Flame

by J. P. Scott

  Regardless of the cause of the scars, Jonathan was slightly self-conscious about them. Was that why he had kept his shorts on before? Had he not wanted me to see these scars? Did he think I would find them repulsive? Or did exposing them make him remember a memory of how he got them? A memory he wanted to keep out of sight and out of mind?

  He walked to the couch to the midway point, knelt on the ground, leaned over and found the tip of my cock with his mouth. He sucked in and moved down my shaft, swallowing me to the base of my cock.

  I grabbed the back of his head as I arched my back. Tingles spread from my cock through my body. He had to feel them leap from my finger tips and to his scalp. “Oh, Jonathan. Fuck.”

  He did not stop sucking and stroking my cock with his mouth. His right hand found my nipple and he rubbed it between two fingers. With his left hand, he massaged my balls and the hair that I had neglected to shave. It tickled. I wanted to both laugh and scream with pleasure as he created sensations all over my body.

  Finally, he came up for air and winked at me. “I’m pretty good without toys, too.”

  “You sure are.” I pushed myself up to a sitting position. “Now let me show you what I can do. Stand up.”

  Now it was Jonathan’s turn to obey a command. He stood and stepped to the side so that his cock was lined up with my face. His cock had swelled and extended in front of him, ready for me to take it. I put my mouth around the head and began to bob, each time getting lower down the shaft. He filled my mouth and I struggled to get air through my nose.

  “That’s it. Keep going. Get all the way down.”

  I started to gag as he reached the back of my throat. He pressed into me, urging his cock further back. I gagged more and coughed. I wanted to take it, but found my throat reacting against it. I pulled back but kept him in my mouth. I did a few short strokes to wet his shaft and then attempted to go down past where I had been before, hoping the saliva would make the movement easy and that my muscles would relax to allow him to go deeper into me. I began to cough and gag again and my eyes began to leak tears.

  “You can do it. You’re almost there.”

  I pulled back again, working the head with my tongue. I tried to regulate my breathing and relax the muscles that desperately wanted to spasm. I attempted one more time to make it down his shaft. The gagging started again, but I willed myself to hold it the position.

  “Yes, yes, Josh. That’s it.”

  I pulled back again as the coughing increased. Jonathan’s cock dripped with saliva. As I pulled all the way back, a string of saliva connected the tip of his cock with my mouth for a brief second before it broke. I wiped the saliva from my chin. I looked up at him and his wide smile.

  “I’m close. I’ve been holding it for you all weekend.” He grabbed the hair on the top of my head with his left hand and tilted my head to the side. He began jerking with his right hand, the tip of his cock pointed to the side of my face. A few seconds he grunted and cum shot across my cheek in three bursts. “Fuck.”

  Before I could recover, he released my hair and pushed me back down on the couch. He was down again with my cock in his mouth. This time, his fingers finding their way to my ass. They started exploring in circles, but then pressing against my hole. The swiftness of the change in positions and Jonathan’s passion had my heart racing. I wanted him to go slow but was overcome with intense waves of pleasure that stopped any words from coming out of my mouth. I came quickly and Jonathan swallowed my load, humming as he sucked the last drops.

  Jonathan stood and reached out to grab my hand. He pulled me up to a standing position next to him. He kissed me on the lips and grabbed my ass to pull me closer to him. He was gruff, but the rawness of his actions excited me like no one ever had. I was more than attracted to him. My heart did flips at the thought that this man might want to spend the rest of our lives exploring each other and having incredible and unpredictable sex with each other.

  Was it too early to call it love?

  Chapter Eighteen

  We had crawled into bed and kissed and snuggled together. His body was warm and inviting. I let him hold me as I curled up against him, my back to his chest, my ass to this cock.

  “What did you do this weekend?”

  “Not much really. Some stuff around the office, but nothing very productive. I did a lot of looking up here to see if you were home.”

  “Sorry. It made more sense to stay in Payson. I could have called to let you know.”

  “Don’t worry about it. There’s no reason you should’ve had to do that. We messed around, but it’s not like we’re dating or anything.”

  Jonathan chuckled. “It’s clear you were looking for a booty call.”

  He was not wrong, but it was more than that. A booty call, a trick, a hook up—those did not mean anything. I had felt something with Jonathan the night he cuffed me to the bed. I had felt again as we undressed and played on the couch. I would not be cuddling with him if I did not want more than just sex.

  “And when you weren’t working, what did you do? Read? Watch a movie? What is there to do up here on the weekend?”

  “Well, truth be told, I got a little drunk at the restaurant. It was just Cody and me and he started serving shots.”

  “Huh. You were getting drunk with that hot guy at the restaurant? Should I be jealous?”

  How much should I tell him about my night getting drunk at the restaurant? What would he think if I told him that Cody helped me get home and slept in my bed? Nothing happened, but would he think something had? Would he be mad? Jealous? Gay men could have dramatic reactions, no matter where it fell on the scale for the type of reaction. Jonathan did not really seem the jealous type, but it was hard to tell. I barely knew him.

