Home on the Ranch--The Cowboy's Dilemma

by Pamela Britton

  “It’s for the best,” she told Jayden.

  Jayden didn’t look convinced. Funny, she wasn’t all that convinced herself.

  “Oh, dang. I forgot to warm up that artichoke dip.” Jayden pushed herself up out of her chair. In recent weeks she’d sprouted a bona fide pregnancy belly, one that stuck out in front of her and reminded Amy that she’d look the same way in the not too distant future.

  “Can you keep filling up balloons?” Jayden asked.

  “Of course.”

  It’d been hard to take a back seat to the party planning, but she had to admit, it’d also been nice. Jayden’s new house less than a mile down the road from her old job was absolutely stunning with its view of the Via Del Caballo valley and the mountains in the distance. The place was huge, probably too big for the meager number of friends Amy had.

  Or so she thought.

  Because as it turned out, nearly every bride she’d ever worked with ended up coming to her party. And not just the brides, but in some cases the bride’s mother or sister or best friend. People she hadn’t seen in forever showed up in support of her and the baby girl she carried, and it warmed Amy’s heart. When she heard the doorbell ring yet again, she had no idea who it would be, but she truly didn’t expect who she spotted at the door.

  Her mother.

  It took a moment for her to recognize the bleached-blond hair and the sun-bronzed face, which just went to show how long it’d been. What was it? Two? Three years?

  “You came,” she said to the woman, who’d spoken to her exactly three times since she’d called her to tell her she was pregnant.

  “Of course,” said her mom. “I jumped at the chance to ride on a private jet.”

  Private jet?

  “Colby insisted,” Jayden said from behind her. “The family does a lot of business in Florida and so it’s easy-peasy to pick someone up.”

  Amy swung back around to face her new friend. Easy-peasy? Just how much money did Jayden and Colby have?

  “You should have seen it, honey,” her mom said, coming into the foyer and looking around. “They sent a car to pick me up and bring me to this private terminal and everything. And there were two stewardesses on board and they brought me anything I wanted. You sure know how to pick friends. I was impressed.”

  Amy winced. Pick friends? The inference being, of course, that she was friends with Jayden because of her money.

  “Mom, this is Jayden. She’s part of the team of ladies who’ve been planning the shower.”

  “I know that already, silly. She introduced herself on the phone.”

  Because you couldn’t be bothered to help out apparently.

  She shook her head at the spitefulness of the thought. She refused to think like that even if it was true. Apparently, Charlotte had tried to talk to her mom about what she needed and the things Amy liked and she’d brushed them off. Amy hadn’t been surprised, but Charlotte had sounded a little disappointed. Par for the course for her mom. But she refused to dwell on it. It wasn’t good for the baby to have negative energy around her.

  “What a beautiful house you have, Jayden,” her mom said, eyeing the massive family room to their left. One that, if you followed it around to the right, led to an equally massive kitchen. With three levels, an open floor plan and its mountaintop perch, the home was like a sparkling jewel set atop a crown. It was hard not to be jealous. Jayden couldn’t be much older than Amy and she’d clearly found herself a prince of a man.

  Oh, dear goodness. Two minutes in her mom’s company and she was already sounding like her. See, that was why she’d had to keep away. Why she’d stayed behind when her mom had moved to Florida.

  She closed her eyes, shook her head. No more.

  “You’re pregnant, too,” observed her mom, pointing at Jayden’s belly.

  “I am,” Jayden said brightly.

  Her mom turned toward her. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and look as good as Jayden does when you’re that far along.”

  What to say to that?

  Nothing.

  That was the thing with her mother. She always made Amy feel so inadequate that she took a microscope to everything she said, twisting the words around and examining them to discover if there was an insult buried in there. She was pretty sure there was this time around, but why did it matter?

  “Come on in,” Jayden said. “I’ll introduce you around.”

  “Looks like a lot of people came,” said her mom. “I didn’t know you had so many friends.”

