The End of the Innocence

by Jason Zandri

  “You know,” Melissa said. “If you had some actual food, I could try to make something other than a sandwich for you.”

  “Have you been watching Diane?” Matthew said, coming back out of his room. “Because I’ll tell you, she cooks great; I’m surprised my dad and I haven’t put a few pounds on.”

  Melissa watched him come over. “Well, no, I haven’t exactly paid attention to her. I’m sure she gets it from my mother. I had Home Economics, and I remember a few things.”

  “We’ll give it a try sometime,” Matthew said with a grin. “It would likely take a lot of food poisoning to actually kill me.”

  “Ha, ha.” Melissa went to sit on the couch.

  Matthew sat on the adjacent seat. “So, what’s up?”

  Melissa took in a deep breath and let it all out. “Okay. Carrie and I went over to talk to Donna today—”

  “I just saw Donna,” Matthew said.

  Melissa shook her head when his comment threw her intended conversation. “When?”

  “She stopped by the store before I left,” he said.

  “What did she want?” Melissa asked.

  A puzzled look crossed Matthew’s face. “I thought you had something you wanted to discuss. Unless it was your conversation with her that was to be the conversation.”

  “Well, yes and no; I do need to know what she said, though.”

  Matthew looked her over once, and then said, “Well, she came over to the store to talk about us. She said that she’d spent some time over the past

  few weeks thinking everything through and had gotten past everything and wanted to work on fixing things and getting back to where we were.”

  Matthew watched the reaction on Melissa’s face. “Did you go over there to talk to her about that? To ask her to reconsider things?”

  Tentative, Melissa said, “Not exactly. Look, I’m a little hesitant to say anything now; some of what I was going to talk to you about might be less relevant now. Did she mention anything about Liz?”

  “Well, not specifically. She spoke about her in generalities.” Matthew leaned back in his seat.

  “Carrie and I were there, and I stepped away with Donna. Carrie sat with Marie for a bit. Donna and I chatted, and she did start to talk about you and giving the whole situation with the two of you some additional thought.

  Then Liz came over.”

  “Liz?” Matthew said, surprised and sat forward again.

  “Yes,” Melissa said while she leaned toward him. “Some words got exchanged, and Donna and Marie left. Liz decided to stay and talk to Carrie and me about a lot of things.” Matthew looked at her, waiting for her to continue. Melissa watched for any change in his composure. She didn’t notice any and shook her head. “Man, you don’t even flinch, do you?”

  “Over what?” Matthew said, raising his voice slightly.

  “Liz talked to us about a lot of personal things,” Melissa said, still watching him. Matthew didn’t change his demeanor. Melissa bit the bullet,

  “She told Carrie and me why you were visiting. All of it.”

  Matthew finally flinched but said nothing.

  “You need to talk to me,” Melissa said. “You’re carrying a lot of weight, all on your own, I presume. Let me help—”

  “I gave Liz my word.” He stood abruptly.

  Melissa reached over and took his hand to coax him back down. “You don’t need to tell me her specifics; like I said, she already did. I want you to tell me how you’re doing.”

  Matthew sighed as he sat. “Were Donna and Marie there for all this?”

  he asked.

  “No; although honestly, I believe Liz was prepared to simply ‘out’

  everything. There was some disagreement over you between Donna and me, and of course, Liz’s approach didn’t help; Donna left with Marie before Liz got started.”

  Matthew spent a moment in silent thought, reflecting back to his meeting with Donna. He raised his eyebrows and turned more toward Melissa. “Donna mentioned none of this, so I have to assume she’s still in the dark. I hope Liz realizes that by telling Carrie, Alecia will know. Once Alecia has it, it’s all over.”

  Melissa studied his face. “I can’t speak to either of them; your argument isn’t out of place. They’re both terrible gossips all the way back to when we were little.”

  “So basically this is out now,” Matthew said quietly, and then sank backward on the couch.

