Marcus & Mia

by Hannah Meade

  I don't even know why I called my mother. Yesterday morning, I was so intent on not telling my mother. I do not want a repeat of four years ago. So why am I putting her through this again? A moment of weakness. I stupidly got the idea in my head that I need to tell my mother; that she will help me this time. It is different. I am more stable. I am in college now, thus I have more time than I had in high school. Last night, I really believed that my mother would help me this time.

  Now, I'm not so sure.

  My mind is messing with me, filling my head with doubts. If I don't tell her soon, I am going to change my mind.

  "Hi!"

  I look up at the perky voice that just yelled in my ear.

  "My name is Mariana and I'll be taking your order today. Are you guys ready to order, or do you need more time?"

  My mother and I rattle off our orders, thanking our waitress afterwards.

  She walks away, her black kitten heels clacking on the black tile floor.

  I look over at my mom, who is smiling at me. "So, how've you been?"

  "Good, mom. I've been good. I found out I got an A on a ten-page paper I had to write for my writing class. That was pretty cool." The more I talk, the more I feel awkward. My mother and I haven't talked like normal in years, so whenever she tries to make small talk, it feels weird.

  Plus, there is the fact that I'm carrying a huge secret with me still.

  "That's great, hunny. You know, your dad and I are actually re-doing the house. We just put on the new steel roof, and we have a guy coming tomorrow to work on our new kitchen. We are putting in a white marble countertop and..."

  I only half-listen as my mother drones on about the remodel. Part of me is happy that she is happy, and doing well. The other part of me is guilty that I haven't stopped her from talking. The words are in the back of my throat, threatening to come out. I am stalling the word vomit.

  Finally, I just blurt it out.

  "Mom, I'm pregnant."

  I watch all of the color drain from her face. Her mouth is slightly parted, as she literally stops what she is doing and freezes.

  I swallow hard, truly terrified of what she is going to say.

  Our food comes then, along with our perky waitress. Great timing, huh? She sets our food down and leaves, but not before giving my mother, with her mouth still open, a weird look.

  I give the waitress a tight smile, thanking her for our food.

  I avoid my mother's eyes, instead choosing to focus on the food in front of me. My appetite is still gone, but I have to do something to help with the uncomfortable silence surrounding our booth.

  I bite into my pancake, glancing around at the Easter decorations still up on the walls.

  "Mia. Are you really just going to say something like that, and just ignore me?!"

  I stop chewing and set down my fork. I glance up at my mother, who is staring at me with wide eyes. "What do you want me to say, mom? I'm pregnant, okay? Not a big deal." I mentally slap myself. Not a big deal? Really, Mia?

  My mother freaks out. "Not a big deal? Not a big deal?! Honey, being pregnant is a big deal. You literally have to change your whole life around! You're not even out of college yet. What were you thinking?"

  I roll my eyes. This is exactly the response I was hoping to avoid. I knew I was wrong to assume this time would be different. "I didn't mean for this to happen, mom! It just did. At least this time I know the father better!"

  Her eyes narrow into slits. "And who's the father?"

  Okay, she is really pissing me off. "It's none of your damn business, mother." I spit the last word out like it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Which, right now, it does.

  Without waiting for my mom to answer, I throw my napkin down on the table and slide out of the booth. I pull a crumpled twenty dollar bill out of my billfold and set it on the table. I look my mother straight in the eye. "Here's my portion of our lunch. I would love to do this again." Not.

  I swivel around, leaving my back turned toward my mother, and start to walk out.

  I make it as far as out the door before I hear her calling after me. "Mia! Wait! Please!"

  I sigh, but ignore her. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I am not going to let my mother see that.

  "Mia! Stop!"

  I swallow back the lump that is forming in my throat and keep walking. I can spot my car by now, about a block away. If I speed-walk just a little bit further, I will lose my mother. I can almost unlock my car...

  "MIA ELIZABETH HATHEWAY, YOU STOP WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW!"

