by Ruby Dixon
She is so beautiful, my Mari, that it makes me pause. How am I so lucky?
I stare at her, overcome with emotion, and a big hand claps on my back. "It was like that for me, as well," Bek comments, and taps the underside of my jaw, where my mouth is hanging open. "I could not look at my Ell-ee without feeling overwhelmed for many, many moons after we resonated. I still feel overwhelmed, knowing she is mine." His hard face softens into a smile. "Take it for the gift that it is and be happy."
"I shall," I vow, and gesture at the multitude of packs on the beach. "Here. Let me help with this."
The beach camp is chaos all afternoon and into the evening. Everyone wants to see the things brought from Croatoan, and many questions are asked—who has recently had a kit, what did L'la and R'kan's new young one look like, has anyone resonated, how is the hunting…on and on it goes. I find myself racking my brain, looking for the smallest tidbits of information to share with the hungry group. I understand it. In a way, it reminds me of the clan gatherings back on the island. All four clans would come together once every full turn of the seasons and have the proving games. In addition to the games, there were feasts, and trading with other clans…and talking. I remember lots and lots of talking.
It is like that right now, with Mari pulled away to speak with someone or another. First, H'rlow asks about the healer M'lak and her family. Then Leezh wishes to hear about Shorshie and her kits. Buh-brukh wants to know about her new clothes. C'lie wishes to know details about her visit to the healer. My mate gives me a helpless look and smiles, letting herself be carried away by her friends.
I smile, too, because it has been a long time since my mate has smiled so often. Since before the sky-claw attack, I think. She smiled all the time when we first met, and it dimmed when her khui was silenced. She is all happiness on this day, her sweet laughter ringing out, and I will do nothing to interrupt. I am just glad to see her enjoying herself.
"This calls for a celebration," Shail announces by the fire, and a small cheer goes up from the gathered group. She plants a kiss on Z'hren's face and hands him over to V'za, and then turns back to the group, clasping her hands. "I'm thinking stew, and if someone wants to go retrieve some sah-sah, we could have a party."
"Party!" someone calls out, and another female cheers.
"I'll help," B'shit says, moving to Shail's side. "What do you need?"
"Fresh meat, for starters," Shail says. "A lot of it. Do we have time?" She glances up at the sky, gauging the suns. "Or is it going to be dark soon?"
"Dark is not a problem." A'tam gets to his feet. "D'see and I will go to the nearest cache and get fresh meat for you. I know where it is, and she needs to learn."
"Sounds good," D'see says, falling in behind A'tam. They leave the fire, and I glance over at B'shit, who crosses her arms under her teats and scowls at the fire. Her fists are clenched tight, and I wonder if perhaps we missed a resonance here. D'see's eyes are blue with khui brightness, so perhaps she has already been claimed by one of Shadow Cat?
Someone chuckles nearby, and I look to see V'za approaching. He has his son in his arms, and I notice that Z'hren is now wearing a little fur hat sent over from the other tribe, and he looks charming…even for a Strong Arm kit. Or perhaps I just have kits on my mind lately. V'za comes to stand beside me and leans in as those around the campfire get to work, organizing the cooking. "B'shit does not look happy, does she? It has been an interesting handful of days while you were gone." V'za just shakes his head, as if amused at the antics of the younger generation. Z'hren chews on his fist, staring at me. V'za smiles. "I think this camp will be quite…eventful for a while. You and your mate came back? I was not sure if you would."
I glance over at him. I have only told other Tall Horn that we were considering a permanent stay at Croatoan. "What makes you say that?"
He shrugs, watching his mate. "Your female has not been happy for a while. It was very obvious. Shail wondered if she was leaving just to get away from the stares here."
Shail is wise. "It was an idea…but this is home."
"Home is where your mate is," V'za corrects. The child in his arms flails his fists and then reaches out to me. V'za glances over at me. "Do you want to hold him?"
