by Colbie Kay
"I'm glad I don't have to beat the shit outta you,” Jake jokes as I pull out of the hotel parking garage.
"You could try." We laugh. Like me, Jake has never been hung up on a girl before, much less wanted to fight me to protect her.
We pull into the apartment complex about fifteen minutes later. With each step we climb, I feel my heart pound harder and harder against my chest. I’m more terrified now than I’ve ever been on the back of a bull. As we stand at the door, Jake knocks, it doesn't take long for Pudge to answer. Jake pulls her into his arms, and she glances at me and whispers, "She's in the room on the right."
I slowly open the door, noticing the light is off, but as the door opens more, it spills in from the hallway. My girl is laying on her stomach, face buried in a pillow, and her shoulders are shaking. It breaks my fucking heart to see her like this. "Pudge, I don't want to talk right now. Please shut the door." Her voice is ragged.
I get the door completely open, but I don't move any closer. "Hey, beautiful." Sonya's body shoots up into a sitting position and spins to face me. That's when I see it, the bruise on her cheek that wasn't there yesterday. In a flash, I’m at the end of the bed. I drop to my knees and gently cup her face with my hands. "Who did that to you?"
"No one you wanna mess with. Don't worry, though, I took care of it." A small smile touches her lips, but I'm not fucking smiling.
A different kind of anger boils inside of me. "Is this the reason you didn't want to see me? I want you to tell me who did it."
"Yes." Sonya tries casting her eyes downward, but I won't let her. "Cody, my life isn't a pretty one. There are things in my past…shit, it's not even my past, it was my present until yesterday. I'm not going to destroy you with it. Please, let it be."
I don't want to fight with her before I leave. I'll let it go, for now. "Will you spend the day with me, beautiful?”
Her eyes pool with unshed tears. "I'd like to, but I don't feel like going anywhere."
Laying my hand against her unhurt cheek, I caress her skin. "We don't have to go anywhere. We can lay here. I only want to hold you."
"That sounds really nice." Her grin grows, and I return it with one of my own.
"Lie down,” I tell her as I take my boots off and turn my ball cap around. I climb onto the full-size mattress next to her to lie on my back and pull Sonya as close as I can. Gently, I press her head down onto my chest and wrap her in my embrace. Staring at the ceiling, I think about what she said and wonder what kind of life she has had. I will get her to trust me, and she’ll confide in me. It might take some time, and I won't pressure her, but I will get Sonya to open up. "Why were you cryin'?" I can’t let this be goodbye. I can’t imagine what it would be like to never speak or see her again. The long-distance relationship is sounding pretty great right now.
Her fingers drift up and down against my t-shirt. "Because I thought I wasn't going to be able to see you. I was embarrassed. I didn't want you to see me like this."
"Don't be embarrassed." I slip a hand under her shirt, running my fingertips across the soft skin of her lower back. "I don't want this to end, Sonya. When I walk out that door to leave, I want you to be mine. I want to call you and text you. I want to come back and see you, or you could come to see me. But I don't ever want to see you cryin' because you’re sad or unhappy. I only want you to cry tears of joy and happiness that I bring to you. I'm fallin' hard and fast, beautiful, and I promise I'll make you happy."
"Cody—" she murmurs my name.
I place a kiss on the crown of her head. "Shh, don't say anythin’. Just let me hold you." I stopped her from speaking because I don't think I could handle her rejection. Her hand slips under my t-shirt, her fingers lightly tracing over my abs and the trail of hair that leads to my twitching cock.
I realize it's probably insane to feel the way I do about a woman I have barely touched. I haven't even kissed her because she pulls away every time I get close. I can't say it doesn't hurt like a son of a bitch, but I won't ever make her do something she isn't comfortable with. I know she has feelings for me, but something is holding her back. I'll give her the time she needs to work it out. Deep in my soul, I believe this girl was made for me, and I won't give up on her. She may not know it, and I may not know anything about her life, but what we’ve experienced over the weekend doesn’t happen except once in a lifetime: the pull I feel toward her, the connection we’ve shared, the electricity that sizzles between us from only one look.
