All The Befores

by Samantha Chase

  “I think you’re being a little old-fashioned,” she teased, hoping to lighten the mood.

  But he shook his head. “Nope. I’m just being respectful of you.” Then he leaned in and kissed her before wishing her a good night. “Lock up behind me.”

  She stood there for a solid minute before walking out and locking the front door. And as she walked back to her rooms, Susannah still couldn’t believe he left. Not once while they planned the opening or even while they talked about every aspect of the business did she consider what people would think of Colton spending the night. She had a right to a life, didn’t she? And his sleeping over wasn’t anyone’s business but her own!

  Locking the doors to her apartment, she considered calling him and demanding he come back but thought better of it. Still, the whole situation didn’t sit right with her and once everyone was fed and settled in the morning, she was going to do something about it.

  It was late and Colton knew he should be asleep and yet he couldn’t seem to make himself close his eyes. Lying in his bed alone, he stared up at the ceiling and forced himself to think long and hard about the state of his life.

  Leaving Susannah’s earlier was the right choice, even though he hated it. In a perfect world he wouldn’t have to be coming home alone because he and Susannah would be living in the same house.

  And married.

  Yeah, he still was having to come to grips with that one.

  He wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t going anywhere earlier in the week. He knew he’d rather be with her than without her. But was he fooling himself?

  For as long as he could remember, Colton wanted to be married. Hell, he’d wanted to be married and have a family. His parents had always had a good marriage and it was because of them that he believed it was possible. Not that they were perfect, but he watched them work together to overcome struggles and hard times. He heard them fight but he also saw them make up. He could remember hearing them both apologize to each other. And as he grew up, that was the image he had of what a marriage should be – two imperfect people who forgave each other when mistakes were made. Two people who were in it together.

  By the time he and Dana had gotten married, he discovered that it wasn’t quite like that. Hell, he had even contemplated not getting married because what they had wasn’t the same as what his parents had. It wasn’t until he voiced his concerns to his mother that she sat him down and explained some hard truths to him.

  “Every day in a marriage requires work,” she said. “Some days you’ll barely like each other and that’s okay. But what you have to understand – what you have to accept – is that no two people can agree on everything all the time. There’s compromise and there’s accepting that there are going to be things you’ll never agree on.”

  “I get that,” he replied. “But…there are times when I don’t feel like there’s the connection between me and Dana like you have with Dad.”

  She laughed softly and hugged him. “Oh, Colton, no two couples are the same. And your father and I aren’t like most couples we know. We remember to take the time to laugh together every day and not take everything so seriously. It takes an effort sometimes but it really is important not to go to bed angry. Sometimes you have to let go of the petty stuff or bite your tongue or let the other person have the last word. In the long run, it’s worth it.” She paused. “Not that I’m saying one of you has to be a doormat…”

  “I know.”

  “Don’t compare you and Dana to anyone else. You’ll end up being disappointed. Be who you’re meant to be together and everything will be all right.”

  But everything wasn’t all right.

  When his marriage failed, he had to come to grips with the fact that his dream died a slow, painless death. He felt like a complete failure and had been embarrassed to tell his parents they were getting divorced. And, in typical fashion, they didn’t judge; they simply told him they were there for him if he needed them.

  Boy, did he need them now.

  They’d both been gone for a while – his mother passed away eight years ago, his father, five, and he missed them both terribly. What he wouldn’t give to talk to them right now and get some wisdom from them. He knew they would encourage him to follow his heart, but he was so afraid to trust it. He understood that marriages failed all the time, but he couldn’t understand how his could have failed considering how badly he wanted it to work.

  And then he met Susannah.

  By that point in his life, he had accepted the fact that he’d never have children of his own, but he had hope in getting a second chance at marriage.

  “Why?” he whispered into the darkness. Colton held no illusions about himself. He wasn’t the greatest looking guy and he certainly wasn’t rich, but he was a good man – a caring man – and a hard worker. He didn’t drink, didn’t do anything illicit; he was just an honest, average Joe. Didn’t that count for anything? He wasn’t asking for much – hell, he was just asking for a woman to love who loved him in return.

  And for that woman to want to marry him.

  Although he and Susannah hadn’t talked about that particular aspect of their relationship, he wasn’t sure if the desire to be married again was going to just go away for him. He knew that it was entirely possible that one morning he’d wake up and decide that simply being her boyfriend wasn’t enough.

  So where did that leave him and where did he go from here?

  Of course, now wasn’t the time to bring it up with Susannah – certainly not now; it was practically the middle of the night. But also not in the next several weeks or months. She had enough on her plate with the holidays, the inn opening, and the possibility of Mallory and Jake finally getting married. He wanted to be respectful of her time and her feelings, but he had to remind himself that he had feelings too that deserved to be respected. If they were going to move forward, he had to remember that this wasn’t a relationship for one. He loved Susannah and would do anything for her, but he had needs as well.

  “This is getting me nowhere,” he murmured.

