The Beauty

by Connolly, Rebecca

  Mr. Sheffield, who had become friend and almost brother as well as protector, insisted on seeing Caroline daily, despite the poor nature of her current situation on Fleet Street. Mrs. Briggs had given her lodging until matters were more settled in her life, as Caroline could not remain with Lady Ashby. Her niece would still be in residence after the house party, and Miss Sheffield would want nothing to do with her at all. Lady Ashby would not see Caroline further abused, for which Caroline was most grateful.

  “Caro, angel,” Mrs. Briggs called from the stairs to the main of the boarding house. “Mr. Sheffield is here.”

  Caroline sighed and slid down from her perch. “He is early today.”

  “Yes, lamb, but he is such a dear heart.” Mrs. Briggs smiled with a motherly warmth. “I shall bring you both some scones by and by.”

  “Thank you,” Caroline said, squeezing her hands as she left.

  Mrs. Briggs always allowed them use of her private parlor, away from the listening ears and curious eyes of the other guests, and, now that Caroline was no fine lady, no one saw the need for any kind of chaperone.

  “David,” Caroline greeted with a smile as she saw Mr. Sheffield there, now insisting on informality between them.

  He rose and smiled, looking her up and down quickly. “You look improved this morning, Caroline. Fewer shadows and your smile not so stretched.”

  She had grown used to his directness over the last few days and found it quite refreshing. She nodded and gestured for him to sit. “I slept well. I haven’t quite decided what to do as yet, but my father has not tried to reach me, so I have time.”

  David shook his head firmly. “I wish you would let me prosecute him, Caroline. I know a great many men who could arrange quite the case against him.”

  Caroline sighed. “It would serve no purpose. He has claimed I am illegitimate, and there is nothing to refute it. Of course, there is nothing to say that I am, and the mystery of my birth will, in truth, remain just that. He has set about to restore the business, and all seems to be going well there. Mr. Coolidge hopes he can salvage something for me, as Uncle Paul was very careful with his will and his finances, but I cannot hope for much. Still, he has set up a trust for me with some portion of the profits in the restored company, and my father knows nothing of it. I am grateful for his thoughtfulness, though the earnings he can set aside will be meager indeed.”

  They had been over this time and again, and David’s expression was always laced with the same amount of disgruntlement.

  “We received some calling cards for you, you know,” he murmured, sitting forward and resting his arms on his knees. “Miss Foster, a Miss Elliot, and a Miss Grey. Friends of yours?”

  Tears rushed into Caroline’s eyes, and she nodded hastily. “The best of them, yes.”

  He reached into his coat and pulled the cards out, handing them to her. “I take it you have not written to them.”

  Now she shook her head. “No. How can I? There is nothing to be done, and I cannot have anyone racing needlessly off to my rescue.”

  “You are not less of a person for asking for help, Caroline,” David insisted earnestly. “Some of us truly care and will do all we can for you.”

  “I know,” she murmured, smiling at him. “If I thought it would help, believe me, I would let anyone. I have no pride left to uphold.”

  And it was true. She had never been lower than she was at the present. She would have actual employment after Christmas, and until then, she would be as much use to Mrs. Briggs as possible. She may write to her friends eventually, once she had settled, but not now.

  Not yet.

  David sat back in his chair, exhaling in irritation. “Well, Anna returned to Ashby House, for whatever that’s worth. She is a vain, puffed up girl with venom in her veins, and she proved that all too well. Still, only a few more weeks in Ashby House with her, and she’ll be off somewhere again. And when my sister is returned to our family, having made no lasting friends nor matches, and failing to secure my aunt’s willingness to sponsor her again, Lady Ashby will welcome you back with open arms, and a proper salary.”

  “She is very kind,” Caroline murmured, smiling fondly. “Please assure her that I will accept, and that I miss her so terribly.”

  Now David smiled at her. “I will. She misses you as well and bemoans your loss on a regular basis. It makes Anna furious. I love it.”

  Caroline bit back a laugh, covering her mouth.

  David shook his head. “So, you can laugh after all. I wondered if you did.”

  “Yes, I can laugh,” Caroline replied softly, her mind turning to Mr. Debenham in a moment. “I am only particular as to when I do. And with whom.”

  There was a lingering moment of silence, and David’s expression told Caroline he knew only too well where her thoughts lay.

  But he said nothing about it, and neither did she.

  “Will you keep a secret if I tell you?” he asked suddenly, his smile growing.

  Caroline looked at him in surprise. “Of course, I will.”

  He nodded once. “I have given my heart away, Caroline. Entirely and without reservation. And you will appreciate this for what it is worth and what it means, but she is the daughter of a sea captain from Bristol.”

  Caroline gaped at him, torn between delight and horror. “David…”

  David grinned at her sheepishly. “A poor girl with no dowry at all, but the sweetest temperament I have ever found. I met her by pure chance while I was there before the season, and I cannot get her out of my head. We have been writing to each other constantly since we have been parted as part of our courtship, and I am convinced that she is my better half. I fear ever being able to bring her into my family, knowing the nature of positions and stations as I do. What if she should never be accepted despite her wonderful nature?”

