LOVE, HOPES, & MARRIAGE TROPES

by Abby L. Vandiver

  “He’ll be driving a green Saturn,” she said as if reading my mind.

  “Got it,” I said. I patted her hand and stood up. As I turned to walk away, I saw Rhett. He seemed to be waiting for me.

  “I came to the house expecting to see smiles and rice thrown everywhere,” he said. “Instead it looks like a crime scene.”

  “I know,” I said. “This definitely didn’t turn out the way Auntie Zanne had envisioned it I’m sure.”

  “Where is she?” he asked.

  “She’s supposed to be doing crowd dispersion.” I glanced around, but like Piper, Auntie Zanne was nowhere to be found.

  “I can do it,” he said. “Whatever she was going to do, I can do. I can help.” He looked at me, his bespectacled light-colored eyes filled with concern as if I was the damsel in distress. He nodded. “I got you.”

  Rhett Remmiere had skin the color of honey and just as smooth. He was tall and well-built, a newly joined member of Auntie’s funeral home staff, he just seemed lost to me. Always hanging out eating in our kitchen, available at Auntie’s beck and call, I didn’t know whether he had a home to call his own.

  Supposedly a former, or maybe not so former (he was so secretive about it), FBI agent, he had shown no interest in the investigation of the murder of a man we’d found stashed away in our funeral home. Not forthcoming about his personal life, I found him to be too interested in mine. Wanting to impress on the love I had of my mixed-race, French Creole heritage, he’d always tried to show off his command of the French language (although I’d never heard him attempt Louisiana Creole), or show off his passion for the blues and zydeco music, sucking up to me by equating himself with my guitar-playing father.

  I hadn’t decided yet what I thought about him.

  Although, I at times could get lost in his eyes. Even behind his wire-rimmed glasses, it was easy to be moved by how striking and attractive those specks of gold that danced and twinkled in his eyes were. Especially when he smiled.

  “Okay, then. Yes. You help get these people started on their way,” I said. “Thank you.”

  “No problem,” he said and smiled. Twinkle. Twinkle.

  I turned away and looked toward the front of the house. “I’ve got to go wait for the paramedics,” I said. I had enough distractions with Alex showing up, I didn’t need any more, especially from Rhett.

  “Who’s tending to the groom?” Rhett asked and glanced toward the gazebo. “I would’ve thought it would be you.”

  “Appears I’m not the only doctor around.”

  “Oh,” he said. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “Should I be worried?”

  I chuckled. “About what?”

  “Someone coming around and sweeping you away.”

  I took in a breath. A girl could only hope.

  Chapter Four

  I finally made it to the front of the house. Forget about moving people out of the way, I found that there were cars everywhere.

  The funeral home had a good-sized parking lot on the north side of the building, and the overflow usually parked on the street. But there were cars parked on the grass, on the perimeter of the property and were double and triple parked.

  I didn’t know where or how to begin to clear them out.

  “We’re getting everyone out of the backyard,” Mark said. She brought me out of my reverie and back to the task at hand.

  “We’re moving them to the front,” Leonard and Mark, the seventy-something twins and members of the Roble Belles announced as they walked across the front lawn.

  The girls, who’d changed their name to their father’s soon after their seventeenth birthday when he died, were giving me an update. I wasn’t sure how they were doing that when they weren’t even in the back.

  “I thought Auntie Zanne was having everyone go home?” I said.

  “They won’t leave,” the twins said almost in unison.

  They were identical in every aspect, even their thinking. I didn’t think anyone could tell them apart, and listening to them, it sometimes seemed that they shared a brain. Identical flowered, button-down shift-style dresses covered their thin frames, pink scarves were tied around their waists and corsages were pinned to their lapels. Their mostly gray hair pulled back in identical buns.

  “Everyone wants to wait to make sure Bumper is okay,” Leonard said. “Chester and Flannery are helping, too.”

