‘Let ’em, Billy, let ’em talk. You think well of her, don’t you?’
‘Aye, I do that, but walking out is a bit open, ain’t it, and she might not want that.’
‘You won’t know unless you ask, Billy.’
‘I’ll think on it,’ he said. ‘You get ’ome safe now.’
It wasn’t until I got back that I wondered why he had said that: you get home safe now. Did he know something I didn’t? I would have to ask him; perhaps he had heard more of my aunt’s movements. After all, Kent was not so far away and news travelled between smugglers and their support networks very fast indeed. I shrugged it off. Billy would have told me if there was something important. He was probably just being protective of me. He was such a kind lad.
Chapter Six
The inhabitants of the Parish of Battle having come to a resolution to put out their Poor on Midsummer’s Day next, to some careful person who is willing to undertake to maintain and employ them; hereby give Notice that the Overseers will, in the meantime, receive proposals for this purpose, from anyone who may chuse to apply.
Sussex Weekly Advertiser and Lewes Journal 1750/1806
I found it very hard to tell everyone about my new situation, or lack of one, and even harder was it to cope with their well-meant indignation. But most people seemed to produce their own answers to my loss. It varied from ‘you’re better off without,’ to ‘you’ll be married soon and won’t have time.’ I had very little of my own to add beyond such stoic comments as, ‘I can manage,’ and ‘I will find some other way to occupy my time,’ which was an untruth because time seemed to stretch out endlessly before me with very little to fill it.
I tried to plan for the future: making our home, creating a garden of herbs and vegetables, possibly a few fruit trees – some apples, maybe a pear and definitely plums. For a while I toyed with the idea of calling off the wedding but, after a few days, and seeing how joyful Wilf was as we filled the cottage with our bits and pieces, I realised that I did love Wilf; and even if I did harbour warmth for Dr. Grieve, it did not mean that I should have to give Wilf up. What would be the point? After all, surely there was enough love to go around. When parents had children, their love for them wasn’t divided and shared. Perhaps that was a lesson I must learn, even though I didn’t think it was actually love that I felt for the doctor. It was all so confusing.
Billy-alone and Cilla visited us at the cottage and we were so pleased to see them together. I felt very motherly towards Billy and it did my heart good to see him so happy and striving to present himself as a good prospect to Cilla. They sat side by side on the window seat and blushed mightily when Wilf asked if Billy had approached Cilla’s father for permission to walk out together.
‘No, course I ain’t, but I will, like, if Cilla be willing?’
Cilla rolled her eyes at me and we all laughed.
It was really enjoyable showing them around the cottage and pointing out all the improvements we had made, and Beth was very proud of her little bed alongside ours.
‘Cor, did you do that carving, Wilf?’ asked Billy. ‘You could be a chippie if you wanted.’
‘I’m quite happy with the job I got, Billy,’ replied Wilf. ‘But I do like to do a bit of whittling in me spare time. My pa taught me, and I got ’is tools when he died.’
Cecilia and I got very caught up in dress fittings for me and new accessories for her and it was all great fun especially when Beth tried on her new dress and spent hours in front of the big mirror in Cecilia’s bedroom. All in all, my time was taken up and it was a great surprise to me that I could be fully involved in domestic life and preparation for our big day without missing my nursing; which is not to say that it would always be like that, but I would work to ensure that I always had plenty to do.
A week before the wedding, I was sitting in the kitchen with Cilla, showing her how to steep borage into a useful preparation for lifting people out of lethargy when a knock came on the half-opened door. A young woman asked to speak to me and hoped that I would accompany her to her mother’s house. She was a comely girl and I thought I recognised her but couldn’t quite place where from.
‘My ma’s time has come, and she be straining for an awful long while, but the babe is not coming. Can you come and help her, please, Miss? She said you would know what to do.’
My heart did a skip and I grabbed my bag and rushed to put on my working dress before I came upon Cecilia. I explained to her what I was about and wondered if I would be in trouble if I went to this woman’s aid.
