Blackout

by Katy Mitchell

  Cecily did not like where this was going. “Really Jedd, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

  “I do, because you are the reason I have done what I’ve done. In this lifetime, you’ve shaped the person I am. I love you, Cecily and I’m sure that you feel the same way about me. That is what gave me the courage to confess my feelings before our last deactivation and why I betrayed you and the others, to force reactivation. Everything I’ve done is so we can be together.”

  Cecily was certainly not expecting that. It hit her like a bolt out of the blue and now she just wanted to get him out of the room. She felt nervous because she found Jedd unpredictable at the best times and right now, his eyes were wild.

  “Wow, Jedd, I’m flattered. I obviously can’t speak for, erm, Gaea, but as Cecily, I can honestly say that I don’t… I mean, you are my friend. I love you like a brother.”

  She tried to put it as delicately as she could while still being honest, although in truth, she was not sure she even liked him anymore, let alone loved him like a brother. She was right to fear his unpredictability, as he went off like a firework.

  “It’s him, isn’t it? Why do you always choose him? It’s like you are drawn to him. I don’t understand. What’s he got that I haven’t?”

  Cecily just looked at Jedd and she imagined that she must have appeared somewhat befuddled. Was he really expecting her to answer that question? She could not remember anything and she had no clue what he was talking about.

  “Answer me, Cecily! Why do you always pick Dasrus? You can never be with him!”

  “Dasrus? Don’t be ridiculous! I would never want to be with him!” But as soon as the words left her mouth, she realised that she had wanted to be with him. After all, Dasrus was Cian. “Anyway,” she continued, “we are Cerbereans and I thought Cerbereans could not be together. Look at Fen and Sol.”

  “You are different, Cec,” he said as his mood was now changing from angry to passionate. “You are Gaea, a goddess. You can do what you like, you are no slave! What do I have to do to prove myself to you? I got us out of the dungeon in the realm between realms.”

  Cecily could not help herself. “You are the reason we were there in the first place!” she said, her voice rising. “This whole sorry state of affairs is your fault! You helped Dasrus get close to us! You helped him put his plans into action! All those people dead, Jedd. That is on your conscience!”

  “Oh no!” he swiftly snapped back. “Don’t you put the blame on me! You have led me on for centuries!”

  Again, she felt that she could not comment on this but she hoped it was not true at all.

  “Jedd, let’s just calm down. Why don’t we talk about this tomorrow when we’ve both had some sleep? Things will seem better in the morning.”

  “Sleep? You expect me to sleep? You know, when I compared you to Purdey back in the Bramble Arms that day, I said it because I knew it would get to you. But I was right! You are just like she was, twisted.”

  Cecily was suddenly very aware that he was speaking about her mother in the past tense and she was not sure how she felt about that. Her mouth was gawping at the indignation of the insult, but still he continued.

  “Honestly, Cec, you should have heard the screams as her soul was ripped from her body, piece by piece. They haunt me. I can still see the fear and horror on her face as she witnessed what Dasrus was doing to her. She was alive until the final piece left her body, minutes of torture that would have felt like a lifetime. Only that is nothing compared to the hell she will be experiencing in the Dark. And you are just like her, Cec! But trust me, your fate will be far worse!” And with that, he charged out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

  Cecily stood for quite a while, staring at the back of the door. She once again found herself shocked by yet another revelation she did not care to know about. She had no idea that Jedd felt that way about her. He certainly had a funny way of showing it. One thing was for sure, the feeling was definitely not reciprocated. She thought she would find it hard to forgive him after all the awful things he said to her that night in the Bramble Arms, but now, knowing that his selfishness was the cause of everything that had happened, the thought of Jedd Benedict made her sick to the stomach. To top it all off, he had the nerve to blame her and he had also threatened her. She thought long and hard about the graphic description he had given her about Purdey’s death. He had obviously spared her the details the first time around, but now, out of spite, he had told her the truth about her mother’s demise. He could be lying to hurt her, of course, but she doubted it. She did not know how she felt about the manner in which Purdey died. She felt like she should be appalled, devastated even, but all she felt was numb. Once again, Jedd’s true colours had shone through.

  Eventually, Cecily made her way into the makeshift bed she had fashioned in the corner. One of the things bothering her most about what Jedd had said was the fact that she was always drawn to Dasrus. The thought repulsed her and yet something in the back of her mind, a niggling feeling, was troubling her. She tried to work it out, but to no avail. She watched the bedroom door for a long time, trying to prepare herself mentally should Jedd make a reappearance. However, for now, he had not and Cecily’s exhaustion got the better of her. She drifted off to sleep, worrying about what the next day would bring.

  Chapter 27

  When everyone announced they would go upstairs to the bedrooms to try and get some sleep, Elisabeth noticed Jedd sneak off, so she decided to follow him. Her instincts were playing hell with her. She knew he was up to something and she certainly did not trust him yet. She saw him enter the bedroom at the end of the corridor and automatically assumed that must be the room in which Cecily was residing. She knew that she should not, but she could not help herself. She positioned herself outside the room so she could eavesdrop against the door, but also so she could hide in the shadows of the darkened corner of the landing should anyone suddenly exit the room.