Do I? I think for a moment, and then put my arms out for the boy. Z'hren practically leaps into my arms, and I stagger in surprise at how heavy he is for his small size. He is solid, this one, and I marvel that slight-looking Shail can carry him all day without complaint. "He is big."
"He is. Eats enough for three," V'za says proudly. "Always at his mother's teat." He nudges me and winks. "Just like his father."
It is a ridiculous joke, but I laugh anyhow. Z'hren blinks at me, and then his color flickers before settling into the exact shade of blue I am. The kit opens his mouth wide and giggles, showing off two tiny teeth on the bottom of his gums, and that makes me laugh all over again. I do not remember ever being around a kit like this, and I have never held one. He is cute. I rock him in my arms, wincing when all four fists grab at my mane and he lifts it to his mouth. "He is strong."
"Very." V'za smiles. "Will you hold him while I see if my mate needs anything?"
The older hunter moves away before I can respond, and then I am left with Z'hren. I consider his round, chubby face, wondering if my son will look like this. Z'hren makes a “guh” noise in his throat and puts a fistful of my mane into his mouth, drool going everywhere. I grimace, trying to dislodge my mane from so many sticky little hands. "I do not know if you should eat that, little one."
"Guh!" Z'hren says again, ignoring me.
"Your mother will not be happy if you fill your belly with my mane instead of milk," I point out. "And a hunter must be strong and fit so he can outrace even the fiercest of beasts, yes?" The kit seems to be listening to what I say, so I continue talking, even as I awkwardly bounce him like V'za did. "You will need to grow up big and strong so you can take down a beast as fierce as Old Grandfather…or as wily as a kaari. You know what those are, yes?" I keep on going. "And you will need to be able to provide for a mate. That is what every hunter aspires for—a beautiful mate at his side." I lean in closer, as if imparting a secret. "Like mine."
"Who are you talking to?" My mate touches my back, moving to my side. There's a look of amusement on her face. "Did you get stuck babysitting?"
I grin down at her, pleased that she has made her way over to me. I thought I would lose her to her friends all night. "V'za needed to help Shail, and I was nearby." I shrug, adjusting the child on my hip. "He is a good kit. Very wise. Listens to my advice."
"Guh," Z'hren says again and chews on a mouthful of my mane.
"Obviously," Mari teases, leaning in and gently extracting strands of mane from Z'hren's greedy fists. "You look good with a baby in your arms," my mate says in a softer voice. "I'm glad…I'm glad things worked out the way they did." She lets out a sigh, and I hear relief in her voice. "I worried…"
"You worried about nothing," I remind her gently. "I would feel the same about you with a kit in my arms as I would without. It does not change you and me. Every day I have woken up to find you at my side has been a good day. I have no complaints."
Her smile is as bright as sunlight on ice. "No, you've never complained, have you?"
"I have not. A happy male never complains, is that not right, Z'hren?" I pat the kit on the back and look over at my mate, wondering if I am being selfish in my enjoyment of the boy. "Would you like to hold him?"
"You go ahead." She rubs my back, leaning against my arm. "I like watching you."
I lean over and press a kiss to the top of her head, and Z'hren squeals in delight at the dip as I bend over. His laughter makes me chuckle, and so I spend the next few moments “dipping” him again, just to hear that infectious giggle. My mate laughs, too, and I wonder if anyone was ever filled with as much joy as I am in this moment.
"U'dron has his drum!" someone calls out. I see F'lor drag U'dron forward, and she indicates he should sit at the f
ront of the fire. "Play us a song! Someone else get Raven. She needs to sing us one of her crazy tunes."
A ripple of laughter rises from the group. Mari glances around and leans in to me, whispering. "I haven't seen Raven, have you?"
I think about R'ven. She is the female with the long, pale mane, I think, and the serene expression. The one that sings songs that make no sense, but everyone seems to enjoy. Songs about um-brel-uhs and whatever a “lay-dee mar-muh-lade” is. I have not seen her, but then again, it takes a lot for me to notice a female other than my mate. I shrug.
"I'll go find her," another female calls out, and S'teph peels away from the group, jogging to the caves. She returns all too quickly, an odd look on her face. "Not there."