  I looked around and those two were nowhere in sight either. Hopefully they were in the backyard. Chester Young was the only male in the Roble Belles, but he was proud to wear their insignia on his group jacket. And Flannery Poole was Roble’s first every beauty queen. Even in her fifties, she was beautiful, with her smooth skin, shiny black hair and emerald green eyes.

  “Well, for him to be okay, everyone will have to be sure to make room for the paramedics to get to him.”

  “Yes, we know,” they said together.

  “We’ll remind them,” Mark said.

  “And all these cars are in the way,” I said. “I don’t know what to do about that.”

  They looked at each other and then at the cars.

  “Maybe we should tell Babet?”

  “Where is she?” I said.

  “Manning the armory,” they said together.

  How do they do that?

  I didn’t know what that meant, but it wasn’t easy to miss that my task had just become that much bigger with having to get cars instead of people out of the way, and I didn’t have time to figure out what they were talking about.

  As I moved to the edge of the driveway to determine how deep the obstructing cars were, I saw Auntie Zanne, her five-foot-three frame too diminutive for me to initially see over the big trucks encircling the property. She had a line of people in front of her and was digging in a big box.

  “I thought you were moving people out of the way,” I said after making my way over to her. “And I hadn’t realized all these cars were out here so we’ve got to get them moving.”

  “I’m doing my part,” she said.

  “And what is that?” I asked and peeked over into her box.

  “I had a cache of weapons I had to get back to their owners if I wanted them to leave.”

  Her box was filled with guns. It appeared she was giving them back to the people she collected them from.

  “And when Delores started yelling what the Alvarez’s had done to her son and Bonnie Alvarez disappeared, I figured I better check on my stash,” she said. “Hey! Get your hand out of my box. One gun per person.” Her attention was diverted from filling me in to a man reaching his hand into her box. “I’m the only one passing these out.”

  “Auntie,” I said. “That does not look like a good thing.” I looked at her cache.

  “You telling me. I didn’t want a Hatfield and McCoy shootout happening around here.” She looked at the man standing in front of her, he held his gun in his hand but hadn’t moved. “Is that your gun?” she asked. He nodded. “Well, then, get! Next!”

  I shook my head. “Maybe the paramedics will just be able to squeeze through the cars and people,” I said.

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ve got the Belles getting people out and once people collect their belongings, it’ll clear out fast. You’ll see.”

  “Okay,” I told her, but still decided I should try to find or create a clear path.

  As I walked further down the street, I saw Piper for the first time. She was standing with the military-clad best man. He beckoned and started to walk my way.

  “Hi,” he said. “Piper told me you were the doctor.”

  “Hi,” I said. I wondered why either one of them weren’t concerned enough to be in the back. They had even left from close to the house. It had to be obvious to them that the groom’s asthma attack was pretty serious.

  Shouldn’t they want to see how he was
doing?

  “I am a doctor,” I said. “But not the one tending to your friend, in case you were worried about him.” I raised an eyebrow.

  He licked his lips and glanced back at Piper. “I am worried about him,” he said. “I was thinking if you were up here, he must be okay back there and we were getting ready to start the wedding. That’s why I came over to speak with you.”

  “He’s going to go to the hospital,” I said. “The wedding probably won’t be today.” I guessed the Belles hadn’t made it over to him yet either to give the news.

  “Oh,” he said and licked his lips again. He rubbed his hand over his butch haircut. “He’s going to be okay though, right?”

  “Everything that can be done for him here is being done. His mom is at the house—in the back, pretty upset,” I added. “And the bride.” I leaned to the side to look past him at Piper.

  “Oh yeah. We know. I don’t really know anybody,” he said. “So I just thought I’d stay up here out of the way.

  Just as I was about to respond, I saw a flash of red in my periphery. “Excuse me,” I said. “I think I see the ambulance.” I started to walk away and then turned back to him. “Maybe you and Piper can help me make sure the paramedics have a clear path to the back?”

  “Sure,” he said and shrugged.

