Rocky Mountain Daddy

by Lois Richer

  “That’s wonderful, sweetheart,” she said cheerfully, ignoring Gabe’s fierce expression. “We should always remember those we love in our dreams. You can tell me all about your dream sometime.”

  “We need to go home now. It’s late.” Gabe dropped her hand and rose, setting Eli on his feet, but offering no reason for his impromptu visit. “Good night.”

  “Eli, honey, can you go up to the house with Marina for a minute.” Olivia waved over the senior counselor. “I need to talk to your dad about something.”

  “Okay.” Eli peeked a second look at Gabe, then hurried toward Marina.

  “What is it?” Gabe demanded brusquely.

  “The other day—you said you loved me. Was it true?” Might as well get all honesty in the open tonight.

  “I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

  As declarations went, that left something to be desired. But Olivia persisted.

  “Do you love Eli, too?”

  “Of course,” Gabe was obviously irritated. “You know that. Why would you even ask?”

  “Because you just hurt your son, the child you claim to love. He wanted to tell you about his dream of his dead mother and you cut him off.”

  “I didn’t say anything,” he sputtered.

  “You didn’t have to. Your expression was enough.” Olivia hated doing this, but she had to. Facing the truth hurt but it was less costly than ignoring it. She feared that Gabe would pay dearly one of these days and she so wanted to prevent that. “I love you, too, Gabe. You’re honest and generous and caring, all the things I always longed for when I thought about loving someone.” When he would have embraced her, she held him off. “Problem is, I don’t believe you truly love me.”

  “What? Why not?” He glared at her.

  “My darling Gabe. When I think about loving you, it takes all the room in my heart. I know who you really are. There are no shadows, no memories of anyone else, no fears that you’ll hurt me as I’ve been hurt before. There’s only you, the man that I love with every part of my heart. Can you say the same?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” His blue-eyed gaze searched hers.

  “You can’t love me, Gabe, not the way I need. That’s because there’s not enough room in your heart for me. I come in second.” Though tears rolled down her cheeks, she ignored them and laid her palm on his chest, trying to soften her words. “It’s too crowded in here with the past and with anger and bitterness toward Eve. If we were together you’d constantly compare us. You’d always be afraid I was going to do what Eve did to you and you’d hold back to protect yourself.” She paused, caressed his cheek. “That’s not love, Gabe. That’s fear and it’s a horrible way to live.”

  This would end everything they’d shared, but now that Olivia had faced her past, she couldn’t go into the future with anything less than complete honesty.

  “The Bible says perfect love casts out fear. That’s what I want, what I need, Gabe. Perfect love, for me, Olivia. Love that’s not tainted by the past or anger or bitterness from someone else. I won’t accept anything less.” She stopped, suddenly aware that he hadn’t said a word. Lord? “Perfect love is what Eli needs, too, Gabe. That’s what he deserves. I believe it’s what his mother gave him, no matter what you think of her.”

  She could see Gabe didn’t like that. But she couldn’t, wouldn’t apologize.

  “God has wonderful things planned for you and me and Eli. But you can’t see it, Gabe. You’re too busy looking back, reliving the pain and anger repeatedly. Please, if not for me, then do it for your son. Forgive and trust that God has something amazing planned for your future. I love you. Goodbye.”

  After one last, painful study of his beloved face, Olivia walked to The Haven. She put on her happy face, teased her sisters, laughed with the aunties and bade Eli a sweet good-night before his father silently shepherded him out.

  But once in her room she couldn’t stop her tears.

  “It hurts, God, more than I ever thought possible. But I won’t settle for less than your best. It’s time for a new day, a new life, with You in charge. Help me?”

  One more week and then she’d leave behind The Haven, and the man and boy who’d carved a special place deep in her heart, but the memories were carved inside forever.

  Chapter Twelve

  As the end of August approached, Gabe deliberately altered his times of visiting The Haven to mesh with times when Olivia was busy elsewhere. He figured that out thanks to her big scheduling chart on the office wall.

