The End of the Innocence

by Jason Zandri

  Matthew never broke his kiss, leaning in to maintain it.

  She moaned and pulled her head back to look at him. “You are an awesome kisser. Did Melissa say that as well?” she said with a grin.

  “No,” Matthew sat on the bench. “I’ve never kissed her … well … like that.”

  “So you have kissed her?” Donna asked.

  “Yeah; if you call a fifth grade kiss a kiss,” he said, smiling a little more.

  “So, tell me something. Why did you say, ‘when it comes to you and girls, Liz and Melissa are always the competition’? I don’t understand.”

  Donna leaned in and kissed him, then looked into his eyes. “Promise me you won’t get upset if I speak my mind.”

  He took her hand into his. “Never; as long as you’re telling me the truth and what you honestly feel.”

  “Okay.” Donna puffed out a lungful of air. “I’ll start with Liz since, technically, that’s simpler. It’s no big secret that you’ve had this thing for her since fifth grade, and she plays on that. You never go after her, and she keeps you at arm’s length. When she pushes off too much, and you begin to distance yourself, she teases and reels you back in. She’s good at it in general

  because she’s a loose floozy. Sorry, but you’re especially … weak …

  because you have genuine feelings for her, which she wouldn’t recognize if they walked up and slapped her.”

  Matthew nodded. She looked at him intently. “I’m a little uncomfortable talking to you about this; you have feelings for both of them.”

  “Yes, I won’t deny that. What I feel for them is different between each of them. However, I have feelings for you, too, and you’re the one I’m out with on a date. That, and I did ask you to tell me what’s on your mind; I can’t get upset if I asked for something and then I get that.”

  Donna smiled, and some of the tension left her shoulders. “See, that’s one of the things I like about you.”

  He smiled, glanced away, and then refocused on her. “And Melissa?”

  “Melissa,” she said after a pause. Then she touched the side of his face ran her hand down to his shoulder. “I know you’re tight with Tim and Mike, but she’s your best friend. Moreover, you’re hers. You’re both drawn to each other so strongly, but it’s that deep friendship that gets in the way.”

  “I think, on some level—” He leaned into her. “I’ll always … love her, I guess is the right term. But I don’t know if I would ever be in love with her.”

  Donna bit her lower lip and leaned in. “I don’t want you to answer this, but do you think you can be in love with me? I hope so. I feel like—”

  Matthew leaned in and kissed her.

  ***

  Mark and Diane crouched on the floor at the window.

  “Should we be doing this?” Diane asked.

  “Oh,” Mark said. “It’s not like we can hear them; they’re way out in the back of the yard. He keeps things clean and proper out there, as near as I can tell. I get a kick out of the fact that he sneaks them in the yard to go out there and talk and make out a little.”

  “Oh? And why’s that?” Diane asked with raised eyebrows and a grin.

  “Well, to begin with, he thinks he’s getting away with it. He’s brought, I don’t know, three dates back, maybe.” Mark grinned and attempted to look further out into the yard.

  “What else?” Diane asked, caressing him and drawing his attention away from the window.

  “Well, I never told him, but I used to do the same thing out at that tree when I was his age.” Mark leaned backward, and Diane straddled him.

  “Hmmm. Maybe we can up the ante out on that bench sometime?” Diane

  said, then pushed him all the way down and kissed him.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Diane awoke to the sound of Matthew’s van out in the driveway. She looked up at the clock on the dresser, which read 5:40. The smell of coffee wafted into the room. She stretched her arms out over her head and sat up. In the dresser mirror, her reflection caught her eye. Her hair looked a mess, and she pulled it down and as much into place as she could with her fingers.

  Sounds of Mark moving about the kitchen drifted to her, so she got up, put on a robe, and then grabbed a brush to straighten out her hair. Once she’d finished, she headed down the hallway.

  When she rounded the corner near the refrigerator, Mark smiled. “Sorry,”

  he said in a quiet, morning voice. “I tried to be quiet.”

  “It’s okay. I’m up earlier than this time every morning to open the store,”

  she said and headed over to get a cup. Mark had filled one with hot water to heat it up for her. She poured the hot water into the sink, and then filled the mug with coffee. “I take it Matthew’s going over to open up?”

  “Yes.” Mark nodded and took a sip of his coffee. “I’ll probably relax for a bit, and then head over around ten. He’ll leave and go take care of the yards he has to do, and then he’ll come back to clean up. Depending on the time, one of us will close up the store around eight.”

  “I can always come down for a little while,” she said, taking a seat next to him at the table.

  Mark waved his hand. “If you want to stop in, that’s great, but you’re off today. You tend to come in and work rather than visit.”

  Diane didn’t respond directly and changed the subject, “So, did you ask Matthew about his evening?”

  “I did,” Mark said; his voice grew louder and became more animated, “He stayed tight-lipped on the details, obviously, but he seems really into her. He mentioned picking her up, going for pizza, and about the movie. Of course, he made no mention of any ‘incident’ in the yard.” He chuckled and pointed over his shoulder with his thumb.

  Diane smiled but fidgeted in her seat. At length, she looked into his eyes.