  “Please, tell me what you’re feeling,” Melissa said. Matthew said nothing, and Melissa watched his expression fall away. “Oh no you don’t,”

  she said, taking his hand. “Talk to me, please.”

  Matthew sat quietly for a few minutes, and Melissa continued to hold his hand. She watched him intently. For an instant, she thought he was going to cry, but then he let her hand go and stood up. He stepped over to the front windows of his apartment.

  “I didn’t play this part all out,” he said in a subdued tone. “When I spoke with Liz, she was so adamant about keeping this under wraps. She wouldn’t share it with anyone, and she knew I wouldn’t either. I remember her saying to me how much she appreciated my help; that she was unsure of what to do, and if she could do anything without some support.”

  “What would she have done? Have it? Keep it? Put it up for adoption?” Melissa stood up and moved part of the way toward him.

  “We spoke to a girl there, during one visit, who was too far along to have any procedures done.” Matthew let out a sigh. “She was so paralyzed with fear. From the way she talked about her upbringing, if her parents found

  out, she assumed they’d disown her. She kept waiting for something to happen on its own, and then it was too late. She got too far along and was showing, and that motivated her to go to the clinic.” Matthew turned around and faced her. “Liz didn’t want to keep it. She thought about going to term and putting it up for adoption, but she wouldn’t have the support at home.

  She also said that with Pam having the toddler around, it might have been too much for her. She said to me …” Matthew paused when his voice broke.

  “She said to me, ‘at least at this stage, I’m fooling myself as if I need an involved procedure for health reasons.’ You asked me how I’m feeling—”

  “Let go, Matthew. I’m right here,” she said softly.

  Tears broke and trailed down Matthew’s face. “We went from not having a care in the world, earning a little cash to pay for our cars and to go to the movies, or for pizzas and burgers, and sun and water in the summer, and snow outside the windows in the winter … and, in the blink of an eye, happily ever after has failed and this is the end of the innocence.”

  Melissa stepped forward and embraced Matthew. He held her tightly.

  A small sob escaped him and he reined it in. Melissa held him even more firmly.

  “Liz needed you, and you had her back; you’re always there, in some way, for all of us,” she said to him, tucking her chin down to hold him as closely to her as she could. “You need to trust someone to do the same for you.”

  Matthew stood quietly and held her, taking comfort in feeling secure with the way he felt around her.

  “I get the feeling there was more you wanted to talk about,” Matthew said after a while, trying to pull back slightly.

  “Yes.” Melissa pulled him back into her. “It can wait for another day.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Matthew pulled his van to a stop in front of Liz’s house and got out of the vehicle. On her way out of the front door, Liz’s mother stopped just off the front stairs.

  “You can go on in; she’s upstairs in her room,” she said, taking a drag from her cigarette. “You might want to go in quietly, though; she wasn’t feeling well and went to lie down. If she fell asleep, you might want to leave her be; she hasn’t gotten much of that lately.”

  “Of course, Mrs. Wellsworth,” Matthew said while walking past her.

  He entered the house and closed the door quietly.


  Pam looked over from the kitchen and raised her fingers to her lips. “I just got Amber to sleep,” she whispered to him and made her way over.

  “Sorry,” Matthew whispered back. “I thought I was being quiet enough.”

  “You’re fine.” She smiled. “I think Liz might be sleeping; she went to lie down.”

  “I just wanted to stop by and see how she was doing,” Matthew said.

  “You know, with school and everything, we all haven’t gotten together much

  …”

  “Matthew,” Pam said in hushed tones, leaning against the wall. “We know.”

  “I’m sorry?” he asked as he turned to go up the stairs.

  “Liz told us … she told us everything,” Pam said.

  “And that would be?”

  Pam folded her arms in front of her. “You’re pretty good … you’re not going to take the chance to offer anything. Smart man. My mother pressed her, school absences and the moodiness, and the change in her demeanor. We know she was pregnant. We know you went with her to the clinic.”