  Avoiding her worked until Friday evening when he went to pick up Eli and read, “Last event for Olivia.”

  Gabe’s heart took a nosedive when he perused her notes about tomorrow’s treasure hunt hike for a group of ten-year-olds. He knew she’d been nervous about hosting it since the two brothers who were experienced counselors and would have accompanied her had left yesterday for a family emergency.

  Gabe figured being responsible for seven young kids with two newbie counselors would test Olivia’s determination to trust God, but he also knew there was no way she would cancel and disappoint the kids, especially given the aunts’ oft-repeated insistence that each of their guests must experience the beauty of The Haven’s wooded surroundings.

  But the schedule wasn’t the only source of Gabe’s knowledge about the treasure hunt. For the past week Eli had nagged incessantly about going along, insisting it was the only gift he wanted for his upcoming birthday. So far Gabe had refused, but today he’d learned The Haven’s hired hand, Jake, would be accompanying Olivia. Jake had been working with the program since its inception. He had plenty of experience with the youth groups who visited and with The Haven’s surroundings. He could be counted on to watch out for Eli. Today Gabe had promised Eli he’d ask Olivia’s permission for his son to accompany her on the treasure hunt.

  “Lose someone?” The object of his thoughts stood framed in the doorway. Olivia’s voice was friendly as always. Her usual smile welcomed him. But there was a reticence in her silvery gray eyes he’d not seen before. “Eli’s playing with Mikey on the climbing apparatus.”

  “I saw him, thanks.” The thought of her leaving made Gabe’s stomach clench. “I’m actually here to talk to you.”

  “Oh?” Olivia’s glance didn’t meet his. Instead, she walked to the desk, sat down behind it and folded her hands. “What can I do for you, Gabe?”

  “Eli’s been bugging me to go on your treasure hunt tomorrow. I know he’s way younger than the others and I’ve told him no a hundred times, but he keeps saying that’s the only thing he wants for his birthday, so I was wondering...” This wasn’t as easy as he’d expected. Because of that invisible wall between them?

  “Ah.” Olivia chuckled. “He finally got to you.” She grinned at his surprise. “He’s been bugging me, too. I said he had to ask you.”

  “His birthday is next week—do you think he’d be okay? It wouldn’t be too much?” The fatherhood business was filled with potholes of doubt that left Gabe uncertain about his decisions. He met Olivia’s amused glance. “Say no if you think he can’t handle it.”

  “Ordinarily I would. But as it happens, I had a call from the youth center in Edmonton. They’re sending the kids we’d scheduled plus two eight-year-olds and one seven-year-old. Also, Mikey wants to join us, so I’ve modified the trip. Eli should be fine. Have him here at eight thirty please.”

  “He’s not all that strong,” Gabe fussed. “He says Jake is going. I can go, too, if—” Olivia’s glare stopped him.

  “If what? I can’t manage.” She arched one eyebrow. “We’ll be fine, thanks.”

  “That wasn’t—”

  “After all this time, even though you claimed to love me, you still don’t trust me.” Her voice tight, Olivia pinned him with a look as he was about to backtrack. “I am not Eve, Gabe. I’m not going to break your heart and run away with
your child,” she said through gritted teeth.

  “I never said—”

  “You don’t need to say it,” she snapped. “It’s evident in everything you do, in the way you act toward me and Eli. The past controls you. You cling to your unforgiveness and foresee so many problems that it blocks out the wonder of your son.”

  “I see Eli just fine.” Gabe so did not want to go through this again, to hear her denunciation. “You cannot possibly know what it’s like,” he muttered.

  “To know that a wonderful little boy has come into your world and that now you’re not alone anymore? To be given the gift of fatherhood to a sensitive, artistic child who only wants to love and be loved?” Her ragged voice grabbed at his heart, reminding him of her comments about wanting to be a mother. “No, Gabe. I don’t know what that’s like. I wish I did.”

  “Olivia.” He could hardly stand to hear the pain in her words, to see her wounded eyes. He stepped forward, wanting to comfort her, to make the hurt go away, but she held up a hand. The loss of the closeness they shared annoyed him, and he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “He talks about her all the time as if she was perfect.”