"Did she go with D'see and A'tam?" asks another, and then the camp scatters as people go looking for the missing female.
"Perhaps you'd better go help them look," Mari states, taking Z'hren from my arms. "Maybe she's taking a walk with one of the men?"
R'jaal motions for me to join him, and I kiss my mate and leave her side, going to help with the search. R'jaal seems irked. "R'ven is probably just spending time alone with one of Shadow Cat," he grumbles. "All of the females seem to like them and their chin fur."
"They like them because A'tam and I'rec flirt with them," I tell my friend, clapping a hand on his back. "Instead of racing away the moment they try to talk."
"I do not race away," R'jaal complains. "At least, not every time. Come on. We will find this female and then we will enjoy the feast."
By the time it is dark, R'ven is still nowhere to be found. A'tam and D'see return with a frozen dvisti carcass, and have not seen R'ven. She is not in the caves. She is not in any of the huts. She is not walking on the beach or checking trap baskets in the tide pools.
No one has any idea where she is. She has vanished.
"Which male is it?" R'jaal snarls when we rejoin the group. I search the gathered faces, looking for the one that matters the most to me. Mari is seated next to Shail, a sleeping Z'hren still in her lap. She looks tired, my mate, but she will not complain or abandon the group, just as I will not. R'jaal pushes ahead, scanning the gathered people. "Which male decided it was a good idea to steal another female?"
U'dron gets to his feet and cracks his knuckles. "Let me know who it is and I will destroy him."
"One of your own clan?" R'jaal sneers, his tone so cutting I put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. This is not like my friend, but he is sensitive where the unmated females are concerned.
U'dron just shakes his head. "Look around you. Shadow Cat is here. It is someone else." He scowls bleakly. "Someone else has put hands on my female."
"Yours?" Leezh pushes to the center of the group. "Did something happen that we all need to know about?"
U'dron crosses his arms over his chest. "Not…yet."
Leezh turns and gives her mate a stare. "Okay. Well, who's missing, then? Who's the jackass? Sessah?"
"I am here," the young hunter calls out, his tone offended. "Why would I steal an unwilling female?"
I look around, and I see U'dron is right—all of Shadow Cat is by the fire. U'dron stands next to O'jek. I'rec and A'tam are whispering to one another as D'see leans in. I count heads, confused. Did a mated male steal her away, then? But all of Strong Arm—J'shel, N'dek, K'thar—are nearby with their mates. A'tar, Th'rand and V'dis are seated. Gren stands with his mate. M'tok is with C'lie, and S'bren with P'nee. R'jaal stands in front of me.
Who is left? Bek, T'shen and V'za are all here. M'dok, too. I look around and realize we are all staring at one another, trying to figure out who is missing.
"Did she wander off?" H'rlow asks quietly. "Would she be the type to go hunting alone?"
"Raven?" Sam looks incredulous. "No way. She hates hunting. Says it messes up her chi or something."
"Okay, well, if we're all here, then who the fuck took her?" Leezh demands.
The camp is silent.
MARI
It feels like I'm displacing Daisy. It's a stupid thought, because it's my hut, but I also feel like I'm kicking her out of her home. But it's also been an incredibly long day, and I want to sleep in my bed…and I want to be alone with my mate.
"It's fine," Daisy reassures me as she packs up her things. She folds her borrowed clothes into the tiniest pile and gives us a sunny smile. "I'll just stay in the cave with the other girls."
I glance at the door, looking for T'chai. He's still out searching with the others, looking for Raven. I should be out there, too, but I'm exhausted, and when I started yawning, my protective mate gently nudged me towards our hut. "How's that going, by the way?" I ask, fighting another sleepy yawn. "The other girls?"
She shrugs, rolling up a fur. "It's going. I figure everything takes time."
Which means no one likes her very much. Poor Daisy. "Made any friends?"
Daisy looks over at me and grins. "A'tam has been nice."
