Sired: A Dark Reverse Harem Romance (Ascension Book 3)

by Kenna Bardot

  I waved it away. “Just hit me again, I can take it. And if not, I get to rest as it’s my day off tomorrow.”

  Zia and Zephyr exchanged looks before nodding. The white wrapped around me as the pain captured my entire being.

  I would need lots of rest to survive training.

  ✽✽✽

  The next day, I swallowed, feeling like if I stopped I might lose the contents of my stomach.

  Again.

  It got increasingly difficult to keep the nausea from everyone around me, and my head ached and muscles throbbed with the tension that riddled my body. Guilt ate away at me, threatening to make me explode with the secret I only suspected I kept.

  But there was no alternative. There was nothing else it could be, but I still needed to know for sure. I needed that physical confirmation to wrap my brain around my new reality. I went through my training at the Reserve, working through every step like it didn't matter, when the reality was I had no clue what mattered for pregnancy to Goddesses.

  Would pain hurt the baby? Would the discomfort I dealt with in my preparations for Unwanted duty have negative consequences for it? I couldn't answer, and I knew I needed help. I couldn't trust anyone at the Reserve to help me, not without the watchful eyes of the security seeing everything before I was ready, so Haisley was out.

  Not to mention that they might say something to the guys when they picked me up or dropped me off. I was determined that it would come from me. When I was ready.

  That left me with only one person to turn to, and I knew that I'd pay Astraea a visit the next day. Thank goodness I had two days off consecutively to let my body recuperate from Unwanted training.

  When I finally walked out of the bathroom, having washed my face and tried to disguise the threat of sickness under the illusion of beauty care, all five sets of eyes turned to look at me. Tate was the first to stand, approaching me and taking my hand with a slow grin on his face. My vision went wide in a haze, terrified for a moment that they'd discovered my secret, that the oblivious males had put the timeline together and realized there'd been no period this month.

  Hydra walked up to me and pressed her snout to the palm of my hand. I jumped up in surprise and barely held back a yelp.

  "We know you've been stressed. The Dragon Guard hasn't been the same for you since Arkin and Yula sent that gift, and we can see how much it stresses you out. You aren't sleeping well. You're up before us every morning," he whispered, using my hand to guide me to the back door. I almost blurted out my secret then, but I stopped. I didn’t want them to feel disappointed if I ended up being wrong.

  "So we wanted to give you something. It was meant to be an anniversary gift, but we think now is the perfect time," Shephard said, walking behind us as Tate led me over the threshold. With my feet bare, the blades of grass bent beneath my weight, feeling like a soft cushion. The grass in Wintercairn had been brittle and crunchy, had dug in rather than cushioned. I never stopped marveling at the differences between all the homes where I'd lived.

  Hydra ran ahead of us, her growing form trampling through the grass, rolling around in it in ecstasy.

  We rounded the bend behind a couple of the trees we kept for privacy, coming to what had been a clearing we never used. My steps halted, my feet freezing in place beneath me as I stared at what they'd done. "Because you're still the plant-loving Northerner we fell in love with, we wanted to give you a piece of home," Hollis said, smiling at me as he stepped up to the edge of the clearing. "But we thought it might be easier for things to grow without the snow." I dropped Tate's hand, stepping up to the edge of the rows of earth that they'd tilled and made into a perfect garden.

  "The Levens said you could pick whatever plants you want, and they're yours. Perks of being a Dragon Guard," Shep said with a shrug, but I knew without a doubt that plants at my disposal wasn’t a perk of the Dragon Guard. It would likely mean a favor owed, something moody men like Shephard didn't give easily. But he'd done it for me.

  “I want them all.” There was no warning as the first sniffle came, as I devolved into a teary-eyed mess and whimpered, sinking to my knees next to the garden and digging my hand into the rich soil. So full of life, not the sandy, barren kind I was familiar with in the North. Anything could survive and flourish in the prosperous land of the Gods.