  “Because to Eli, she was.” Olivia shook her head. “Kids usually think of their mother that way. Didn’t you?” She smiled as if reminded of her own childhood. “I had many foster mothers and they all had their faults. But some of them really tried to be my mother, to love and care for me. None more than Aunt Tillie and Aunt Margaret.” Her chin thrust out. “What’s wrong with loving someone because they loved you? The Bible says we love God because He first loved us.”

  Gabe couldn’t object, not with all that passion and conviction in her voice. But she hadn’t known Eve. His ex was nothing like the women she was describing. She’d been self-centered and grasping and—

  “Why can’t you shelve your view of Eve long enough to see how much your son loved his mother? I mean, who else did he have? His aunt Kathy?” Olivia was furious. Her voice oozed scorn. “Don’t you get it? Who cares what you think of Eve? The fact is she adored that little boy, and he knew it. She left him a legacy of love. Whatever else she was, Eve was an amazing mother.”

  A bell rang somewhere on the grounds of The Haven. Gabe’s jaw unclenched. It didn’t matter that Eve had ruined his life? This woman didn’t have a clue.

  “That bell is for me, for my crafting class.” Olivia rose and walked past him to the door. There she paused, turned back and asked in a very solemn voice, “Sounds like you wanted perfection. Were you the perfect husband, Gabe? Are you positive you’re the best father Eli could have? Will the legacy you leave him be something he’ll cherish when you’re gone?”

  Her gaze held his for an interminable time. A thousand defenses rushed through his brain, but somehow Gabe knew Olivia would shoot down every one of them. And somewhere deep inside, he knew she was right. Eve had done well with Eli. Gabe needed to move on.

  God knew he wanted to. If only...

  Olivia walked out the door. It seemed to Gabe that all the joy and happiness he’d recently found in sharing his life with her left, too.

  * * *

  “It won’t be an easy walk, Eli,” Gabe warned early the next morning as he made sure his son’s boots were securely tied. “You’ll have to keep up with the others and do everything Olivia and Jake tell you to. No arguing.”

  “I know.” Eli flung his arms around Gabe’s neck and hugged as hard as he could. “Thank you,” he whispered. “It’s the bestest birthday present ever.”

  Better than anything your mom gave you?

  Instantly ashamed, Gabe smoothed the unruly hair. They needed to fit in a haircut day before school started, he thought, startled by the rush of love that filled him.

  Eli’s first day of school.

  How many more firsts would there be for them?

  Would they all be without Olivia?

  “Thank you very much.” Even in this moment of gratefulness, Eli didn’t say Dad or Daddy. Would he ever?

  “You’re welcome. But listen carefully now.” Gabe lifted Eli onto one of the stools at the kitchen island and sat down beside him. “I know you’re very strong and we’ve been practicing hiking. You’ve done well. You’re an excellent hiker.”

  “Yep.” Eli’s grin revealed the tooth that had fallen out yesterday. “I am.”

  Gabe smiled while his mind searched for exactly the right way to phrase what he needed to say.

  “I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself today. To celebrate, I have a gift for you. It’s your own phone.” He pulled a brand-new cell phone from his pocket. “We’re going to put this in your backpack.”

  “Why?” Eli looked confused.

  “Because that’s what people do with their phones. They take them everywhere they go.”

  “Oh.” Eli studied the item. “Why do I need it?”

  “Well, let’s say you get tired and don’t want to keep going on the hike today. Maybe you want to quit because your boots hurt or because Mikey doesn’t want to walk anymore. Here’s what you do.” He showed the boy how to press a button that immediately dialed his own cell phone.

  “Your phone is ringing,” Eli said, eyes wide.

  “Your phone is calling mine.” He ended the call and handed the new one to Eli. “Now you try it.”

  Eli’s forehead pleated as he stabbed the key he’d been shown. Immediately Gabe’s phone began to ring.

  “Now what?” Eli asked blankly.