  “All very valid thoughts,” Caroline said, more to herself than to anyone else.

  “You have settled many of those fears, you know.”

  She reared back. “Pardon?”

  He nodded fervently. “You have given me hope, in your situation. My sister may never fully accept it, but that is her loss, not mine. And after seeing my aunt with you, I confessed the whole thing to Lady Ashby just last night. She has led me to believe that she would not be averse to meeting her. I cannot tell you how much that has encouraged for the future with Bess and myself.”

  Caroline could not help but to smile at him, even if that smile did not linger. “I am relieved if I am proof that stations mean less than nature,” she told him with all the warmth in the world. “But I must remind you that the world is not nearly so kind nor understanding as your aunt, nor Mr. Debenham. Anyone who had seen me in any of the ballrooms this Season would attest to that.”

  David smiled and said, “Deb told me people would think me unconventional and unprincipled to do such a thing. And then he said ‘To hell with convention and principle, Sheffield. Marry her, and damn the rest of them’.” He shrugged with a grin. “I am inclined to agree, and now have the strength to do so, if she will have such a coward as I.”

  There was nothing cowardly at all in David Sheffield, but Caroline smiled all the same. “Well, if she should find any difficulty in doing so, send her to me. I shall set her to rights soon enough.”

  He seemed surprised. “You would speak for me?” he asked, tilting his head curiously. “And support such a difference in station and situation?”

  Caroline found herself surprised by his surprise. “Of course.”

  “And yet you rebuffed Deb.”

  A painful wince flashed across Caroline’s face, bringing a matching slash of agony across her chest. She looked away with a rough swallow. “It was right.”

  “No, I think not,” he persisted, leaning forward to take her hand. “Caroline, if I can have my Bess, why can you not have Deb?”

  “It is not that simple,” she informed him, feeling her heart crack. “Bess only lacks fortune, but her father is respectable. My former f
ortune was from trade. My father is a drunk merchant who gambles, whores, and steals fortunes. I was illiterate until I was twelve, and my language and accent are so coarse I would be barred from any parlor in my natural state. Miss Bell’s school only taught me how to hide the truth of myself. It not a mere step of station. It is a flying leap of inhuman dimension.”

  “He doesn’t see it that way,” David murmured, squeezing her hands, “and nor do I.”

  “Your blindness is not my misfortune,” Caroline whispered, “but yours.”

  David shook his head and released her hands. “I will not let you speak further on this topic. We are sure to disagree. Tell me how you are getting on here.”

  Caroline was grateful for the change in topic. She dared not tell him the truth of her heart, that she ached for Will, that her nights were filled with tears for the pain, that she ought to have tried when she at least had a fortune of respectability. Now to have nothing, not even hope, was crushing in its devastation.

  She only shrugged. “I am well and whole, and I am working hard to earn my board with Mrs. Briggs, though she is loath to let me. ‘Ye be a fine lady now, Caro, and ‘tain’t right to work ‘ee so.’ “

  David chuckled at the impression. “Spot on, very good.”

  “She is such a dear,” Caroline said with a sigh, “but I am no fine lady, and I never shall be. I only ever pretended at one.”

  “Not so, my dear,” David scolded gently. “Not so.”

  But it was so. It always had been, now more than ever. Her future was not so bleak as it might have once been. She would be a companion to Lady Ashby in truth soon, and that was a very respectable position for a girl. She may even yet hope for that quiet country curate.

  If her heart could let go.

  * * *

  Pacing was not a gentlemanly habit. Will had been told this all his life.

  He had never managed to rid himself of the habit, so it seemed that he was not, after all, a perfect gentleman.

  He could not have cared less about that at this moment. He’d give up absolutely everything he had ever wanted before he’d met Caroline Perkins just to have her.

  It had taken him long enough to put the pieces together of what had happened and finally take charge of what he wanted in life. Now he was pacing as he waited for the last and most crucial piece of the puzzle to come down.

  He’d taken great care not to leave his name when he had come, not sure how she would respond to his visit.

  Her reaction would tell him everything he needed to know. After her vanishing in the early morning hours at Parkway Manor, taking his heart with her, Will had doubted everything he had ever felt or thought. He had blamed himself for frightening her off after their liaison in the library, for pressing his suit with too much vigor, for anything and everything he thought could possibly have caused her flight.

  Will had avoided Sheffield and everything to do with Caroline for days, and then he’d shook himself from the fog of his stupidity, determined to discover the truth and recover something, if he could.

  Now, at last, he was here.

  Here was where she had fled, back to where her story had begun. Where she saw herself as ever belonging, despite all that she had accomplished and become. He could almost see the attraction, given the hum of activity and the relative anonymity of the place.

  But not for Caroline.

  Not for them.

  Mrs. Briggs, lovely and warm woman that he took her to be, had scurried away not long ago to fetch Caroline, and he wondered if she were spending the time gossiping up there while he was fair perishing down here.

  But then he heard footsteps, and he turned to face the door, clasping his hands behind him in an attempt to look calm.

  In truth, he was anything but.