  As much as the garden made me cry, the tree with the deep blue leaves hovering on the opposite edge really put me over the edge. I'd recognize the leaves anywhere, having had a similar tree outside my bedroom window in Wintercairn, but where my tree had been fragile and half dead in the cold climate, this one prospered and thrived with a huge bloom that shaded part of the garden. Hydra curled up next to me and nudged my shoulder, my cheek, my belly, thigh. I laid a hand on her head and allowed her joy to dry my tears.

  "I only mentioned it once," I whispered, because it had been just a tree. With everything else I'd left behind, the tree seemed insignificant. It wasn't until after I Ascended and saw the vivid greens of Demiorgo that I remembered my sad blue tree I'd left behind.

  "I remember everything you've ever told me," Tate whispered, looking down at me from my side. He glanced over at the tree, and just beneath the fullest branches sat a sculpture, with a sword in hand and a uniform carved into the perfect boy's face.

  "For Varo," Hollis said. "I think he would like to protect your sanctuary for you." He shared a look with Ryle, and I knew the two of them had worked together to make art. Ryle's rough strength and Hollis' eye for beauty made for a stunning juxtaposition.

  I sniffled, because I was happy, but also because I hated the guilt that creeped up and spoiled the sweetness of the gesture they did for me. I glanced over to where Char stood on the perpendicular edge of the garden, watching me with a satisfied smile on his face. "And you?" I asked.

  "Who do you think came up with the idea?" he asked, that smile transforming his face as his flawless teeth gleamed.

  "Char thought you could use a calm, peaceful place to go when the stress is too much. For now, obviously we can't leave you here alone, but hopefully between the five of us there will be one of us you aren't furious with at all times," Tate teased, holding out a hand to pull me to my feet.

  I sniffled again, walking around the edge to touch a hand to the sculpture as a smile crossed my face. I didn't know how I'd do it, how we'd handle everything coming our way.

  But I knew we'd do it together.

  "For Wintercairn and for Varo," I whispered, and they smiled back at me. I pulled his toy soldier from my pocket, where I always put it when I didn’t have to wear uniforms. With a screwing motion, I placed the soldier into the dirt, Varo’s toy in the little corner my men had given me to remember him. “The only memory of him I truly had for the longest time. As a human, as a Sylfe, then as a Goddess. It’s finally found its home.”

  I leapt to my feet, Hydra letting out a high-pitched roar as she did the same and flew in circled above our heads. I streaked through the dirt on my way back to them, not caring about the way the individual grains felt as they caught between my toes and covered me in filth.

  I was dirty anyway.

  Human.

  Impure.

  ✽✽✽

  “Did I thank you enough?”

  “Hmm?” Char looked at me absently as he walked me to Astraea’s house, where I had told him I needed to visit for some girl talk.

  “For the gift.” I thought of it, my little garden and tree that meant so much not just because it was perfect for me but because they’d thought of it.

  “You did.” He smirked and ran a hand down my hair, and I had to admit I had showered them with a lot of thanks the night before. And throughout the morning.

  “Doesn’t feel like it’s enough.”

  “Hmmm,” he said again distractedly as we moved closer and closer to Astraea and Oryn’s house.

  I pulled on his hand so he would turn towards me. “What’s wrong?”

  “Who said anything was wrong, Mireyah?” He peered dow
n at me, brows furrowing as he frowned. I touched the wrinkles on his forehead that were quite surprising to me since he always looked so blank. Unruffled by anything that touched him. “I’ve been put under review.”

  “Oh no. Why? What happened?”

  “Well, you know why. Ashric’s uncle heads the North. There’s really nothing else to be done.” He shrugged, but I knew it cost him. If anything impeded everything he’d been working hard for, I don’t know how much it would break my most ambitious man.

  “I’m sorry for it, Char. It's because of me.” His hand tightened on my hand as he turned me towards him, giving me a quick shake.

  “Don’t ever apologize. I would give everything up for you.” He laughed and shrugged. “I’d vastly prefer not to fuck up my career, but it’s a far second from you, Mireyah.”

  “Okay,” I conceded, guilty with how easily he’d told me his secret when I still held mine close to my chest.

