Flame

by J. P. Scott

  “Really? Why not?”

  “Too busy having sex.”

  Cody choked on the sip of vodka he had taken. “I see. Well, I guess that would be a good excuse.”

  “We’re going to stay in contact. If he’s able to get stable and maintain his sobriety, we will see what our options are. It doesn’t seem like he can be here…and until I figure out what is happening with this place and with George, I’m stuck here and can’t go anywhere else. That makes it hard to have a plan.”

  “Do plans ever work out?”

  I shrugged, “They must. Everyone talks about having one. What about you? You have a plan. You’re working to go to school, you’ve got a sexy, famous writer boyfriend.”

  Cody’s smile faded, “No, I don’t.”

  “What part did I get wrong?”

  “Alex and I broke up.”

  The news hit me hard. When had this happened? Why had this happened? I thought about the kiss. Had I messed up their relationship?

  “Every time we talked on the phone, there was always some delay to his coming back. Another speaking opportunity. Another conference. Another gig to promote his book. The latest was discussions with Hollywood execs on turning on of his books into a movie or a short series. Suddenly, he’s the hottest thing out there.”

  “That seems like a good thing. A working, successful boyfriend can create great opportunities.”

  “It’s not the opportunities that I want. I want to see him. I want to have dinner with him. I want to hear him singing in the shower. It’s not a relationship when he’s hundreds of miles away and all we can do is text each other. “

  “And that means you break up? You two are good together.”

  “We were…when he was here. Since he went away, things have been off. I’m not sure I can live like that. I’d rather be alone than struggling to make things work. He’s like an apparition. I don’t even know if I’m in a relationship with him…or just the idea of what I think he is.” The chopping of the vegetables had gotten increasingly louder.

  “Long distance is tough, especially if you don’t have the chance to really connect from time to time. I get it.” Even being away from Ethan had been tough. If there had been real love involved, it would have been a nightmare. “Breaking it off was probably a smart decision. A tough decision, but probably the right one.”

  We finished our meal prep and filled out drinks. “Board game? Movie?”

  Cody shrugged, “I don’t know. Movie, I guess?”

  I walked over to George’s stash of VHS and grabbed two at random. I held them behind my back, one in each hand. “Left or right?”

  “Right.”

  I pulled the move out and we both looked together. “Ghostbusters. Not bad.”

  Cody settled into a spot on the couch while I got the move ready. “I don’t even know the last time I saw a DVD/VHS combo player. Do they still make these?”

  “I think George owns the last one.”

  The movie began to play and I found my spot on the other end of the couch. “Thanks for hanging out with me tonight.”

  “Thanks for putting an end to my rampage.”

  “I guess that’s what friends are for.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  My head was pounding as I woke up. I could tell by the light that it was morning, but I could not remember even going to bed. The fact that I was in bed was amazing. The sheets, the comforter, and a warm body to cuddle with. I knew I could stay there all day.

  Then I realized there should not be a warm body to cuddle with.

  I forced my eyes open despite the light. I was staring at blond hair. Cody was in my bed.

  What had happened last night? Dinner, movie, lots of vodka. But how did we end up here?

  Cody stirred, “You’re poking me.”

  My morning wood was definitely pressed up against him. I start to pull away, “I’m sorry.”

  Cody grabs my arm, “I’m okay with it.”

  I continue to pull back, “Dude, what’s going on. I don’t even remember coming to bed.”

  He rolls over and looks at me while I shift in the bed to get comfortable on my back. “We drank a lot last night.”

  “Just like before…but this time we’re both naked.”

  “As far as I know, nothing happened.”

  Cody nodded in agreement. “You missed your chance, I guess.”

  We had now woken up in bed together after a night of drinking. That was not a good precedent. It did not bode well that we had also not had sex. How was it possible to be so close and naked ot a cute young man like this and not get anything.

  I reached for my watch to check the time. “I have to jump in the shower. Mind if I go first? Or do you need to get to the restaurant?”

  “No, I can go next.”

  I looked around for anything that I could wrap around myself…a towel, t-shirt, shorts, underwear. There was nothing in sight.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t look.”

  I slid out from under the covers and dashed to the bathroom. I was not sure why I was so shy around Cody. What if he saw me naked? What if he saw my erection? We were both gay men. It was not as if we had not seen all of this and more.

  But there was the kiss we had shared. It had electrified me. He was not just some other man that might see me naked. He was one of the men that had gotten me a little heated. Waking up with my dick pressed against him and raging hard did not make the situation easier or more clear.

  I started the shower and waited for the water to warm. I should not be having thoughts about Cody. Jonathan was less than a day gone. Still, he had felt warm and perfect in my arms. My hard on would not go away. As I lathered up with body wash, I jerked my cock. Was it because Cody was there—or was I just needing the touch of someone right now? I imagined Jonathan was with me and finished myself off as quickly as I could. I did not want any image or fantasy of Cody to creep in.