  And off they went. Amy hung back, realizing her mom had yet to hug her or kiss her or say a word about her own pregnancy, other than that one comparison to Jayden. It hurt.

  Damn her.

  Amy had known her mom had been invited, but she’d been certain she wouldn’t show up. Obviously, she wouldn’t have come if it hadn’t been for her free ride on a jet. She could hardly blame her mom for wanting to do that, though.

  Jayden introduced her mom to the others. Charlotte took Amy aside and forced a Mom-to-Be sash over her head. Amy drew the line at wearing a crown. The food was scrumptious and, for the most part, Amy was able to forget about her mom, although every once in a while she’d hear her say something that would make Amy wince. When she heard her mom discussing her high school pictures, and how she’d had to insist Amy take them again because they were so bad, she had to leave the room, hiding in the kitchen, although tempted to slip out the back.

  “Your mom is...interesting,” Ava said, having followed her. She held a pile of dishes. No paper plates for Jayden. Oh, no. She’d actually bought china that’d been hand painted with pink bows. The house had pink roses all over the place, too, their smell filling the air. It was all so beautiful Amy wanted to cry.

  And then her mom had to come and spoil it all.

  “She’s totally toxic,” Amy grumbled, then clapped a hand over her mouth, peeking over her shoulder to see if her mom had heard. But she was in the family room with the rest of the guests, thank goodness. “I can’t believe I just said that. Sorry. I promised myself I’d project nothing but positive energy today.”

  “Yeah, but it all makes sense now,” Ava said.

  “What does?”

  Ava looked into her eyes, her mouth opening as if about to say something, but then she changed her mind. “Nothing.”

  Amy stepped in front of her. “Oh, no. You can’t say something like that and just walk away.” She tipped her head. “What makes sense?”

  Another measured stare, Ava leaning against the kitchen counter. “Your choice of career. Your complete dedication to your job. Your utter determination to ensure your brides have their happily-ever-afters. You lavish everyone with attention, Amy, making people feel special. It’s why you have so many of your clients here today. When you’re done planning their wedding, they end up feeling like a friend. And they are your friends. Look at Charlotte and the rest of us. You’re one of the most generous and giving human beings I know, which is why it’s so surprising you broke Flynn’s heart.”

  Amy took a step back.

  “I’m sorry. That wasn’t what I meant to say.” And Ava looked genuinely contrite. “Not really. I just meant you’re always trying to prove yourself to everyone around you, and now I know why. And I think I know why you broke up with Flynn, too.”

  “Because of my mom.”

  Ava glanced around and motioned for her to follow. She led her to a sliding glass door, one that led to a deck overlooking the back of the house, which, because of the home’s mountaintop perch, also had a view of the valley down below—just like the front. It might be winter, but the sun was shining and the grass was gleaming and it was hard to believe Christmas was right around the corner.

  “Look,” Ava said. “When I first met you, I have to be honest, I was worried you were some kind of gold-digging jerk, someone looking for a baby daddy and
nothing more.”

  Amy winced. “Oh, ouch.”

  “It’s true. Aunt Crystal confessed to me she thought the same thing, too. But then I met you and I saw how hard you were working to make Charlotte’s wedding day special, and I thought for someone looking for a meal ticket, you were working way too hard. And as I got to know you, I realized you weren’t who I thought you were at all. You’re sweet and generous and nice, and then later, I figured something had to be wrong if you would break Flynn’s heart like you did. We’ve all talked about it. Jayden, Charlotte, Aunt Crystal and myself. We’re not mad at you or anything—don’t look at me like that, we’re not. We’re just so baffled.”

  “I didn’t mean to break his heart.” Amy placed a hand on her chest. “I really didn’t.”

  “I know. It was one of those things. But the poor man is hurting. Maverick says Flynn refuses to talk about it. He’s devastated by your breakup and I guess that’s pretty unusual for Flynn because normally he shrugs things off, especially where women are concerned. But you? With you it was different. He’s been shutting down when your name is mentioned.”