  “Has Matthew seen how you cleaned up his Aunt’s old room? Have you discussed things with him? I’m curious how he feels about everything.”

  Mark shook his head. “No. I’ve kept the door locked. Honestly, between school, the store, his work, his friends, and girls, he’s not here much. I could move, and it would take him a week to realize it,” Mark said with a light laugh.

  Diane looked down at her drink for a moment. “I’m nervous about how he’s going to take it. He’s the same age difference younger than me, as I am to you—twelve years. I’ve been your girlfriend and a friend to him; that changes to a degree once I marry you.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Mark said. “Your legal and lawful status does, and nothing more. As far as things go, it should be just like any other day. One day you’re the girlfriend, and the next, the wife. Nothing else will be any different, as far as I’m concerned. I suspect the same will be true for Matthew.”

  “And if we try, and are fortunate enough, to have a baby?”

  “He becomes a brother. I fully expect him, in the next year or two, to want his own place.” Mark took another drink of his coffee.”

  “Did he finally decide not to continue with school?”

  “More or less,” Mark said, setting his coffee cup down. “I’m not going to push him. He’s smart and he works hard. If he feels he needs a degree, I’m sure he’ll buckle down and get one. If he should decide he wants to get his own place next year or something, it’s not the worst thing. We have the apartments right up the street, so it’s not as if he’s so far away. It gives him some independence, and it gives us the chance to not only be alone and together but, if a baby comes, then we have that much less stress all the way around.”

  “I assume you’d charge him rent?” Diane said.

  “Well, I can keep it on the low side like I have been yours and your mother’s. The third apartment brings in a normal rent and all the rents together cover the taxes, insurance, and repairs there. I want to charge him something so that he gets an accurate representation of true life costs. I’ll likely take it aside and save it. I don’t need the extra money all that much, and if I set his rent asi
de for him for the future, like when he looks to buy a home for himself or something, I can help out with the down payment.”

  Diane got up. “You’re a good man, a good father, a good provider.” Then she rounded the table and settled into his lap. “A good lover.”

  “I hope I’m a good husband,” he said.

  “I have zero doubts.” She smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek. “At twenty-four, I was unemployed and looking for work; what my life has become makes me so happy.”

  “Is it a good life?” Mark asked. “Are you truly happy?”

  Diane smiled at him. “My cup runneth over.”

  ***

  Matthew pulled his van onto Clifton Street and parked it. He glanced at his watch; he was still early to open the store, so he stepped out and walked up to the corner at Ward Street and turned west. With his hands shoved into his pockets, he stared at Melissa’s former apartment, looking up to the second floor where her room used to be.

  After a couple of moments, just as he went to look at his watch, fast footfalls came up from behind him. He turned.

  ***

  Melissa jogged along Ward Street.

  “Hi,” she said, huffing and coming to a stop.

  “Hi,” Matthew said, looking at her jogging attire. “I thought you stopped running.” He allowed his eyes to drift over her.

  “Just for August; even in the morning it’s just too hot.” She wiped sweat from her forehead and watched his gaze linger on her, and she felt a small charge over it. She turned and looked back at Matthew’s van, then turned back to look at him. “Something happen with the Sanfordmobile?”

  “Oh, no, it’s fine,” he said and looked away from her. With his eyes toward the ground, he shuffled one of his feet and said nothing further.

  “Okay then; is there a reason you got out of it and walked over to the corner?” she asked.

  He looked at Melissa’s former home, and then back to her. “If I tell you, and you break my stones, there will be hell to pay,” he said with a small amount of humor in his voice.

  “Girl Scout’s honor,” she said with a salute.

  “You were never a Girl Scout,” Matthew said.

  Melissa moved a couple of steps away from him and leaned on a short retaining wall near the corner. She looked at her old house, and then back to Matthew. “You know,” she said, resting her hands behind her. “For all the bad memories there, good things came out of it.” A car went past them and headed up Ward Street.

  “Like?” Matthew moved alongside her and leaned on the wall.

  “Well, I met you; that’s probably the best thing. There are others. Not everything was terrible there, but if I had to pick a thing for the top, it would be meeting you.”

  Matthew smiled and turned to look at her. “It’s kinda why I stopped this morning.”

  “Oh?” Melissa asked, twisting in his direction.

  “After it got warmer that first year, you know, in fifth grade, I would sometimes ride my bike down here and just look up.” He pointed to the window of her old bedroom. “Sometimes I would just sit on this wall and look up. A couple of times, I scooped up a small handful of these pebbles behind the wall here and thought about going over and tossing them up to your window.”

  Melissa’s eyes widened while she listened to him recall this time from their childhood.

  “I used to imagine I’d get your attention, you’d come to the window, and I would talk to you from the ground.”

  “It’s a nice memory,” Melissa said. “How come you never did?”

  “Your stepfather was a jerk,” he said. “I didn’t want to get caught. Not for myself, but for what he might do to you. That was the main issue. Also, you shared the room with Diane, and I never knew if she was in there.” His voice trailed off into a giggle.

  “What’s so funny?” Melissa asked.

  “Nothing,” Matthew said with a choke in his voice.