  Rolling onto his side, he punched his pillow a few times and tried to get comfortable. He hated sleeping alone. Granted, there were plenty of nights when he and Susannah weren’t together, but if he had the choice, he’d prefer to have her sleeping beside him.

  And it wasn’t just about the sex. At his age, he knew he was a little beyond his prime, but now he appreciated things he didn’t when he was younger – like the intimacy of simply holding someone while you lay in the dark and talked. Or curling up together in your sleep because your subconscious knows how much you love the contact. There was something very comforting about lying in bed together at night and talking about your day and listening to them talk about theirs. There were many nights when they didn’t talk at all but just read side by side – him with a good crime novel and Susannah with her romances. It was comfortable and while to some it would seem boring, Colton knew he wasn’t looking for the excitement of his youth, he wanted a partner to share a life with.

  Yawning, he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. Tomorrow was another day and all he could do right now was to take things a single day at a time.

  Maybe what they had was enough.

  Maybe he didn’t need to get married again – after all, what if Susannah got bored with him the same way Dana had? He wasn’t sure he’d survive that twice – not only because he was the common denominator in both those situations, but because his feelings for Susannah were so much more than he had ever felt for his first wife.

  And that’s when it hit him – maybe that was already what was going on and why Susannah didn’t want to marry him. Maybe she was sparing his feelings and saying the issue was with her, but really, his boring ways were already a factor.

  Flipping onto his back again, he let out a long breath and cursed. There was no way he was going to get any sleep at this rate and rather than fighting it, he kicked the blankets off and climbed from the bed. In nothing but his
boxers, Colton strode out to his kitchen and poured himself a glass of water and took it out to the living room with him. The silence was the enemy right now and with no other choice, he clicked on the TV and settled in for some channel surfing to distract himself.

  It was going to be a long night.

  “Do you think people will judge me if Colton sleeps here when there are guests?” Susannah blurted out the next morning when Mallory came over to see how things were going with the guests.

  “Um…hey. Good morning to you too,” she said with a smile, walking over to the antique buffet table in the dining room and helping herself to a glass of juice. Glass in hand, she turned back to Susannah. “I’m sorry, what was the question again?”

  Susannah relayed the conversation she had with Colton the night before and spoke in hushed tones because guests were still coming and going. “So? He’s being crazy, right? I mean, no one’s going to think anything of it. He’s just being overly cautious.”

  “Well…”

  “No,” Susannah interrupted. “People aren’t that closed-minded about things like this anymore. And besides, it’s no one’s business! It’s not like I’ve got a revolving door of men sleeping with me! It’s one man and one that I love! Doesn’t that count for anything?” It wasn’t until she noticed Mallory’s eyes had gone wide and then heard someone clear their throat that she realized just how loud she had gotten. Luckily, when she turned around, she saw it was her nephew Mason and his fiancée Scarlett. Embarrassed, Susannah scurried around wiping down a table for them, offering them coffee and juice.

  Mason kissed her on the cheek before doing the same to Mallory. It wasn’t until he had Scarlett seated that he spoke. “So, um…not that I was eavesdropping…”

  “Oh, God…” Susannah groaned.

  “But if I could add my two cents to the topic,” he said with an easy grin.

  “Mason,” Mallory interjected. “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

  He held up a hand to stop her. “Look, personally, I agree with you. It isn’t anyone’s business who you’re involved with and whether or not they’re sleeping here with you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “However,” he continued, “you know what small town life is like. Now, granted, you aren’t only opening your doors to the people of Magnolia Sound to stay here, but your guests are going to be interacting with the people and business owners in town and…well…you know, people talk.”

  “But they’ve been dating for a year,” Scarlett commented. “I don’t see what’s different all of a sudden.”

  “Thank you, Scarlett,” Susannah said with a smile, pouring her a glass of orange juice. “Nothing’s different.”

  “Except now people are staying here and you’ve opened the home to the public and – therefore – to scrutiny and gossip too,” Mallory said. When Susannah tried to comment, she stopped her. “Look, I’m not saying I agree with it, Mom, but it’s just something you need to be aware of. When you own a business in this town, everyone feels like they have a right to comment on what you do and how you do it. I get it at the shop all the time. People come in and will comment on what pieces of furniture they don’t like all the way to whether or not they like what I’m wearing that day! And don’t even get me started on when they come in and comment on something Jake or Coleman Construction did! It’s maddening!”

  “I had no idea…”

  Scarlett nodded and raised her hand a bit. “Now that Mallory’s mentioned it, I can totally agree. I saw it with my dad’s garage and my grandfather’s bar. People talk. And it’s not always about the business itself. You get one uptight guest in here or someone local suddenly gets wind of or actually sees Colton’s truck here all night and it will become part of the dialogue when people talk about the inn.”

  “I can’t believe that would happen,” Susannah scoffed.

  “But are you willing to take that chance?” Mallory asked. “Look, as a mature and responsible adult, one could argue that this is your house and you can do what you want.”

  “Exactly!”

  “However,” Mallory went on, “it could also be argued that you’re old enough to handle not sleeping with your boyfriend every night. So if he isn’t here on the nights you have guests, it shouldn’t be a big deal.”

