’t trying to draw attention to myself. As soon as I’d walked into the room, Quinn and Lewis had pulled me aside. I knew the moment when Mason entered. Not because of the screaming crowd of girls, but because my body began to tingle, as his eyes roamed over my back. Quinn and Lewis asked me to leave, because they were concerned that if he saw me, that it would ruin the whole concert. I knew they were right. Seeing me today, one year after I walked out was bound to through him, so I did what they asked. I left and then he caught sight of me anyway.