  After the shower, I grabbed my robe from the hook to cover myself. I opened the door to the bedroom and found it empty. Cody must have left or was getting coffee in George’s house. I made quick work at getting dressed. I headed through the back office to the front office where Cody stood at the registration counter.

  “Where did you get these?”

  Cody was sitting on the bed with the box and Jonathan’s letters in his lap.

  “Those are Jonathan’s. What are you doing with those?”

  “I accidentally kicked the box when I was making the bed. When I bent down to collect the box and put it back, I saw the letters inside. The return address on the envelope. It’s my parent’s house.”

  I had stormed towards him, but now stopped. Shell-shocked by the news. “They were sent from your house?” Was “G” a member of Cody’s family? My mind searched for a way to make all of this make sense, “Did you live in that house fifteen years ago? On the date of the postmark?”

  Cody looked down at the envelope and then back up at me. He nodded.

  “Who in your family has the initial ‘G’ for a first name?”

  He blinked, thinking. “My brothers all have ‘C’ names like this, my mother is Marilyn, and my dad….” Cody’s face scrunched in a quizzical look. “Why on earth would my dad send letters to Jonathan? It doesn’t seem like him to write anything to anyone.”

  “What is his name?”

  “It’s Calvin. He was named after his dad. He doesn’t go by it, though. He always went by his middle name, Glen.”

  Could Cody’s dad be Jonathan’s former lover? They had been drinking buddies. Had there been more to it? And why had they broken up? Cody’s dad had stayed with his mom. Did she know what happened? That would explain her reaction to see Jonathan again after all these years.

  Cody was sifting through the letters, creating various stacks.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m putting them in order. I think I should read them, and I want to do it from the beginning.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

&
nbsp; Cody and I read through the letters, often skipping the parts that were mundane. We were looking for any clue to confirm that they were written by Glen, and why the relationship had broken up. When we finished, Cody showered and dressed and headed off to work. I said I would try to stop by the restaurant later to talk. He barely mumbled replies as he moved around the house and headed out the door.

  The whole thing seemed unreal to me. I wanted to speak to Jonathan as soon as I could. I dialed his work number and left a message, hoping he would be checking that at some point while he drove up to Colorado.

  I jumped when the office phone rang ten minutes later, “Hello? Jonathan?”

  “No, it’s me, George. Is that really how you answer the office phone? What if I had been a customer?”

  He was right, there was a standard greeting. “Sorry, George, I was just expecting Jonathan to be calling. I don’t usually answer like that.”

  “No wonder why the place is going under.”

  I answered his sarcasm with my own, “Yes, that’s the reason this place isn’t making enough money. I’ll call Nancy and tell her that we aren’t selling.”

  George grunted. “That’s actually why I called.”

  He normally waited for me to call him. His initiating the call signaled that he had some to some sort of decision. “What is it, George?”

  “I think I’ve decided to sell. The whole thing. I don’t think I could stand to live on only a parcel of the property and see it change or operated by someone else. I’d like to try to find a buyer for the whole thing. If by this time next year we don’t have a buyer, I’d like to explore selling it off in pieces.”

  “And are we staying open for business during that time?”

  “You told me yourself that it would help make the property more attractive if we could show income and not lose regular clients.”

  I had said that. The reality was, a year was a long time for me to stay running the place. The doctors were still deciding on George’s best course of action. Most plans had him moving into a long-term care facility. He would not be able to run this place on his own, even during the slowest times of the year. It would have to be me. Was I ready to stay around for so long? It meant I could not move to Colorado with Jonathan. If he stayed there, it cemented the reality that we would not be ale to see each other for a long time. Would we grow apart? Or could we keep the passion between us ignited somehow?

  “I know you don’t want to stay. We can look for someone else to run the place in the meantime.”

  “I’ve run the numbers, George. It doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

  “We’ll find a solution. I know we will. You’ve been so good to me, taking care of everything when you didn’t have to. You shouldn’t have to be locked in to staying. I believe if we start moving forward with a plan, the rest will work itself out.”

  “And if it doesn’t?”

  “Then I will accept any choice you make about staying or going. If we have to shut the place down, we will.”

  I shook my head, “George. That’s not necessary.”

  “I’ve thought a lot about it. You have a life you’ve got to live. It would break my heart more knowing that you put important things on hold. In the scheme of things, those are more important than the vacation cabins. It was a great life with Anna running the place. She’s gone, I’m sick. The cabins are just places. They’re not the memories of the life I had. Those memories are with me, not locked in a place.”

  George’s voice was shaking. I imagined he was crying as he forced himself to say this. He may not fully believe his own words, but he was trying to do the right thing.

  Now that I knew George’s wishes, the ball was in my court to decide what I wanted. Would I stay until the place was sold? Or would I set a date for when I could move to be with Jonathan?

  “We’ll get your place sold, George, and for the best price we can. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll call Nancy and get something set up to start listing and get papers signed and all that.”

  “Thank you, Josh. You’re a good kid.”

  “And we can make any other decisions later, if we need to. Right now, I’m staying put and taking care of things.”