Oh boy. "I don't know if that's a good idea…"
"I know," Daisy says. "Bridget's not going to like it. She hates me right now, but that's all right. I'm an expert on this sort of situation." She tosses her long, strawberry-blonde braid over her shoulder and gives me a confident look. "We're making her jealous so he can finally win her over."
That sounds…like an explosion waiting to happen, but what do I know? "Just…no fighting. Or we might have to fly you to Croatoan to go spend some time with Tia."
She chuckles, the sound sweet and light, and slings her pack over her shoulder. "It's all under control, I promise. Thank you for letting me use your hut, by the way. You've been very kind to me." Her smile is sweet and a little sad. "It's been nice to have a place to retreat to and have some time to myself while I get settled in."
"Of course. If you want to stay…" I begin, and trail off.
"No, you need to be alone with your mate and it's about time I moved into the other cave anyhow. They'll just have to get used to my presence." She grins, looking just as beautiful and fresh as the day she arrived despite the harshness of our living situation. "I'm not going anywhere."
"No, I guess not." I return her smile and wave as she leaves the hut.
There's still no sign of T'chai, so I unroll our furs and make the bed—just one—and stoke up the fire. I'm going to wait up for him, I think, yawning. We haven't had much of a chance to talk today, and I miss him. There's just been someone there every time I turned around. Not that I mind—it's good to feel so loved and needed—but I want my mate, too. I lie down on the furs, watching the fire, and touch my belly. Somewhere in there is our baby. I think about T'chai holding Z'hren earlier, and the delight on his face when Z'hren laughed. He's going to be such a good dad. So patient and loving…
A hand touches my shoulder and then T'chai's big body is easing down into the furs next to me.
I rub my eyes, realizing that the fire's died down. I must have fallen asleep. "Everything okay?"
"R'ven is still missing," he says in a low voice. "We will go out in the morning and look for her." His arms go around me and he spoons me against his bigger body. "You are tired. Go back to sleep."
"I wanted to wait for you," I murmur, snuggling back against him. "I missed you today."
He presses a kiss to my hair. "I am always right here, my mate."
And that makes me smile, because it's the truth. No matter what happens, T'chai's always going to be there for me. He's steadfast and wonderful and I adore him. "I love you," I tell him sleepily. "When I wake up in the morning, we're going to have sex."
He chuckles. "If you like."
"Just not right now," I say, yawning. "Too sleepy."
"Then sleep," he tells me in the lowest, most gentle voice as his arms tighten around me. "I am not going anywhere."
I smile as I drift off, because I know he's right. We're forever, him and I.
Epilogue II
RAVEN
I wake up with a groan and a throbbing headache, and a terrible taste in my mouth. Wi
th a cough, I sit up, wiping at my lips as I look around. Disoriented, I peer into the darkness, trying to recall what happened and where I am. I vaguely remember seeing footprints in the sand and following them, only to find myself in a tidal cave that got filled up with water. The last thing I remember was the cold, salty water closing over my head.
Okay, so…I'm dead?
I'm dead. Fine. Whatever.
I shiver, plucking at the wet material of my tunic. If I'm dead, why's it so fucking cold then? My tits are freezing and this cave isn't warm in the slightest. I blow on my chilled fingers, wondering if someone's going to come get me, or if I'm on my own. I reach into the darkness and to my surprise, I touch something rough and prickly that feels like coral. It's the size of a Christmas tree, I realize, as I keep touching and find more and more of it. I…don't recall seeing that in the cave. If anything, the cave was completely empty when I entered it.
So did the coral wash up with me?
A rock skitters somewhere behind me.
"Hello?" I get to my feet, and everything hurts. Everything. I cough up more saltwater and wince at my leg—it feels like it was scraped raw. "Who's out there? U'dron?"
I don't know why I call for U'dron. Well, okay, I do know why, but I tell myself I don't like him THAT much. He wouldn't like me at all if he knew who I really was. No one would. Still, I modulate my voice to the sweeter tone I've adopted since coming to the ice planet. "Guys? Who's out there? Anyone?"
