This One’s For You

by Holloway, Taylor

  The tears that I’d been suppressing won out over my stubbornness then, streaming down my face in hot, shameful rivulets. The only upside to not wearing any makeup today was that there was nothing to smear. I cried into my palms, waiting for Ian to leave me.

  59

  Ian

  “I don’t want you to ever change who you are for me or for anyone,” I told her. “I’m glad you’re on a path that makes you happy, and I want you to follow it. But I hope you won’t mind too much if I stick around and follow you.”

  She blinked at me and her lower lip trembled. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t want to go on tour. I’m done. I quit.” I felt lighter than air. It was so easy to say the words now. Vanessa had done the hard part for me by going first. “I always thought it would bring me happiness to recapture what I lost when my addiction spiraled out of control and I got myself kicked out of Axial Tilt. I thought that if I could just get back to where I was ten years ago, I’d be fixed. Cured. I’d be able to finally say to myself that I was back in control of my life and doing what I was always supposed to be doing.” I shook my head. “But that’s crazy. I’m not that guy anymore. I’m not the guy that wants to spend his life sleeping in hotels and getting up on stage. I’ve been kidding myself all this time. I needed to achieve this for me, and now that I have, I can finally move on. I don’t need to cling on to this dream anymore. I have a new dream.”

  Vanessa’s lips parted in surprise. “You can’t mean that.”

  “I can. I do,” I told her. “Look, I know I’ve gone on and on about how much I want Axial Tilt to be successful, and to see the tour succeed, and all that. But being on that world tour and being away from you for a year is the very last thing I want to do. To be honest, I’m not sure I’d even survive it. There’s a reason that a lot of musicians are alcoholics and a lot of it has to do with that endless, grinding lifestyle. It’s fundamentally bad for someone like me. I’d be taking a huge risk if I tried to do that for a year. The recovery I’ve built for myself focuses on having a routine and a home. A support system. I’d be flying blind. Going out and pretending I’m twenty-two again and enjoy living out of busses and hotel rooms is insanity.”

  “But if you don’t—”

  “If I don’t, Axial Tilt can still release our new music. We can still play together when we want to. But honestly, I think the guys were doing this as much for me as anything else. They’re going to be relieved I put the brakes on. I know Jason will be, at least.”

  “This is probably your last chance to ever tour with Axial Tilt,” Vanessa told me. “You know that, right?” She seemed determined to convince me to leave her.

  I shrugged. “Good.”

  “Good?” Her eyes were wide.

  I nodded. “Yeah. It’s good. It’s good that this part of my life is drawing to a close. It’s better for me. I don’t want that life anymore. What I want, more than anything in the entire world, is to be with you, here, in Austin. Ryan’s been bugging me for years now to start working more with him at the label, and honestly, a studio musician lifestyle is better for me, and I’ve always enjoyed songwriting as much as I enjoyed performing. This would give me an opportunity to do that. But Axial Tilt won’t die just because we aren’t touring anymore. Hell, a lot of famous musicians don’t tour much.”

  “Name one.” Her expression was skeptical.

  “As it happens, I can name several. Leonard Cohen was a huge recluse his entire career. Michael Jackson almost never toured after the mid-nineties. Kate Bush only went on one tour, ever. Oh, and Enya. Enya straight up lives alone in a castle, hardly goes out, and never plays publicly. Ever.”

  Vanessa blinked in apparent shock, but then her expression hardened. “You’re going to regret this decision.”

  I shook my head right back at her. “I really don’t think so.”

  “I can’t let you do this. I can’t let you give everything up.”

  “I already quit. It’s not up to you.”

  “You what?” She hissed.

  I nodded. “I talked to Ryan about it right before I came over. He’s letting Don know. Honestly, I think the rest of the guys are going to be relieved. Especially Jason. I think he was doing this for me, and I know that it was going to be incredibly hard on him and Wendy. This is better for all of us.”

  Vanessa remained visibly unconvinced.