  Matthew drew in a slow, deep breath.

  “We know you weren’t the father.” She looked him over as he let out the entire breath he’d taken in. “To be honest, when my mother and I started to piece it together,” Pam said, turning in the direction of her daughter’s room. “We hoped you were.”

  “Why would you want that?” Matthew asked. “Liz and I have been friends forever.”

  “The men she’s been with … they were way less than that, unfortunately. I guess I’m partly to blame in that … lousy role model and all.

  It’s because of that long-term friendship that we hoped, if pregnancy was the issue, that you were the father. Just as you’re standing by her now as her friend, you would have been there by her side for all of this as the other half of the party.”

  Matthew scratched his head. “I’m not sure I follow you entirely.”

  Pam sighed. “I’m not the best person when it comes to communication; I’m sorry.” Pam moved away from the wall and a little closer to Amber’s room to look in quietly. “You’ve been amazing, standing by her side; very few people would do that, and as I’m sure you know, she had one of two people that should have at least taken more of an interest in her.” She turned away from Matthew. “They got what they wanted from her and had zero further interest … especially after.”

  Matthew stood quietly. He wanted to say something but felt at a loss for words.

  Pam said, “Hell, I lived with someone who was the father; then he wanted nothing to do with me … and now Amber. Makes me want to hate your entire gender.”

  “Women aren’t perfect either,” Matthew said softly.

  “Your mother … Liz told me once; I’m sorry, I forgot all about it.”

  Pam turned back toward him.

  “Let’s agree that suffering from assholeness is a gender-neutral affliction.”

  Pam laughed and put her hand over her mouth to stifle it.

  Matthew turned and headed up the stairs, but stopped halfway and turned back to Pam. “I understand why you’d say, ‘makes me want to hate your entire gender.’ … Do you really?”

  “No,” Pam said with a slow shake of her head.

  Matthew continued up the stairs and stopped when he thought he heard Pam say something, so he came back down.

  “You heard that?” she asked, looking at him. “I didn’t mean for you to hear it.”

  “Actually, I didn’t; I thought you were talking to me and didn’t hear you completely, so I came back down.”

  “I said, ‘because of men like you.’” She flicked her gaze downward.

  Matthew looked over at her and, for the first time, really saw her as

  ‘Pam’ rather than ‘Liz’s older sister.’ “My Dad has this saying … I forget exactly how it goes, but it’s something like, ‘Every perfect person has a broken past, and anyone with a broken past has a shot at a perfect future.’”

  “Your Dad is a smart man,” she said quietly and gave him a tender look. “And he raised an equally smart son. Go on up and see my little sister.”

  Matthew headed up the stairs.

  “Matthew?” Pam called out.

  He stopped once again and came down far enough to see her.

  “Sorry,” she said, appearing embarrassed. She took in a deep breath.

  “Look, Liz isn’t perfect, and I have no idea what her life is going to turn out like after high school … or where your life might lead you. You’ve been the only thing in her life that’s ever been a constant … a ground wire, if you will. I hope life allows the two of you to stay connected in some way. I fear she may need you far more than you’ll need her. I hope you’ll be able to be there for her.”

  Matthew turned to look up the stairs where Liz likely slept. He turned and looked back to Pam.

  “Wherever she will go … something will always bring me back to

  her.”

  Pam smiled.

  Matthew turned and climbed the remainder of the stairs. Quietly, he entered Liz’s room and closed the door behind him. It popped off the frame and opened up again, letting the light in from the hallway.

  “Are you awake?” he whispered. He reached over and pulled the covers up, which had fallen off her. Matthew turned his head when he thought he heard a creaking noise from outside the door. Not seeing Pam there, he turned back to Liz.