  Automatically, my body freezes at the sound of her harsh voice. I curse myself for being so terrified, but all of a sudden I am like a small child again; getting in trouble by my mom.

  I wipe my eyes and slowly turn around. I see my mother walking towards me, or rather, running towards me. Reluctantly, I wait for her. Mostly, I am waiting for an apology. I am waiting for her to tell me that she is wrong, and that she will help me this time; that she won't abandon her own daughter again.

  She reaches me, breathing heavily. "Mia. Please. Don't leave again." She sets her hand on my arm, but I shrug it off. Trying to comfort me right now is not going to help her case. She has some explaining to do first.

  I back up a couple of steps, creating a bigger space between us. "And why shouldn't I? This is honestly just like last time. I should have never told you." I hate how shaky my voice is. I don't want my mother to hear my weakness, especially not now. I've had to be so strong since I was shut out four years ago. Now is not the time for me to be weak.

  She steps forward; I step back. "Honey, please. Can we just talk about this? This is a big decision for me. How are you even going to support this child?"

  I can't believe what I am hearing. "A big decision for you?! Mom, I'm having the fucking child!" I see my mother's eyes widen at my language, but I don't care. I am pissed off, and she knows it. "Second of all, I have a steady job at the college's bookstore. I have a set income for this child. I don't know how the hell I'm going to have enough, but I'm adult enough to figure it out."

  My mother rolls her eyes at me. "Oh, come on Mia. You're twenty-two. You are still figuring things out. You need me, or in other words, my money."

  By this point, I am shaking. Shaking because I am so mad. Tears are threatening to spill over, and I am about to let them. I was afraid this would happen. And I hate that my worst nightmare is actually coming true. "You're wrong, Mom. I don't need you or your money. You know why? Because I survived four years of my life without you. I survived my first years of college without you, because you weren't there for me. I paid my own tuition, with all the money I had saved up. I had to use my vacation money to pay for college because I didn't have anyone to help me. I applied for a million different scholarships, and that still wasn't enough. But I managed. Now here I am, in my senior year of college. I'm getting along just fine without you. So no. I don't need you, and I can't believe I ever thought this time would be different. You're just how you were four years ago. I shouldn't have even started to mend things with you, because I do not want you in my life. So you can just go back home now. To my dad who doesn't even care about me anymore." With that, I turn on my heel and walk to my car. I reach my door and open it, glancing back at my mother once more.

  She is gone. Already.