  “You’ve been working toward this for so long,” she told me. “Are you really sure? Or are you just scared?”

  I frowned. “Scared?”

  Her expression shifted. “Scared you’ll screw it up. Scared you’ll get out there and start drinking again, and the band will be forced to throw you out a second time.”

  I laughed. “I’m scared that I’ll start drinking again every day. Scared that I’ll lose everything every day. Every day, Vanessa. The addiction and the fear that comes with it doesn’t go away. It doesn’t matter where I am. That temptation is always there.”

  “So, you’re just throwing away this chance because of a fear of failure?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m not throwing away anything. I’m choosing a better future for myself because I’ve finally grown up enough to see that what I really want is different than what I thought.” I sat up straight and looked her in the eye. “I want you way more than I want to be a member of Axial Tilt.”

  I could assume that Don was going to be angry. I guessed that Tom and Jack would be annoyed and secretly relieved. I suspected that Jason would be openly relieved, and I had heard obvious relief in Ryan’s voice, too. But as for me, I knew that I was making the best choice. The only choice.

  “Vanessa,” I told her. “I want you. I just want you.”

  Vanessa swallowed. Something that resembled both hope and terror was flashing behind her eyes. “Are you sure?” Her little fingers dug into mine and I suddenly wished that two people could fit on the little hospital bed together and that I wasn’t stuck in this damn wheelchair.

  “I’m sure. I wrote you a whole song about it, in case you haven’t figured it out yet.” I should have told her before now, of course, but I was too scared. I’d never written anyone a song before.

  Her eyes widened and welled up with tears, and I saw the moment when she believed me. I kissed her, stealing her breath and trying to impart to her physically the complete and total confidence that I had in my decision. I’d never been more sure about anything in my entire life than I was about Vanessa.

  “What if we don’t work out?” she said, pulling back from our kiss. Her voice was uncharacteristically hesitant. “Will you hate me for taking you away from your chance at a world tour? From your dream?”

  “Vanessa, just like you, I’m making this choice for myself. For my own happiness. I stand by it, and I could never hate you.” I kissed her cheek and watched her flush crimson. I watched hope win out over fear. “I love you.”

  Epilogue

  Vanessa

  They let me go home the next morning, but Ian had to get his permanent cast put on and his new teeth installed, so the hospital kept him for another day until they could get everything done. I came to pick him up the following afternoon and found Don and Ryan in his room.

  “This is bullshit,” Don was saying as I entered. His face was beet red. “Do you even have the slightest idea how hard it is to cancel a tour?”

  Ian shrugged. “Nope,” he answered. His voice sounded somewhat weird, and he looked a little bit bruised from the surgery, but he was smiling. “But we’ve been over this like ten times now. I’m not changing my mind. I’m done. Sorry.”

  “Sorry? You’re sorry? God dammit. I’m so done with this band.” He shook his head at Ian and then at me. “First Jason and Wendy wrecked a perfectly good tour, and now, not even three years later, you two do the exact same thing. I need a new act to manage.”

  “I can help you with that,” Ryan offered. He was clearly happy. “The label has a few prospects, and I think it’s pretty clear that Axial Tilt’s tou
ring days are done.”

  That was obviously not the answer Don wanted to hear. He made an unintelligible noise of frustration, threw his hands up, and stomped off. He slammed the door shut behind him to leave the three of us staring at one another.

  “He’ll get over it,” Ryan said to Ian and me. “Don’t worry.”

  “Who’s worried?” I answered. “Don fired me that one time, remember? His feelings aren’t exactly my priority.”

  Ian smirked and Ryan nodded. “I guess that makes sense,” Ryan agreed. “Well, I’ll leave Ian in your hands and go work on the discharge paperwork. Meet you out front with the car.”

  “Okay.”

  Ryan’s eyes darted from his brother to me and then back to his brother. “Yeah, this is good,” he said, probably as much to himself as to either of us. “I feel good about this.”