  “Well, you sound amused, and I want to know.” She smiled, reached over, and touched his hand. Another car came past them and turned the corner onto Clifton Street.

  He responded by turning his hand over, so it lay palm up, and squeezed hers in return. The car that had turned the corner stopped momentarily. “It wasn’t anything worth mentioning,” he said, returning his attention to her while the car pulled away.

  “Oh come on.” She nudged him. “You had to stifle a laugh. It had to be something.”

  Matthew looked down at his watch. He had to leave to open the store on time, and so any embarrassment would be short lived.

  “Well,” he said, looking back over to the house and pointing to the tree in the front yard. “There was the one time I climbed the tree in your front yard. I saw it in a movie—a kid climbed a tree, went out on the branch to the girl’s roof ledge, and they used to sit there and talk. I imagined doing that with you.”

  “So you parked your bike and climbed the tree?” Melissa asked as a wave of sentiment washed over her.

  “I didn’t have my bike that day, so I walked here. And I only tried it the

  one time.”

  “Ah,” she said. “My stepfather …”

  “Well, yes and no.” Matthew stepped away from the wall, turned, and backed toward the van. “If I’m going to be honest, the truth is twofold. On the one hand, once I got up there, I realized I was unlikely to be able to get over to the roof safely; the branch was too short. And, even if I could jump over, I had no way of getting down.”

  “And?” she asked, stepping away from the wall and toward him.

  “Well …” He flushed and shrugged sheepishly, somewhat embarrassed.

  “When I got up there, I discovered that the blinds were up, and Diane was getting dressed.”

  Melissa laughed aloud and put her hands over her mouth.

  “She and my Dad have been seeing each other since shortly after that. I put it out of my mind and never told a soul until now.”

  “Seriously?” she asked. “Not even Tim? Diane’s got big boobs; I figured that was the kind of conversation you boys would have.”

  “Not a soul,” he said in a low and sure tone.

  Melissa looked at him and smiled a little. “Why tell me? Why now?”

  “Well.” He jangled his keys. “I always wanted to, but there’s never a good time to tell your best friend, ‘So, I was being a Peeping Tom in your window…’”

  The words ‘best friend,’ coming from Matthew, felt simultaneously comforting and unsettling to her. She tried to shake the feeling.

  “Also.” Matthew opened the door to his van. “After the whole kissing thing on the playground with you, when Liz was sitting with me, we agreed to no more secrets. I’ve tried my best to honor it in a timely manner. Overall, I’ve been truthful with you with regards to that.”

  Emotions swelled up in her. “You remember that?” she asked.

  “Sitting in my Dad’s office at the store,” he said. “To be honest, I remember most everything, especially when it comes to you.”

  Melissa fought back the emotions trying to escape from her. “You do, don’t you,” she said in an effort to say something, anything.

  “I’m your guy,” he said, getting into the van. “Best friends until the end of our days. The nicest boy you’ve ever met. Stuff like that.” Matthew smiled warmly and started the van. He drove to the corner, waved to Melissa, and turned off Carlton and up Ward Street.

  Tears escaped Melissa’s eyes while she watched the van move up the

  street and over the railroad tracks that divided the town.

  “I love you, Matthew,” she whispered.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Matthew climbed out of the shower, grabbed the towel, and all of a sudden realized that the phone was ringing. While pulling the towel around him, he cracked open the bathroom door.

  He stepped into the hallway. “Dad?”

  “He’s still at the store,” Diane called out from the first floor. “Did you need something?”

  It str
uck Matthew then that it was his phone line ringing and not the house line. “All set,” he said and went into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Then he reached across the bed and grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Matthew,” Donna said.

  “Hi,” Matthew said, and his heart raced with excitement. “I was going to call you when I got done in the shower. I thought you were going to come by the store today.”

  “I was,” she said in a quiet voice.

  Matthew waited a moment to see if she would continue. When she didn’t, he followed up, “Okay. Were you busy and unable to swing by?”

  Donna answered with a question, “Are you going out with Tim tonight?”

  “Well, I don’t think we’re doing anything.” Matthew lay down on the bed and repositioned himself in the towel. “I think we’re just going to hang here and watch something on cable. We had a long day, and we’re both beat.” He played with the long, spiral phone cord and wrapped the coils around his fingers.

  “What time is he supposed to be coming by?” Donna asked.

  “I don’t know; we never confirmed. I planned to call him once I got all squared away.” Matthew sat up on the bed. “What’s the matter? You don’t sound like your normal, playful, upbeat self. I know we’ve only been dating since the end of the summer, but over the month—”

  “Can I come by before you call Tim, and he comes over? I wanted to talk to you but didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

  “Sure,” Matthew said. “Are you coming over now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, guess I should get dressed … or maybe not,” Matthew said with a grin.

  She ignored his playful comment and said, “I’ll come now so I don’t take up too much of your time.”

  “Okay.” Matthew untangled the phone cord from his fingers.

  Donna said a quick goodbye and hung up. Matthew dropped the phone back on the receiver. The towel came undone, and he scooped it off the bed.

  ***

  When Matthew opened the door to head back into the bathroom to get dressed, he nearly collided with Melissa, who stood outside the door about to knock.