  We said our goodbyes and hung up. I now had plenty to do to keep me distracted from missing Jonathan and the revelations about Cody’s dad. I needed to get the ball rolling with Nancy and somehow find someone to take Jonathan’s place doing repairs. I doubted I would be able to find someone who would work for as little as he had, nor anyone who was a sexy.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  I waited until late to head to the restaurant. I hoped that Cody was still there and that there were few other patrons. We had a lot to talk about and I did not want anyone to overhear. It was possible that we were wrong about Cody’s dad. If the wrong person overheard the wrong thing, we might start a rumor that would do harm.

  I was also worried about inviting Cody over. I did not really understand what had happened between us or what the kiss we had shared really meant. I also was concerned that we had ended up sleeping in bed together twice. Was it just the alcohol? Or would there be a time when we were sober that we would decide to get into bed. That would certainly be more than a night of snoring and cuddling. Talking at the restaurant and then going our separate ways seemed like a good idea.

  There was no one else at the bar and I grabbed a seat on the far end. Cody must have heard me come in, because he stepped out from the back within seconds.

  “I’ve been dreading seeing you.”

  “Are we back to that phase in our relationship?”

  “It has nothing to do with you, but having to deal with all of this. I don’t want to have these conversations.”

  He pointed to the vodka and I nodded. I promised myself it would just be one.

  “Did you talk to your mom?”

  He nodded and then shrugged, “She wouldn’t tell me anything. If it had been anyone else asking, I think she would have hung up. She just cried.”

  “I’m sorry. That’s got to hurt to know that she is in pain. What are you going to do next?”

  “I’ve thought about going to confront my dad.”

  Cody walked around the bar and sat next to me. He looked at his watch. “When we close, it’s going to be hard not to drive over there and have it out with him.”

  “What would you say?”

  “That’s just it. I don’t know. I guess I’ve been mad that whatever happened hurt my mom so much. But I never thought it would be anything like this. Now, it’s got the layer that my dad has never liked that I was gay…and he had a full-blown affair with a man.”

  It always seemed that the people who had the biggest problems with gay people ended out being in the closet and acting out. It was not surprising that if he had decided to stay married, he would want to hide who he really was. To have a son that was gay and open about it would just be a reminder of what he had given up.

  “I feel like I give you the same advice all the time. Maybe you should sit on it for a couple days. Let all of this sink in. I’ve left Jonathan a message. I assume once he gets to Colorado, he will call me and I can ask him about it. Maybe we are wrong.”

  “You think there could have been someone else that wrote those letters?”

  I shrugged, “It’s hard to say. But it may be worth waiting. There may be something else to the story. And if there isn’t, if what we think happened is true, then I think the conversation you have with your dad needs to be less about anger, but more about trying to see things from his perspective. It sounds like he’s made all the wrong choices in life about drinking and how he treats people. Maybe because he’s scared that people will find out that he is gay. It’s fucked up and twisted, but that could be the motivation.”

  “And what? I’m supposed to be all about forgiveness for the years that he’s mistreated me and my mom? It sucked growing up in the house and not feeling love.”

  I nudged him with my elbow. “Hey, you don’t have to do any
thing. All I know is you’ve always wanted to have a better relationship with him. Maybe you can. Maybe there’s hope that he will change once he knows that he can come out and be accepted.”

  “That sounds like an impossible dream.”

  I agreed with him. “You’re also talking to the guy who is trying to save his uncle’s dying business. Sometimes we do things out of love.”

  “I shouldn’t have to be the adult.”

  “You’re right. But thank god you are capable of being that person.”

  He was silent for a few minutes, taking it all in. I finished my drink and laid some money on the bar.

  “Only one tonight?”

  “Yes, I don’t think I need to wake up naked with you in the morning.”

  “You make it sound like it is a bad thing.”

  I stood up and started walking to the door. “It’s always been a good thing. Just not the right time for that good thing. Maybe someday, Cody.” I walked out into the night and breathed a sigh of relief. It was true, Cody was a good guy and would probably be a fun boyfriend. But where was my heart? It was with a man who was headed north on some highway to Colorado. Somewhere he could heal.

  The gravel beneath my feet on the walk home seemed to echo in the night. Sounds changed so much once the sun went down. As I walked, I remembered a night I had walked home with Alex. We had kissed, and somehow, we had not ended up in bed together. I had wanted him so bad. And now? Could I even clearly picture his face? It all seemed like a lifetime ago. It was not Cody or Alex that I was longing to kiss and touch right now, it was Jonathan.

  I rounded a bend and looked up to George’s cabin, expecting to see an empty cabin waiting for me. Instead, there was a truck with a camper parked out front. Jonathan’s truck and camper.

  I ran the rest of the way to the office and knocked on the camper door. Behind me, I heard the office door open. “Hey.”

  Jonathan was wearing his camo shorts and a tank top. He was eating a sandwich and pushed the remaining bite into his mouth and wiped his hands together to get rid of the crumbs.