  “Now you talk into it, to me. I’ll go into the other room, okay?” Gabe walked to the bathroom, smiling at Eli’s heavy breathing. “Are you there, son?” he asked when nothing was forthcoming.

  “Yep. I can hear you,” Eli shouted.

  “Shh. Use your quiet voice now. Pretend you’re in the woods and there are some lovely birds nearby. If you yell they’ll fly away and you won’t be able to take their picture or draw them.”

  “Oh.” Eli waited. “Is this better?” he murmured.

  “Perfect.” Gabe returned to the kitchen. “So that’s how it works.”

  “Cool.” Eli studied the device with wonder. “Mikey hasn’t got a phone.”

  “Well, this one is only for special occasions. Like today.” He wanted to reinforce its intended use. “Do you remember what it’s for?”

  “Uh-huh. If don’t wanna be on the treasure hunt no more then I phone you.”

  “And then what?” Gabe pressed.

  “I dunno.” Eli shrugged.

  “Then I’ll come and get you.”

  “In the woods?” Eli’s blue eyes expanded.

  “Wherever you are. Doesn’t matter,” Gabe assured him solemnly. “If you want to leave, you call me and I’ll come get you. I’ll always come if you ask me to, Eli,” he emphasized. “Whenever you need me. Because you’re my son and I love you very much.”

  “I love you, too.” Eli initiated a second hug and Gabe hung on a little longer than strictly necessary. He was beginning to understand that he needed to cherish every one of these precious moments spent with his boy.

  “Wait till Livvie sees my phone.” Eli tucked it into a special pocket inside his backpack. “She’ll be happy. Anyway, she’s always happy.”

  “Um, maybe, just for today, we won’t tell her about your phone,” Gabe murmured, irritated that he hadn’t thought of this before.

  “Why?” Eli’s innocence grabbed at him.

  Because she’ll think I don’t trust her. And phones were not allowed on her hikes. Eli would be breaking her rules.

  “I think it would be better if you didn’t tell her about the phone until after your hike is over.” Seeing Eli’s frown, Gabe quickly added, “We don’t want her to think that you don’t want to go on the hike,” he said. “Or that you can’t finish,” he added.

  “No, ’cause I’m a big boy.” Eli’s thin chest pushed outward.
He nodded. “I know how to keep a secret,” he said proudly.

  “It’s not exactly a secret—”

  But Eli had already raced out of the house, yelling “C’mon,” as he went.

  Gabe followed. Was he too overprotective? Was he becoming one of those helicopter parents the news had talked about last night, trying to protect his kid from life?

  “He’s younger than the others,” he mumbled as he grabbed his keys. “And he’s never been on a real hike in the woods.” And then as he headed for his truck, he added, “He’s my kid.”

  As if that had exempted Eli from any of life’s harsh realities.

  At The Haven the treasure hunt group was assembling. Eli, backpack flopping, raced up to Olivia and hugged her leg.

  “I’m here,” he squealed.

  “Really?” To Gabe’s surprise she giggled as she bent to pick him up and swung him around. “I hadn’t noticed.” Olivia usually didn’t pick up the kids.

  “Yes, you did,” Eli laughed.

  “Yes, I did. Did you bring everything on the list?” she asked as she glanced at Gabe.

  “Yes. An’ I brought—” Eli stopped, looked at Gabe, then shook his head once. “I got everything,” he said.

  “Good.” She looked questioningly at Gabe. He shrugged as if to say, Kids.

  After a moment she turned her attention to the group, introduced Jake and the two accompanying counselors while she laid out the guidelines. She then gave each person a small plastic zipper bag to store the items they would seek while on their treasure hunt. The same old rush of love sprang up inside him for this amazing woman.

  If only—

  “We’ll leave in five minutes,” she announced.

  Gabe had hoped to ask her about his ideas for Eli’s birthday party, but Olivia avoided him. Perhaps that was for the best. She’d be leaving soon. Once she was in Edmonton, the ties between them would be cut. He’d have to manage on his own.

  Why did that feel so final, so horrible?