  She listened, heartbroken, as Jedd confessed his love for Cecily. She had always suspected it. Over time, she had watched him carefully, but to hear him say it out loud, with such zeal, shattered her heart into a million pieces and made her sick to the stomach. She felt like running away and never looking back. Then her feelings changed again as he so quickly turned spiteful and nasty when Cecily confessed that she did not return his feelings. She felt shame as he revealed the horrific details of Purdey’s death to Cecily. She knew he was speaking out of hurt, but he sounded so wicked.

  As he stormed out of the room, Elisabeth’s agility enabled her to conceal herself swiftly and Jedd did not notice her hiding in the corner. Instead of going to the bedroom he was supposed to be sharing with Kaden and Sol, he flew down the grand staircase. Elisabeth followed him as he made his way further down the stairs and into the kitchen. She confronted him just as he was about to leave.

  “Where are you going, Jedd?”

  “To get some fresh air!” he snapped.

  “Oh, come on,” goaded Elisabeth. “What are you really up to?”

  “What do you mean?” asked Jedd through gritted teeth, turning his back on the door to face Elisabeth.

  “Well, are you true to the Light or are you teetering on the edge of darkness? I witnessed for myself how much Dasrus scares you. But the question is, what do you fear more, Jedd? The repercussions of betraying the Light or an eternity of hell, because that’s what you’ll get for betraying Dasrus. Just admit that you are out of your depth.”

  “I’m just going for a walk, Elisabeth. Climb down from that high horse.”

  But Elisabeth had no intention of stopping now she had started. “Isn’t it time you made your mind up once and for all? First betraying us, then betraying Dasrus. Are you going to betray us again now you know there is no chance of getting what you want? What would the coward in you do?”

  Elisabeth saw the dangerous glint in Jedd’s steely eyes.

  “You were listening?”

  “She will never lov
e you the way you want her to. You know that, don’t you?”

  Jedd’s temper was quick to flare again. “What do you know? She hasn’t got her memory back yet! You can’t speak for her! You don’t even like her!”

  “That’s not true, Jedd!” shouted back Elisabeth, all of her anger and resentment towards them both threatening to bubble over. “You have to be realistic. Let her go.”

  She knew she was in hazardous territory here, but this still did not stop her. She wanted to let everything out. She was about to carry on her tirade, but as she was speaking, she saw the glint of metal around his neck, reflecting the single candlelight attached to the wall. She could just make out the pendant in the dark, which had come untucked from his top.

  “What is that pendant, Jedd? I’d never seen it before two nights ago.”

  Jedd looked down and stuffed the pendant back into his top. His fury finally got the better of him.

  “Why don’t you just mind your own business, Elisabeth? You are always interfering, sticking your nose in where it’s not wanted. I’ve had enough! Do you not think I’ve noticed you watching me all the time, following me about like a lost puppy? I know how you feel about me. Well, let me put you straight. I’ll never love you.”

  He delivered this final blow with the same malice in which he had described Purdey’s death to Cecily. The shock must have been visible on Elisabeth’s face as before he stormed out, slamming the door behind him for the second time that evening, he smirked noxiously at the anguish he had just inflicted.

  Elisabeth turned away sharply from the door, as if he was still stood there, watching her misery. She tried not to dwell on his cruel words, but she could not help it and as a result, all she felt was hopelessness and despair. She walked over to the kitchen table and sat on one of the benches. She wearily put her head down on the table, resting it on her arms. She really must get a hold of herself and handle these emotions. She knew she felt so strongly as she was only recently reactivated, but the truth was, the more years she spent as a human on this plane, the harder the feelings were to battle during times of reactivation. She did not know how Fen and Sol did it, how they were so stoic during times of reactivation. But she also knew that their situation was very different from hers. They only had eyes for each other. Their love was reciprocated. No one else to get in the way and that was how it had always been for them. Even though they did not remember in times of deactivation, they were automatically drawn to each other, like moths to a flame. Jedd had loved her once, she was sure of that. Only now there was someone else and she resented Cecily for that, even though she knew it was not her fault. Elisabeth was glad she was downstairs in the kitchen as she did not want anyone to hear her sobs.

  Chapter 28

  “What a beautiful day!” sighed Cecily.

  She was lying down on a soft, woollen blanket in a clearing in Bramblegate Woods. She would know these woods anywhere. She loved them so much. The scorching sun was beating down on her and she was sweltering, probably because of the full, long, linen dress she wore. But she did not care that she felt too hot, she had never been this happy before and she did not feel she could possibly ever be any happier than she was right now, in this moment. The grass was a vibrant green in colour, fresh and overgrown. Flies zipped past her ears on their way in search of tasty fare and the birdsong in the trees high above sounded like a majestic symphony. To her left, the six aged oak trees, which stood in a protective ring, flourished with lush, tender leaves. She felt such peace, like she could lie here forever.

  She rolled onto her side and came face to face with him, the reason for her elation. She looked into his crystal eyes and was lost.

  “I’ve never experienced such joy, my love,” said Cecily to the young man. “Tell me it will always be this way?”