  “Don’t worry about it so much.” Char kissed me goodbye just inside the door to Astraea's house. "I'll pick you up in a few hours," he murmured, untangling his arms from where he'd wrapped them around my waist. I grinned up at him, trying not to think too hard about the secret that still couldn't be freed. I wanted to tell them, needed to tell them, but there was no denying my cowardice in this.

  I prided myself on acting despite my fears, but the fears of what may or may not happen once they knew about the baby were just too big. I could handle the reality and the sense of danger to myself. But a change in my relationship, resentment building for them if they tried to control me too strictly? That wasn't something I felt prepared to deal with.

  Once Astraea closed the door behind Char, she turned to me with her brows raised. "Well? What's wrong with you?" she asked, and Oryn cleared his throat from the hallway. With a scone halfway to his mouth, he paused and nodded quickly.

  "I'll give you some privacy," he said, ducking down the hall to flee the estrogen in the room. I wished I could be so lucky.

  I sighed, letting Aes lead me to the sofa in their sitting room. "What does a Goddess do to find out if she’s pregnant? I missed my period, but I can’t be certain," I whispered, hearing the sudden silence when her breathing cut off completely. I didn't look at her, couldn't bear to see what I knew would be joy in her eyes. Astraea would never see a child as anything but a miraculous blessing.

  When I didn't meet her eyes, she jolted to her feet and darted into the kitchen. I couldn't do anything but follow her, not with her sudden urgency. By the time I ambled into the room, she'd pulled a bottle of dried orange leaves down from the top shelf of her pantry. "Chew it until it's a paste and then swallow." She held one leaf out, and I took it in a trembling hand.

  "Chewing and swallowing a Valen leaf. I didn’t think it was available here in Demiorgo. Don’t we use the flower though?" I asked, staring down at the leaf. Suddenly, it seemed ominous, like more than a simple plant.

  "Well, no. As a Goddess, like I said, just chew and swallow. Your tongue will turn blue," she said, gesturing down at the leaf with a broad smile. Her forehead creased, anticipation pulsing through her as she bounced on the soles of her feet and clasped her hands together. Sucking back a heaving breath, I swallowed my fears and put the leaf in my mouth.

  Bitterness coated my tongue, threatening me with a gag as my stomach soured. But I chewed through it, hating the texture as it ground into a paste. When I finally swallowed, I felt nothing but joy that the worst of the sensation had passed.

  "Open up!" Aes shrieked when I paused, and it took another swallow before I showed her my tongue.

  "Oh my Gods," she whispered, hands coming up to her face to hide her smile. My face went cold, and I rushed from the kitchen to get to the bathroom down the hall.

  The mirror.

  I needed the mirror.

  I didn't even bother to close the door behind me as I opened my mouth and stared in stupefied disbelief at the royal blue stain on my tongue. Part of me hoped it would be ambiguous, like I'd be able to convince myself of a different result. Turning on the tap, I bent over and filled my mouth with water, spitting the blue-tinted liquid into the sink as I scrubbed at my tongue with furious fingers.

  Hydra wandered in from the living room, dancing around my feet to reassure me as I desperately tried to get rid of the evidence. When Aes peeked into the bathroom, I was already drying my face off. "Why do you have that leaf?" I asked her, and she smiled at me. Astraea looked ethereal, so happy with her new life as the secret smile spread over her face.

  "I don't want to waste another moment. I already wasted so many years thinking he deserved better than me. So I got them from the Levens," she said, filling the room with her joy. "A baby," she whispered, stepping forward and touching a hand to my stomach. "Aren’t you happy?"

  "I am," I told her, and I knew the words were true as soon as I spoke them. "I just-" I paused, thinking over my words. I doubted Astraea knew about all the danger the Dragon Guard dealt with and stressed over, though she had some inclination obviously. "The timing isn't ideal, is all."

  "Children have a way of poking their heads into our lives when we least expect it," she laughed. "I take it you haven't told your Sires what you suspect?"

  I shook my head. "Not yet. I wanted to be sure first. This will change everything. Between them and the Dragon Guard and me trying to influence human lives, I don't know how we'll make it work. I just worry that something will have to give, and I don't want it to be me."