We lay here for hours holding onto one another, nothing needing to be said, we’re simply enjoying the time we have left. But now our time is up, and I have to leave. "Beautiful, I have to go," I whisper the words I dread speaking.
"I know, but I don't want you to." Her voice is as quiet as mine as she hesitantly sits up on the bed.
Gazing up at her, my hand lifts to her cheek. My fingertips caress her skin before pushing strands of hair behind her ear. "I don't want to either. Will you walk me out?"
She nods. "Yeah."
Reluctantly, I get up, put my boots back on, and turn my hat backward. Sonya puts on the Chucks she wore the night I met her. I remember thinking how cute they looked on her feet. Black plaid and sparkly, they’re just as cute now when I’m sober.
Taking her hand in mine, I lace our fingers together and press her hand to my lips. “This isn’t the end for us, beautiful,” I reassure her, and am doing the same for myself.
Jake and Pudge are waiting next to my truck. I tell Pudge it was nice meeting her and let her and Jake have their goodbye while I focus on Sonya. I run my hands through her long dark hair and cup her cheeks in the palm of my hands. "I'm gonna miss you so fuckin' much, beautiful. When we get to our stop, I'll call you. Promise me you'll answer."
Her eyes search mine before she speaks, "Fuck, I'm gonna miss you, too. So much.” She hits my arm playfully. “You better call me!"
Releasing her cheeks, my hands snake around her waist. "You gonna say you’ll be mine before I ride off into the sunset like all those cowboys before me?” I tug her closer, as close as I can get her.
Her cheek rests against my chest. “I’ll say let’s see what happens after you’re gone.”
Grinning, I nod. “I can accept that.” My lips gently meet the crown of her head. More than anything, I wish she’d ask me to kiss her, but she doesn't. I release her and step up into the driver’s seat of my truck. With one last glance, she shuts the door. I keep my eyes on Sonya as I put the key in the ignition. Her head is bowed, and she not looking at me.
Pulling away slowly, I focus on the rearview mirror, watching as Pudge and Sonya hug and comfort each other. My eyes drift between the mirror and road until I can no longer see them. Jake’s phone begins to ring. He quickly answers and shouts, “Go back, man.”
My attention cuts toward him for a moment, and I furrow my brow in confusion. "What?"
"Go back!" he yells louder inside the truck, making my ears ring. I find a driveway to quickly turn around in, and I head back.
When we park, I open my door and step out. Sonya runs up to me, she fists my t-shirt tightly her knuckles turn white. "I couldn't let you leave yet."
My heart gallops inside my chest. "Why?"
A smile tugs at her lips. "Because I need you to kiss me." I stare at her, wondering if I heard her right. I can't seem to move.
Blinking my eyes a couple of times, I ask, "What?" Her giggle seeps into my heart.
She repeats the words I’ve longed to hear, "Kiss me."
Those two little words, “Kiss me.” Just two simple words, but they feel like the two most important words I’ve ever spoken in my life. They fell from my lips effortlessly, and yet they hold a lot of power, hope, strength. The power for me to control my life, hope for a future I only dreamed of, and the strength I need to become the woman I wish to be. Those two words felt right saying to Cody.
As I watched him drive away, a deep aching pain pounded in my chest, and a twisting discomfort settled in my stomach. Regre
t. I knew that feeling all too well from the clubhouse, but this was different. I couldn’t let him leave without that kiss. I would always have those lingering questions in my mind and the what-ifs. So, I had Pudge call Jake and tell them to turn around. I couldn’t let him drive thousands of miles away without getting my first kiss from the first guy who showed me what love could really be like. Cody was my first date, and the boy the girl fell for in such a short amount of time. Cody was the first man who wanted more than just my body.
Staring at the cowboy in front of me, he blinks several times, processing what I told him, but once it registers, one of his hands snakes around to the back of my neck while the other settles on my hip. He pulls me closer, and my heart beats at a rapid-fire pace as his lips descend to mine. The first touch is soft yet electric. Throwing my arms around his neck, I mold my body to his and follow his lead moving in sync with him. My lips part, welcoming the intrusion of his tongue. I feel the crashing waves of lust, and I’m dizzy with desperation for this man. We explore each other’s mouths as our tongues dance. I never want this to end, but it has to.