  Amy didn’t know what to say. She’d been so focused on her own misery she hadn’t wanted to think about Flynn. But if he felt even a tenth of what she felt, she could only imagine how hard it was for him.

  “And now it all makes sense.” Ava tapped her head. “She’s done a real number on you up here.”

  Amy sank into a chair, staring out at the vista beyond. She wouldn’t deny it. She’d held her mom up as an example of everything she didn’t want to be enough times to know her upbringing had a lot to do with why she was the way she was. She hadn’t wanted to be her mother. Hadn’t wanted to subject her child to one failed relationship after another. That was what it’d been like for Amy growing up. A parade of men, some of them nice, some of them terrible, all of them leaving. Her mom had always blamed their leaving on her, she admitted, and it was funny because she’d never really thought about it before. Never really admitted to herself that by trying to avoid the same pitfalls, she’d actually ended up doing the same thing—she’d dated a string of men, none of them Mr. Right. But as she looked back through the history of her mom’s romantic past, she realized it really was true. Her mom had always pointed the finger at her. The difference was when it came to Amy’s own checkered past, she’d always blamed herself, not someone else. Except for Trent. But then she took a deep breath. Maybe Trent, too.

  They just don’t want kids.

  They didn’t like the fact that I always had you to drag along.

  It scared them how much money raising a kid requires.

  Jeez-oh-peets. No wonder she was so messed up.

  She heard Ava sit down, too. A hand reached out and clasped her own.

  “Amy, you aren’t a mistake. You’re a good person. And you’re nothing, and I do mean nothing, like your mom.”

  A mistake? Was that how she thought of herself? Was that why she was so committed to having this baby? Because she wanted to prove her worth somehow? Was that why she’d broken up with Flynn? Because deep down inside—way, way down—she didn’t feel worthy of him somehow? Was that why she’d always failed at relationships?

  The hand squeezed her own. “Think about what I said.”

  She wasn’t like her mom. But dear God...she worried she’d end up just like her. That her baby would somehow turn her into her. And she didn’t want Flynn to see that.

  “I’m an idiot,” she muttered to herself.

  “Yes, you are. But an adorable one. And I get it now.” Ava shook her head, smiled. “Your mom. Whew. Some of the things that come out of her mouth. No wonder you have an inferiority complex.”

  Inferiority complex?

  Yes, answered a little voice. She did feel unworthy. Of Flynn’s whole family. That she would never fit in, not really, and deep inside she worried that they would always wonder if she’d gotten involved with him because she was pregnant.

  “I really am an idiot,” she muttered again.

  “Yes, but the question is, what do you plan to do about it?”

  Chapter 20

  “All right, kid,” Flynn said. “You ready for this?”

  Olivia stared up at him for a second, clearly analyzing his words. Her brown hair, once so limp and flyaway, had been pulled back, a pink bow high upon her head, her ponytail bobbing as she moved her head up and down.

  “Okay, then,” Flynn said. “Let’s do this.”

  He pushed open the door to The Toy Box, a boutique store with every kind of kid’s toy imaginable, and a hub of activity this close to Christmas. Not that Olivia noticed. She gasped and looked around, her eyes so wide Flynn almost laughed. But then she spotted a giant stuffed teddy bear that sat front and center, a big red bow around its neck.

  “Do you like that?” he asked.

  Olivia nodded again and Flynn found himself on the verge of laughter. Just what he needed, he thought, to buy her a big old teddy bear. But he’d been enjoying his time with his niece. They were supposedly doing some last-minute Christmas shopping for his other nieces and nephews, but Flynn planned on getting ideas for Olivia, too, and that teddy bear would be perfect. But then Olivia spotted a whole shelf full of stuffed animals and Flynn resigned himself to buying Olivia something that day. Maverick had warned him before they walked out of his front door that a toy store was probably not the best location in the world to take a child when one was babysitting, but Flynn hadn’t cared. He’d needed the distraction.