  Tears form in my eyes, and this time, I let them fall.

  ~~~

  I don't know how long I have been sitting on my bed. Minutes. Hours. Days. Who knows. Who cares.

  All I know is that I'm a stupid young woman who thinks people can change. They can't. No matter how hard you try, you can't change someone's ways. They will still be the same person they always were.

  I also know that I keep hearing a knocking on my door, like someone wants in. I just assume it's my mother, so I ignore it. I try to go to sleep, but it's impossible. I couldn't sleep if I tried. My mind is in fifty million places at once, and dreamland is not one of those places.

  I still can't believe
I thought my mother would help me. I should've known. Today, she said almost the exact same thing she said to me four years ago. 'You're only 18, Mia. Face it. You need me, and my money.'

  I didn't think I would hear those words again, until today. My mother and I were actually getting along so well. What went wrong?

  Oh, right. I got pregnant. And my mother flipped out.

  The knocking has now stopped, giving my head a rest. It was starting to give me a headache. Just another thing I have to worry about.

  My phone buzzes on my bedside table, signaling I have gotten a text.

  I debate about just ignoring it, but figure it might be important. So, I lift myself into a sitting position and swipe my phone off the table.

  I rub my extremely dry eyes and glance down at my phone. It is from Ryan.

  Are you home? I've been knocking.

  Shit. That isn't my mother who has been knocking. It is Ryan. And I ignored him completely.

  I pull the covers off of me and climb out of bed. On the way out of my room, I glance at myself in the mirror.

  Yikes. I am a fucking mess. My hair is sticking out in a million different directions, and all my makeup I have on is smeared. I look like a panda bear who has just woken up. Real attractive, Mia.

  Not caring at all, I simply continue my trek to my front door. I open it and find Ryan standing on the other side of it. He looks up when I open the door and smiles. "Hey. Rough morning?"

  I laugh, despite how I am feeling. "You could say that. What are you doing here?" We haven't planned on going out or anything, so I wasn't expecting him.

  He shoves his hands in his pockets and clears his throat. He looks kind of nervous. It is pretty hot, if I'm being honest. "Um, I just came over to um, ask you if you wanted to go somewhere. I know we didn't arrange anything, and I probably...Yeah I should just go. I shouldn't have just come over here on spur of the moment. But I was just sitting around and figured I would surprise you." He leans down and picks up a bouquet of flowers I hadn't noticed. They are stargazer lilies, my favorite. They even smell fresh, which tells me he must have picked them before he came here.

  I gladly grab them from his hands, giving him a small smile. "Ryan, it's okay. I would love to go somewhere with you, but today hasn't really been the greatest day. Maybe we could just hang out around here? We could watch a movie or play a game or something?"

  His eyes light up when I talk. He seems to be happy just spending time with me, no matter what we are doing. "Yeah, that sounds amazing actually. I wish I would've known we would be spending time around here. I would've brought my pajamas and slippers."

  I laugh, appreciating his humor about this. I, for one, hate changing my plans at the last minute. I'm not sure how he feels. "Thank you for the flowers. They are my favorite." I step aside to let him in, as I continue to stick my nose in the flowers. They smell amazing, unlike me, and I love the scent of fresh flowers. It is one of the best smells in the world, to be honest.

  He grins at me, and steps inside my apartment. "You're welcome. I just smelled a bunch of flowers and picked the best smelling ones, to me anyway. I am praying the whole way here that you would like them. No guy wants to look like an idiot, as he saunters in and gives a girl flowers she is allergic to or something."

  I close the door and watch Ryan wander around. He glances around at everything, taking in my whole apartment.

  He eventually stops and looks back at me. "Sorry. I don't mean to be snoopy."

  I shake my head, forgiving him immediately. "No, you're fine. My movies are underneath my TV, and my games are in the closet right here." I walk towards my closet door and open it, revealing a bunch of random board games. "You can pick one or the other. It doesn't matter to me. I'm going to go put these in a vase and make some popcorn."

  I walk to the kitchen, setting the flowers gently on my marble countertop. From my position, I can clearly see Ryan heavily debating which board game to choose. I smile to myself, and look away. I don't want him to look up and catch me staring creepily at him.

  I take out a glass vase from the counter above me, filling it halfway with water and sticking the lilies in it. I place them in such a way that they look gorgeous. At times like these, I pretend I am an expert at the task at hand. Today, I so happen to be a florist.

  After I set them on my dining room table, I get out a bag of extra buttery popcorn and stick it in the microwave.

  As that is popping, I walk out to my living room to see how Ryan is doing.

  I am surprised to see he has picked a game, even setting all of the pieces up already. I smirk. "So, you picked Monopoly?"

  Ryan glances up at me, grinning. "Yep. It looked like the most fun. Plus, I'm kind of considered somewhat of a pro in my family at this game. I haven't played this game in forever, so it would be nice to beat somebody. I need the extra confidence sometimes."

  The microwave beeps, so I go back into the kitchen to grab the popcorn. I pour it into a bowl, sprinkle some popcorn salt on, and carry the big bowl back out the living room.

  Ryan is still sitting on the couch, leaning over the board to set it all up.

  I walk over, ready to help him finish. "What else do you need to do?" I sit down right next to him, putting the bowl of popcorn in-between us.

  He leans back, brushing his hands together. "Everything is done. We can play now. You can go first."

  I smile. He's such a gentleman. I roll the dice. A two. And a four. I move my high heel six spaces, landing on a chance card. I inwardly grin when I look at it and show Ryan, who just glares. "Get out of jail free card."

  Ryan shrugs it off and rolls his dice. He rolls a ten. I put a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing as he moves his car all the way to jail.

  He looks over at me with pleading eyes, and I know what he is about to ask. "Babe, would you please do me the favor of letting me have your get out of jail free card? I'll trade you something. Anything." I ignore the way my stomach flutters when he says 'babe' and look at the game board.

  I set my chin in my hands, pretending to contemplate my decision. In reality, I already know what I am going to say. "Nope." I ignore his glares and roll the dice for my next move.