Cody bends slightly, his hands gripping my thighs while he lifts me. My legs wrap around his waist, and suddenly, my back hits his truck. My world is shattering in every good way possible as we stay tangled together. Goosebumps dance along my flesh from the feel of his lips touching mine.
The horn blares scaring the shit out of me, and I break away from Cody. “Goddamn it, Jake!” Cody grumbles while I try to get my heart under control. It’s beating quickly, too quickly.
Jake chuckles. “It seemed to me y’all were ‘bout to get it on out here. Thought I’d save y’all the embarrassment.”
I bury my head in Cody’s chest, and a burst of laughter bubbles out of me.
Cody’s lips find my ear, his hot breath wafts across my skin as he whispers, “The sun is starting to set. I have to go.”
Lifting my gaze, my tear-filled eyes meet his. I nod and swallow hard. The lump in my throat keeps me from speaking. His hands rub up and down my arms, and his lips press against the crown of my head again.
“This isn’t goodbye.” He pulls away from me, his words sounding definite, but those seeds of doubt stay tucked away in the back of my mind. This is too good to be true. How long will it be before only talking on the phone isn’t enough anymore?
I wrap my arms around myself to seek comfort and rid myself of the empty feeling that’s covering me. Pudge moves to stand next to me and puts her head on my shoulder as Cody and Jake both jump back into the truck. We quietly watch them until we can no longer see their taillights in the distance. Wetness trails down my cheeks, and I no longer have the strength to even try and wipe them away.
“C’mon.” Pudge hugs me tighter with her own tears falling. “Let’s go pig out on some junk food.”
As I’m walking back toward the apartment, I can’t help except look over my shoulder with the hope they’ll be sitting there even though I know they’re gone.
We’re not even in the apartment five minutes, I only got one bite of ice cream, when the sound of pounding on the door begins. Pudge’s head snaps in my direction as mine darts toward her, both of our eyes are wide with uncertainty. “Do you think they came back?” Pudge asks, hope lacing her tone.
“I don’t know.” My own hope engulfs me as we jump from the couch. I follow behind as she moves closer to the door. Once she opens it, my head flies back as I’d been slapped. “Chayser, what are you doing here?”
His head shifts this way and that until his squinted eyes find mine. “Hanger wants to see you.”
My pulse pounds in my ears, and I swallow hard. “Why?”
He arches an eyebrow. “Shug, come on now, you know why. You’re not answering your phone. He had Hacker track you. Got the address and sent me here.”
“I’ll take my car.” I step away from the door, but his shaking head stops me in my tracks.
“Can’t let you do that. I was told I have to bring you.”
Pudge declares, “I’m coming!”
“No!” Chayser and I shout.
Pudge’s mouth opens and closes while her eyes drag between the both of us. She stomps closer, her glare settling on Chayser. “But what if something happens?”
“I’ll be fine, Pudge,” I tell her a truth that I can only have faith is real.
I leave the apartment, and as I shut the door, he demands, “What the fuck happened to your face, Shug?”
“Don’t fucking worry about it. Take me to the club so I can get it over with. What’s Hanger gonna do to me?”
Chayser straddles his Harley. “He only wants to talk.”
“I’m sure.” I grouse and roll my eyes while climbing on behind him. Once I grip his waist tightly, he speeds away.
Hanger leans against the edge of his desk with his arms and ankles crossed. My gaze is cast downward, and I chew on my lip, waiting for him to speak. He sighs heavily. “What the fuck were you thinking, Shug? You shot one of my men, a member of this club, a brother!”
Lifting my head with confidence and not one ounce of regret, my hardened stare meets his. “What did Ghost tell you?”
“Said you were giving him a hard time, and before he knew what was happening, you shot him.”
I gape incredulously, my anger surfacing. “Of course, that’s what he fucking told you. And you believe that?”