  Three weeks.

  It’d been three long weeks since that fateful night with Amy. Three weeks during which he’d thought about every last detail of their relationship. What had he done wrong? Why didn’t she trust that things would work out between them? How had he fallen in love in such a short amount of time?

  “Want,” he heard Olivia say, and when he looked down, it was in time to see her point at something. He followed her gaze.

  And looked straight into Amy’s eyes.

  Olivia tugged at his hand, clearly anxious to say hello to her friend. He tried to hang back, but the little girl wouldn’t let him.

  “Olivia,” Amy said, smiling down at his niece. She squatted and gave the child a hug. “What are you doing here, honey?”

  He hated that she wouldn’t look at him. Then again, could he blame her? He didn’t exactly want to see her, either. But he could be the bigger person. And so he pasted a smile on his face.

  “I think she’s about to empty my wallet,” he admitted.

  He watched as Amy took a deep breath, stood again, and when she met his gaze it made him dizzy—physically, crazily dizzy—and he realized that he could read her eyes again, could see the sadness and the regret and something else that he couldn’t immediately identify but that made his heart skip a beat for some reason.

  “You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din,” she quoted, smiling down at Olivia again.

  She’d popped. Her belly, once barely noticeable, had definitely graduated from baby bulge to baby bump status. He wondered if she’d thought of a name. Wondered what kinds of things she’d gotten at her baby shower the other day. Wondered if she’d made amends with Trent. So many things—none of it his business.

  “What are you here for?” he asked.

  Her expression turned sheepish. “Would you believe wedding decorations?”

  It was just like before. Her silly grin. The twinkle in her eyes. Damn, he’d missed her.

  “Where you’re concerned, I would believe anything.”

  “It’s this whole Toy Story wedding theme. The bride and groom both work for an animation studio. Long story.”

  She smiled again, and he wished things were different. That at the very least they could still be friends.

  “You want to go shopping with us?” he heard himself ask.

  He had no idea where the words
had come from, but he wished them back the moment he said them. Her eyes dimmed. She glanced down at Olivia.

  “Nah. I don’t want to intrude.”

  She squatted down again. “Goodbye, Miss Olivia.” She kissed his niece on the cheek. “I’ll see you after Christmas.”

  “Christmas!” Olivia echoed. Then pointed. “Toy.”

  “Yes. Christmas. I hope Santa brings you lots of toys.”

  What was the look in her eyes? Sadness? But this whole thing. The breakup. The silence. It was her idea.

  “Goodbye, Flynn.”

  She turned and headed to the opposite corner of the store. Olivia tugged on his hand, wanting to go after her, but he scooped her up into his arms.

  “You know what, kiddo? How about if we go get some ice cream before we shop?”

  Olivia drew back, looking at him as if he’d announced he wanted to feed her spinach.

  “We’ll come back, okay?”

  “No,” Olivia said.

  In for a penny, in for a pound.

  “Come on. Let’s go.”

  “No,” Olivia shouted, louder.

  “We’ll be right back.”

  “No,” she screamed.

  He left before the decibel level climbed any higher, and he wondered if Amy watched him go. If she was watching him, she had to know he’d left because of her. And that was the moment Flynn realized his feelings for her hadn’t changed a bit. They crippled him to the point that he’d drag Olivia out of a toy store, crying and upset, just so he wouldn’t have to face her.

  “It’s okay, pumpkin, I’ll bring you back.”

  “Want,” Olivia said again, tears streaming, hands reaching out toward the store.

  He knew exactly how Olivia felt.

  * * *

  She hid behind a shelf full of Barbies, watching as he dashed out of the store. Amy closed her eyes and rested her head against a pink-and-white box. Poor Olivia. She could hear her crying outside. And all because of her. She was half-tempted to go chasing after them, to tell him that she would be the one to leave, but when she stepped toward the store’s front window and peered over the top of an electric train, he was already gone.