  Unlike Don, Ryan closed the door behind himself without slamming it like an angry child. He was grinning. Ian thought that he and Ryan were so different, but they really weren’t. They were surprisingly similar, although Ryan was the more responsible, serious one and Ian was the fun, mischievous one. I definitely got the best brother.

  “How are the new teeth?” I asked Ian.

  “You tell me.” He smiled to reveal that the new artificial teeth were totally identical to his natural ones.

  “That’s incredible. They look so real. Do they feel real?”

  Ian nodded. “I know, right? Jason recommended the guy. He did all of his.”

  “Wait, are Jason’s teeth all—?”

  Ian laughed. “Yeah. Poor kid never saw a dentist growing up.”

  I winced. “I never would have guessed.”

  “That’s the idea.” Ian flashed his new perfect smile at me again.

  I rolled my eyes. “Does he do boob jobs too or just teeth?”

  “Don’t even suggest such a horrible thing,” Ian said, looking horrified. “You’re perfect.”

  I smiled at him. “I’m glad you think so.”

  He pulled on my hand until I was pressed up against his chest. He was up and walking now, albeit with a cane until the cast came off.

  “Well, maybe I should inspect again just to be sure,” he whispered in my ear. I giggled as he maneuvered us around so that my back was up against a wall. “For science.” My heart started to pound.

  A knock on the door startled us both and we reluctantly drew apart. A moment later, a blond doctor stuck her head in. I recognized her from Faith and Eric’s parties. Aimee Ford. She was the youngest department head the hospital had ever had.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” she said, not really looking at all sorry “Have either of you seen Dr. Koels?”

  “Which one?” I asked.

  Dr. Ford made a face. “Brandon.”

  “He’s the young, cute one, right?” I asked, unable to resist testing the gossip that Faith had told me just a little bit. “About Ian’s age?”

  Aimee nodded, seemingly reluctantly. “Yes.”

  According to Faith, Aimee and Brandon hated one another but their sexual tension was positively legendary. They also grew up next door to one another. I could only imagine that made for an interesting work dynamic.

  I resisted the urge to smirk at her. “No. I haven’t seen him.”

  “Me neither,” Ian added. He was smiling mischievously. “Are you two having a lover’s quarrel?”

  She paused and her expression turned horrified. “What?”

  Ian smirked and I struggled to keep a straight face.

  What was Ian doing? Probably the same thing I was.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” Ian continued, not appearing remotely sorry. He was quite the pot stirrer when he wanted to be. “It’s just what the nurses were gossiping about nonstop.”

  “What did you hear?” Aimee demanded. She said each word like it was a separate sentence. What. Did. You. Hear.

  Ian shrugged. “Nothing much. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. I did talk to him yesterday for a while though. He seemed quite interested in you and why you were on this floor looking in on his patients.”

  Her face flushed and then paled. “I have to go.”

  When she was gone, Ian and I smirked at one another.

  “What do you think?” I asked him. “How long before it’s not just gossip? They’re clearly into each other. Faith says they’ve been like this for months now.”

  Ian nodded. “I give it a week if they aren’t hate-fucking already.” He smiled. “What do you think?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. They both seem pretty stubborn.”

  “At least it’s not our problem.”

  “Definitely not,” I agreed.

  “Ready to get out of here forever?”

  I grabbed his hand. “Yes, I am.”

  * * *

  If you enjoyed ‘This One’s For You’, you’re going to love the other seven books in the Lone Star Lovers series. All the books in the series share locations, events, and characters. See more of Ian, Vanessa, Ryan, Rosie, Jason, Wendy, Caroline, and Faith.

  ‘Admit You Want Me’ is the first book in the Lone Star Lovers series. This steamy second-chance romance features shy grad student Emma and her alpha jock Ward. Click here to read it now or turn the page for a sample.

  Admit You Want Me

  Special Teaser

  ‘Admit You Want Me’ is the first book in the Lone Star Lovers series, featuring Emma and Ward.