  “No, you shouldn’t be jealous. It wasn’t long ago that I was one of Cody’s least favorite people. I think that has changed and he does more than just tolerate me. Heck, we might even be friends at this point.” I paused, trying to sense if Jonathan was angry in any way. He continued to hold me, rubbing my arm with his fingers. “He did have to help me get home and put me to bed. He spent the night.”

  “Oh, really?” No anger in the question, but curiosity. “Did you get to see him naked?”

  I jabbed back my elbow into his side, “No, clothes stayed on. Like I said, nothing happened.”

  “Well, that’s too bad. I bet he looks good naked.”

  “Hmmm, should I be worried? Are you going to leave me for Cody?”

  “You’re already a spring chicken compared to me. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be with someone so young. At least not for a relationship or anything meaningful.”

  Did that mean he was looking for a real relationship? Did I fit the bill for someone he would want to be with? Those were definitely the signals he had been sending, but I had learned over the years that signals could be wrong and that men changed their minds all the time.

  Jonathan continued his thoughts about Cody, “Now, if the opportunity came up, I can’t say that I would turn him down. We seem to both enjoy toys. There were a lot in that drawer to keep things interesting for a long time.”

  “Have any of your own?”

  “I have a few in my camper. Some old favorites. There’s not much room in there to keep much, so whatever I pack, it has to be useful.”

  I turned so my back was on the mattress and I could look at Jonathan with a turned head. “I’m curious as to what has earned the right to be included in the space.”

  “I’m sure we will make good time this summer using all of those toys. And maybe we can go get some more. I feel like there’s always something new and fun on the market.”

  Jonathan also moved on to his back and I snuggled in close to him. I listened to Jonathan’s breathing and watched his chest rise and fall. Through the window I could see that the sun was setting and darkness was creeping through the forest. However, it felt much later. Jonathan must feel the same way, because a few minutes later he was beginning to sn
ore.

  We should probably get up and head down to George’s cabin. We could have dinner together and cuddle on the couch in front of the TV for a while. Then we could retire to my bedroom and work on exploring each other some more. There was lube there and I could work on taking him inside me. If nothing else, I could break out some toys and Jonathan could work on breaking in my hole.

  The thought of Jonathan being in my room with me felt so right. I wanted him there, not just for sex, but to stay. I wanted him to think of it as his place and move out of the camper. Until the end of summer? Until he was done with the projects? Until I sold the property? Was there going to be an end to what was happening between us? I hoped not. If a buyer for the cabins came forward and the property sold, maybe Jonathan would come to New York with me.

  Or would I want to stay here? I had been itching to leave Arizona since the moment I had landed. It felt foreign to the world that I was used to. Phoenix was a large city, but it did not have the same city feel as New York. Driving up from the Valley had been like exploring a strange, new world. I had never seen saguaro cactus in real life before or seen such a dramatic drop in land that the Mogollon Rim displayed. Besides the dramatic landscape, living in a small town—and not even a real town—had been such a culture shock.

  This was all supposed to be temporary. I would get George the help that he needed and return to my life. At the time, that included life with Ethan. And now? What would I be returning back to New York for? No one was really waiting for me there. Was there anything else about the city that would draw me back? Or would I get there and feel incomplete?

  Would I enjoy living in Arizona full time? Could I find happiness living in such a rural area? If things continued to go well with Jonathan, would he want to live here or would he be open to living in more of a city? The sprawling suburbs of Phoenix did not seem like it would be home for him. Maybe there was an alternative. Payson? Somewhere else?

  He had been in Colorado. Maybe there were options there that would feel like home for both of us.

  Maybe I needed to pump the breaks. There was a lot to happen before planning a life with someone. Like having sex for a third time. I looked at Jonathan, who was deep in slumber. I would let him sleep…for now.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I only expected to be sleeping for a few minutes. When I woke, the room was extremely dark, with only a small swath of moonlight breaking through the window panes. I had no idea what time it was. I reached over to the bed next to me and felt nothing but the sheets and comforter. Jonathan had gotten up and left.

  I stepped out of bed, cautiously stepping towards what I hoped was the door to the main part of the cabin. My hands, outstretched in front of me, found the door jam and I stepped through. Moonlight helped to create outlines of furniture in the room and the shape of Jonathan sitting on the couch, hunched over with his face in his hands.

  “Jonathan, what are you doing?”

  He popped his head up. “Oh, just sitting and thinking. I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “Can you help me find a light?”

  A lamp next to the couch turned on with Jonathan’s help. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the change in light. I joined Jonathan on the couch, both of us naked. He leaned back on the couch and pushed his butt forward until it was close to the edge. He legs were wide apart and his flaccid cock hung down in between. I was tempted to keep my focus there, but turned my gaze up to his face.

  “Is everything okay? Have you been crying?”

  “Is it that obvious?” Jonathan rubbed his left eye with a hand, wiping it clear of moisture. The skin around his eyes were puffy and red.

  “What’s wrong? What happened? When I fell asleep you were next to me and seemed to be dreaming peacefully.