‘Nonsense, Esther,’ she said instantly. ‘What would have happened to me if you had not come to my aid? I’d likely be at the bottom of the well. If you can help this woman, then do so. I don’t suppose for one minute she would be a paying patient of Dr. Crabbe, so what trouble can he make for you? Go, and go quickly, and we will pray on a good outcome for her.’ As she turned to go, she added, ‘One thing, Esther, I will ask Cilla to prepare water for when you return. You don’t know what condition this woman lives in. I will take Beth up to help Mary-Jane with Freddie’s weekly bath. I know she thinks she is chief bather!’
Flossy had been saddled for me and I clambered up with the young girl behind me. She directed me into Lewes and, as we turned down North Street, I suddenly remembered calling with Mrs. Makepiece to a ramshackle cottage down there. She had wanted to take some food to the family as the husband had been forced away from home by the activity of the press gang and the further risk of being taken up for poaching. When we visited previously, I had almost run into the eldest Coad boy, the nastiest of the three, which had upset me greatly.
‘I remember you,’ I said to the girl, who was now well grown. ‘Mrs. Makepiece brought me to your home a while back. Is it your mother we are going to see?’
‘Aye, that be so, Miss.’ she replied. ‘She don’t see pa much but when ’e come, she nearly always gets in the family way. There were eight of us but we lost the youngest, Edie, last summer to a sickness. He just wasted away, like.’
‘Your ma has done well by you all if you still have six brothers and sisters,’ I reassured her.
‘Things is easier now,’ she went on. ‘Pa is near a place called Hawkhurst in Kent and sends money home when he can, and me and my oldest sister, we do washing for some of the prisoners in the gaol. Mrs. Makepiece alus keeps an eye out for us and gives us eggs when she got some spare, like.’
We pushed open the door and were plunged into darkness as the window openings were covered by paper and dark rags. ‘I will need some light, my dear,’ I said. ‘Can you let some in, or have you a candle? Natural light is best, and candles are so expensive.’
Mrs. Higgins was lying on a pallet on the floor and was very flushed. I asked to examine her and she grunted agreement, unable to speak to me. The contractions were rapid and her pulse fast. Fortunately, the baby was in the right position and would likely soon arrive. I could feel its head. As I talked endlessly, trying to encourage the poor woman and help the birth along, I was aware of lots of pairs of eyes watching me. Not one of the children made a sound and it crossed my mind that if anything happened to this brave lady, then all these kiddies would be thrown on the mercy of the parish.
After what seemed like an age and much pushing from his mother, who had taken heart with my encouragement, a healthy boy was born. He had a good lusty cry. I breathed a sigh of relief at having delivered my first baby with no supervision or oversight from Dr. Grieve. I was careful in cleaning my patient. Fortunately, she was not torn and May, the daughter who had called for me, dried the boy, wrapping him in a cloth before giving him back to his exhausted and thankful mother. I had looked around and was happy to see that there was food in the house and that the two elder girls were very capable. I had noticed a big urn outside where they must do their washing work and was pleased to see it full of grey water; there must be a well near-by, or perhaps they got it from the river.
‘You have done really well in caring for your ma,’ I said to May. ‘I will call on Mrs. Makepiece now and tell her about the latest arrival. I am sure she will come by and check on you all.’
As I mounted Flossy, I looked at all the children peering up at me with such trusting eyes and said, ‘If you have worries, then send someone for me and I will come immediately. Now, try and coax some small ale into your mother and then the milk will flow and she will be able to feed the little chap. She needs plenty of liquid as well as nourishing food, but he is a strong lad and should do well.’
May was white with relief and clasped my hands in her own. ‘We can’t thank thee enough, Miss. I don’t think ma would have made it without your help, we thought she was giving up, she were so tired. We ’ave no coin to give you but when pa sends some, we will pay ’ee for your work today.’