  * * *

  Prologue: Emma

  “Come on, Emma!” Kate cried, banging on my bedroom door for the fifth or sixth time. “You can’t hide in there forever. I’m sure you look fine. People are going to be here soon.”

  I glanced at the clock. She was right. It was almost go time. I slid into my green, marabou trimmed boudoir slippers and straightened my sheer tights. I had a bad feeling that I looked more than a little bit like a stripper.

  “Just a second,” I yelled. “I’m almost ready.”

  I frowned at my reflection in the mirror, poked at my fake eyelashes, and adjusted the mesh and wire wings strapped to my back. The wings were already annoying me, but not as much as the length of my dress.

  My Tinkerbell costume was much sexier and more revealing than I’d thought it would be when I bought it online. My boobs were threatening to spill out of the bright green satin bustier, and the nearly transparent matching skirt just barely made it halfway down my thighs. This is what I got for trusting the photographs on eBay. It would just have to do. The only other option at this point was cutting a couple of eye holes in a sheet and going to our Halloween party as a ghost.

  “Wow,” Kate stammered when I opened the door a second later. “You look amazing!”

  I smiled nervously. “It’s not too slutty?”

  Kate shook her head. “It’s the exactly right amount of slutty. The fact that it’s your real hair up there in that silly bun is what makes it.”

  Kate was blonde for Halloween too, but her flowing, gold Rapunzel hair was a wig. Our Halloween party was Disney themed and our apartment looked a bit like a five-year-old’s birthday party (but with way more booze). I grabbed myself a cup of the pink punch and tried to work myself up for being social.

  My current pair of wings notwithstanding, I was not a natural social butterfly like Kate. If it wasn’t for her, I probably wouldn’t have any friends. Moving in with Kate at the beginning of my sophomore year was the best decision I could have made for my social life, even if it meant living inside a kegger one night a week. This Halloween party promised to be no exception.

  Costumed people began to trickle into our apartment, armed with beer, smiles, and excitement. I struggled to fit in. After the disaster that was my freshman year at a school back east, coming to the University of Texas had been a case of serious culture shock. They don’t call it a party school for nothing, and I’m a natural introvert and a bit of a nerd. Before coming here, I’d never had a drop to drink.

  Unluckily for my liver, I was also a quick study. I’d determ
ined that I hated most beer, most wine, and anything with a harsh liquor taste, but I loved anything sweet and fruity. Thankfully, Austin had a number of local breweries that specialized in ciders, shandies, and even sour beers.

  “Are fairies supposed to be drinking, Tinkerbell?” someone asked me when I went to grab another apple cider from the fridge. I spun around and straightened, surprised.

  Kate’s brother, Ward, was leaning against the door. I hadn’t realized that he’d followed me. I straightened abruptly, hoping my ass hadn’t been totally exposed by my tiny skirt when I bent over.

  My breathing sped up and I felt myself biting down on my bottom lip nervously. The hand not clutching a bottle sent fingertips to my hemline and found that my skirt had ridden up a bit. Yeah, he’d definitely just seen my ass. His cocked eyebrow and even cockier smile told me that he had appreciated it, too. I felt a hot flush burn my cheeks.

  It didn’t help that he seemed to know exactly what he did to me every time he came around, although this was only the third time I’d met him since Kate and I moved in together in August. I couldn’t hide my attraction to him at all. He teased me mercilessly at every opportunity, and it felt like he did it just to see me blush. He clearly found how bookish, quiet, and prone to embarrassment I was simply hilarious.

  I wasn’t shy for his entertainment. I wished I could be different. But I would never be an extrovert like Ward, or his sister. Even dressed up like Tinkerbell and pumped full of alcohol, I was still just doomed to be a wallflower.

  Ward and I stared across the kitchen at each other. Usually, I turned into a stammering mess whenever he was around. Thanks to the magic of alcohol, that wouldn’t be happening tonight.