  Jonathan shook his head. “No, nothing happened. I just…I just got a little caught up in my own thoughts.”

  I put my hand on his arm. I wanted to help ease his pain but had no idea what had caused this change in mood. I had only seen Jonathan as a cocky and confident man. A man in control of himself and who wanted to call the shots for me. This vulnerability and emotion were an unexpected change.

  “Those must be some thoughts. Can you talk to me about it?”

  He looked at me. “I need to explain what I was doing this weekend. I need you to know the truth.”

  My heartbeat quickened. There had been something strange about the weekend and a secret that Jonathan had not wanted me to know. Was he feeling guilt about something that he had done? Was there someone else that he had spent the weekend with? Had I let myself start to feel things for him that he would not be able to fully return?

  “You need to know that I’m an alcoholic. I go to AA and spent the weekend attending meetings down in Payson.”

  “Meetings? You were at meetings all weekend?” That was not what I had expected. I had known many people over the years who had battled addiction of one kind or another and attended meetings for one twelve-step program or another. It was important to surround yourself with people who knew your struggles and attend meetings to share what was happening to you and listen to others.

  “Yeah. Since I moved back, I’ve been needing to go and get connected with local groups. Working up here, it is hard to get to a meeting on a regular basis. I have to drive down to Payson. I figured if I worked hard all week, I could hit the meetings hard on the weekend. If I met some cool people, I could get some contacts that I could call during the week.”

  “That’s smart. I know that’s an important part of keeping yourself on the right track. Did you meet some people you can call?”

  He nodded, “I did. There’s a good group of people there. I made it in time for the seven o’clock meeting. I chatted with some people after and we went to dinner. That rolled into attending the late-night session at ten. By that time, it was too late to drive home and I parked outside one of the guy’s houses. I went to some meetings Saturday morning and then to a picnic they were having at one of the parks.”

  “It sounds like a busy weekend. I’m glad you were able to make some connections.” But why had he been crying? “Did something else happen that would make you so upset?”

  “No, nothing happened. Well, nothing but having a wondering evening with you. Ever since I went to Colorado to get clean, I haven’t been with anyone that I was really attracted to. Everything had been casual and removed from emotions. You’ve been different. You don’t know it, but you have really shaken my world.”

  Jonathan had certainly no let on what he was thinking and feeling so many things. “And you have shaken mine.” I wanted him to know that I was feeling things deeply, too.

  “When I woke up and started thinking about you, about us, about what it might mean for you to live with someone who is an alcoholic. That’s a lot to put on a relationship.”

  I smiled, “All relationships have struggles. Know that I want to help you with your recovery in any way that I can.” I thought about the night I walked up to the cabin with a case of beer. Then there was the night I got drunk with Cody. I would need to be more thoughtful about my own actions and how that might affect Jonathan.

  “But, what has me more upset is the fear that you might leave me.”

  Those words hit me hard. Why would he think I would leave him? Did he think that I could not handle his addiction or the obligations he had because of his recovery?

  “Why do you think I’ll leave you?

  “It’s me being crazy. I’m starting to have really strong feelings for you. Feeling that I haven’t had in years. I once was so madly in love with another man. I thought we were going to be together for ever. But he decided that he couldn’t be with me. Ever since, when I’ve felt myself get the teeniest bit close to anyone, I start thinking they are going to leave me. You would think that after fifteen years I would be over it.”

  I leaned closer and put my head on his shoulder. What could I tell him? It seemed too early to make any promises about the future. My whole plan was to f
ind a way to get out of here. I felt like my life was meant to be somewhere else. Could Jonathan fit in that life? Or would he want to be here and settle down?

  “Maybe you’ll have to keep me tied to the bed.” Humor seemed to be the best course of action. I wanted to do more to allay his fears, but I did not want to lie to him. Besides, we had not even had a date yet. How could we be thinking beyond the here and now?

  “That I can do.”

  He put his arm around me and pulled me close. He seemed relaxed now, free from the worry that had stressed him out. For right now, it was just us. The world was locked outside. If only things could stay this way.

  “We should probably figure out dinner. I’m starving.” I looked around, “What time is it anyway?”

  “It’s late. I don’t think I have much in my camper in the way of dinner right now.”

  There was stuff down in George’s kitchen. If we got dressed, we could head down there. It would be a shame not to see him naked, but it would be fun getting him undressed again.

  “Why don’t you stay over at my place tonight.”

  He smiled, “I’d like that. And I promise, no more tears.”

  “Cry all you want. Just promise me that if here is something bothering you, we will talk about it.”

  “That’s a deal.

  Chapter Twenty

  Jonathan was stacking boxes in the corner of the back office when I came in a few days later. Dinner had turned to staying over. Staying over turned into play time. Play time convinced us both that the smartest thing he could do was move out of the camper and in with me. The boxes were things he had kept stored in the camper with him. Seeing the stack now, I could not image where it all fit.

  “I’ll find a better place for this, I swear. I actually need to go through things a pitch stuff anyway. It’s weird how much stuff you can carry around for no real reason other than it is your stuff and it was important once.”