  ~~~

  Five hours later, we have finished the game. When I say finished, I mean Ryan went bankrupt and had to forfeit.

  So much for him being an expert.

  I have just put away the game and I look over at Ryan, who is standing up to leave. We've had so much fun in the last five hours, and I don't want him to go. I am really glad he had come over, especially since I was in a depression before he got here. My mood has improved ten-fold in the last couple of hours. I haven't even thought about my mother once the whole game.

  I walk over to Ryan, pulling him in for a hug. "Thank you so much. You made my day a million times better."

  His hand cradles my head, pulling me even closer. "You're welcome, Mia." He pulls back, looking into my eyes.

  I smile, and look down at my feet. I am always uncomfortable when I have to make eye contact with anyone. I always feel self-conscious and end up looked at my feet instead.

  Ryan reaches his hand out and lifts my chin up, forcing me to make eye contact with him. "Don't do that. I want to see your beautiful eyes."

  I blush, despite myself. I so badly want to look away. The more I keep eye contact, the more my cheeks burn. I already smell like I just woke up, and now I am practically sweating through my pajamas.

  Without warning, he leans closer and presses his lips against mine. His hand leaves my chin and comes up to cup my cheek. I lean into the kiss, remembering our very first kiss. It was just like this, slow and steady, except this time is better.

  This time, we know each other's mouths. With our first kiss, we were still learning about each other. We didn't know how to kiss each other. Now, we do.

  Our mouths move rhythmically together, like we know a certain pattern that no one else does.

  I melt into his kiss, saving the feeling of h
is lips. I don't know when I am going to see him next. It is like I have to memorize everything about him so I know what to do next time.

  He pulls back too soon, and I open my eyes, feeling a little off balance. He grins at me, giving me the joy of one last small kiss.

  I feel a shock of sadness when he finally walks out the door, waving goodbye. He is the only thing holding me together today. Now, what am I supposed to do? "I'll call you later, Mia."

  I nod, waving back at him. "Talk to you soon." He smiles and walks out, leaving me all alone in a lonely apartment.

  I shut the door behind him, leaning my back against it. I run a finger over my lips, still feeling the slight tingle I got from our kiss.

  Boy, am I a goner.

  Thirty-Three

  I wake up the next morning to a pair of brown eyes staring back at me.

  I widen my eyes and back up, feeling extremely uncomfortable. "Emily, back the fuck up please." At least I said please, right?

  She rolls her eyes, but leans back. I am thankful for her courtesy, but I am still dumbfounded on why she was here. She hadn't told me she was coming.

  I sit up and glance over at my alarm clock. 6:54 A.M. I groan, realizing just how early it really is.

  I didn't get to sleep until almost 2 A.M. and I desperately want to sleep longer. I am confused why Emily is even up at this hour. Usually, she sleeps in until the afternoon.

  "Why are you here? It's seven o'clock in the morning."

  "I wanted to know how it went with your mom! You didn't even answer me yesterday when I called you! Where the fuck were you all day?"

  I tell her the honest truth. "I went to meet my mom, and then I was home the rest of the day. I didn't check my phone too often yesterday, only like once."

  Emily stares me down, searching for the information I am keeping from her. She knows me too well; I can't hide anything from her. "And what was keeping you so busy that you couldn't answer your best friend, huh?"

  Without meaning, I blush. And Emily catches it. "You hung out with Ryan, didn't you!"

  I relent, figuring the cat is already out of the bag. "Yeah. He came over after my shitty lunch with my mother, and we stayed around my apartment for a while."