  “It will always be this way, my darling. I will never leave you. We will be together for all eternity.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. She loved him more than anything else, more than life itself, so why could she not remember his name? It was on the tip of her tongue. Not to worry, it did not matter. He was the love of her life, her soul mate. She would do anything for him and him for her. They leaned in to kiss each other, Cecily’s heart beating like a hummingbird’s wings. Just as their lips were about to meet, Cecily opened her eyes to discover her love’s beautiful face had gone and in its place, a black hood with glittering, unnatural eyes beyond it. Cecily tried to stop her head from moving towards the abyss beyond the hood, but she could not. She was being pulled by some strange force and before she knew it, she had entered the blackness of the hood and she was falling down, down, down, all the while, a hateful cackle resounding through her head, mocking her. After what seemed like a lifetime, the heinous crowing subsided and was replaced by an equally torturous derision. It was a voice she recognised and it was disturbingly calm.

  “What’s wrong, Cecily?” it said as it ridiculed her. “Do you not like what you see? After all, you made me like this. Everything I’ve done is for you.”

  “No!” screamed Cecily into the void which was this black hole, still falling all the while. “You did this to yourself! Don’t you dare blame me!”

  Cecily landed with a thump. When she opened her eyes, which had been tightly closed, she was back on the blanket in the blazing sun and her feelings of bliss had returned. She could not remember ever feeling this happy. But what was that niggling feeling in the back of her brain? She decided to ignore it. Nothing was going to ruin her contentment. She rolled over to face her one true love.

  “I’ve never experienced such joy, my love,” said Cecily. “Tell me it will always be this way?”

  She gazed into his perfect eyes, waiting for his comforting response, when his face changed, replaced by the black hood with nothing but emptiness beyond.

  “It will always be this way,” the eerily calm voice mocked. “I will never leave you. We will be together for all eternity.”

  Once more, wicked laughter resounded in her ears.

  “No!” she screamed, shutting her eyes and willing this stain on her happiness to disappear.

  The laughter stopped abruptly and Cecily opened her eyes. She was relieved once more to see the loving face of her soul mate staring back.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, stroking her face soothingly. “Bad dream?”

  She was about to reply when her lover’s face transformed into the vile demon with the black hood.

  This infliction of torture continued in a vicious cycle. Each time she believed herself safe with her love, the demon would reappear, taunting her with his abuse. Every time her beloved’s face changed into what it should never have been, Cecily felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest, like the beast had punched his way through her rib cage and taken it for himself. She began to feel despair and desperation. She could not withstand an eternity of this pain.

  “Right now, your soul is vulnerable,” he said as he taunted her. “It is time to protect yourself and remember who you are. Be what you are, as nature intended, Cecily. Or should I call you Gaea?” His wicked laughter continued to mock her. “Your soul is vulnerable, Cecily and I am coming for you!”

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw them rise up. As she turned her head, she realised that her perfect day was now besmirched by the putrid smell of the salivating shadows. She tried to move, but she was not quite quick enough. They attacked, yellow teeth poised to chomp down and devour her torso. As the razor sharp fangs snapped into place, Cecily screamed in anticipation of the agony she would feel with half of her side missing. But when she looked down, her body was still intact. She swiftly looked around her for the shadows and the black hooded demon, but she found herself alone, the woodland around her dense.

  She had to run. She did not know why, but something told her to run as fast as she could. So she did and boy, could she run fast! As she whizzed past the trees, expertly dodging every obstacle in her path, little parts of lost information found their way into her head.
They were snippets at first, flashbacks of a lost life. But the faster she ran, more and more images filed themselves away into her consciousness until soon, the flood of memories was too much for her. She came to an abrupt stop and fell to her knees, clutching her head and screaming. Not because it hurt, but because she did not want them. She did not want to remember. How could she block them out? She needed to stop this, but the more she concentrated and the more she tried, the more the memories came flooding back.

  “No!” she cried out. “No! Please, I don’t want them!”

  ***

  Cecily awoke with a start and sat bolt upright in the makeshift bed on the floor. She hoped that she had not been screaming out loud and she listened carefully to see if she had woken anyone else. After a couple of minutes, she decided that everyone must still be asleep. She got out of the bed and made her way across the cold stone floor to the window. As she gazed out into the night, it occurred to her how the cold stone would have bothered her when she was human. Only now she was a goddess, back to her true self and she did not notice the chill of the exposed floor under foot. She felt a bit silly for her human self, trying so hard to prevent reactivation. Now her memory was back, her connection to the Light was strong and her purpose was clear, like she’d had bad eyesight corrected by a pair of glasses. It seems it had taken the argument with Jedd to eventually force her reactivation, for she knew why she had been blocking it so vehemently and for that reason, she was grateful to Cecily Stalks for her passion and strong sense of self, traits which she knew had come from her true self, from her soul.

  Whilst deep in thought, she produced a small, green ball of light and toyed with it absent-mindedly. Even though her memory was back and she remembered everything, there was still one thing that she refused to think about and would not consider for as long as she possibly could. Dasrus.