  Caroline entered the parlor and froze, her eyes latching onto him, her breath faltering. She was more radiant than he remembered, if a little gaunt for his taste, looking as lovely and perfect as she ever did. Her hair was plaited simply, saving the smallest crown encircling her head, and her gown was plain and threadbare. Still, to him, she was ever the goddess of his heart.

  He couldn’t say a word; everything was beyond expression.

  He nearly smiled when Caroline swallowed, and her legs shifted beneath her skirts as though she would flee the room. “I would chase you,” he murmured, answering the action she could have been contemplating.

  The widening of her eyes told him his impression had been correct.

  Still Caroline stared, and something in her expression softened and turned tender, her fingers slowly curling and uncurling at her sides. He prayed that could only mean she wanted to fly at him. Wanted him to sweep her up. Wanted his arms around her.

  Taking a chance, he smiled slightly. “I would oblige you.”

  She released a rough exhale by way of answer, and Will knew then that he was lost. He knew her as intimately as he knew himself, and there would be no other for him ever.

  Her lips formed the beginning of a question, her eyes beginning to swim, but no sound emerged from her.

  “Why am I here?” he asked, taking pity on her and vocalizing the question she did not ask.

  Caroline nodded shakily.

  Will shook his head slowly. “My darling Caroline is it not clear enough?” he said in a low, almost rumbling voice he felt it in his chest. “I will only be where you are. There is nothing I want more than to be with you.”

  “You can’t,” she replied, her voice trembling as a stray tear fell from her eyes.

  He stepped towards her with care. “You will not let me? You do not want me? Or you think I cannot feel as I do?”

  “I… I…” She could not find the words, it seemed, even as her eyes remained on his, unmoving and barely blinking.

  He smiled, loving her for all the ignorance of her own majesty. “Do you know what hurts me the most?”

  She did not answer, though her breathing became fairly erratic as he approached.

  “You are content to torment me for eternity because you think so low of yourself.” He shook his head slowly, the pain of the last few weeks resurfacing. “When you left Parkway Manor, without a word, without seeing me, without… I thought you were fleeing me, Caroline. I thought I had gone too far, presumed too much, that you could never care for me as I did for you.”

  “No,” Caroline breathed, the word catching on a hiccup that made his pulse jump with hope.

  Will wet his lips, his own emotions rising. “But I knew what I felt,” he continued, his voice lower and a bit strained. “I knew how you had captivated me from the first, how all this time I have struggled against it, not for your station or your past or anything you might think, but because it seemed so impossible to hope.” He continued slowly towards her, giving her every opportunity to flee if she chose. “I have loved you, my sweet Caroline, for so long, and yet so very brief. I have loved you when you were rich, I have loved you when you were poor, I have loved you when you had little accomplishment, I have loved you when you took London by storm…”

  Caroline released a soft scoffing sound, then covered her mouth, and he smiled very briefly at the sign of humor in her.

  “I have loved you when you were sad,” he murmured, coming ever closer, “and when you were so filled with joy it stole my breath. I have loved you, my love, as every man dares to imagine he can. You, who are so blind to the truth of who you are, who will ever need reminding of your worth, who will ever rise above all limitations… It is you and you alone. It was always and will always be you for me.”

  He stopped before her, the distance enough that they did not touch, but it could be easily remedied.

  “I want nothing more than to have you, Caroline,” he said, his eyes tracing her features as if his fingers did so, “as my wife, my lover, the mother of my children, the dream of my nights, the joy of my days… I will have you in any way that I can. You or no one. I will ask you every day for the rest of our lives because I love you too much to bear a sing
le day without you knowing it. So, if you can find a place in that warm and generous heart of yours for me, will you have me as well?”

  Caroline shook from head to toe at this point, and tears coursed down her cheeks unchecked. She opened her mouth to speak, but all that came was one broken gasp of a sob.

  Will reached out to brush her tears away, her skin like the warmth of the sun. “Oh, my darling.” He cupped her face in his hands, stepping closer and gazing deeply into her eyes. “Caroline, I beg you… Say yes.”

  She immediately crumpled in his hold and buried her face against him. “Yes,” she cried, the word muffled against his coat. “Oh, yes.” She shuddered in his hold, clinging to him desperately.

  Exhaling a slow sigh of relief, Will wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, letting her cry. He tilted her head back and ran his lips tenderly over her face, tracing the path of every tear, then settling his mouth on her own.

  She responded at once, leaving him in no doubt that the last few days and weeks had been just as much of an agony for her. She matched him in yearning and seemed to be reaching for something within him. It was the very same thing he sought in her, and they had a lifetime to find it. To keep finding it. To treasure it.

  Her legs soon gave out, and he swept her up in his arms, carrying her to Mrs. Briggs’ settee, and settling there with her. He stroked her hair and kissed her gently, over and over again, grazing and brushing kisses that spoke of everything that had passed and everything that would come.

  Caroline broke off suddenly, crying anew.

  “What is it, love?” he asked her tenderly, stroking her jaw. “What makes you cry so?”

  “I love you,” she whispered, shaking her head and running her fingers along his cheek. “I love you so much.”

  Will felt as if the sun had come out for the first time in his entire life and smiled at her. “And that makes you cry?”

  She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. “I can’t help it. I’m sorry.”