  “But what if she’s booked every night for months?” Mason asked. “She and Colton aren’t allowed to…you know…during all that time?”

  Both Scarlett and Mallory laughed but Susannah wasn’t amused.

  “Look,” he said, “I’m not saying you two can’t get busy on your own while the guests are out or maybe you have someone working overnight so you can go to his place, but that’s going to get old fast.”

  “Ew, you did not just talk about my mom getting busy,” Mallory said with disgust. “That’s just gross.”

  “Oh, grow up,” he said with a laugh, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “We all do it and personally, I think it’s great that she and Colton have a good sex life!”

  “No one said that!” Mallory cried.

  “If they didn’t, then we wouldn’t be talking about finding a way for Colton to spend the night,” he countered. “If she wasn’t interested in sex with him, then she wouldn’t care about sending him home at the end of the day.”

  “Okay, okay, okay,” Susannah said quickly. “That’s enough. I’m not…this is not the conversation I want to be having and now I’m completely mortified.”

  “Mom, you don’t have to be mortified. Sex is a completely natural part of a healthy relationship. That is what you once told Sam, wasn’t it? You know, after he came home and saw Colton leaving?”

  Groaning, Susannah hung her head and shook it. Why had she thought it was a good idea to ask her daughter about this?

  “Of course, this wouldn’t be an issue if you would have accepted Colton’s proposal,” Mallory added.

  “Holy crap! Colton proposed?” Mason asked loudly and Scarlett punched him in the arm. “Sorry. I just…wow! How come you turned him down? We all thought that’s where you guys were heading.”

  Straightening, Susannah looked from Mason to Scarlett to Mallory and then back to Mason. “You did?”

  He nodded. “Hell yeah. You guys were great together and it was nice to see you so happy. Plus, Colt’s a really cool guy. I always enjoy hanging out and talking with him when the family’s all together.” Then he paused. “Wait…if you turned him down, why are you worried about him sleeping here?”

  “Just because she turned down his proposal doesn’t mean she wanted to end things with him,” Scarlett said, but Mason was shaking his head.

  “Then he’s a better man than I am. If I had proposed to you and you turned me down, I don’t think I would be able to keep dating you.”

  Scarlett patted his hand. “Dude, we’re having a baby. If I had turned down your proposal, we still would have been involved with each other.”

  Rolling his eyes, he explained, “That’s not what I meant. If circumstances were different and you weren’t pregnant and I proposed…”

  “Ah, got it.” Then she nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think I would want to keep dating you if I turned down your proposal.”

  “What if you just weren’t ready?” Susannah asked, fascinated at the turn in the conversation. “I mean, what if you loved him, but you just weren’t ready to get married?”

  Scarlett considered that for a moment. “Well, I think we would have talked about it and maybe agree that I’d accept the proposal but that we wouldn’t even think about planning a wedding until I was ready.”

  Interesting.

  Looking at Mason, Susannah asked, “And how would that have made you feel? Would you prefer putting a ring on her finger even though there’s a chance she might never want to get married?”

  “Hmm…I don’t know. I don’t know if I could keep going like that. In the back of my mind I’d always be wondering if she was ever going to change her mind. It would put so much extra pressure on the relationship. Plus, I th
ink I’d start wondering how long I’m supposed to wait. If I’m the kind of guy who wants to get married, that means I want a marriage and kids and all that goes with it. Am I supposed to give up on what I want while I’m waiting for her to figure out what’s stopping her? I mean, I’m an awesome catch!”

  Scarlett smacked his arm playfully. “Feeling pretty full of yourself this morning, Bishop. What’s up with that?”

  “Oh, please, I’m like this all the time and you know it,” he teased right before leaning in and kissing her.

  While they seemed to get lost in each other, Mallory slowly walked over to Susannah. “Seems to me there’s a lot more for you to consider than just being able to sleep with your boyfriend.”

  And as she strolled from the room, Susannah had to agree.

  7

  “Dinner was delicious as usual, Susannah. Thank you.”

  She smiled at him as she stood to begin clearing the dishes. Colton joined her, carrying his own plate to the sink. “You know you don’t have to do that,” she said softly.

  With a shrug, he said, “And you know I don’t mind helping.”

  It had been four days since the soft opening of the inn and while he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, he could tell that something was on her mind. This was the first time he’d been over since that night – not that he was purposely avoiding her, but he really needed the time to himself to figure out how he truly felt about moving forward without getting married. Plus, now that the inn was finished, his focus was on other Coleman jobs and by the time he was done for the day, he was tired and dirty and it was easier to just go home to his place.

  “You’re awful quiet tonight,” she said after a minute. “Everything all right?”

  Here was the perfect intro for him to talk about his feelings.

  “Yeah,” he said instead. “Everything’s fine. Just a little tired. This job over at the yacht club should have been a no-brainer, but we’ve had inventory issues and I had two guys out sick today and there’s rain in the forecast and that’s going to set us back on top of the holidays, so…”