‘Don’t worry about that,’ I said. ‘I am glad to have been useful. Your ma knows what she is doing, and she stands a good chance of getting through the next few days when the risks are greatest. Watch out for fever, pain or too much bleeding. She needs a deal of rest so try to ensure she stays on her pallet, with a clean cloth between her and the straw. If she is at all worried, then come for me as soon as ever you can.’
May, her sister and all the little ones waved me goodbye, telling me not to worry about going to Keere Street as it was getting dark. She would send one of the younger children to tell Mrs. Makepiece the good news.
I must have been at the cottage for hours, for it was full dusk by the time I left and trotted Flossy back towards Southover, throwing quite a few backward looks over my shoulder. The shadowy trees were thrashing in a steady wind, their upper branches clacking together and the lower seeming to whisper. I felt anxious and wished I had found Billy-alone to accompany me.
As I clattered into the yard, my worries disappeared. I was so happy at having a live birth to my name that I couldn’t wait to tell everyone. I rushed into the outhouse and changed out of my work clothes, scrubbing myself down before bursting into the kitchen with my news. Wilf was there and looking none too pleased.
‘Where you been all this time, Esther?’ he demanded, rising from his chair. ‘It be full dark, you shouldna’ be out on your own. You could’ve fallen and where would we ’ave begun to look?’
I wasn’t about to be told off when I had such joy in me. ‘I’ve just delivered my first baby boy and it was wonderful,’ I cried. ‘The mother might’ve died if I hadn’t been there! You’ll just have to get used to me being out and about, Wilf, but I promise I will ask Billy-alone to accompany me in future, I won’t ride alone in the dark again.’
He muttered something about Dr. Grieve.
‘What’s that you’re saying? If you’ve got something to say, then say it out loud!’
‘I hoped all this nonsense would come to an end,’ he muttered, ‘now your doctor friend ’as upped and left.’
Cilla and Mrs. Fisher were both in the kitchen as we had words, our voices rising above each other. Cilla’s mouth hung open in astonishment and at that moment Cecilia walked in; with raised eyebrows she demanded to know what was going on. ‘I can hear you in the dining room!’ she protested.
I apologised and explained that Wilf was cross that I had come home alone in the dark.
‘Well, perhaps he has a point, Esther, dear. You should be more careful of your safety,’ she said. ‘But now we have agreed on that, tell me what happened. Did the mother have her baby?’
My spirits lifted immediately as I told everyone about the birth, my first unaided.
‘Mrs. Higgins had been in labour long before I got there, but I was able to help her along. She has had eight children already, so it was a bit surprising, but she produced a lusty boy who yelled the place down and I hope she will recover quickly,’ I gabbled away in my excitement. ‘She has two good girls to take the load off her. They are friends of Mrs. Makepiece who, I am sure, will make every effort to help them.’
Gradually, the black gloom lifted from Wilf’s face and I did my best to help him see how happy this birth had made me, and by the time he left he was back to his better self. Later I was sorry that I had spoken so sharply to him. He had lost his father to the smugglers and had a lot of responsibility on his young shoulders. It was more than reasonable for him to voice his concerns about my safety.
Chapter Seven
Wednesday morning executed facing the debtor’s door, Old Bailey, were ten convicts including: George Mawley for escaping a second time from his place of confinement aboard the hulk, where he had been ordered to hard labour cleaning the Thames etc. They all behaved with that decency and propriety that became their wretched end.
Sussex Weekly Advertiser and Lewes Journal 1750/1806
Our wedding day was wonderfully warm, with a blazing summer sun and clear blue skies and I felt like the sun was shining for our benefit alone. A shower overnight had helped everything look fresh and vibrant. Beth and I were both so excited we could barely contain ourselves. We were welcomed down into the main dining room for a special breakfast with Cecilia, Farmer Elwood and Freddie. Beth wouldn’t eat, and it took a deal of persuasion to make her do so.
‘The service is not until late this afternoon and you will be needing your food now and at lunchtime, otherwise you might not be able to go,’ I threatened.