His shoulder lifts in a shrug. “You’ve been around this club since the day you were born. Over the last several years, I’ve noticed the change in you, and so have others. You don’t wanna be here, but you choose to come around anyway. Maybe you thought it was your way out even if you didn’t need one.” His eyes narrow on my face. “What happened to your fuckin’ face?”
Tears blur my vision. “What are you going to do to me for shooting Ghost?”
“Christ, Shug, you’re like a fuckin’ sister to me, and I’m probably the only one you ain’t fucked around here. I just wanna hear your side before any decision is made.” His voice rises with growing frustration. “Tell me what the fuck happened last night!”
Releasing a deep breath of air, I begin my tale, “Ghost was already wasted when I got here. He said he had been waiting for me, and before he took me to his room, I had words with Lilly. Once in his room, he started in about me not being better than the other girls around here, and that I should know my place. I told him I wasn’t having sex with him, he pushed me against the wall and had me pinned. He was going to rape me, Hanger!” My vision is blurry as I stare at him in the eye. A shiver races down my spine at the memory of last night and being terrified. I’ve never felt that kind of fear in my life. “I had to fight him off! I was fucking scared!” Hanger’s face begins to turn a deep shade of red and his nostrils flare the more I disclose. I continue, “Ghost punched me, but I kept fighting, and somewhere in there, I got his gun and shot him in his leg. I’m not sorry I did it. I won’t apologize, don’t ask me to.”
Hanger’s quiet for a few moments. “He tried to rape you, and he put his hands on you?” He releases a pent-up breath.
“Yes.” I nod.
“C’mon,” Hanger orders in his deep, powerful voice. He leads me out of his office all the way to Ghost’s door. My pulse and heart are pounding harder than ever. My body trembles with nervousness, and I’m terrified to see Ghost again. Hanger doesn’t bother knocking; he throws the door wide open.
Ghost quickly sits up the best he can without moving his injured leg. “Hanger?” His eyes connect with mine. “Why the fuck is that bitch here?”
“Seems you left out some details from last night, Brother.” Hanger spits the last word as he sits down on the edge of Ghost’s bed. Hanger’s hand lifts and comes down hard on Ghost’s thigh, squeezing until his knuckles turn white, causing Ghost to wail in agonizing pain. “Did you try to rape Shug, and did you do that to her fuckin’ face?”
“Hanger.” Ghost grits through his clenched jaw.
Hanger squeezes harder. “Answer the fuckin’ que
stion,” he growls.
Ghost hisses, “She’s nothing but a whore, and whores can’t say no. She needed to be put in her fuckin’ place, and that’s what I did.”
Hanger releases his leg but quickly wraps his hand around Ghost’s throat. “You ever touch her or any of the other girls around here again, you’re out of this club, understood?”
Ghost spits out, “Understood.”
Hanger releases his hold, and Ghost begins to suck in air, coughing and hacking from being choked. Ghost’s glaring eyes snap in my direction, but he doesn’t say a word.
Hanger reaches for my arm and hauls me out of the room, slamming the door behind us. “He had no business doing that shit to you.” He tugs me back into his office. “You’re more than just a whore, Shug, I want you to know that. Ghost was wrong. You did what you had to do to escape. If it had been my Ol’ Lady, I would have expected her to kill the motherfucker. You spared his life, and he should be grateful for that.”
“Thanks.” I wrap my arms around myself. “What now?”
Hanger puts his hand on my shoulder. “That is for you to decide.” He pulls me in for a hug. “I’m fuckin’ proud of you for standing up for yourself.”
“Bulk taught me well. He always told me to never take shit off a man.” Bulk was a great man, but he had a dark side, too.
“Yeah, he was a good man, and he ran this club right. Or I thought he did.” Hanger’s words drift away, and he doesn’t expand on his utterance.
“What’s that mean?” I question with concern. Has Hanger found out things about Bulk? Has Hanger found out the reason I insist I’m indebted to the club?
“Never mind, Shug. I shouldn’t have said that.” He shakes his head as if clearing his thoughts. “Get Chayser to take you back to your friend’s place.”
I know the conversation is over, therefore, I won’t try to push him any further. I step out of his office and go to search for Chayser.