  Some best man...

  Chapter Five

  “Surprise,” Alexander Hale, M.D. and new Roble hero, said. He jumped off the back of the ambulance and walked over to me with his low held arms outstretched. His light blue shirt unbuttoned at the neck was tucked inside a pair of gray slacks. His sleeves rolled up, his hands were sweating from being inside latex gloves. He had a mischievous grin on his face and that sparkle that had made me fall for him the first time I’d laid eyes on him.

  All had calmed down. Their faces intense and not uttering a word, the paramedics arrived, wended their way through all the congestion, took a report from Alex on his condition and were now whisking Groom Bumper Hackett off to the Sabine County Hospital without one guest or vehicle getting in the way or trampled. Bumper looked bad strapped to that bed, CPR halted, they’d attached an IV and brushed his damp hair off his still sweat-laden face.

  The EMS workers let the itinerate Dr. Hale intubate Bumper in the back of the emergency van before they left. Luckily that gave Bumper’s father enough time to make it to the house, and he and Mrs. Hackett, driven by Boone because there were too shaken, followed behind in that green Saturn.

  We were standing in the front yard, most of the wedding attendees leaving after the ambulance arrived. Only a few stragglers were hanging out. As Alex passed the loiterers, making his way to me, a few patted him on the back, mumbling their thanks for the good deed done.

  Auntie’s funeral home staff and the Roble Belles stood in a group, speaking low, concern etched in their faces as they watched the ambulance speed away, red lights flashing and siren wailing. But after Alex came my way, so did all of their attention.

  “Alex,” I said the one word in a whisper, my breath getting caught in the back of my throat. I guess I hadn’t yet overcome the shock of seeing him. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to see you,” he said. “Wandered toward the back with the stream of people when I arrived and found a wedding going on. Kind of stopped me in my tracks, though.” He looked at me. “I was hoping it wasn’t you getting married.”

  “If you kept up with me better,” I said. “You wouldn’t have to hope it wasn’t. You’d know.”

  He hugged me then stepped back and looked at me. “You look different,” he said, not acknowledging my grumbling. “Your hair? It’s all... fluffy.”

  The humidity in Texas had taken its toll on my hair. Back in Chicago, I kept it straight as a rod. I didn’t put chemicals in my hair—no need after flat irons became so efficient. Long, black, silky, it often fell in my face and swung with every head movement. But my natural ‘do was curly and wild. Texas brought out the real me.

  I ran my hand over my hair to try to flatten it.

  “And are you wearing a darker shade of make-up?” He ran his finger down my face.

  I took in a breath. I wasn’t even wearing make-up, something I wouldn’t ever do in Chicago.

  “It’s a tan.” Auntie Zanne was good at making awkward moments even more so. She walked over, her motley crew trailing behind. “Lots of sun down here in these parts.” She tweaked up the twang.

  “It’s a good thing you came along,” Flannery Poole said, interjecting, unknowingly saving me. She slid up next to Auntie Zanne and put her hand on Alex’s arm. She gave him a Southern welcome smile.

  “Good thing, indeed. I think I may have saved the day,” Alex said.

  “Romaine could have taken care of it,” Auntie Zanne said.

  I smiled. “Good thing you did.” I ignored Auntie’s comment. “It is good to see you,” I said.

  He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. It seemed as if I’d passed his inspection and now he acted as if we were the only two in the yard. “I’ve missed you,” he said.

  “What’s that on your lips?” I said and pointed.

  “I don’t know,” he said, pulling his head back and touching his lips with his fingertips. “What is it?”

  “Looks like crumbs.”

  He swiped his fingers across his lips and then rolled the residue between his fingers. “Maybe it was from the groom. When I did mouth-to-mouth.” He looked down at it. “Something he ate back there,” Alex said and licked his lips trying to clear off the remaining bits. “Ugh!” He made a face. “It’s bitter.”