All morning people arrived to wish us well and some left small gifts: vegetables, preserves and some lovely brown eggs. Beth’s grandfather came early with a pretty collection of colourful wild flowers, leaves and grasses. There was a special posy for Beth, as well; he must have got up at dawn to find so many fresh flowers. We had invited his wife, Becca’s stepmother, to the wedding but she maintained her stance of no interest in her husband’s family. She probably still bore a grudge that Becca had stolen her special comb even though she, a Methodist, had forsworn personal adornment. Becca had taken much pleasure in thwarting her stepmother, so I wasn’t put out that she wasn’t coming. We would have a much better time without her black looks and sour mood.
Cecilia and I went to the cottage to finish making it just right for our wedding night. Beth was to stay with Freddie and would join Wilf and me tomorrow. It was a busy time of year and this was the only day Wilf could take off work. Cecilia clapped her hands in delight when she saw all the little touches we had put together to make our home just as we wanted. We both laughed at the depth of the bed and admired Wilf’s carving on the headboard.
‘Are you anxious, Esther?’ she asked me, gently. ‘I know the human body holds no surprises for you but are you prepared for what is to come?’
‘No, I am not anxious about what happens between a man and his wife, but I am worried that I won’t be attractive to Wilf, what with my leg,’ I said. ‘I know it is greatly improved since Dr. Grieve taught me how to work my muscles, but I can’t lose the thought that it is ugly and weak. It’s silly, really, as Wilf has never shown the slightest concern about my limpy leg except to help me if I am struggling - but the thought is there in my head and I can’t get rid of it no matter how much I try.’
‘Once you have wrapped yourselves in love you will lose that worry, Esther.’ said Cecilia. ‘If Wilf is as tender as I am sure he is, he will make you feel like a queen and all else will disappear.’
Clearly Cecilia had a wonderful relationship with her husband and I hoped that ours would be equally as passionate; being wrapped in love sounded heavenly to me.
We had brought some fresh food with us and stored it in the scullery. I was very pleased to have a good area for cooking and preparation, and the little outhouse which was under cover would be a godsend. Wilf was going to light the fire later in the day and hopefully it would hold for a good while before I needed to puff up the temperature for tomorrow’s bread. It would serve to warm the cottage for when we returned to begin our married life in earnest. Though it was summer and warm, the cottage had a ch
ill to it, probably because it had stood empty for a while.
‘Did you think, Cecilia,’ I said, ‘when we went to St. Anne’s church that time, and prayed for our heart’s desire, and left our tokens, that everything we wanted would come about in such a short time? You have little Freddie and I have a wonderful young man who really wants to be with me and be a proper father to Beth.’
‘We have been fortunate, indeed,’ Cecilia agreed, ‘and I give thanks daily. There is so much sadness and desperation in life and Lewes has its fair share of troubles, but we have been blessed, my friend. Anyway, enough of these deep thoughts! Today’s your wedding day and we will be full of happiness, though I think I must get back now to make sure Mrs. Fisher has not lost her head over the numbers of people who are coming to celebrate with you.’
‘Aye, I promised to help before I have my wash and get ready,’ I said. ‘I can’t wait to put my dress on, it is so pretty.’
‘I will come and help you dress your hair,’ Cecilia said, as we prepared to leave. ‘And I have a special gift from Mrs. Makepiece which will help you feel even more cherished.’
Try as I might to persuade her, she refused to tell me what my present was, and I had to be satisfied with being told to wait and see. Getting dressed in my finery was like being turned into a different person. My dress was simple in style with Cecilia’s delicate lace at the neck and wrists. I had chosen a cream background with tiny sprigs of violets embroidered onto the bodice which was laced tightly and gave me a shape I was almost embarrassed to see. Cecilia was as good as her word and used all her skill to force my unruly hair upwards with tiny little curls cascading down the side and back. As she leaned back, satisfied with her creation, she produced a little box; nestled inside was a very beautiful hair clip, a wedding gift from Mrs. Makepiece. ‘I believe this was a piece she wore at her own wedding and she wanted you to have it.’
Retribution Page 4