  “Look,” he whispered again, taking a piece of paper off her desk and grabbing a pen. “I’m not going to wake you, but I’ll leave you a note; I wanted you to know I was here.” He jotted a note and left it on the stand next to her bed. “I want you to know that no matter where I am, I’m never that far away.”

  Matthew leaned over and pulled the covers a little closer to her neck.

  He stroked her hair twice, and she moved lightly. Matthew pulled back then touched her one more time.

  He made his way back to the hallway. Pam stood there.

  “I’m just going to head in see her,” she said.

  “She’s asleep; I left her a note. Can you tell her I was here?” he asked.

  “Of course,” Pam said and touched his arm.

  “I’ll let myself out.” Matthew walked away and headed down the stairs.

  ***

  Pam listened for the front door to close, and then walked into Liz’s room. She sat on the edge of the bed and used her fingers to pull across a few loose strands of Liz’s red hair. A few tears glistened next to Liz’s nose.

  “He’s never going to be with me,” Liz said quietly to her sister.

  “No, probably not,” Pam said with a sigh and ran her fingers through her sister’s hair again. “But he will always love you. In an imperfect world,

  that’s not a bad thing to have.”

  Liz opened her eyes and turned her head just enough to see her sister.

  “What’s that?”

  “Men will fall in and out of love with you,” she said with a glance back toward the door. “But a man like that, who just loves you for who and what you are, he’ll be there when the others aren’t.”

  Liz closed her eyes and set her head back down to rest.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  When Melissa walked into Colony Convenience, Matthew was closing up, and she headed over to him. “Almost done?” she asked, and then hopped up to sit on the counter next to where he stood sweeping.

  “Just about,” Matthew said while he set the broom aside then moved for the dustpan. “Are you all set for next week?”

  “Yes.” Melissa swung her feet. “I took all the time off I needed. They only scheduled me for three days, and it was easy to get them off. I can’t believe you, Tim, and Mr. Cafferty were able to arrange all this and not slip up; they’re clueless.”

  Matthew smiled. “Once I told Tim I needed to rope you into this, he placed bets that you’d screw up and slip by accident.”

  “I will punch him so hard in the arm tomorrow at the wedding for that,” she said wit
h a grin.

  “Instead, can you wait until we get everyone back to the house? I mean, there’s barely two-dozen of us, and it’s not like we hired any entertainment; that could be it. You punching Tim in the arm and listening to him howl about it.”

  “For you?” she said. “Anything.”

  Matthew picked up the dustpan. Just then, a car pulled into the lot.

  Matthew looked over at the outside lights; he’d switched them all off.

  Melissa hopped off the counter and walked over. She peered out the window.

  Liz got out of a car.

  “I didn’t know she had a car,” Melissa said and pointed.

  Matthew looked out of the window. “I saw that in their driveway. I think it might be Pam’s.”

  Liz walked up to the door, and Matthew got to it just before her and unlocked it to let her in. “Hi, Matthew,” she said and stepped inside. Then she turned to Melissa and back to Matthew. “Melissa, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  Melissa looked over at Matthew, who’d already glanced her way. “Uh

  … sure; outside?”

  “If you don’t mind,” Liz said, also glancing at Matthew.

  “I have a couple of things I can finish doing in here and in the office,”

  he said and motioned around. “If it’s too chilly out, I can let you in over in Mr. Cafferty’s area; the ambient heat of the garage might be warmer than the evening air.”

  “I’ll let you know,” Melissa said, and then motioned to Liz and the door.

  The two girls stepped outside and the door closed behind them.

  Melissa stopped short once Liz turned around.

  “I need to talk to you about Donna,” Liz said.

  “What’s going on?” Melissa asked.

  “Well, I’m sure you know that she went over to talk to him,” Liz said while she pushed her hands into her jeans pockets.

  “Matthew mentioned it. He said she was interested in trying to move past things … basically, past the indiscretion of helping you out. Sadly, she doesn’t even know why, or she might be even more forgiving of him. She’s just trying to overlook it or get over it.”