  “I don’t think it was from the caterer,” Floneva said. “That caterer wasn’t letting anyone get a taste of anything. He said it was for the reception and couldn’t be touched until then.”

  “She should know,” Auntie Zanne said, then leaned in and lowered her voice. “Just like she should know that you never eat the food for the reception before the wedding even starts.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Alex said. “I have proof that that groom got a hold of food from somewhere.” He ran his fingers across his lips again for good measure. “And I can understand why that caterer didn’t want anyone tasting anything he’d prepared. It’s awful.”

  “Yeah, I’ve got a bitter taste in my mouth, too,” Auntie said and narrowed her eyes at Alex.

  “Are you from Chicago?” Chester asked.

  “I am,” Alex said. “I came to see Romaine. Thought she might want to grab a bite to eat. I wanted to talk to her about something.”

  “She just ate,” Auntie said.

  “I did not,” I said.

  “You said you were in the kitchen getting something to eat.”

  I had said that, but I never did get the chance to eat anything. But I didn’t want to go back and forth with Auntie Zanne looking like a petulant child in front of Alex.

  “What do you want to talk to me about?” I asked, those butterflies starting their dance again.

  A lopsided grin appeared on his face. “You’ll see. When we talk. Might be something you like.”

  “Well if that ain’t vague,” Auntie said. “I’ve got something to help you spill all the beans.”

  “Excuse me?” he said, leaning toward her trying to understand what she meant.

  “I need to get to the office,” I interjected. I hadn’t ever told him about Auntie’s “side” job. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and checked the time. “I’ve got a delivery and I’m late. You want to come with me?”

  “The office?” Alex cocked his head to the side and stepped back from me. “You’ve got a job down here?”

  “Yes, she does,” Auntie Zanne said.

  “No, I don’t,” I said to her, then turned to Alex. “I don’t have a job.” I shook my head. “I just offered to help set up the new office for the County ME.”


  “Why did you do that?” he asked.

  “The medical examiner died,” I said. “He’d served as the ME for three counties for thirty years.” I shrugged. “They just wanted a more updated facility for the next medical examiner.”

  “Which will be Romaine,” Auntie Zanne said.

  I smirked. “No it won’t,” I said.

  “Mark my words,” Auntie said.

  I hated when she used those words. With all of her sixth sense, voodoo hocus pocus, it seemed she was never wrong when she spouted that pronouncement.

  “Well, it’s okay,” Alex said. He looked down at his clothes and shuddered as if a shiver ran up his spine. “I need to get cleaned up anyway. What about dinner? Then you can tell me all about your ‘job.’” Alex chuckled.

  “Okay. I can do that,” I said.

  He blew out a breath. “I’m going to have to find a room for the night and get cleaned up.”

  “For the night?” Auntie Zanne asked before I could. “You’re staying for just one night?”

  Alex put on a wide grin showing beautiful white teeth. “It’s good to see you again, Mrs. Derbinay.”

  He was steering away from her nosiness. That was almost an impossibility. Whatever she wanted to know, she’d find out.

  “Same here,” Auntie Zanne said, not one bit of sincerity in her voice. “So what did you say brought you here?”

  “I didn’t say,” he said. “But I’ve got a conference in Lake Charles starting tomorrow. Series of seminars.” He looked at me. “I was hoping that Romaine would go with me. You can’t attend most of them, but we’d be able to spend some time together.”

  “She can’t go. She has a job,” Auntie said.

  “Will you stop with the job?” I said. I glanced around and noticed everyone staring at me. “How about we do dinner around five?” I asked. “It’ll give me time to finish up over at the office.”

  “That sounds good,” he said.

  “You need me to pick you up?” I asked.

  “No,” he pointed to a Jaguar. “I flew into Louisiana, but got the rental so I could come and see you. I can meet you here. If that’s okay with your aunt.” He gave Auntie Zanne one of his winning smiles. I’m sure it didn’t score one point in her book. “Then we can ride together.”