  She nodded, stepping back and leaning down to pet Hydra before she turned and strode back to the sitting room. My dragon and I followed, flopping down onto her sofa unceremoniously like the heathens we were. "Well, you're sure now. You have to tell them, and at least if nothing else you know that they'll be overjoyed."

  "I know," I said. Even with my doubts about how we would handle the situation and all the changes coming our way, with the information confirmed I couldn't keep it a secret any longer. And I didn't want to. If guilt had nagged me with every moment I spent with them when I wasn't positive, how much would it destroy me to keep it from them when I was? "I'll tell them soon."

  “Good. So, wait, your period disappears when you’re pregnant?” she asked, turning to me on the sofa.

  I nodded. “Yeah, sure. Doesn’t yours?”

  “I told you in Sylfeshire, Mireyah, Descendant-born Goddesses don’t have periods. So there’s nothing that stops when pregnant.” She sighed out with a laugh. “Human bodies are weird, even when they’ve become Goddesses.”

  As I pondered the unfairness of the situation, I narrowed my eyes at her. She didn’t know half of it.

  ✽✽✽

  We had walked to the Springen station as a group of six. One Goddess with the five Gods she loved more than anything. Were there those who looked at us when we did? Yes.

  Those who whispered at the fact that we so publicly displayed our relationship? Sure. But I knew they saw the circlet on my forehead and for once I was happy that my improved footing in Demiorgo’s hierarchy made it so no one outright insulted me.

  Walking to the Leven fields was no less joyous. A miracle, first off, because it was the second week in a row that we had all our days off on the same day. I had a feeling they’d all finagled time off, though. It was simply not possible for it to be just luck.

  Second, because of all the things we could have spent the anniversary of my Ascension doing, I never would have expected it would be a walk through the Leven fields picking out all the different plants I wanted in my garden. But something about the way the sun glinted off each flower petal and herb reminded me of our day together after they'd won the first Sire Trial. The day when we'd spent an entire afternoon lounging in the sun and doing nothing more than enjoying one another's company. A pang of longing hit me in the chest, wishing that we could have spent the day doing just that.

  With all of us so preoccupied with all our duties, me more than any of them, the moments we had together with no stress from the external fo
rces in our lives seemed few and far between. That quality time would fizzle to all but a halt soon enough, once a baby entered the picture.

  Regardless of my stress about the conversation we needed to have, I'd enjoyed our day together. I made them all carry too many plants and getting home meant we had to plant them. It was all worth it though, when the sun set and showed just how beautiful the garden was.

  But by the time we finished and went back into the house, the couch beckoned to me. Still, I halted in the center of the room. My eyes tracked Hollis as he made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a pot, already setting to feed his family after the long day. He took such excellent care of us, always putting the needs of everyone else above his own. I knew he must have felt lazy from the day like me, but he pushed through.

  For all of us.

  Just like I knew he would for a child one day soon. Our child. It didn't matter who the father was. We'd raise it together as a unit, and I only hoped that they would feel content with the fact that we had a child at all and not try to piece together who the biological father was. It wasn't like I would have five children to give them each an heir.

  I didn’t think I had it in me to be pregnant four more times. That and I wouldn’t even be certain I could give all of them one each.

  The other four moved about the room, settling in on the sofa and getting comfortable in the quiet early evening. I watched, trying to picture where our child would fit as my stomach rolled. It had been too long since I'd eaten, and the empty pit threatened to devour me whole if I didn't get something solid in it soon. But even as Hollis chopped some vegetables he'd taken from the gardens, I couldn't wait another moment before I told them the secret that would drive me mad.

  "I'm pregnant," I blurted, but my voice didn't carry through the room. It was soft, all the anxiety and fear I felt over the pregnancy masking what normally carried strong and true. Even still, the room went silent but for the sound of Hydra padding her way into the spare room and the extra bed we kept there. The pulse of annoyance I felt from her felt like a strike to my chest, and I was instantly sorry that she had to deal with my tremulous emotions while I'd debated and fussed over telling them for days.